求指教啊，一篇AWA作文，下周考试，想死中。。。

sofunny

麻烦大家提点意见，帮我估计下分数。关于作文我一直想知道，到底是字数上500比较重要，还是最后留点时间给自己修改比较好？我基本上写下来就没有时间改了，然后错误会有点多。。。额。 所以极度需要大家的意见啊！ 另外，有没有软件可以估分的呢？有的话请推荐一下！！ 万谢啊！

话说这篇文章word已经帮我改了16个拼写错误了， 这种错误在多少个范围内比较好？

The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles.

“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals。”

In this passage, the author compares sugar and theartificial sweetener aspartame based on their effects on weight change. He exemplifieshow sugar could lead people to lose weight and how aspartame could have theopposite effect, concluding that people who want to achieve dietary goalsshould not consuming aspartame. From my point of view, the author does notprovide concrete evidence to justify whether people should or should not chooseaspartame if they want to lose weight, and fails to consider the dietary goalsof different consumers.

First of all, the evidences used to indicate the functionsof sugar and aspartame is not thoroughly convincible, since the author does notfully discuss the details. Granted, the use of aspartame could lead consumersto be craving for foods, but such effect is resulting from high levels ofaspartame. In other words, if people consumer normal amount of aspartame, theymay not have similar experiences, or gain weight. Therefore, the author shoulddefine the standard of high levels and normal levels of consumption, and find away to convince people that even normal levels of consumption may have the sameeffect; otherwise, there is no sufficient evidence to persuade rationalconsumers to stop eating aspartame.

Second, the author simply provides an example, which isabout the way sugar can help people burn fat, to claim that sugar is betterthan aspartame, leading to a gratuitous assumption that every person canbenefit from sugar, and that sugar has such effect under every circumstances.Only list the time restriction implies that other factors, such as theconsumption level of sugars, and sources of sugar, would not affect the result.However, is it true for people if they continually have high levels of sugar ingestionafter exercise? Also, if people's bodies are highly sensitive to sugar's ingestion,would they burn too much fat and hurt themselves? Author has to address similarissues to present an unbiased evaluation.

Third, dietary goals may vary for different individuals:people who have obese may need to lose weight, and people who have eatingdisorders may need to gain weights. Accordingly, if it's true that sugar andaspartame can significantly attribute to gain and loss weight respectively,people may still want to choose either one to meet their specific needs.Therefore, simply assume a solid goal for every consumer is not reasonable.

In conclusion, the author should address the above problemsto better compare the two substances, and he needs to be fully aware ofdifferences among dietary goals to avoid marginalizing certain groups ofconsumers.