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工科女转美国HR, PS材料求喷 ~~~大家来帮帮忙啊,第二选择marketing,更加难写PS了

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楼主
发表于 2012-11-1 11:26:08 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
现在已经大四了,想申请13年秋季美国的HR,本身读的是通信工程,毫无兴趣。学术上没有任何成就,但是获综合奖学金,三好等,学校里的奖还是挺多的的。GPA85,GMAT伤,640。。。。。托福成绩还没出。。。。然后社团,志愿者活动比较多,还有一个总经理助理的实习。写了个PS初稿,希望大家帮帮忙,教教我怎么改进好啊。。。我觉得自己就是水人一个。。。。另外 简历,大家有什么建议吗?还在制作当中。。。
不要没人理我啊~~~~~
其实 我还想说,因为没有先修课程,能接受的专业一般就marketing,HR(中介告诉我的),所以如果一些学校没有HR,申marketing的话,PS又该怎么写呢。。。那我的社会活动,实习 都没有用了啊,岂不是更难写?求助啊!

Different from the rest, I am more adventurous and goal-oriented. As an innocent high school graduate four years ago, I chose communication engineering as my major. The first two years’ education was about general courses. Until my senior year, it started to refer to some specialized courses. But I realized that this major wasn’t my real love. Unfortunately,it was too late for me to change major according to the school policy. So I paid much time to audit other courses and finally found my interest lie in HR. In order to be educated in my favorite fields and graduate smoothly in communication engineering, I rescheduled my time to attend HRM,organizational behavior and performance management etc. All these courses laid the foundation for me to receive further education in HR. That was part of the reason why my third year’s scores were not as good as previous.


My academic strength has always been in mathematics. Thanks to my strong logical thinking and analytical skills, I got high point almost in every course that related to mathematics in collage. Besides, I stand out in those practical curriculums owing to my strong practical ability. My merit also lies in the comprehensive self learning ability. The Business English Certificate is obtained all by self study which exams my capability of using English in business fields. I spent a considerable amount of time in the library reading books about business English. All these motivate me to pursue graduate studies at a prominent university to further challenge myself.



I am the class monitor and head of public relations of Youth Volunteers Association in my collage. So lots of my job is to organize activities and communicate with different people. Hangzhou government once authorized the organization of volunteer work of 2010 Hangzhou International Fireworks Festival to me. Together with my classmates, we broadcasted this activity in university. Hundreds of students wanted to join us. I organized my classmates to pick up the best volunteers through interviews and arranged every detail such as the meals problem, the shuttle bus, and the working spots for each one. I was so proud not to let the word down and to help people admire the beauty of fireworks smoothly. This was a brilliant experience to handle group relationship and to solve emergency events.


I also endeavoured to obtain the chance to work as executive assistance in HongKong Zealous Designer Company in my second summer vacation. The internship enabled me to boost my confidence in communication, acquire skills on establishing profitable client relations, and oriented me on the basic operations of a design company. Overall, this experience broadened my vision and introduced the idea of working in the HRD in the future.



This goal drove me to choose XXX University as the venue of the next phase of my academic development. Among all the academic institutions I considered, I am profusely impressed with XXX University because of its world-class faculty and long history of academic excellence, which are the marks of the best training ground for the top HR professionals of the future. Therefore, with my unwavering passion for my field of interest and my academic foundation and internship experience, I seek admission to your renowned institution. I am optimistic that graduate study at XXX University is my gateway to a successful future in the realm of HR.

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沙发
发表于 2012-11-1 11:28:31 | 只看该作者
帮顶了,看不懂。。英语太差
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-11-1 11:28:43 | 只看该作者
还有,,,,我没有修过相关课程 也很伤啊。。。。。
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2012-11-1 11:30:21 | 只看该作者
帮顶了,看不懂。。英语太差
-- by 会员 wwyyss2002 (2012/11/1 11:28:31)

好人啊。。。          太谦虚了啊
5#
发表于 2012-11-1 11:30:58 | 只看该作者
还有,,,,我没有修过相关课程 也很伤啊。。。。。
-- by 会员 pplovehe (2012/11/1 11:28:43)

LZ要读HR选校的话可以去搜我写的帖子。。。说不准有很小几率可以帮到你
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-11-1 11:34:41 | 只看该作者
还有,,,,我没有修过相关课程 也很伤啊。。。。。
-- by 会员 pplovehe (2012/11/1 11:28:43)


LZ要读HR选校的话可以去搜我写的帖子。。。说不准有很小几率可以帮到你
-- by 会员 wwyyss2002 (2012/11/1 11:30:58)

好全的资料啊,先仔细瞧瞧,谢谢啦
7#
发表于 2012-11-1 11:45:55 | 只看该作者
还有,,,,我没有修过相关课程 也很伤啊。。。。。
-- by 会员 pplovehe (2012/11/1 11:28:43)



LZ要读HR选校的话可以去搜我写的帖子。。。说不准有很小几率可以帮到你
-- by 会员 wwyyss2002 (2012/11/1 11:30:58)


好全的资料啊,先仔细瞧瞧,谢谢啦
-- by 会员 pplovehe (2012/11/1 11:34:41)

客气~不过我不是读HR的估计“学弟就只能帮到这里了”
8#
发表于 2012-11-1 12:15:52 | 只看该作者
我说话比较直白,lz 别生气。第一段里面问题好多。1.第一句就说你比别人更加怎样怎样。how do you know that?这种比较没有意义,只会显得你幼稚。2.最好不要大谈你怎么不喜欢之前的专业,你的学校,你的雇主,这是忌讳。3.你要解释GPA,我觉得浪费了ps的空间,也许审材料的根本没觉得你的GPA 有多低。4.你强调你的数学能力有何作用?想突出什么?refer到college的成绩和课程是不是显得你经历太不足了。5.杭州gov怎么授权你?这个有点太夸张了,你再斟酌下吧。6.hrd是个什么东西?hr department 还是development?7.转专业的理由不convincing 8.why school 太泛泛了。9. 没意义强调你怎么学biz English ,从你的ps 和托福成绩就能看出来你学没学。10.多这点儿实习的东西吧。
9#
发表于 2012-11-1 12:45:22 | 只看该作者
同意楼上的~
第一段好多可以删
用词要准确
不是big word 就是最好的
比如说 I also endeavoured to obtain the chance to work as executive assistance in HongKong Zealous Designer Company in my second summer vacation.
直接改成 I obtained the internship working as .. 或者直接 I interned as  
PS字字珍贵啊~
花里胡哨的就 不要写啦
仅个人意见 不要喷我= =
10#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-11-1 13:17:29 | 只看该作者
同意楼上的~
第一段好多可以删
用词要准确
不是big word 就是最好的
比如说 I also endeavoured to obtain the chance to work as executive assistance in HongKong Zealous Designer Company in my second summer vacation.
直接改成 I obtained the internship working as .. 或者直接 I interned as  
PS字字珍贵啊~
花里胡哨的就 不要写啦
仅个人意见 不要喷我= =
-- by 会员 geniuslin91 (2012/11/1 12:45:22)

嗯嗯  ,用词方面~我一定好好改改  谢谢啦
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