SHISU--作文练习贴--望大家指正, 督促练习, 争取29+ 一起加油:)

shisuwang

SHISU 写作小分队 练习贴

上次writing F+G= 25，希望十月中旬的考试，可以29+

我们一起加油，积极的心理暗示总是好的^o^

个人评价：
A1.独立：
例子举得尚可，但对于explanation、因果不擅长。
句子结构、句式多样性、词汇替换、好词好句（词汇量）不足。

望大家指正，提批评建议！还有大家观点展开、语言表达有什么好办法吗？

A2.综合
感觉文章框架是有的，但是逻辑表达上有欠缺，似乎很缺细节？

希望以后贴出综合文章，大家指正！ 怎么保质保量地写到300+？

P.S.     打字速度有待提高。练习少，有拖延症，望监督。
P.S.S.  有时计划赶不上变化，可能无法规律地按着小分队练习。不过，应该会贴文章上来，所以大家走过路过，求拍砖！
          我也会去各位的帖子里取经的^-^

一起加油！一定可以的！

shisuwang

9.29独立

挺久没写了，所以这一篇写的很纠结。
用时近两小时。547字。

Friendship is a constant topic, as the joy shared by friends and the care between friends are essential parts of our daily lives. For me, I firmly believe that a friend who can share your happiness is as equally important as a friend who will help you in need.

It can not be ignored that having friends to have fun with is an asset to our lives. In this increasing competitive society, pressure from work makes people suffer a lot. A tired body with an empty mind can be the typical image of a modern person after a whole day intensive work. In this situation, a friend to have fun with is vital for you to refresh yourself. We can either go to the cinema to watch a romance movie or go shopping to explore some great bargains. After that, having a casual talk or listening soft music in a cafe will definitely be a pleasure. Even some small jokes can make us relieved and refreshed. Therefore, the free atmosphere and spiritual joyfulness brought by this kind of friends significantly help us to go through the stressful working days. What's more, we are also thankful for those who we can have fun with by sharing same interests. The understanding between this kind of friends results in incomparable happiness. For example, I and my friend, Angela, both are crazy about dancing. Each time we wave our bodies companied with the rhythm of music, practicing hard and being exhausted in sweat, we feel extremely satisfactory and happy from the bottom of our hearts without saying a word. Having fun with Angela in dancing has become part of my life.

On the other hand, no one can deny the fact that it is also a fortune to have a friend who we can get help from. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Sometimes, the favour offered by a friend could add much convenience and precious opportunity to us. When I was graduated, I went though a tough period to hunt for an appropriate job. I applied dozens of positions, went here and there to take several rounds of job interviews, however, not one company replied positively. After that, my courage and enthusiasm almost faded. At that disappointed moment, fortunately, one of my friend offered me an internship opportunity at one of my dream companies. I took this chance without hesitation and finally got enrolled after the internship period. I will never forget the favour my friend offered. Moreover, the care between friends in our daily lives is of great importance. Our dear friends are so sweet that they will attend to us when we are in sickness, comfort us when we are in sorrow and help us when we are in trouble. Life is unpredictable, no one knows what we would encounter in the next day or even at the next moment. It is common that happiness is easy to share, but difficulties are not so popular to be burdened with all friends. Isn't it of great significance to have a friend that is always ready for you?

In a nutshell, it is nature to conclude that it is of equal importance to have a friend having fun with and to have a friend ready to help us.

shisuwang

对于9.29跟我分组的 Iszy，最后一次杀T，guoyang。感到很抱歉。这两天事比较多，之后一定给补上！见谅啦！

超级无敌小鹤鹤

咦？人捏人捏？

shisuwang

9.29综合

字数：258

The reading passage states that hydrogeon-based fuel-cell engine has so much advantages over the internal-combustion engine that it will replace the traditional engine very soon. However, the lecturer totally refutes the statement, saying that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine is not the solution.

In the first place, hydrogen is not so easy to get. In the reading, the author states that hydrogen is easily available as it contains in various sources even in water. In contrast, the speaker argues that although hydrogen can commonly be found in water, it can not directly be useful in this form. In fact, the pure liquid hydrogen which can be useful requires highly artificial technology such as producing and storing hydrogen in extremely cold environment.

Second, the fuel-cell engine can not solve the pollution problem. Although it is true the pollution can be reduces from the car emission stated in the reading, the speaker points out that the producing process of hydrogen will generate lots of pollution. This is because huge amount of coal and oil is need to be burned in the process of purifing hydrogen, resulting in serious pollution. This refutes the reading that pollution can be solved.

Finally, the fuel-cell engine does not save money. Contradicting the claim in the reading that fuel-cell engine is economically competitive for its higher efficiency, the speaker argues that the manufacture of this kind of engine costs a lot. In manufacture, an expensive element ‘platinum’ is essential to the engine, and furthermore, no cheaper material has been found valid to replace the platinum.

shisuwang

我觉得综合写作
这个视频很有用：
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-752965-1-1.html


谢谢鹤鹤

shisuwang

10.7 综合
TPO 17

It is said in the reading that there will be fewer and fewer birds in United States due to the increasing population of human. However, the speaker casts doubt on this statement, contending the reading is untenable.

In the first place, contradicting the belief in the reading that the number of birds will reduce because their suitable habitats are decreased by human, the speaker argues that although the size of population of some kinds of birds reduces, the number of some other kinds of birds has increased. In fact, in some urban areas, complaints have been claimed for the increasing number of some kinds of birds such as pigeons.

Second, the speaker asserts that the bird habitats will not be destructed so soon. Different from the reading that more rural habitats will be declined for birds, the speaker says that less and less new lands will be used for argriculture. This is because new kinds of crops has been introduced to produce more food for human per uint of land, and thus no more lands is needed for argriculture.

Finally, although it is true the pesticide do harm for birds as stated in the reading, the speaker argues that less birds will be killed by pesticide later as human has aware of this problem. To protect birds, less new pesticides harmful for birds have been developed, and furthermore, a growing number of bird-resisted pesticides are now been developed. Therefore, the speaker refutes the reading that more birds will be killed by pesticides.

阿伦艾弗森

It is said in the reading that there will be fewer and fewer birds in United States due to the increasing population of human. However, the speaker casts doubt on this statement, contending the reading is untenable.

In the first place, contradicting the belief in the reading that the number of birds will reduce because their suitable habitats are decreased by human, the speaker argues that although the size of population of some kinds of birds reduces, the number of some other kinds of birds has increased. In fact, in some urban areas, complaints have been claimed for the increasing number of some kinds of birds such as pigeons.(还有一些细节，比如pigeons on the streets, hawk and falcon can be found in city)

Second, the speaker asserts that the bird habitats will not be destructed so soon. Different from the reading that more rural habitats will be declined for birds, the speaker says that less and less new lands will be(has been)used for argriculture. This is because new kinds of crops has(have)been introduced to produce more food for human per uint of land, and thus no more lands is needed for argriculture.

Finally, although it is true the pesticide do harm for birds as stated in the reading, the speaker argues that less birds will be killed by pesticide later as human has aware of this problem. To protect birds, less new pesticides harmful for birds have been developed, and furthermore,（这个观点有点小问题哦，！~是抗虫作物被种植） a growing number of bird-resisted pesticides(pest-resistance crops)are now been developed. Therefore, the speaker refutes the reading that more birds will be killed by pesticides.

1.听力的一点点小问题。
2.如果再听多些细节就更好了

一点拙见，望共同进步