shirley的写作日记

torisea

练习方法：学习评论类文章，对比提高
练习目标：掌握地道词组句式 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
以下摘自（无老师作文巨讲堂http://www.ibtsat.com/archives/4671）无老师独立30分作文大赏http://www.ibtsat.com/archives/3595北美http://www.ibtsat.com/archives/4558
无老师TPO综合写作范文http://www.ibtsat.com/archives/4979


漂亮过渡句http://www.ibtsat.com/archives/4384
常用替换词http://wenku.baidu.com/view/765ee60d76c66137ee0619aa.html

主要目标
version1：
Interestingly, Kaplan also outlines a four-part introduction:
1. Hook (gets the reader’s attention)
2. Background (additional details about topic)
3. Thesis statement (your opinion)
4. Forecasting (how the essay is organized)
This four-part formula might give us an introduction like this:
According to a recent survey, five out of six people prefer dogs to cats. This is hardly
surprising, as most people consider dogs more loyal than cats. However, there are plenty
of advantages to owning a cat. In fact, I believe that cats make much better pets than
dogs. Indeed, cats are not only self-sufficient, but also less demanding of their owner.



version2：
1. Interest (something to get the reader interested)
2. Topic (what the essay is about)
3. Organization (how the essay is organized)
According to a recent survey, five out of six people prefer dogs to cats. For better or worse,
I am in the minority of those who would much rather have a cat. Unlike dogs, cats are not
only self-sufficient, but also less demanding of their owner.



轻易不要使用被动
1. Use passive when you don't know who performed an action:
My car was stolen last night!
In this example, we don't know who stole the car. The
important thing is that the car is gone!


2. Use passive when it is not important who performed the
action:
The cathedral was built in 1643.
In this example, we are talking only about the building--it is
not important who built it.


3. Use passive when you want to stress the importance of an
object, not the action:
Somebody broke into my house last night. My computer
was stolen. My television was stolen. My money was
even stolen!
Here we have four sentences. The first sentence is
active --we are stressing the action. The last three sentences
are passive --we are stressing the importance of the things
that were stolen.



时间
Step 1: organize and plan (4 to 5minutes)
Organize your thoughts. Create an outline that follows the proper TOEFL essay structure. If you're not sure how to do this, watch
the video tutorial that teaches students the basics of essay organization and planning.
Step 2: write the essay (20 to 22minutes)
Use your outline as a guide to put your ideas into complete sentences. Make sure your thesis statement, topic sentences and
supporting ideas all work together to give your essay a clear and logical structure.
Step 3: reviewand revise (4 to 5minutes)
Leave a few extra minutes to review your essay before submitting it. This way you'll be able to catch some of your spelling and
grammar mistakes.



优秀范First and foremost, technology has provided children with easy access to scientific and liberal art resources which is their best source of inspiration.
同样是用provide这个表达，优秀范例用了with easy access to这个固定搭配，表达的是“更易于接触到……”
表示“激励创新”的时候，只是轻巧的用了inspire的名词inspiration，其实就一定表达出了“激励创新”这层含义，
平庸范例First and foremost, the technology provides more chances to get in touch with science and writing, which are the best way of inspiring creation.，
只是用到了“provides more chances to”，让人看上去觉得很死板。
而平庸范例，僵化的写出了inspiring creation，显得用词很生硬。
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
优秀范例For example, children could now easily gain access to academic databases through iPad screen, read classical works on Kindle, or watch historic documents on Internet.
平庸范例For example, children could use Ipad to search academic databases, use kindle to read great books, or read history document on the internet.

（动词对应不重要的ipad而不是database）

优秀范例再次拿出了access这个词，但是遇上依据不同，这一句直接将其与谓语动词gain相连，写出了gain access to，这样就显得对词汇的广度了解得很好。
其后当提到databases的时候，很恰当的加入了academic对其进行限定，这与后面的提到ipad作者并没有简单的写ipad，而是对其进行进一步描述加入了screen，这里与前面academic一脉相承，显示出作者对于内容描述得很细致，这都是加分的环节。
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
优秀范例These great works are essentially helpful to arousing their curiosity and prepares them with key knowledge necessary for any creation.
平庸“All these creations could inspire the curiosity, but also offer technical and sciential preparation for the creation.”

显然are helpful to其实就是我们平时用的help的另一种说法，然后又用essentially表示出程度真的是相得益彰。
然后with key knowledge限定出其是在“知识”上对其有“重要”的帮助，其实就是我们经常写的in the way of ……，
然后necessary for其实就是我们很喜欢写的must，这样的用法十分地道，强烈建议把这句话背下来，这是典型的表达方式的不同！
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
优秀范例However, these wonderful equipments and facilities are never as handy in the past, when kids could only reach limited resources in public libraries or schools.
平庸范例But all these great equipment didn’t exist in the past, especially the kids were limited resources of the public libraries and schools.

主要的差别是在动词上。
优秀范例的are never as handy in the past，“历史上从未出现过如此方便的……”，将as handy十分轻巧的插在句子之中，闲得很妙。但是平庸范例则是didn’t exist就显得很直白，没有丝毫的美感。
然后优秀范例的后半句reach limited resources这里的reach就用得很巧妙，reach本身是“触及”的意思，但是“触及到”资源，不也就是“读到”这些资源么，这里用的有点类似于“僧推月下门”之中的“推”字，颇值得玩味。
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In this sense, technology has provided the possibility for children to be more creative.用到了我们很少用到的possible的名词形式possibility，同时连带本句话后面的to be more creative，

平庸范例So, the technology provides more creativity for the children.的provides more creativity这种僵化的形式。
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
以下是无老师的范文对比加我的分类和分析Principle：减少使用the和could，突出主语增加代词的使用。


更紧密的句子结构：从句改目的状语更简洁；
优秀范例A more realistic and rational criterion to value teachers’ work (and therefore decide their salary) should include factors such as comprehensive developments of students, teachers’ own capacity to cultivate and educate, and parents’ feedback.
平庸范例When we want to judge a teacher’s work, a more realistic and rational standard should include the following parts, such as, the students’ whole development, the ability of improving themselves and enhancing their educating, and the parents’ responses.



source
FT- http://www.ftchinese.com/channel/comment.html
economists- http://www.economist.com/blogsguardian- http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/uk-edition
NYT CN http://cn.nytimes.com/section/opinion/
eco
1楼- 贸易战的不正确性


society

torisea

Decommission the misfiring weapons of trade warfare
http://www.ftchinese.com/story/001045951/ce
（对立表述-in some use+ but indeed；may be a role+but it makes little sense；it is not+ it is）

Trade defence instruments are policy tools of long standing, and their continued use in some form is inevitable. But they are clumsy utensils indeed to intervene in the minutely disaggregated value chains of the modern global economy.

贸易防御工具作为政策工具早已有之，也必然以某种形式继续被使用。但对价值链划分极细的现代全球经济而言，贸易防御工具确实是一种笨拙的干预工具。

There may be a role for limited and time-restrained government assistance to new technologies such as solar energy with increasing returns to scale and wider benefits to society – in this case potentially reducing carbon emissions – that are yet to be internalised through measures like carbon taxes. But it makes little sense to deliver that support through blunderous trade restrictions that invite retaliation.

一定程度和时间内的政府支持或许对一些新技术有帮助，比如太阳能，这些技术存在递增的规模效应，有较广泛的社会效益，就太阳能技术来说，还可能减少碳排放（目前碳排放的外部成本还不能通过碳排放税来内部化）。但通过会招来报复的愚蠢贸易限制措施来提供这种支持，这没有多少合理性。

One of the most important battles in trade is not between the US and China. It is between arbitrary import restrictions and the set of global rules and judgments that restrain them. Free-traders should be hoping fervently that the latter prevail.

中美之间的贸易战，并非最重要的贸易战之一。蛮横的进口限制措施、与旨在对之加以限制的一系列国际准则及裁定之间的斗争，才是贸易领域最重要的战争之一。贸易自由主义者应热切盼望后者取胜。

torisea

We may not all yearn to be immortal but I don’t believe anyone wants to be forgotten after they die. This isn’t simply vanity but a deep, instinctive urge. For most of us, this longing is satisfied by having children and seeing our genes passed on through the ages.

我们可能并非所有人都希望流芳百世，但我相信，任何一个人都不希望自己死后被人遗忘。这并非仅仅是虚荣，而是一种深沉、本能的愿望。对于我们多数人而言，这种渴望因为生育子女、并看着我们的基因越过不同的时代传递下去而得到满足。制造戏剧冲突 not but，程度词simply使用精确，渴望urge，longing

But others, especially ambitious men, seek to leave a material mark on the world. No doubt this is because they cannot give birth; so they seek to create something else as a substitute. I suspect entrepreneurs fall into this category – as a breed, they possess a powerful desire that their accomplishments outlive them. They agree with Pope John XXIII’s advice: “Do not walk through time without leaving worthy evidence of your passage.”

但还有一些人，尤其是雄心勃勃的男人，希望在世界上留下重要记号。无疑，这是因为他们无法生育；因此，他们希望创造一些其他的事物来代替。我猜，企业家就属于这一类，他们强烈希望他们的成就超越自己的生命。他们认同教皇约翰二十三世(Pope John XXIII)的箴言：“不要度过人生长河而不留下值得追忆的证据。”
立体人物形象 especially ambitious，精确名词material mark，精确动词possess，outlive，walk through time，渴望多种用法seek desire aspiration

Yet most tycoons fail in this aspiration, because their business empires tend not to survive for long after their demise. And often they are more famous for amassing a fortune rather than making the world a better place.

然而，多数大亨未能实现这一愿望，因为他们的企业帝国往往不会在他们死后长久地存活下去。他们出名通常更多是因为所聚集的财富，而不是让这个世界变得更美好。

One industrialist who avoided that fate was Alfred Nobel, the Swedish explosives magnate. In 1888, he was mistakenly reported dead and a French newspaper published a damning obituary, dismissing him as a “merchant of death”. Nobel read this indictment, and decided to dedicate the bulk of his estate to the funding of the Nobel Prizes to escape such a fate. Even though he made money inventing dynamite and gelignite, he is today remembered for honouring great scientists not as a munitions and arms maker.

一位避免了这一命运的实业家是瑞典炸药巨擘阿尔弗雷德?诺贝尔(Alfred Nobel)。1888年，他被人误报去世，一家法国报纸发布了一篇谴责性讣告，称他为“死亡贩子”。诺贝尔读到了这一指责，并决定将他的大部分遗产用于为诺贝尔奖(Nobel Prizes)提供资金，以摆脱这一命运。尽管他通过发明炸药和爆炸胶赚取了大量财富，但他如今因为向伟大的科学家授予荣耀而被世人所铭记，而非作为一个军火和武器制造商。

Inventors in general have a far better chance of being commemorated than those who are simply good at business. Quite a few of the greatest technical geniuses died penniless but are still honoured. Charles Goodyear patented the vulcanised rubber process yet never profited from his innovation; Nikola Tesla saw the advantages of AC electricity before others but was a ruined man on his death; and Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press but died bankrupt. Others benefited financially from the insights of Goodyear, Teslaand Gutenberg, but those exploiters have been consigned to oblivion by history, while the real pioneers are recalled.

总体而言，与仅仅擅长经商的人相比，发明家被人们铭记的可能性要大得多。很多最伟大的技术天才在去世时一文不名，但现在仍受人尊重。查尔斯?固特异(Charles Goodyear)申请了硫化橡胶工艺专利，但从未从这一创新中获利；尼古拉?特斯拉(Nikola Tesla)先于其他人发现了交流电的好处，但去世时却倾家荡产；约翰内斯?谷登堡(Johannes Gutenberg)发明了印刷机，但死时惨遭破产。其他人从经济上受益于固特异、特斯拉和谷登堡的发明，但这些利益剥削者却被历史遗忘，而那些真正的先驱则被世人铭记。

Certain entrepreneurs are imaginative enough to forge their commercial empires into institutions that can outlive them and prosper long into the future. Perhaps this deprives their descendants of inherited wealth, but it means their life’s work is more likely to endure.

一些企业家具备足够丰富的想象力，他们把自己的商业帝国打造为寿命超过他们自己、而且可以在未来很长时间内蓬勃发展的企业。或许，这剥夺了他们后裔的财富继承，但这意味着，他们一生的事业更有可能长久。

John Spedan Lewis is a classic example: he founded the John Lewis Partnership because he believed in employee ownership, transferring control of the retailer to its staff. Similarly, Henry Wellcome’s will vested the entire share capital of his huge pharmaceutical concern in the Wellcome Trust, now perhaps the world’s largest biomedical charity – thanks to his generosity and foresight. In the cases of Lewis and Wellcome, their philanthropy succeeded because their businesses grew enormously after their deaths.

约翰?史派登?路易斯(John Spedan Lewis)就是一个经典的例子：他创建John Lewis Partnership的原因是他信奉员工持股，于是他把这家零售企业的控股权转让给了员工。类似地，亨利?维康(Henry Wellcome)在遗嘱中将其庞大制药康采恩的全部股本投入维康信托(Wellcome Trust)，该信托现在大概是全球最大生物医学慈善组织，这源于他的慷慨和远见。在路易斯和维康的例子里，他们的慈善事业之所以成功，是因为他们的企业在他们死后大规模壮大。

Other rich entrepreneurs sell up and simply use their wealth for dedicated good causes. Andrew Carnegie built the world’s most profitable corporation in the steel trade in the late 19th century. He sold it for cash to JPMorgan, and proceeded to give almost the entire amount away, the equivalent today of billions of dollars, constructing thousands of libraries and endowing educational establishments. He wrote: “A man who dies thus rich dies disgraced.” In a similar vein, I suspect one day Bill Gates will be better known for his charitable activities than for co-founding Microsoft.

还有一些富有企业家出售企业并将自己的财富投入崇高事业。19世纪末，安德鲁?卡内基(Andrew Carnegie)创建了全球钢铁行业中最具盈利能力的公司。他将该公司出售给摩根大通(JPMorgan)变现，并将几乎全部收益用于捐赠，金额相当于现在的数十亿美元，他用这些钱创办了数千家图书馆，并为教育机构提供捐赠。他写道：“死得富有则死得耻辱。”类似地，我猜，比尔?盖茨(Bill Gates)将更多因为慈善活动被铭记，而非作为微软(Microsoft)的联合创始人。

I’ve no doubt that great composers, artists, writers and performers are more likely to be celebrated after their deaths than any business leader. But by building companies that furnish jobs, that generate riches for stockholders and sell products that improve people’s lives, capitalists can establish memorials to their efforts that are much more than tombstones. Prosperous family businesses passed down the generations are living epitaphs to the talents of their founders.

与商业领袖相比，伟大的作曲家、艺术家、作家和演员更有可能在死后被人们纪念，我对此毫不质疑。但通过创建企业提供就业、为股东创造财富以及销售改善人们生活的产品，资本家也可以为自己的努力建造一座意义远远大于墓碑的纪念碑。流传数代仍然繁荣的家族企业是创始人才华的活生生的墓志铭。

By their nature entrepreneurs upset the status quo, introducing change to the existing order. Such non-Establishment figures are often more renowned posthumously than those who meekly conform all their lives. As General MacArthur put it: “You are remembered for the rules you break.”

依照本性，企业家会打破现状，改变现有的秩序。与那些唯唯诺诺、随波逐流的人相比，这些打破常规的人物往往在死后更为出名。正如麦克阿瑟将军(General MacArthur)所言：“你会因你打破的规则而被人铭记。”

Posterity judges risk takers more kindly than their contemporaries do.

与同时代的人相比，后人对冒险者的评判更为友好。

The writer runs Risk Capital Partners, a private equity firm, and is chairman of StartUp Britain

本文作者管理着私人股本公司Risk Capital Partners，并担任StartUp Britain主席

torisea

独立写作
Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

独立写作
Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.
成功是模仿别人比较好还是特别比较好？

独立：do you agree/disagree
an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he’s in part of a decision making

独立写作：The best way to learn about a foreign country is to read the newspapers and magazines from
that country.

独立写作：
People who move out of native village or town are more successful and happier than people who stay in their
native village or town. Agree or not?

独立托福机经写作：
Do you agree or disagree that with the following statement? It’s more important for the government to spend
money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities (such as
swimming pool, playgrounds).

torisea

Marvelous as it looks at first sight, modern technology does not help students learn information at a greater speed and with higher efficiency in most cases; or it could work towards the opposite direction which led students to lose their initiative to learn and explore.
框架（态度 not help，reason）
修饰（1，adj句首+原题态度；2，reason why+同一个意思加强递进延长句子长度，or it could even）


First of all, one property of modern technology is latently harmful to any learning mind – it distracts. One thing we feel about when we are searching for information online is that the internet, as an outstanding example of modern technology and even regarded as the innovator of education, provides us with not only relevant results to make use of, but also external links to click. More than once I turned on my computer to check school library for resources, but ended up watching Youtube videos. In this case, computer as a representative of modern technology plays a negative role in learning information. We do acquire more information with the convenient tool, yet most of them are irrelevant and in the end procrastinating would lower our learning.
框架（tech distracts；general eg internet irrelevant info；personal eg library utube；总结）
修饰（1，one开头+原题态度，it加强；2，one 开头that+eg主语+ as as结构原题关系，not only加强，but also eg reason； more personal eg， but personal eg； 小分类主语 ，as 加长，原题态度；do 态度反 yet 态度正）


Also, students would easily become disoriented in the huge sea of information. Although modern technology could equip us with easy access to information, the huge amount of resources would actually leave us discombobulated. Therefore, it is only we possess information more quickly rather than we learn it more quickly. An illustrating example is my experience with a HK digital library which stores almost all the books I desire. At first I enjoyed downloading them from the database, however, one month later I ended up with hundreds of books stored in my hardware yet none of them finished or ever clicked.
框架（phenomenon huge info；reason we need process quick； eg hk library）
修饰（reason+精准动词；although延长，reason实际；therefore，we need reason延续；eg分几部分，my experience with； at first 延长，however，eg结果，or even 延长）


Furthermore, modern technology gives students an illusion that information and real knowledge is easy to learn – just by clicking mouse or watching videos. But in fact this forms only the first step towards useful information and effective learning, as learning of any kind requires full concentration and interactive thinking, which are almost absent in the pocess of popular e-learning experience.
框架（not that easy；concentration）
修饰（furthermore，主语 that——破折号，举例延长；in fact only 延长，as 延长，which reason）

To summarize, modern technology does not help students learn more information and learn it more quickly, though it does make access to information and resources much more easily. The popular e-learning still lacks the concentration, depth, and interaction that are the hallmark of traditional ways of educating and learning.
修饰（重复题，reason，though 延长；细分主语，reason，that主题）