继续issue，求猛拍！！~~

queenie0126

2. To understand the mostimportant characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

我的outline大概是这样的：
1. 城市大多有悠久的历史，是一个国家或民族传统的保存之处
2. 城市又有开放、包容的特点，是接受新思想的前沿地带，可以从此预测这个国家未来的发展
3. 城市吸引着形形色色的人，而人是社会、文化不可分割的组成部分
4. 但是，想要研究social characters光看城市是不够的，为了让研究更完善，也应适当地注意乡村

写的时候有几个问题：
1. 第二段（firstly...）除了主题句以外都是大段的举例，会不会觉得理论阐述不透彻？
2. 用词和句型会不会还是不够formal？
3. 写的时候想到一句古语，但原话怎么说的想不起来了……求提示……大意是说，在多年动乱之后，要到乡野间去需找“礼”。

The speaker claims that it is necessary for one tohave an investigation into major cities in order to know about the importantcharacteristics of a society. Holding the standpoint that metropolises doembrace important traits of a nation, I totally agree with this assertion. The followingreasons can explain my agreement.

 Firstly, largenumbers of major cities nowadays are developing from primitive human habitats,which can be traced back to olden days. This suggests that metropolises are preservingold beliefs and folk traditions, with historical relics, for instance, as evidence.To prove this assertion, we need look no further on cities like Athens ofGreece and Beijing of China. Having a recorded history of 3,000 years or so, Athens
is the cradle ofOlympic, modern democracy and other main cultural features of western world. Theremains there, like the Parthenon Ruins, which has spacious hall and tall verticalcolumns, are recording the characters of Greek architecture. Another example, Beijing, has been the capital of two ancient dynasties andpolitical center of modern China.Citizenry here are still inheriting the concept of respecting authority fromgeneration to generation. There two examples can be exactly proving theimportance of major cities in the study of investigating social features.


 Secondly,modern metropolises are where a society gets access to new ideas and determinesthe orientation of further development. With a hospitable zeitgeist, citycitizens, especially those multitudes from large cities along the coasts or onthe boundary to other countries, are likely to accept innovative or exoticthoughts and behaviors, which will be incorporated into their own culture inthe near future. Just like Shanghai, the secondlargest city in China
,reveals the results and tendency of expanding modern economic system. After yearsof booming, the results have turned out to be of great benefit and the tendencyis spreading to other areas of this vast land. For this reason, if one wants tostudy the history of economy of China,Shanghai cannotbe missed.


 Also,having the advantages of attracting people from all regions of the country,metropolises are the spots of gathering of people from all class backdrops, alleducational background, as well as all geographical locations, etc. Here, onecan come into contact with underprivileged migrant workers flooding from distantcountries, or the richest or noblest gentlemen and ladies from well-cultivated families;one may get the chance to have a discussion with artists wandering along thestreets, as well as career women who are confronting pressure from both familyand profession. This is a fusion of all kinds of people, who is an inextricablepart of a society’s character.

 However, tohave an overall understanding of a certain society, major cities only is notsufficient. Some folklores and traditional craftsmanship are still cherishedand preserved in distant countries and valleys. For this reason, one wouldbetter to travel more to farther places to complete his or her study.

 To sum,major cities are melting plots where the old and the new, the penurious and thewealthy, the amazing and the boring, etc. are mixing up together. One cannotmiss the metropolises if he or she is pursuing to study the features of a society.Meanwhile, the significance of studying countryside cannot be neglected, for itis another carrier of a nation’s traditions.

淡淡飞过

The speaker claims that "people" should (个人意见 the word "people" is better than "one" and "we") have an investigation into major cities in order to know about the important characteristics of a society. Holding the standpoint that metropolises do embrace important traits of a nation, I totally agree with this assertion. The following reasons can explain my agreement.

I think the opening paragraph is pretty good.

淡淡飞过

Firstly, large numbers of major cities nowadays are developing from primitive human habitats,which can be traced back to olden days. This suggests that metropolises are preserving old beliefs and folk traditions, with historical relics, for instance, as evidence.To prove this assertion, we need look no further on cities like Athens ofGreece and Beijing of China. Having a recorded history of 3,000 years or so, Athens
is the cradle ofOlympic, modern democracy and other main cultural features of western world. Theremains there, like the Parthenon Ruins, which has spacious hall and tall vertical columns, are recording the characters of Greek architecture. Another example, Beijing, has been the capital of two ancient dynasties andpolitical center of modern China.Citizenry here are still inheriting the concept of respecting authority fromgeneration to generation. There two examples can be exactly proving theimportance of major cities in the study of investigating social features.

I think your Chinese outline is very good. However, the English version seems not to match it very well.


As the most important sentence of a paragraph, the first sentence should clearly present  your viewpoint: "First of all, major cities, most having developed from primitive tribes and rural areas, always possess long histories."
I change it a little bit, what do you think?

The examples of Athens and Beijing are good. However, if you put more emphasis on their influence on today's society, the analysis will look better.

竹林中人

maybe，我觉得你有必要在首段中谈谈自己的对社会主要特点的理解。

queenie0126

THX for your comments!~
这篇是昨天写的，今天放一放再回头看也觉得有点写跑了……
自己一句话概况的能力好弱啊，有么就写得很长，要么就两三句才能说到点子上，每次写段落首句的时候都要纠结一会><有什么方法可以改掉这个毛病吗……

queenie0126

啊……是的，而且这样似乎可以跟后面的段落有所对应
多谢！~~

淡淡飞过

One way is to memorize some GRE sentences.

The other way is to read other people's GRE essays. Theirs might not be as good as yours, but you can still learn something from other people. By correcting other's essays, you can learn many things.


Trying to read others' articles-- this is my way.

Besides, when you read others' essays, pay attention to their arguments and see if you can use some examples or good expressions.