给GMAT作文不好的童鞋一点信心（AWA6分）

vikanefan

感谢CD上的xdjm陪伴我度过了痛苦而寂寞的3个月考G生活，CD上最让我感动的就是大家无私奉献的精神，现在回想起复习时翻看携影、MiMi、小安、Tony、Gemj等等这些大牛们的帖子和谆谆教导还为他们的热心、睿智和幽默所感动。我从CD收获了很多，所以也想给CD一点回馈，AWA考的还算凑合，就想写一下这篇帖子，经验谈不上只是希望能给大家尤其那些作文跟我一样不好的童鞋一点信心吧。

我14号晚上北京考的，16号下午居然就收到了电子邮件，今天到家打开一看作文居然有6分，其实我知道自己作文水平很烂，雅思作文只考了6分，所以作文不好的童鞋也不用担心，要相信自己。

我是从10.1开始准备作文的，AA和AI按寂静和高频顺序各写了8篇和6篇（不是不想多写，实在没时间了。。。）一开始的时候我按小安和tony800大牛的模板自己认真整了一份AA模板（当时觉得改动挺大的，不仅仅是某个词换一下那种，而是按自己的思考把两边融合了一下，然后从句子结构到用词都改了，改完之后我还挺得意，因为觉得自己模板的逻辑很严密，没有一句废话，一环扣一环的），背了2天基本背熟，但就在背熟之后偶然发现CD上有个750的兄弟发帖问作文只有4.5是怎么回事，并且把他总结的模板挂上去了，不看不知道，一看吓我一跳，因为我觉得他的模板和我的模板异常的相似（他也是融合了两位大牛的模板），之后我明白了其实再怎么改都是会被看出来模仿的痕迹，所以我一咬牙，AA不再靠模板了，就纯自己写，一开始非常痛苦，时间超时，字数少，错误特多（我是先在写字板中写好，然后贴到word里，这样可以发现语法和拼写错误），没写完一篇，都先自己认真改一遍，想想哪些地方可以用更精准的词和更简洁但有力的句式结构。然后再看看对应的黄金范文，把其中自己觉得能用的来用的好的地方抠出来，争取下次用在自己的作文中(不过其实也不多，因为黄金80范文实在是太牛了，我是写不来那么好的句子，很多句子我都看不懂，更别说写了。。。)比较幸运的是这次AA和AI遇到的都是寂静，以前写过的，不过我这人记性不咋样，写过的基本都忘了，AA是那道信用卡的题，以前写的攻击点都记得不是特全，反正上考场后就临时一边写一边想的，跟我之前写的完全不一样。AI是团队合作那道，我举的例子也跟原来不一样了，考场上临时想了个国美控制权之争的例子还有个松下管理的例子（不一定准，这只是我小时候看的一个故事，反正就编呗），而且比较囧的是我国美和松下幸之助的英文名还写错了，反正也是编，我觉得老外也不一定知道。反正我实在是厌烦举那些老土的名人名言和一些很久以前的例子了。。。。AA和AI我特意各留了2分钟检查，因为平时我写完都是错误一大堆的。写这么多，其实就是想告诉大家不用紧张，也不用太模式化，平时的话怎么高兴怎么写，尽量多用些不同的词汇和句式表达同样的意思。

我还是列一些自己觉得可能比较有用的经验教训吧，大家斟酌着看：

1.不要背模板，就算是自己改的别人的也不要用，最好的办法是选几个大牛的模板看看，然后用自己的话写出来，再修改下，我记得以前有个帖子说的是用自己的话把AA的攻击点写出来。

2.平时用写字板计时写好贴到word里，修改的时候在最下方列上笔误、不会拼、语法错误以及新学词句，临考前把笔误中的单词每个多练几遍，至少要对容易笔误的单词产生印象，这样考的时候会有意识的注意这些拼写，语法也一样。

3.平时修改时多尝试用不同的词句表达同一个意思，多留心一些逻辑关系严密的连接句和词。这里举个例子：大家都知道AA开头段的第一句话一般是陈述作者的论点，第二句到第四句一般是分析作者的reasoning，那么第一句和第二句话之间其实有很多种连接句式，但是我比较喜欢的是To support his conclusion/claim/view...，因为我觉得这个句子在逻辑上很紧密的把一二句连接起来了的，大家可以体会下。

4.重视结构。就是说要重视整个行文的逻辑结构，虽然最后我放弃了模板，但是没有放弃AA的结构，我当时把自己总结的AA模板里的每一宗罪（就是每一段模板）拆开，然后发现每段基本的结构大体上都可以分为：作者观点陈述、作者推理分析、概括反驳、说明可能存在的情况加以反驳、说明事实加以反驳、举例反驳、深层次分析作者犯错的原因，让步假设反驳（Unless..., the conclusion will not be well-founded之类），总结。这几部分，当然不一定每段都要这么完整。然后考试时就看怎么好些怎么写了。

5.考试时先把首尾段写好（AA和AI都是如此），至少是个心理安定，并且留个2分钟供自己检查（不过我都没查完，阅读实在太烂了，还有就是我知道自己平时错误特多，所以看的比较细，悲催啊。。。）

6.一定要先看清题目，有个大概的想法就可以先写了，不用等到全想明白再写，因为时间不够用，而且很多时候一边写一边就想明白了，就像AA我自认为最有新意的一个攻击点也是我写到一大半的时候才想到的。但是写一句话之前一定要先想好这句话怎么表达，否则改来改去的只会浪费时间。

就想到这么多，希望能对大家有用吧，还是那句话：不用担心，你想我这么烂的水平都狗屎到6分呢，考试前我对自己说的话就是：把该拿到的分拿到就好了，祝后面的兄弟考好！

HSE

总结得太好了，我明天考，最担心的不是换酷酷而是AA，因为模板背不下来，想用自己的话写又怕句型太简单，或者写得太慢。今天打算练个5篇左右。谢谢LZ分享心得！

kamejie

顶一下，实在没时间看作文，下午就考了，就怕作文写太烂导致后面考试的心情！

elaineyll

顶！LZ能否分享一两篇习作让大家体会下？

vikanefan

AA考题是我的第一篇习作，当时还是按照模板来的，所以模板的痕迹很重，而且极不自然，可以明显看到往七宗罪上套的痕迹，考场那篇跟这个完全不一样了，就是顺手写，想哪儿写哪儿的。
In this argument, the author concludes that the company would gain an advantage over its rival in the credit card service if it is allowed to use the symbol or logo of a well-known environmental organization on its credit card. Several reasons are proposed to support the argument. First of all, the author assumes that the company can use the logo of the environmental organization if it were to give the organization some money. Meanwhile, the author indicates that a large percentage of public is worried about the environmental issues. Then the author reasons that such kind of concern would make the policy attract new customers, increase use by existing customers, and enable the company to raise interest rates. Finally, he draws the conclusion that the use of the logo would gain the company a competitive advantage. The argument seems to be somewhat convincing at first glance, but a deeper consideration reveals that the logic reasoning is not rigorous in that the argument relies on some groundless assumptions and the evidence provided is inadequate to justify the conclusion. A close examination illuminates that the argument is problematic for the following reasons.
无根据假设：First, the author depends on the assumption that the company can donate some money in exchange for the use of the logo. However, no proof is demonstrated in the argument to support this assumption; actually, it is totally groundless. For instance, it is more likely that the organization will refuse the proposal due to its non-profit nature. Therefore, the reasoning is unwarranted without ruling out other possibilities.
样本代表性攻击：What's more, the author provides no proof to assert that customers have the same characteristic of the public. The situations in which public are involved may not be the same with what the customers are in. It is possible that the majority of the surveyed public is concerned with the environment issues, while the majority of the customers have no interest in the issues. If this is the case, it is unwarranted for the author to establish a general conclusion that the policy which may be applicable to the public will also be useful on the customers.
无根据假设：In fact, the most serious problem undermines the reasoning is that there is little causal-effect relationship between concern about environmental issues and the willingness of donation to the organization by the customers through using the credit card. The author depends on the assumption that people who are concerned about the environmental issues will probably increase use of the credit card to donate to the organization. However, no proof is demonstrated in the argument to support this assumption; actually, it is totally groundless. For instance, it is more likely that those people will buy less products to reduce the wastes in order to protect the environment, thus using the creit card less frequently. Therefore, the reasoning is unwarranted without ruling out other possibilities.
充分性攻击：Even if the above problems are not real, the conclusion is also doubtful. Since the argument bases on the assumption that more customers and higher interest rates are adequate to give birth to competitive advantage in credit card service industry. However, the author fails to provide any evidence to prove the assumption, thus making it appear gratuitous. In fact, some other elements also influence competitive advantage, such as the amount of money donated. If the money donated is much more than the money gained from the increased customers and from the higher rates, the competitive advantage would be largely weakened. Therefore, only considering the increased customers and the interest rates might not help the company to decide whether it can achieve the goal of gaining competitive advantage.
In conclusion, the author fails to justify his claim that the use of logo will gain competitive advantage for the company. Because the evidence cited in the analysis is too weak to support the claim and the reasoning is far from arriving at a valid conclusion. To make the argument more logically acceptable, the author must convince us that people who are concerned about the environmental issues will use the credit card more frequently to donate to the organization. In addition, the author should provide concrete evidence to prove that the money donated will not surpass the money gained from the increased use and the raised interest rates of the credit card. The claim will not be well demonstrated until the author makes an impeccable reasoning based on more solid evidence.

vikanefan

AI考场那篇我没写过，就是以前写了个提纲，我AI的提纲大概按照高频和鸡精写了24个
松下的例子是考场上用到的，Jack当时忘了临时想了个国美觉得做反面教材更好，就随手写了。
36. “Businesses and other organizations have overemphasized the importance of working as a team. Clearly, in any human group, it is the strong individual, the person with the most commitment and energy, who gets things done.”
In my view, a wise leader is important to a group without whom the group will not be organized and work towards a common goal. However, the leader will not play an important role in the team without other team members’ support and help. We should not overemphasize the importance of working as a team just as we should not overstate the importance of the team leader, and the best way is to combine the two aspects closely.
Leader is important in a team. Who has the highest enthusiastic and energy towards the work can best encourage his team members to finish the job and take the whole group out of the difficulties. E.g Jack Welch. Without a good leader, the team will fall into disunited parts and miss the advance direction.
Without the team members’ support and help, the leader can do nothing to the problem. Members do not only help the leader to divide a huge problem into different parts and finish them with small parts each person but also contribute some precious advice to the leader assisting him to carry out a better decision. E.g Konosuke(松下幸之助)is honored to be the god of management in Japan and he established the most famous company Panasonic. One of his most famous management thoughts is to listen carefully to the frontline workers’ advice. His and his company’s success cannot be achieved without the contribution of millions of workers’ contribution and advice.
We should combine these two aspects closely, because neither part can be separated from the other to be successful. Leader and his team members should closely work together toward a joint goal.

vikanefan

忘说了，平时练习时可以尝试写一些3行以上的长句子，反正我考试的时候感觉用了挺多，不知道会不会是个加分因素，至于长难句的构造可以参考下杨鹏难句里的方法，无非就是加个插入语，用一些所谓的并列结构，例如either...or...，加上很复杂的修饰成分啦，加上同位语(GMAT自己是很喜欢用同位语的，所以我练作文的时候有意注意了用同位语代替定语从句)再整几个倒装省略什么的，不过一定要注意语法啊。

elaineyll

非常感谢！不知道LZ的AA习作是在30分钟内写完的吗？我常常都写不完五段体呢。。

vikanefan

这个习作不是，因为字数太多了，而且第一篇写，不过考试的时候AA确实写了五段，但应该没这么多字。我觉得有个400多字就差不多了吧，不是所有题目都能写个500字多，也不一定都要写5段体，个人理解。

番茄大丸子

LZ总结的很好 可是我觉得自己估计不行了 明天考试 我一直没怎么准备作文 ... 沾下LZ喜气 祝我明天好运吧