独立：20年后人们有更多的休息时间

amylala3

People always have numerous beautiful imaginations about the future. Granted, some of them are unrealistic,but, in my view, one is reasonable—“after 20 years, people will have more leisure time. ”

Accompanied by thedevelopment of technology, people, more exactly, housewives can be relieved from boring and repeated housework. For example, due to the invention of the automatic washer, nowadays, housewives do not need to wash the family’s clothes by hand any more.Therefore, they own more free time to have fun. For the same reason, I believe in the near future, given more and more useful machines will appear and offer help to people, people will have more free time to enjoy their lives.

Today, in working place, there are still lots of people who are doing very simple, repeated, low-technologyand and heavy jobs, such as the Chinese manufacture workers in Foxconn, and consequently, having extremely poor salaries. Admittedly, their working conditions are partly determined by their lack of knowledge and necessary skills, however, I think the major cause is that today’s society still need these guys and even though it seems that their jobs are totally easy, their jobs are the foundation of the whole working ecosystem. Considering this, I think, as the technology developing, it is possible that some kinds of machines, such as auto robot, are able to replace human beings to do these low-technology jobs.Therefore, not only will the whole society become more effective and efficient,but also these people will have more opportunities to receive education and getbetter jobs. In common sense, better jobs mean brain working, getting rid of heavy physical jobs and having more free time.

Some people claims that efficient doesn’t equal to more free time. I admit that sometimes their claims are right, but according to the history of human beings,i insist that the equation does work out. As the technology developing and humans entering the informationage, people can make use of less time to produce enough means of production,and consequently, the qualities of people’s lives are becoming better. More and more people can afford delicious food, warm house and fashion clothes, and the definition of highest standard of life has changed. More people would like to pursue more free time to relax and enjoy lives instead of earning more money. Taking my family for an example. when i was young girl, my father worked all day ,even without holiday, to feed my brother and me. However, as time changing and the living quality improving, now,my dad prefers scarificing some income in order to spend more time with us.

In conclusion, based on the analysis about the benefits of the convenient that the development of technology can offer human beings in housework, jobs, and living quality,I support the idea that people will own more free time in the next 20 years.

amylala3

给自己做个纪念

sclovexj

925 独立by re
most people do not count on government for help because they think that it is always better to either do things on their own or to ask for help from their family.


The irreplaceability of government is undeniable, which keep the whole society in the right track. However, what kind of role our government plays in our daily lives? One thousand people, one thousand Hamlet. （s？）We need government, but, sometimes, the government seems to have a long distance from the ordinary people. Therefore ,some people claims that we couldn’t count on the government instead of doing things by ourselves. As far as I’m concerned, it is too exaggerated to get this conclusion. Every government has their own complicated properties and it is necessary to discuss depending on different situation.

In one hand, the government plays extremely crucial roles （去掉s？）in the society, which include in policy area, economic area, judicial field, etc. An example that aptly illustrate （加s？）this point will be that, without the help of government, the order of society will be in trouble , crimes will not be punished, the price of the market will lose control, and most hospital（加s？） and school will close down ,and consequently everyone will fail （fall or fail？）into panic. In view of this, in fact, there are thousands of things we have to count on our government. Moreover, the government which aggregates the power of all people, can finish some huge projects that individuals cannot do, such as building bridge, railroad, and airport. Even though you own billions of money, the huge expenses of these structures are too high to afford. Besides, the government is the guarantee of a country’s security. Whether or not a government has power is determined not only by economic strength, but also by military. In this case, a powerful government is an important ingredient to make its people live in peace and order. Considering all the factors above, can we still insist （后面加on？）the wrong idea that we cannot depend on government at all?（题目是许多人不依靠政府，而你这句话比较绝对）

In another hand, admittedly, the most things that we come across in our daily lives can be solved only by ourselves. For example, the dream job can be only attained by virtue of tenacity and hardworking. If you just sit before the gate of government to ask for a job, I believe what you finally wait for is just two policemen. Even so, the government at least ensures that everybody has his power to pursue his dream, and try to build a better system to assist everyone.

In conclusion, a lot of details in our daily lives, which have been mentioned （在文章中只有两个方面，没有提及更多细节，何来已经提到了？）in this passage are all compelling justification for the necessity of government and dependency of ordinary people.
1文章结构组织合理连贯，有内容，从正反两方面论述，
2中国式表达明显，建议可以穿插用复合句，转换句式
3单复数要注意错误较多，会影响分数

angla

快累死了。。。。终于改完

amylala3

925most people do not count on government for help because they think that it is always better to either do things on their own or to ask for help from their family.


The irreplaceability of government is undeniable, which keep the whole society in the right track. However, what kind of role our government plays in our daily lives? One thousand people, one thousand Hamlet. We need government, but, sometimes, the government seems to have a long distance from the ordinary people. Therefore ,some people claims that we couldn’t count on the government instead of doing things by ourselves. As far as I’m concerned, it is too exaggerated to get this conclusion. Every government has their own complicated properties and it is necessary to discuss depending on different situation.

In one hand, the government plays extremely crucial roles in the society, which include in policy area, economic area, judicial field, etc. An example that aptly illustrate this point will be that, without the help of government, the order of society will be in trouble , crimes will not be punished, the price of the market will lose control, and most hospital and school will close down ,and consequently everyone will fail into panic. In view of this, in fact, there are thousands of things we have to count on our government. Moreover, the government which aggregates the power of all people, can finish some huge projects that individuals cannot do, such as building bridge, railroad, and airport. Even though you own billions of money, the huge expenses of these structures are too high to afford. Besides, the government is the guarantee of a country’s security. Whether or not a government has power is determined not only by economic strength, but also by military. In this case, a powerful government is an important ingredient to make its people live in peace and order. Considering all the factors above, can we still insist the wrong idea that we cannot depend on government at all?

In another hand, admittedly, the most things that we come across in our daily lives can be solved only by ourselves. For example, the dream job can be only attained by virtue of tenacity and hardworking. If you just sit before the gate of government to ask for a job, I believe what you finally wait for is just two policemen. Even so, the government at least ensures that everybody has his power to pursue his dream, and try to build a better system to assist everyone.

In conclusion, a lot of details in our daily lives, which have been mentioned in this passage are all compelling justification for the necessity of government and dependency of ordinary people.

amylala3

924there is never a reason to be rude to another person

“Everyone’s manners make his fortune.” is an old cliche. But it is nonetheless possibly true because at most case, people’s attitude can determine how the world will see him. In light of this, personally speaking, I support the claim that never should we be rude to others.

Admittedly, someone is not worth showing your kindness. They are superficial, rude and coarse, they try to attack you and say you are asshole. However, even though you abandon your manners and treat them with bad attitude, the whole thing will not go better. What you do is just making the numbers of the gentlemen in this world decrease and letting yourself approach them. In this view, being polite to everyone in any case seems like a better choice.

Moreover, always keeping good manners can help us build a more positive view to see the world. A positive attitude not only can assist you to solve knotty problem, but also can keep you in good wood which is beneficial to your health. Taking my experience for an example, before I became a volunteer to serve for the Asian Olympic Games, I had to take a lesson about smile.In this lesson, the teacher taught us how to smile beautifully and asked everyone to keep smile for hours because when you become a real volunteer, you may have to smile daylong. Obviously, I disliked this difficult and boring lesson which made my face stiff. However, one day, something changed my opinion. On day, when I had dinner in a restaurant, a rude waiter spilt the whole spray on my new dress and blamed his mistake to me. I was extremely angry and rushed to the ladies room. But when I saw the mirror, I was very surprised to find that I was still smiling, and, at the worst moment, I can even smile. Suddenly, I felt the magic of smile, I was not angry anymore and I even tried to understand the waiter. He was so young and he was probably afraid to lose his job. When I left the ladies room, I found the waiter was waiting me and he said he was wrong and he appreciated my smile and kindness. Just as you see, good manners can bring you a more pretty world and wonderful mood. In this case, can we have any reasons to be rude to anyone?

In conclusion, being rude can’t help us figure out the solution, get others respect or have a good mood. Therefore, there is never a reason to be rude to another person.
额，例子没刹住闸，写了很长呵呵，导致没时间写观点三，毕竟渣打字也就30mins 400多字。感觉我这篇是篇非典型toefl作文，好像在写励志小故事哈哈哈

amylala3

echosun2002 发表于 2014-9-24 19:20
亲爱的，我看了一下十天，given，in view of 和in light of 后面应该加名词或名词短语。话说十天里面的内容 ...

恩恩，我看到了。谢谢亲指正，要不我就一直记错了哈哈。

echosun2002

亲爱的，我看了一下十天，given，in view of 和in light of 后面应该加名词或名词短语。话说十天里面的内容太多了，好多都记不住。我今天for the sake of 就记成别的了（我就不加深错误印象了哈）

amylala3

echosun2002 发表于 2014-9-24 16:01
People always have numerous beautiful imaginations about the future. Granted, some of them are fanta ...

谢谢亲，看了批改，我果然有很多低级词汇错误，一限时就完蛋了，但是又不能不限时哈哈，as那个也错了，应该加句子。但是given是个加分句式，是鉴于的意思=inviewof，没错哈，详见《十天》。总之谢谢亲的批改，一起加油

echosun2002

People always have numerous beautiful imaginations about the future. Granted, some of them are fantastic,but, (感觉这里的转折有点勉强)in my view, one is reasonable—“after 20 years, people will have more leisure time. ”


Accompanied by thedevelopment of technology, people, more exactly, housewives can be relieved from boring and repeated housework. For example, due to the invention of the automatic washer, nowadays, housewives do not need to wash the family’s clothes by hand any more.Therefore, they own more free time to have fun. For the same reason, I believe in the near future, given more and more useful machines will appear and offer help to people（这里given表示假设的情况后面that从句应该是用一般现在时吧）, people will have more free time to enjoy their lives.


Today, in working place, there are still lots of people who are doing very simple, repeated, low-technology and heavy jobs, such as the Chinese manufacture workers in Foxconn, and consequently, having extremely poor salaries. Admittedly, their working conditions are partly determined by their lack of knowledge and necessary skills, however, I think the major cause is that today’s society still needs these guys and even though it seems that their jobs are totally easy, their jobs are the foundation of the whole working ecosystem. Considering this, I think, as the technology developing, it is possible that some kinds of machines, such as auto robot, are able to replace human beings to do these low-technology jobs.Therefore, not only will the whole society become more effective and efficient,but also these people will have more opportunities to receive education and getbetter jobs.(good) In common sense, better jobs mean brain working, getting rid of heavy physical jobs and having more free time.


Some people claims（claim） that efficient(efficiency) doesn’t equal to more free time. I admit that sometimes their claims are right, but according to the history of human beings,i insist that the equation does work out. As the technology developing and humans entering the information age, people can make use of less time to produce enough means of production,and consequently, the qualities of people’s lives are becoming better. More and more people can afford delicious food, warm house and fashion clothes, and the definition of (the highest)highest standard of life has changed. More people would like to pursue more free time to relax and enjoy lives instead of earning more money. Taking my family for an example(good). when i was (a)young girl, my father worked all day ,even without holiday, to feed my brother and me. However, as time changing and the living quality improving（as 做连词后面应该接状语从句）, now,my dad prefers scarificing some income in order to spend more time with us.


In conclusion, based on the analysis about the benefits of the convenient(convenience) that the development of technology can offer human beings in housework, jobs, and living quality,I support the idea that people will own more free time in the next 20 years.

我感觉楼主写的挺好，毕竟30分钟内完成的，只是有些语法上的问题，我查了一些资料做了修改，如果你觉得不对麻烦跟我说下哈！