关于internet的一篇argument，求大神看看~

ashley2922

这篇argument主要想请大神看看模版OK不！！还有语言如何~求踩求踩~11月10号就考了，希望大神给些指点，希望作文能上4.0~

34.The Vice President of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the followingrecommendation to the company`s president.

Inan effort to improve our employees` Internet productivity, we should implementelectronic monitoring of employees` Internet use from their workstations.Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identifiedand punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal orrecreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installingsoftware to detect employees` Internet use on company computers, we can preventemployees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, andimprove our overall profits.

570words，30 minutes

Inthis argument, the author advocates that Climpson Industries should install thesoftware that is to detect employees` Internet use on company computers.Although this argument seems reasonable at first glance, it is in factill-conceived. The reasons are stated as follows.

Inthe first place, in this argument, it is true that employees in Climpson wouldimprove their productivity if they reduce the number of work hours spent onpersonal or recreational activities. The author assumes that employees all usecompany computers to shop, play games or do anything but working. It isconsiderably likely that employees use their personal computers or tablets todo those recreational activities, which cannot be detected by thissoftware.  In addition, it is alsoanother option that some work of employees requires them to use Internet. Sincethe software can only detect the use of Internet, many employees would bepunished by merely doing their jobs. Although it is entirely possible thatemployees would use company computers to do personal things, the author offersno evidence to substantiate this crucial assumption. The author`s reasoning isdefinitely flawed unless the author can convince me that these or otherpossible scenarios are unlikely.

Inthe second place, the author presumes that installing the software couldimprove employees` productivity and cultivate a better work ethic.Nevertheless, there is no guarantee that it is necessarily the case, and theauthor does not supply any evidence to confirm this presumption. It is quitepossible that installing this software would decrease employees` productivityand ruin the work ethic that the company has now. To illustrate this pointclearly, let us take a look at the following representative possibility. Thereis a chance that employees have to take their personal computers to workbecause of the installment of this software and thus the working environmentwould be ruined. Consequently, the hours every employee spends on theirpersonal computer would be longer than that of company computer. Therefore, theproductivity of employees would be degraded instead of upgrading. Withoutaccounting for and ruling out these and other alternative explanations, theauthor cannot bolster the recommendation.

The last but not the least important, even ifthe evidence that the productivity of employees would be boosted turns out tosupport the foregoing conjectures, the author just simply supposes that theoverall profits of the company would be up because of increasing productivityand neither any conclusive scientific evidence nor any anecdotal evidence isprovided to affirm this supposition. It is reasonable to doubt that what theauthor hypothesis will not happen in reality. It is just possible that even ifthe employees` productivity goes up, the profits of the company would maintainthe same or deteriorate. Since the overall profits should be affected bycustomers` willingness to buy, when consumers no longer have interest in thiscompany`s products, the profits of the company would dwindle quickly no matterhow high its employees` productivity is. To reach the cited conclusion, theauthor must explain either why none of these alternatives is available or whynone of them is able to sustain.

To sum up, the author`s argument mentionedabove is not based on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which isdispensable for a conclusive argument. In order to draw a better conclusion,the author should reason more convincingly, cite some evidence that is morepersuasive, and take every possible consideration into account.