Juanita的杀T作文贴！ 一定要坚持！要有提高！

junanita

打算8月17号一站T，但是居然七月放假一个月都没有怎么认真复习！ 真的是太不应该了！！！扇自己两个耳光子~
现在还面临着木有考位的危机，真的是让人揪心啊！

不过！Juanita是不会放弃的对不对！ 戒掉懒惰！戒掉发呆！戒掉小说！

so 从今天开始就要开始我的杀T作文冲刺之旅了，哪怕八月报不上名，九月考作文也要有进步！

大话不多说了，到这里就好

那就让我们一起完成每日的作业吧！ 我也一定会尽自己所能帮大家改出好文章，咱们共同努力！目标：狠狠拍！！

junanita

zengyuruo 发表于 2013-8-13 15:04
亲的作文挺好的，用词也很丰富。
看着北美范文的句式，感觉好亲切。
而且，我也是17号考，感觉更亲切了。

谢谢亲的鼓励 我是一站T  整的焦头烂额的最近
亲可不可以下次直接贴在作文帖里呢？下下来看好麻烦的说

zengyuruo

亲的作文挺好的，用词也很丰富。
看着北美范文的句式，感觉好亲切。
而且，我也是17号考，感觉更亲切了。
我上个月一战了T，一点小经验，不用像G那样非要句式很复杂，简单清楚讲明白，作文分就挺好的。我感觉亲开头第一句就有点故意复杂化了，能简单的地方还是使用一些简单句，读着更舒服。
另外，亲这作文已经能拿高分了，可以多花些精力练别的哈！
祝好运。

junanita

11 Aug「Today」
Independent Writing：
如果學校拿到了一筆錢，improve the food of cafe in school or invest in social activity for students after school.


Healthy food, which may affect our body condition and sometimes may cause some diseases if we do not acquire it, plays an essential part of our life. Hence, when it comes to the issue whether the university should allocate money on improving the food of cafe or social activities, some people argue that the food should have the priority. However, these people do not take into account that university is not only a place for students to live, but also a location where students can hone their personal ability as well as broaden their views. Thus, only focusing on improving the quality of food in the cafe is unilateral.


To begin with, the university's budget on activities enable students to cultivate a myriad of personal skills like cooperative ability or communication capability, which lays a firm foundation for students' future career. Equipping with adequate funds, the social activities can be provided by the allocation between the company and university more vivid, and this can offers students more chances to anticipate some kind of activity related to their major. Take my best friend Cassy for example. She was talented in computer science and strongly fascinated by the occupation of being a teacher. And as the university gave some financial support to open an exercise room for teaching adult basic computer knowledge, she had a chance to be a part-time 'teacher' in the activity. During this time, she met large quantity of different people every day, which made her possible to foster her communication skills, which exerted a far-reaching impact on her. And as a result, she became a assistant professor in the university and huge amount of students were addicted to her class. Therefore, allocation from the university on social activities can really enhance the personal skill of students and be beneficial for them.


In addition to the personal capability, the financial support from the school on social activity can encourage students to broaden their views, which can also further their academic study. With plenty of money, the club can invite some successful businessmen or entrepreneur to give some lecture to the students, thus provide students to get some social knowledge that they cannot learn from the class and better understand the abstract equations or literature descriptions. A survey conducted by the Peking University illustrates that most of the students do not know the application of the knowledge they learned from the class. The researchers, in the study, also points out that after attending social activities supported by the university, 78% of the students feel that they can figure out how to utilize information into practice flexibly.


In summary, although I fundamentally agree with the statement that food is significant in our life, a close scrutiny reveals that allocating more money on social activities in the university can render students more chance to cultivate the personal skill as well as broaden their eyes.

junanita

10 Aug
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?

No one is perfect, so we should not ask leaders, despite talented in many aspects, to be flawless all the time. Hence, when it comes to the issue what the most important characteristic of a good leader such as politic or businessman is, some people argue that the ability to take responsibility should have the priority. However, these people fail to take into account that only equipping with many other factors such as high ethical standards as well as foresight can a leader be called good. Thus, merely focus on emphasizing the responsibility for mistakes for a leader is unilateral.


To begin with, preserving high morality is certainly one of the most significant characteristics of being an excellent leader. For one thing, political or business leaders always play a remarkable role in representing the paragon for the mass. On the contrary, leaders may lose support from ordinary people if they do not perform well in their personal behavior. Take Richard Nixon for example, his abuse of power irritated the masses, as a result, he became the first president who was impeached in his tenure in American history. Another example comes from Bill Clinton who was investigated for his sexual scandals. Although he was not impeached at last, his dignity and reputation was damaged. Apparently, a leader with low ethic and moral standards loses his public basis which is one of the key factors to be a leader.


In addition to morality, the foresight, in order to make right decision as well as guide their counties or companies in a prosperous direction, is of equal importance. Robin Li is a brilliant Chinese Internet entrepreneur. When faced with high-speed development of technology and economy in China, Li recognized that there must be something exigent to fulfilled the rapidly increment of technological demand from the masses, which inspired by his studying and working experience abroad. Thus, the most popular search engine in China named Baidu was founded and his foresight also made him the second richest man in China. Therefore, the foresight of a leader can lay a solid foundation for the booming development of a country or company, which is definitely another important characteristic of a leader.


In summary, although I fundamentally agree that taking responsibility is important for excellent leaders, a close scrutiny reveals that it is not the most significant characteristic for them. Other elements such as maintaining high morality as well as preserving foresight are an indispensable part of a great leader.

lijinglol

蓝色是建议修改，紫色是强烈建议修改，有修改不当之处请指出><~

Arts are(have really been) booming in recent years, like(with all) the successive movies showed one by one (successive 和one by one 含义是否有些重叠？将successive改成successful修饰电影质量是否更好？)and more and more art collections (appeared) around us. (直接将话题转到政府身上有点突兀，中间添加一些艺术与国家的联系能否更好？)And(Yet) should the government allocate nothing to the artists? I agree with this statement insofar as the fortune(resources) of our government is limited, however, in my perspective(on the other hand), merely focusing on developing other factors like education or technology and paying little attention to the art is unilateral.

It is true that we face a myriad of emergencies nowadays and governments should give priority to these kinds of problems(issues/catastrophes), such as earthquake or flood, with their restricted fund. Take the Deepwater Horizon oil spill for example,which is considered the largest offshore oil spill in the American history.(我觉得既然是米国这么有名的事件，就不用加注释了) At that time, the authorities gathered a large amount of financial support to block the spill and massive responses ensured to protect the(the safety of millions of miles of) beaches and wetlands. In these cases, we should firstly do our best(utmost) to solve the terrible problem or the (nearby districts/whole country) would suffer bitter disaster.

However, it is(wouled be) partial to give no support to the artists. After all, such emergency is really rare and may not happen for a long time, so the government should have the foresight. To begin with,（是否有其他分论点？如有，加上besides之类的字样会更好；如没有，这句话略显多余） the art may exert a far-reaching impact on the society. The achievement of the artists, like movies or paintings, helps(inspires/enlightens) a nation to be more creative. A recent survey, conducted by the Peking University,(这里不必使用逗号隔开) finds that the art can provide inspiration and bring about creativity and imagination to the mass. The researchers, in the survey, also point out that the achievements from(craftmanship of) artists can keep developing(progressing) in a rapid pace if the government offers them sufficient financial support. Thus, the more allocating(allocation) to the artist from the government, the more imagination or creativity from the ordinary people will be inspired.

In addition to booming imagination, supporting the development of arts from the government can also give a country a better place to reside. Large amount of theaters, concerts or movies can only be build up（built/constructed） because of adequate money allocating(allocated) from the government. And these kinds of things(spiritual entertainment) can offer the citizens an opportunity to relax themselves in a way of appreciating the art(with the enhance of appreciation of art). Thus(therefore, ) the life of ordinary people can be more interesting and colorful, therefore,(and consequently) the supporting(investing) from the government makes a nation more vivid.

In summary, although I fundamentally agree with the idea, a close(strict) scrutiny, from what has been(as) discussed above, reveals that overstating the no supporting to artists from the government will lead to a jeopardized situation(the ignorance of artists' needs will jeopardize the country), because arts can encourage people’s imagination and offer（看你用了几次offer了，试试provide/render/afford） citizens a better place to live. (sorry结尾没太看懂><我按我的理解修改的……你觉得有什么不妥我们再讨论~)

思路是均衡流啊……第一段让步第二段however一转折挺干脆的~emergency这个词虽然让我觉得有点别扭（><）但是思路很新呀~~我是思路贫乏星人><~

junanita

31 July「Today」
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
是否同意政府不应该给艺术家（musician, filmmaker, artist....）任何 financial support

Arts are really booming in recent years, like the successive movies showed one by one and more and more art collections around us. And should the government allocate nothing to the artists? I agree with this statement insofar as the fortune of our government is limited, however, in my perspective, merely focus on developing other factors like education or technology and pay little attention to the art is unilateral.

It is true that we face a myriad of emergencies nowadays and governments should give priority to these kinds of problems, such as earthquake or flood, with their restricted fund. Take the Deepwater Horizon oil spill for example, which is considered the largest offshore oil spill in the American history. At that time, the authorities gathered a large amount of financial support to block the spill and massive responses ensured to protect the beaches and wetlands. In these cases, we should firstly do our best to solve the terrible problem or the nearby would suffer bitter disaster.

However, it is partial to give no support to the artists. After all, such emergency is really rare and may not happen for a long time, so the government should have the foresight. To begin with, the art may exert a far-reaching impact on the society. The achievement of the artists, like movies or paintings, helps a nation to be more creative. A recent survey, conducted by the Peking University, finds that the art can provide inspiration and bring about creativity and imagination to the mass. The researchers, in the survey, also point out that the achievements from artists can keep developing in a rapid pace if the government offers them sufficient financial support. Thus, the more allocating to the artist from the government, the more imagination or creativity from the ordinary people will be inspired.

In addition to booming imagination, supporting the development of arts from the government can also give a country a better place to reside. Large amount of theaters, concerts or movies can only be build up because of adequate money allocating from the government. And these kinds of things can offer the citizens an opportunity to relax themselves in a way of appreciating the art. Thus the life of ordinary people can be more interesting and colorful, therefore, the supporting from the government makes a nation more vivid.

In summary, although I fundamentally agree with the idea, a close scrutiny, from what has been discussed above, reveals that overstating the no supporting to artists from the government will lead to a jeopardized situation, because arts can encourage people’s imagination and offer citizens a better place to live.

heys

不好意思啊，唉，想不到我最近也天天被催稿，之前都是我催别人···
我也很悲剧，打不开你给的，我是xp系统···只能这么看了,眼睛都要看瞎了····建议不要用word写，因为那个纠错功能太用强大了，就用这个对话框写就好，写完可以粘到word去检查

yElementary schools as well as universities play an important role in youth’s life. Should we pay感觉这个动词跟那个宾语不搭啊，而且pay一般跟 for搭配，后面接pay的对象，这里你用spend more money也可以，pay more for也可以，或者就用题中的搭配 more budgets on the education of young children instead of前面用了more这里再用instead感觉不合适，想想意思会有冲突 on universities? I agree with the statement in so far as primary education is irreplaceable for ordinary people, however,merely focusing on offering more money to the elementary education areis,这个are你是怎么想的 unilateral.

We should concededconcede表示非常不情愿的承认或者表让步，建议用在第一段,表示部分赞同之前的观点.那个 i agree可以直接说i concede their opinion,```that, to some extent,education in the primary school determines what kind of person感觉这里的人称跟数不符，但是我也不确定变复数之后对不对 they will be,and thus表示因此时，thus可以直接当连词用，and建议去掉is really significant for everybody in our society. And without a good guidance for very young students, they may do some dangerous things to hurt themselves or others, even hurt the both, in the future.

However, it is partial to merely focus on supporting the elementary schools and do not pay enough attention to the education in the university. For one thing, this will cause many disastrous problems. To begin with, we should think that how the university pays for the teachers they hired and maintain the facilities in the campus if there is not sufficient financial supporting from the government? They will definitely choose to increase the tuition fee of the students. But a survey conducted by Peking University shows that the enrollment rate of universitiesand colleges in China is directly influenced by the tuition fee. The researchers, in the survey, also points out that large amount of students in China still cannot pay for这里用afford最合适了 the education fee under the circumstancesthat government do人称和数不一致 their best to support the universities, to say nothing of less allocating这样表达真的地道吗. Thus if the government do not giveplace可以用，我查了 enough budget to sustain the running of universities, more and more students will not be able to go to school because of the high tuition fee.

Moreover, it will also (cause) result in导致结果，不是造成结果吧···供参考当然~ other negative consequences. If the university does not gain enough money from the students and the government, what should they do? They must finally reduce the money paid for the teachers. But the university is a place for students to get some intensive knowledge你想说什么样的知识啊，表示不理解, and the teachers, especially the professors, definitely play a meaningful role in itit指代不明确，只知识吗，但是这怎么说的通. If the teachers cannot get enough money to maintain their personal lives, they may choose to do other job at the same time, even changetheir current teaching job to some kind of job that has morehigher salaries. And thismay be a disaster to the development of the society, because no more teachersin university means no more high educations, and no more extensive knowledgegained by the new generation means no more development of our country in thefuture.

Insummary, although I fundamentally agree with the statement, (a close scrutiny ,from what has been discussed above, )这里没有看懂，不知道说的什么reveals that overstating the financial supportingof elementary schools rather than universities will lead to a jeopardizedsituation and causes large amount of problems

你的问题跟我一样，偏题了
题目问的是对于国家成功的发展，哪个更重要
你写的都是在大学花钱少了会有怎样严重的后果，虽然好像有道理，但是没有说出跟国家发展的关系
感觉说理都很苍白，没有说服力，都在讲一个一个道理，建议增加细节，举例子
最后一段建议点题，重新表明自己的观点，理由说不说看情况随便你
还有就是单词短语的运用，还是略显生硬，
虽然文中是长短句结合，但是感觉长句写的还是没那么得心应手，像是为了写长句而写长句的
要是你觉得有什么问题的话欢迎讨论啊，毕竟只是个人意见~

junanita

30 July 「Today」

Independent Writing：

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?

For successful development of a country,should a government focus its budget more on very young children educationrather than on universities?

作文

Elementary schools as well as universities playan important role in youth’s life. Should we pay more budgets on the educationof young children instead of on universities? I agree with the statementinsofar as primary education is irreplaceable for ordinary people, however,merely focus on offering more money to the elementary education are unilateral.

We should conceded that, to some extent,education in the primary school determines what kin d of person they will be,and thus is really significant for everybody in our society. And without a goodguidance for very young students, they may do some dangerous things to hurt themselvesor others, even hurt the both, in the future.

However, it is partial to merely focus onsupporting the elementary schools and do not pay enough attention to theeducation in the university. For one thing, this will cause many disastrousproblems. To begin with, we should think that how the university pays for theteachers they hired and maintain the facilities in the campus if there is notsufficient financial supporting from the government? They will definitelychoose to increase the tuition fee of the students. But a survey conducted byPeking University shows that the enrollment rate of universitiesand colleges in China is directly influenced by the tuition fee. Theresearchers, in the survey, also points out that large amount ofstudents in China still cannot pay for the education fee under the circumstancesthat government do their best to support the universities, to say nothing ofless allocating. Thus if the government do not giveenough budget to sustain the running of universities, more and more studentswill not be able to go to school because of the high tuition fee.

Moreover, it will also cause other negativeconsequences. If the university does not gain enough money from the studentsand the government, what should they do? They must finally reduce the moneypaid for the teachers. But the university is a place for students to get someintensive knowledge, and the teachers, especially the professors, definitely playa meaningful role in it. If the teachers cannot get enough money to maintaintheir personal lives, they may choose to do other job at the same time, even changetheir current teaching job to some kind of job that has more salaries. And thismay be a disaster to the development of the society, because no more teachersin university means no more high educations, and no more extensive knowledgegained by the new generation means no more development of our country in thefuture.

Insummary, although I fundamentally agree with the statement, a close scrutiny,from what has been discussed above, reveals that overstating the financial supportingof elementary schools rather than universities will lead to a jeopardizedsituation and causes large amount of problems,

亲 我每次从word里面粘过来，好多单词就无缘无故联到一起去了， 怕影响你改文， 我就把word加到附件里面了，你可以直接下载附件进行改文（ps： 不会是病毒神马的啦~）麻烦你啦~ 不知道破电脑神马时候才会好~