Tancy4月20一战 求指导！

Tancyfox

Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is more enjoyable to have a job and work long hoursfor three days in a week than to work shorter hours for five days in a week.

Some people claimthat they are more enjoyable to have a job and work short hours for more daysin a week than to work for a long hour for few days in a week, because a fast-pacedplace is undoubtedly damnify people’s physical fitness and daily social life.  But in fact, I believe it is an exaggeration tosay a nervous working rhythm will cause damage of people’s health and social life.

In the firstplace, the nervous working rhythm can encourage people continually improve the efficiencythemselves. We all have an experience where some important works are coming tomeet the deadline; we will focus more and pay more attention on the task in thatcritical moment. In that moment, doing our utmost to achieve our goal can makeus get into a good habit, thus, accomplish the work efficiently. Moreover, tokeep that efficient state, people should insure their good health. Hence, in myopinion, the things which will definitely damage of worker’s health can only happento those most undisciplined person who are careless about their health.

In the secondplace, because of the short concentrated working time, people in this working patternare able to have longer relaxing time rather than the people who choose to workfor five days every week.  This part ofspare time can be used effectively.  If aperson wants to learn more things out of works, the four days spare time wouldbe very valuable for the working people to arrange by themselves. Likewise, forthe working people who are always complaining about the lacking chance of doingthe social communication, the free time is enable them to do social work. Even ifthe person feel much tired about last three days’ work, travel around the countryseems like a good idea to relax themselves.

Furthermore, compressthe working time can indeed develop the ability of working under enormouspressure. There is no denying that training one in such situation will enhance psychologicalquality quickly. As the adage says “Success began awakening, decide the fatementality.” the implication being that good psychological quality is a vitalfactor on the way of success.

Based on all thesearguments, even though the model of working long hour for three weeks in a weekcan be a challenge for amount of people, the big blocks of spare time thatfollowed for us to arrange.


Integrated Writing:
TPO15

The reading passagerecommended the issue of several methods to stop the spread of cane toads in Australia.And the professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, she thinks thatamount of the three of the issue are definitely inadequate for the localenvironment, which contradicts what the reading state. And in the lecture, sheuses three specific points to support her idea.

Firstly, even thoughthe reading passage suggest that the simple way of stop the multiplied of thecane toad is to build national fence, the professor argues in the lecture that thisway is unlikely to be effectively. This is because the young toad and the toadeggs are found in the relevant stream, which means the river and stream cancarry the eggs and young toads through the fence. Obviously, the professor’sargument disproves the counterpart in the reading.

Moreover, despitethe statement in the reading that the toad can be captured and destroyed by thelarge amount of volunteers, the professor contends that it is sure that thetoad can be caught, however, this method will cause the ecological destroy.Then she supports this point with the fact that the second method mentioned inthe reading passage will also destroys native frogs, and some of the nativespecies have already in dangerous, in other words, some young volunteers cannotdistinguish the native frog and the toad clearly, that will cause theecological damages.

Finally, the processerasserts that the third method is a bad idea and whereas the author of thereading claims that the developing virus can control the population of toads. Theprofessor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that usingthis way will also destroy the population in North America, and the whole ecologicalsystem can be suffered.

In conclusion, theprofessor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage andconvincingly shows that the central argument in the reading, thus, severalmethod of stopping spread of toad is incorrect.
综合写作的模板用的好像有点长了…………第一次写

Tancyfox

改我作文的同学还有我要给改作文的同学不好意思啊…………最近下来了大作业……天天赶作业，没时间练作文了T T  我的错我的错………………作业赶完了再跟上大家进度啊…………万分抱歉！！

scartter

The parents spend too much time on determining futurethings of children. Children can make choices by their own.

In the present society, many parents overprotect their children especially in the country with the One-Child policy. So, whether parents should spend time in deciding their children’s future has triggered much controversy. Scrupulous person will find out that parents always veto their children’s decision and determine future things for them in the course of their growing up.

First and foremost, parents’interference may hinder the development of children’s interests.(每一段的开头句说明全段主旨，我把后面那句拿上来了)It is not unusual to see the phenomenon that, (删掉)the age of the student who stat learning in supplementary class tends to be much younger(the age of student attend supplementary class tends to be younger than before可以合并为一个从句，两个从句显得太累赘). This phenomenon can be seen not only in supplementary class, but also in the interest class.Because reluctantly learning the skills,youth can gain very poor benefits from those courses.(我觉得如果倒起来说，比如说，However,very poor benefits the youth will gain because of learning the skills reluctantly更有节奏感。。。。。) Strange as it may seem, interference by parents may hinder the development of children’s interests. Moreover, most of the new generations have their own ideas about their (删掉)hobbies and interests. If they can make choices by themselves, they will feel more motivated. Therefore, parents have to admit that let children make choices by their own is a better way for their growth.

Further,(依旧开头需要加上一句点明主旨的再开始论述。。。。。) more and more parents tend to help the undergraduate arrange the work, such as inheriting the family company or succeed their own position. However, there is no denying that these parents neglect the youth’s ambitions and aspirations. So, parents’ decision not always do good things for the youth which means that, their persistence may make their children face an awkward dilemma that should they listen to their parents or chase their own dream. （我猜你想表达的是：所以，父母的决定对孩子来说不一定都是好的，也就是说，他们的坚持可能会使孩子面临一个尴尬的困境，这个困境就是孩子们到底是应该听从父母的安排还是追寻他们自己的梦想。我自己组织成了so,parents’ decision will not always do good for children,which means that their persistence may make children face with an awkward dilemma,这里我用了一个定从来说明这个dilemma是说明:which is whether they should follow parents’ decision and ignore their own dream or not.）So, parents need to know that students can decide their own career planning and take responsibility for their decisions.Last but not least, the interference of parents also revealed on the new generation’s emotional life. More exactly, Elders always regard their children’s happiness through their own experience in a subjectivity way. However, as the old saying goes, Happiness just like drinking water, only the one who drank it knows hot or cold. Youth have the rights to choose their appropriate emotional life which need them to strive for and pursue it. It is undoubtedly that happiness is one of the major life events, and for this reason, parents should give this option to their child rather than making the decision by themselves.

Granted, parents have much life experience which can help young people avoid detours. However, it is time to give the option to the youth and let them live their own life.
求教划线的句子，要表达这么个意思，我不知道怎么改了，总觉得语法上不对…………

总体来说单词和短语用得还不错，文章结构也很严谨，但是每一段的开头需要点明这一段的主旨，才开始论述，支持的部分如果有点具体的例子或者是数据来支持的话会更好。语法上有一点小错误，但不影响整体理解。我也是一战，大家一起加油！！！

Tancyfox

27 March

IndependentWriting:

Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?

The parents spend too much time on determining futurethings of children. Children can make choices by their own.

In the present society, many parents overprotecttheir children especially in the country with the One-Child policy. So, whetherparents should spend time in deciding their children’s future has triggered muchcontroversy. Scrupulous person will find out that parents always veto theirchildren’s decision and determine future things for them in the course of theirgrowing up.

First and foremost, it is not unusual tosee this phenomenon that, the age of the student who stat learning in supplementary class tends to be much younger. This phenomenon can be seen not only in supplementary class, but also in the interest class. Because reluctantly learning the skills,youth can gain very poor benefits from those courses. Strange as it may seem, interference by parents may hinder the development of children’s interests. Moreover, mostof the new generations have their own ideas about their hobbies and interests. If they can make choices for themselves, they will feel more motivated. Therefore, parents have to admit that let children make choices by their own is a better wayfor their growth.

Further, more and more parents tend to helpthe undergraduate arrange the work, such as inheriting the family company or succeedtheir own position. However, there is no denying that these parents neglect the youth’s ambitions and aspirations. So, parents’ decision not always do good things for the youth which means that, their persistence may make their children face an awkward dilemma that should they listen to their parents orchase their own dream. So, parents need to know that students can decidetheir own career planning and take responsibility for their decisions.

Last but not least, the interference of parents also reveals on the new generation’s emotional life. More exactly, Elders always regard their children’s happiness through their own experience in a subjectivity way. However, as the old saying goes, Happiness just like drinking water, onlythe one who drank it knows hot or cold. Youth have the rights to choose their appropriate emotional life which need them to strive for and pursue it. It is undoubtedly that happiness is one of the major life events, and for this reason, parents should give this option to their child rather than making the decision bythemselves.

Granted, parents have much life experience which can help young people avoid detours. However, it is time to give theoption to the youth and let them live their own life.

求教划线的句子，要表达这么个意思，我不知道怎么改了，总觉得语法上不对…………

Tancyfox

viviyl 发表于 2013-3-25 19:19
In present society, people in growing number tend to adapt with(to) a more independent, efficient a ...

总结一下~
这次写的思路又偏了 本来应该讨论实然的给我写成应然了，把主观意愿的句子都改掉才对
貌似我写偏了好几篇文章了………………主要精力都放在句子语法上了…………下篇一定在思路上下功夫…………
谢谢你的修改呐~共勉~

viviyl

In present society, people in growing number tend to adapt with(to) a more independent, efficient and fast-paced life style, for this reason, it is not uncommon that the communication between neighbors is definitely decreased.  Admittedly, nowadays, neighbors live far apart and some of the individual even live in isolated houses. So there is no denying that people are too busy to know each other, and certainly not have a chance to communicate. Though there are many high-tech approaches to solving the problems, such as through the internet, some special problem indeed need assistance from neighbors.

First and foremost, neighbors can be the spiritual pillar for that homesick person who is living far away from hometown by one self, struggling in a strange city with the great pressure. For instance, the people who need to work in an unfamiliar city will often feel friendless and helpless, especially when some of them have weak self-ability. Especially(刚用过了，换一个，particularly) in today’s fast-paced environment, neighbors leaning on each other which help them relieve stress and increase enjoyment will definitely make them feel more or less at home. Therefore, neighbors should depend on each other more rather than in the past.(这一段是论证邻里互助的必要性，似乎不能支持题目的论点。题目是说现代人比过去人更少依赖邻居，是陈述一个事实，你这段话是说邻里应该互相帮助，是一个价值问题。价值和事实是不对等的)

Further, neighbors not only make the people feel at home, but also bring people the sense of belonging. Belonging(Sense of belonging) is(改成逗号，后面已经有谓语is了) a kind of emotion which get(s) increasingly emphasis by new generation(,) is vital to the social harmony and stability, with this emotion people that tend to contribute more to the community, the company and the city they lived in.(缺谓语) The dependence on neighbors indeed exerts profound impacts on their belonging, for this reason, dependence shows the vital significance on neighborhoods.

Last but not least, surely, there is no doubt that modern technology assists people a lot on their daily life. However, when people face the emergency, the efficient internet, the sophisticated systems, (and)even advanced equipment cannot do anything for people. This point is best illustrated with the example that if someone has a new born baby or pet at home, but he does not have enough time to take care of it, how can the advanced technology help you handle that? Under this situation, neighbors are always giving you a hand. So it is too simply to say that the most advanced technology can help people do everything, instead, (两句之间缺连词)neighbors can take care of you and help you deal with the emergency, especially for the people under fast-pace life.

Granted, cutting edge technology simplifies individual’s life and high-rise buildings distance the relationship within neighbors. However, the importance of neighbors cannot be replaced by any other things. More exactly, neighbors need to lean on each other particularly in the present society.

用词很好~语言表达也很流畅自然~

唯一不足的就是有点偏题了。题目在陈述一个事实，而全篇都在论述邻里互助的必要性。又邻里互助很重要是推不出现今人们很少依靠邻居这个问题的。

Tancyfox

24 March

Independent Writing:

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?

It is important for governmentto protect wild animals and wilderness areas for future generation

Nowadays, when people express their regretand sorrow about the aftermath caused by catastrophes, such as floods, droughts,fires and mud-rock flow, increasingly numbers of people realized the importanceof protecting the environment. Moreover, Rachel Carson’s “Silent Spring”published in 1962 also gave people and national government a serious cautionthat it is vital to protect wild animals and wilderness areas. Therefore wecannot emphasize the importance of protecting the wild animals and wildernessareas.

First and foremost, scientists alwaysequate guarding the wild creatures with guarding the diversity of animals andplants. It is universally acknowledged that biodiversity has the direct utilityvalue, indirect utility value and potential utility value which provide thebasic material of human life. Moreover, biodiversity also has aesthetic valueswhich can not only nurture the temperament, but also glorify contemporary life.If charm of nature disappears from people’s sight, the world will insipid and toneless.Better yet, biodiversity can provide inspiration when the artists create their artisticworks. Therefore, guarding the wild animal is a critical responsibility for thenational government.

Further, to safeguard the other creaturesliving on the earth and their natural habitat, in a way, is to keep the balanceof nature. More exactly, keeping the balance of nature means implementing the sustainabledevelopment in which resource use aims to meet human needs while preserving theenvironment so that these needs can be met not only in the present, but alsofor generations to come. Without carrying out sustainable development, theresources on earth will dramatically dried up. So, it is undoubtedly that, as aglobal citizen, every person has the responsibility of protecting wildernessareas and wild animals for the future generation.

Last but not least, one of the most essentialreasons for strongly promotes the principle that government should protect thewild animals and a wildness area is to set a good example for the futuregeneration. If human can enforce the concept of sustainable development, it willmentally influence every generation to keep it going. Only in this way will wegain the harmony between human and nature.

All in all, 110 Nobel Prize winners hadappealed together that because the human’s activities have made the irreversibledamage of wilderness environment, we need to put best effort into environmentalprotection to ensure mankind's survival. Therefore it is no doubt that governmentneed to protect the biodiversity and eco-environment for future generation.

Tancyfox

IndependentWriting:
Do you agreeor disagree with the following statement?
Nowadays, neighborsdepend on each other’s less than the people in the past.

In present society, people in growing number tendto adapt with a more independent, efficient and fast-paced life style, for thisreason, it is not uncommon that the communication between neighbors is definitelydecreased.  Admittedly, nowadays,neighbors live far apart and some of the individual even live in isolated houses.So there is no denying that people are too busy to know each other, andcertainly not have a chance to communicate. Though there are many high-tech approachesto solving the problems, such as through the internet, some special problem indeedneed assistance from neighbors.

First and foremost, neighbors can be the spiritualpillar for that homesick person who is living far away from hometown byoneself, struggling in a strange city with the great pressure. For instance, thepeople who need to work in an unfamiliar city will often feel friendless and helpless,especially when some of them have weak self-ability. Especially in today’sfast-paced environment, neighbors leaning on each other which help them relievestress and increase enjoyment will definitely make them feel more or less athome. Therefore, neighbors should depend on each other more rather than in thepast.

Further, neighbors not only make the people feel athome, but also bring people the sense of belonging. Belonging is a kind ofemotion which get increasingly emphasis by new generation is vital to the socialharmony and stability, with this emotion people that tend to contribute more tothe community, the company and the city they lived in. the dependence onneighbors indeed exerts profound impacts on their belonging, for this reason, dependenceshows the vital significance on neighborhoods.

Last but not least, surely, there is no doubt that moderntechnology assists people a lot on their daily life. However, when people face theemergency, the efficient internet, the sophisticated systems, even advanced equipmentcannot do anything for people. This point is best illustrated with the examplethat if someone has a new born baby or pet at home, but he does not have enoughtime to take care of it, how can the advanced technology help you handle that? Underthis situation, neighbors are always giving you a hand. So it is too simply tosay that the most advanced technology can help people do everything, instead, neighborscan take care of you and help you deal with the emergency, especially for thepeople under fast-pace life.

Granted, cutting edge technology simplifies individual’slife and high-rise buildings distance the relationship within neighbors. However,the importance of neighbors cannot be replaced by any other things. More exactly,neighbors need to lean on each other particularly in the present society.

Tancyfox

3.20

Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagreewith the following statement?
Younger people spend moretime on improving the world than in the past.

In modern society, the most of the seniority remain concerned about the new generation with their irresponsibility and having less experience to bear hardships. The elders doubted（doubts） whether the young can handle the task of improving the world. However, once they know what is the incentive of young people to ameliorate the world, as well as what are the foundations that ensure young people having the ability to better the world, they would change their mind.

First and foremost, there is no denying that today’s young people have more chance and ability to participate in the political process rather than in the past, that is to say, young people have excellent policy(political) foundation. In the present society, the voting rights have already become one of the great privileges as well as responsibilities of a democratic society, regardless of gender and social position. For this reason, objectively, young people in current society have more time(political foundation和more time 的关系要说一下) and more opportunity to perform their responsibilities to improve the world.（这段问题在于题目是说青年是不是用更多时间去改变世界，而你这里说青年有更多机会改变世界，直接的关系需要强调）

Further, it is widely acknowledged that most of the new generations live in the country with the prosperous economy and wealthy life, which means they have a better material foundation than before. Better yet, most of the young people can gain the financial support and entrepreneurial opportunity, that is to say young people in present society have the superiority of using economical means to improve the world. Specifically, for young people, they have chance to run their own business which will undoubtedly expand the employment（reduce the unemployment更好）to achieve the economic development.（问题同上）

Last but not least, due to the strict expectation of elders, today’s youth accept higher education, both in breadth and depth, than those people in the past. There is no doubt that the new generations are more confident, knowledgeable, and even with a much broader perspective. More precisely, only having the real inner strength, people are able to face the variable difficulties and risks on the way to change the world. With these qualities, enhancing the world will not be only a dream.

Granted, whatever the generation, most of the people have the responsibility of benefiting the society with their own efforts. However, the youth in the modern society can devote more time on the noble cause, thus（没看懂。）, improving the world.

句子，语法没什么问题，你没有扣住主题，认真审题！！！！！

-- by 会员 lihaolan (2013/3/21 14:02:44)

当时理思路的时候还觉得蛮顺的，一写下来就跑偏了，感觉一直不能一针见血的戳到要点吖……哭了，这个怎么能改善一下啊，有没有什么好办法呢
还有就是……我的逻辑吖……好像一直是硬伤，经常出现点上下文联系不紧什么的……都快考试了……好急

lihaolan

3.20

Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagreewith the following statement?
Younger people spend moretime on improving the world than in the past.

In modern society, the most of the seniority remain concerned about the new generation with their irresponsibility and having less experience to bear hardships. The elders doubted（doubts） whether the young can handle the task of improving the world. However, once they know what is the incentive of young people to ameliorate the world, as well as what are the foundations that ensure young people having the ability to better the world, they would change their mind.

First and foremost, there is no denying that today’s young people have more chance and ability to participate in the political process rather than in the past, that is to say, young people have excellent policy(political) foundation. In the present society, the voting rights have already become one of the great privileges as well as responsibilities of a democratic society, regardless of gender and social position. For this reason, objectively, young people in current society have more time(political foundation和more time 的关系要说一下) and more opportunity to perform their responsibilities to improve the world.（这段问题在于题目是说青年是不是用更多时间去改变世界，而你这里说青年有更多机会改变世界，直接的关系需要强调）

Further, it is widely acknowledged that most of the new generations live in the country with the prosperous economy and wealthy life, which means they have a better material foundation than before. Better yet, most of the young people can gain the financial support and entrepreneurial opportunity, that is to say young people in present society have the superiority of using economical means to improve the world. Specifically, for young people, they have chance to run their own business which will undoubtedly expand the employment（reduce the unemployment更好）to achieve the economic development.（问题同上）

Last but not least, due to the strict expectation of elders, today’s youth accept higher education, both in breadth and depth, than those people in the past. There is no doubt that the new generations are more confident, knowledgeable, and even with a much broader perspective. More precisely, only having the real inner strength, people are able to face the variable difficulties and risks on the way to change the world. With these qualities, enhancing the world will not be only a dream.

Granted, whatever the generation, most of the people have the responsibility of benefiting the society with their own efforts. However, the youth in the modern society can devote more time on the noble cause, thus（没看懂。）, improving the world.

句子，语法没什么问题，你没有扣住主题，认真审题！！！！！