outline: 还可分析一下如下假设: 1,TOP DOG PET近来销售量下降是因为市场宣传不够,广告投放不足 2,FISH EMPORIUMN 的店面足够多,至少不止GULF CITY的三家
ETC.
找的点比较少,分析的不是很深入. 文章的分析见附件-- by 会员 noboundaries (2012/12/19 23:15:22)
我看了你的分析了。。我觉得很中肯。。我看了一下下载次数吧,不知道你有没有看过我的提纲?因为只下了一次。。 我的问题是这样的: 1.提纲先做了。。修改了。。 2.写作的时候总会忘记自己提纲写了什么。。
还有一些关于你的comment:
1.The author fails to prove me what kind of ads Emporium Fish had placedin order to be successful, 有个逗号了,我觉得后面也应该用否定and show me the reliable recordsthat Emporium Fish’s sales increase are directly related to the magazine. 这句的主干是:the author fails to prove me... , and (fails to)show me.....
2. Perhaps the price of a fish is cheaper than the price of a dog. 这个有点牵强,鱼可能更多是一种装饰,而狗可以作为伴侣,功能不同 所以说我还要写出它们得功能?
3.For these various reasons, the author fails to show me whyExotic Pets Monthly is the key for Emporium Fish’s sales increase, let alonethe imitation of Top Dog Pet Stores will have the same result.这段其实可以分析得更具体一点,你只是说E的营业额增长可能是其他原因,但为何不例举出这些可能的原因的,不然,说服力何在?
原因: 1. Perhaps there was a trend that more people liked tohave fish as their pets coincidentally after Emporium Fish placed their ads inthe magazine, 2. perhaps because they sold specialkinds of fish that they never did five years ago. 这是我想到的东西,希望可以解释一下吧。。谢谢
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