麦田往事作文贴

麦田往事

求在CD各位哥哥姐姐的批评帮助指导下，秒杀托福写作。。。。。万分感谢。。。。不胜言表。。。。。。。。

wsxz007

1.16 独立 批改
College and universities must do a better job of preparing student for the workplace


In these days, there is a growing number of individuals realize the importance of the job preparation in people's college life. Some people believe that college should furnish more condition for their students to prepare for their future job. However others disagree with this view and they consider that job preparation is not colleges and universities' duty. From my perspective, I content that ?the school, for children' s children 是指儿童放在这里不合适future, should offer more opportunities for students to prepare for their future job. In this essay, 这个词组给人感觉你之前在写的是文章的序而不是正文可以选择用其他的承启词或者直接删掉I will analysis this issue 此处应该是表论点的词吧想my view 之类的and come up with the reasons.
Firstly, the final goal for most students to go to college is to find a good job in the future.  In general, most students consider that college education can bring a better condition for applying a desirable job.  So if they do not have a competitive power competitiveness when they graduate from the university, 缺连词the college education may lose it meaning前后主语college 和 they不一致. According to a survey by Social Issue Research Center, more than 56 percent of graduate students feel despaired about the high education because the college never offered any job preparation.准备应该是学生做的。记得你上一篇文章也用的是这个例子吧，可以尝试下比如自己学校的学生之类的例子，临时编出来的东西不是那么准确，“feel despaired about the high education because the college never offered any job preparation由于学校没有提供有关未来工作的准备（直接翻译就是这个意思了）学生就对学校感到绝望，逻辑上社会问题调查中心貌似是不会出这样的报告的，而且绝望这个词过于绝对和负态度了可以尝试disappointment This result may remind us the college may should do some change as providing some job internship program.
本段的分论点表达的不是很明显
Secondly, if most students can have an excellent performs in the workplace, the college's reputation will rise. 这的前后两句是一个意思吧 The common sense tells me, the graduate’s working perform in the workplace can influence the college's fame directly. For instance, I have a friend,One of my best friends named ## 这样会比较生动 when he graduate from the senior high school, he tells me：“ he will choose the university which has a great job preparation system.” And in many famous educators will use the graduate job perform to measure or evaluate the education quality of the university. 用Regard……as……会不会更好些
Lastly, the college is the last stages for students before their they entire into the society before之后少谓语动词，entire是adj.整个这句再好好看看吧。 So if the university does not do the job about the students ‘career preparation, these students may not have any change do something for preparation before they entire into the society.
Admittedly, the academic program is also important. It is the basic function of the most colleges and universities. But, with fierce competition of the job market, the college should pursuit a balance of the academic teaching and job preparation.
In short, I argue that college and universities must do a better job of preparing students for the workplace.

整体的逻辑构思很完整，只是表达的不太清楚，语言的应用还是有一些生硬，加油

麦田往事

1.16 独立
College and universities must do a better job of preparing student for the workplace


In these days, there is a growing number of individuals realize the importance of the job preparation in people's college life. Some people believe that college should furnish more condition for their students to prepare for their future job. However others disagree with this view and they consider that job preparation is not colleges and universities' duty. From my perspective, I content that the school, for children's future, should offer more opportunities for students to prepare for their future job. In this essay, I will analysis this issue and come up with the reasons.
Firstly, the final goal for most students to go to college is to find a good job in the future.  In general, most students consider that college education can bring a better condition for applying a desirable job.  So if they do not a competitive power when they graduate from the university, the college education may lose it meaning. According a survey by Social Issue Research Center, more than 56 percent of graduate students feel despaired about the high education because the college never offered any job preparation. This result may remind us the college may should do some change as providing some job internship program.
Secondly, if most students can have an excellent performs in the workplace, the college's reputation will rise.  The common sense tells me, the graduate’s working perform in the workplace can influence the college's fame directly. For instance, I have friend, when he graduate from the senior high school, he tells me he will choose the university which has a great job preparation system. And in many famous educators will use the graduate job perform to measure or evaluate the education quality of the university.
Lastly, the college is the last stages for students before their entire into the society. So if the university does not do the job about the students ‘career preparation, these students may not have any change do something for preparation before they entire into the society.
Admittedly, the academic program is also important. It is the basic function of the most colleges and universities. But, with fierce competition of the job market, the college should pursuit a balance of the academic teach and job preparation.
In short, I argue that college and universities must do a better job of preparing students for the workplace.

麦田往事

恩恩 我也这么觉得 关于举例的问题我也在一直摸索。。。。

wsxz007

1.15 独立

These days there is a growing number of people begin to consider the importance of the being honest in the relationship of friends. Some people believe that we should build a steady relationship betweenfriendsfriendship=relationship with friendsby being honest to each other but others disagree with this attitude. Their content that it is impossible completely beingto be honest to our friends. From my perspective, I argue that not being honest in some certain situation also can facilitate the friendship of two friends. In this essay, I will analyze this issue and come up with some reasonable explanation to demonstrate my opinion.and 前后成分不平行

Firstly, speaking the white lie in some special situation is also a kind of help. In general, the real fact is always cruel, so people invent 创造还是发明 都不太合适the white lie to reduce the mental pain and encourage不平行people’s spirit. For example, when a friend of you was diagnosed cancer, we always choose to tell her that she only got an ailment and she will be fine. Because we know this way can help she to keep optimistic attitude to struggle with the disease. In contrast, if we tell the truth to her, she may feel deeply sad and lose the confidence of live.栗子有点泛泛而谈老外爱听的是看上去是真的发生在你身边的或者真是存在的某人某事（名人事例，官方数据） So, in this kind of situation, we consider that lying is an efficient way to help our friend.


Secondly, I consider that lies often can be a catalyst to promote the friendship or prolong the friendship. The common sense tells us some lie that cannot cause a serious result can be a skill in communication to close relationship. According to a recently survey by Social Question Study CenterSocial Issues Research Center, more than 87 percent of informants use the words as “you are the most attractive person that I never saw” to their friends even it is not real. They believe this kind of words can make people happy and close the relationship between each other.

第二点，开头那两句写的不是很明了，感觉在支持欺骗，建议把例子提前，把这种抽象的概念想用一个具体的例子表达出来，之后再进行阐述
Admittedly However, dishonest no doubt(there is no doubt that the dishonest)can bring many terrible results, so we should try our best to avoid lying. But when the truth may hit someone’s feeling the white lie may be an efficient solution.


In conclusion, I argue that the white lie is also an efficient method to deal withthe issue between the friends. So it is impossible completely being honest to friends.

麦田往事

1.15 独立

These days there is a growing number of people begin to consider the importance of the being honest in the relationship of friends. Some people believe that we should build a steady relationship between friends by being honest to each other but others disagree with this attitude. Their content that it is impossible completely being honest to our friends. From my perspective, I argue that not being honest in some certain situation also can facilitate the friendship of two friends. In this essay, I will analyze this issue and come up with some reasonable explanation to demonstrate my opinion.
Firstly, speaking the white lie in some special situation is also a kind of help. In general, the real fact is always cruel, so people invent the white lie to reduce the mental pain and encourage people’s spirit. For example, when a friend of you was diagnosed cancer, we always choose to tell her that she only got an ailment and she will be fine. Because we know this way can help she to keep optimistic attitude to struggle with the disease. In contrast, if we tell the truth to her, she may feel deeply sad and lose the confidence of live. So, in this kind of situation, we consider that lying is an efficient way to help our friend.
Secondly, I consider that lies often can be a catalyst to promote the friendship or prolong the friendship. The common sense tells us some lie that cannot cause a serious result can be a skill in communication to close relationship. According to a recently survey by Social Question Study Center, more than 87 percent of informants use the words as “you are the most attractive person that I never saw” to their friends even it is not real. They believe this kind of words can make people happy and close the relationship between each other.
Admittedly, dishonest no doubt can bring many terrible results, so we should try our best to avoid lying. But when the truth may hit someone’s feeling the white lie may be an efficient solution.
In conclusion, I argue that the white lie is also an efficient method to deal the issue between the friends. So it is impossible completely being honest to friends.

lillian馨

Nowadays, there is a growing number of people pay more attention to the issue about working a team.（这句话里有两个谓语动词呐; 还有working a team??可以用teamwork） Some people believe that we should do sometime follow our own mind, but others disagree with this opinion. Others consider that everyone in a team should think more about the teammate's opinion. From my perspective, I resist that we should be a listener frequently. In this essay, I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate this question.
In the first place, listening more other people's opinion can be good for rise each other's cooperation（这句话是想表达倾听他人的意见能提升别人的团队合作精神吗？这里的rise 不是很明白是动词还是名词？listen是不及物动词，跟上名词的话得加上介词to。Listening more to the opinions of other people can evoke the spirit of cooperation among a team.）. In general, the procedure of the listen is the also the procedure of the communication and the communication is the base of the cooperation. Ma Yun, a famous corporation manager, once said the exchanging (of) the opinion between the team members is a vital benefit of the teamwork. When you often listen to you (your) teammate, he or she may feel the respect from you. And then the relationship of you two may be enforced. So the listen is better for your cooperation of the team.
In the second place, other people's opinion can perfect our own view. The common sense tells me, everyone's mind is limited. So we may need other people's help in some time. According to a survey by the Shanghai Management Organization, more than 80 percent of the informants believe their (they) will seek for help when they get into trouble. Most of they (them) write the reason that other people can think the aspect that we not consider (这里是写被调查者的观点应该还是得用they ,直接用not了，笔误吧~~theymay/do not consider). So other people’s view can the assistant us find (assist us to find) the way to solve the problem.
Admittedly, insisting our own opinion is also an important factor in the teamwork. When you believe you’re thinking is actually right (when you believe what you are thinking of is actually right), you may certainly resist(persist) it and try the best to persuade your teammate to accept you mind. You will gain more respect while you plan leading your teamwork get success (your plan leads to the success of your teamwork). But the value of team cooperation is the cooperation between the people and people. So the most important issue during the teamwork is listening.
In conclusion, I believe we should consider more view by you teammate (这句话前面人称是we 后面成了you.注意保持一致就行). If we hold it well, the teamwork can be more effective and easier to show the advantage of the groupof the people.



文章里面都是一些小的错误；还有就是人称得保持一致了，你可能写快了，就出现了混乱;

麦田往事

12.17日 独立
要不要在小组工作中倾听他人建议？

Nowadays, there is a growing number of people pay more attention to the issue about working a team. Some people believe that we should do sometime follow our own mind, but others disagree with this opinion. Others consider that everyone in a team should think more about the teammate's opinion. From my perspective, I resist that we should be a listener frequently. In this essay, I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate this question.
In the first place, listening more other people's opinion can be good for rise each other's cooperation. In general, the procedure of the listen is the also the procedure of the communication and the communication is the base of the cooperation. Ma Yun, a famous corporation manager, once said the exchanging the opinion between the team members is a vital benefit of the teamwork. When you often listen to you teammate, he or she may feel the respect from you. And then the relationship of you two may be enforced. So the listen is better for your cooperation of the team.
In the second place, other people's opinion can perfect our own view. The common sense tells me, everyone's mind is limited. So we may need other people's help in some time. According to a survey by the Shanghai Management Organization, more than 80 percent of the informants believe their will seek for help when they get into trouble. Most of they write the reason that other people can think the aspect that we not consider. So other people’s view can the assistant us find the way to solve the problem.
Admittedly, insisting our own opinion is also an important factor in the teamwork. When you believe you’re thinking is actually right, you may certainly resist it and try the best to persuade your teammate to accept you mind. You will gain more respect while you plan leading your teamwork get success. But the value of team cooperation is the cooperation between the people and people. So the most important issue during the teamwork is listening.
In conclusion, I believe we should consider more view by you teammate. If we hold it well, the teamwork can be more effective and easier to show the advantage of the group of the people.

cooperdw

Nowadays, there is a growing concern about people how to deal with problem. Some people believe that we should not be more patient, we should take the actions at once but others disagree with this view. From my perspective, I consider that we should take the real actions in the shortest time. In this essay, I will analyze this question and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate my opinion(好句子，学习了).
Firstly, over-thinking may cause more possibility to miss the best time to deal with the problem. In general, the chance is always a rare thing for most people. If you not hold a coming chance immediately, the chance may leave in a short time. For example, a businessman meets a business opportunity, but he and his business team spend a vast of time to discuss how to use this opportunity and consider the risk of this business chance. Then this businessman may miss this chance in the end because the chance cannot wait him -> 改成will not waiting for him 会不会好点. So I believe we should choose to ->(冗余了,可以去掉)take action at once.(第一段的论据很不错，值得学习)
Secondly, taking actions –>(于前一段保持一致呗) at once can help us to be more efficient in dealing with trouble. I believe that if we spend more time to evaluate issue, analyze issue and discuss issue –>analyze and discuss issue, the cycle of solving problem more be (more和be位置是否反了) prolonged and this situation may highly reduce our efficiency of dealing problem. According to survey by the Management School of Shanghai University, more than 80 percent of the informants believe the high efficient is the vital ability for man who pursuit success(赞一个). So we should reduce the thinking time that->(可以去掉) before the action.
Lastly, taking actions at once can raise our ability of dealing the emergency. The common sense tells me that the urgency like the opportunity often come without any forebode. If the emergency happened, we may not have the->(去掉) enough time to consider how to solve it. The only thing we have to do is make the decision instantly to prevent the issue become worsen. So this is the–>去掉why I prefer the instant action than thinking while facing the problem.
Admittedly, patient is also a good ability of individuals. Many famous peoples in China
always said that individuals should act after the deeply thinking. But in today, the age of the information updating fast, the society may not give us enough time to thinking. So we should practice how to spend shortest time to think and deal with problem in the short time ->前面有一个time了后面用period会不会好点？.
In conclusion, although patient is an important for us, in today's society we should pay more attention to raise the ability of taking actions at once.


楼主的作文体裁，论据都太棒了，很能说明中心点， 这是一定要学习的。看得出来楼主经过了大量的训练和总结

不足之处就是有些小的 细微的地方还要更上一层楼，这就是篇完美的文章了，共勉！

麦田往事

12.14 号 独立写作
Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? Patient is usually not a good thing, we should take actions at once.


Nowadays, there is a growing concern about people how to deal with problem. Some people believe that we should not be more patient, we should take the actions at once but others disagree with this view. From my perspective, I consider that we should take the real actions in the shortest time. In this essay, I will analyze this question and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate my opinion.
Firstly, over-thinking may cause more possibility to miss the best time to deal with the problem. In general, the chance is always a rare thing for most people. If you not hold a coming chance immediately, the chance may leave in a short time. For example, a businessman meets a business opportunity, but he and his business team spend a vast of time to discuss how to use this opportunity and consider the risk of this business chance. Then this businessman may miss this chance in the end because the chance cannot wait him. So I believe we should choose to take action at once.
Secondly, taking actions at once can help us to be more efficient in dealing with trouble. I believe that if we spend more time to evaluate issue, analyze issue and discuss issue, the cycle of solving problem more be prolonged and this situation may highly reduce our efficiency of dealing problem. According to survey by the Management School of Shanghai University, more than 80 percent of the informants believe the high efficient is the vital ability for man who pursuit success. So we should reduce the thinking time that before the action.
Lastly, taking actions at once can raise our ability of dealing the emergency. The common sense tells me that the urgency like the opportunity often come without any forebode. If the emergency happened, we may not have the enough time to consider how to solve it. The only thing we have to do is make the decision instantly to prevent the issue become worsen. So this is the why I prefer the instant action than thinking while facing the problem.
Admittedly, patient is also a good ability of individuals. Many famous people in China always said that individuals should act after the deeply thinking. But in today, the age of the information updating fast, the society may not give us enough time to thinking. So we should practice to spend shortest time to think and deal with problem in the short time.
In conclusion, although patient is an important for us, in today's society we should pay more attention to raise the ability of taking actions at once.