Argument 152 求批改

pyemma

提纲：
（1）BBC公司吸引了多少顾客，能否称其为成功
（2）top-selling公司的应对措施效果如何
（3）BBC公司的cereal的原料会不会涨价导致它们没有利润可以赚
（4）BBC能否成功的销售其他的low-pried food

The writer recommends the directors of the Bargain Brand Cereals (BBC) that they should expand its business and begin marketing other low-priced food products as quickly as possible. The writer mainly based on the fact that BBC has a success in marketing its new breakfast cereal. However, there remain many questions to be clearly answered before draw such a conclusion.


The first question is that how many customers do BBC has attracted. Although BBC has drew many customers away form the top-selling cereal companies, we are not informed of what’s the percent of these customers of the whole market. It is possible that the top-selling companies still maintain a large market and BBC only has a litter fraction. If this question cannot be answered clearly, we can hard to say BBC has a splendid success in its cereal and recommend is not sensible.


Even if BBC does have draw many customers and obtains a large market, another question that what is the effect of the top-selling companies plans should be solved. There is possibility that the top-selling have drew back many customers after the execution of the plan. Maybe compared with BBC’s cereal, the top-selling companies’ are better in quality and only a litter higher than the BBC’s, still in the tolerance of customers. Without giving an answer to this question, the recommend might execrate the conditions of BBC.


What’s more, even though the top-selling companies’ plans don’t work, there still is a question that whether the material of the BBC cereal will increase or not should be addressed. The recommend mentions that BBC doesn’t have to raise their price in order to remain the low price, which is the best advantage of their production. But we are not informed of the price of the material used to product the cereal. It is possible that the price has increased sharply. If BBC still remains a low price, the cereal will not be lucrative anymore and cursory expand its business and begin marketing other productions will aggravate the situation of BBC.


Finally, although BBC do have a success in marketing its’ cereal, the question that whether it can successfully market other low-priced food remains unknown.. The methods that suit well in managing cereal may be differently largely with the methods used to manage other low-priced food. If this is the case, a success in selling cereal does not necessarily indicate a success in other low-priced food, too. Lacking an explicit answer to this question, the recommend is vulnerable.


All in all, if the writer doesn’t answer the questions that (1) is BBC does draw many customers and occupy a large market, (2) the effect of the top-selling companies’ plan, (3) whether the price of the BBC’s cereal’s raw material will increase, (4) whether BBC has the ability to market other low-priced food as successfully as its cereal, the recommend is not convincible to any degree.

pyemma

谢谢，我以后多注意单词拼写的问题

竹林中人

The writer recommendsthe directors of the Bargain Brand Cereals (BBC) that they should 这三个词多余了expand itsbusiness and begin marketing other low-priced food products as quickly aspossible. The writer mainly based on the fact that BBC has a success inmarketing its new breakfast cereal. However, there remain many questions to beclearly answered before draw such a conclusion.


Thefirst question is that how many customers do BBC has attracted. Although BBChas drawn manycustomers away form the top-selling cereal companies, we are not informed ofwhat’s the percent of these customers of the whole market. It is possible thatthe top-selling companies still maintain a large market and BBC only has a littlefraction. If this question cannot be answered clearly, we can hard to say BBChas a splendid success in its cereal and recommend is not sensible.


Evenif BBC does have drawn many customers and obtains a large market, anotherquestion that how is the effect of the top-selling companiesplans should be solved. There is possibility that the top-selling have drawn back manycustomers after the execution of the plan. Maybe compared with BBC’s cereal,the top-selling companies’ are better in quality and only a little higher thanthe BBC’s, still in the tolerance of customers. Without giving an answer tothis question, the recommend might execrate the conditions of BBC.


What’smore, even though the top-selling companies’ plans don’t work, there still is aquestion that whether the material of the BBC cereal will increase or notshould be addressed. The recommend mentions that BBC doesn’t have to raisetheir price in order to remain the low price, which is the best advantage oftheir production. But we are not informed of the price of the material used toproduct the cereal. It is possible that the price has increased sharply. If BBCstill remains a low price, the cereal will not be lucrative anymore and cursoryexpand its business and begin marketing other productions will aggravate thesituation of BBC.


Finally,although BBC do have a success in marketing its’ cereal, the question thatwhether it can successfully market other low-priced food remains unknown.. Themethods that suit well in managing cereal may be differently largely with themethods used to manage other low-priced food. If this is the case, a success inselling cereal does not necessarily indicate a success in other low-pricedfood, too. Lacking an explicit answer to this question, the recommend isvulnerable.


Allin all, if the writer doesn’t answer the questions that (1) is BBC does drawmany customers and occupy a large market, (2) the effect of the top-sellingcompanies’ plan, (3) whether the price of the BBC’s cereal’s raw material willincrease, (4) whether BBC has the ability to market other low-priced food assuccessfully as its cereal, the recommend is not convincible to any degree.
感觉这篇写的很不错，注意到了instruction的要求，而且论述比较到位。