issue73 和 argument69

vivianian

issue73 和 argument69
题目：ISSUE73 - 无
字数：492          用时：00:30:00          日期：2012/11/22 23:48:33


The speaker claims that all the faculty in college should be required to spent time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach, at first glance, the opinion seems to be somewhat convincing, but further reflection on that shows that it is so complicated an issue that needs a case-to-case study,and I tend to hold the view that the recommendation that all the faculty should spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach has some advantages and its disadvantages.


To begin with, when the policy that all faculty should spend some time working outside the college in relevant professions has been implemented, it will surely benefit the faculty and their students, on one hand, the teacher will gain more practical knowledge about the relevent courses when they are working outside, and thus this new knowledge could be passed to their students and the students will be endowed greater ability to find jobs after graduation, at the same time, the knowledge pool of the faculty will be updated now and then when they are occupied outside the college, this renewed knowledge will make their courses even more attractive and efficient. On the other hand, the faculty will make many friends outside the college when they are working with relevant experts in their field, thus this could be a vastly important human resourse that the faculty could provide for their studnets, with this human resourse the students will more likely have a bright future.


However, the policy that all faculty should spend some time working outside the college will bring about some trouble that could not be ignored. Foremost, different teachers have different emergency to attend, some teachers are greatly engaged in their reseach as well as in their teaching, so that they obviously could not spare any time to work outside, take the teachers in my major to illustrate this point, my major is biochemistry, and my tutor have a bunch of scholar reasearch to attend, besides, he has to take part in various kinds of seminar all over the world in order to broaden his perspect, so in my tercher's case, it is unreasonable to require my teacher to spend some time in work outside the college. Moreover, there is a possibility that the teacher will be influenced by the inpure atmosphere in the society of outside college, so in return the students will be disturbed by such bad atmosphere which in not suitable for studying.


Thus, whether to adopt the policy that all faculty should spend some time working outside the college is a complicated issue, if the teacher have plenty of time , and if he is unlikely to be disturbed by the atmosphere of the outside world, it is good for him to spend  some time in working outside the college in the name of updating their knowledge.


In conclusion, the recommendaton that all faculty should spend some time outside the college has some advantages and its disadvantages.








题目：ARGUMENT69 - 无
字数：371          用时：00:30:00          日期：2012/11/23 0:25:44


In this argument, the arguer claims that the company should use Zeta rather than Alpha for the new buildings project, even though Alpha's bid promises lower construction costs, this argument is based on the fact that the buildings constructed by Alpha cost more in the expenses for maintenance last year than the buildings constructed by Zeta, and that the energy consumption of the Zeta building has been lower than that of the Alpha building every year since its construction, in addition , the recommendation is based on the fact that Zeta has a stable workforce with little employee turnover. However, a careful examination of this argument of would reveal that the argument is rife with holes.


First of all, the argument shows that the two company constructed buildings separately ten years ago, while the Zeta cost 30 percent more in constructing the buildings with identical floor plans than Alpha cost, and the buildings ' maintenace expenses last year was only half those of Alpha's, thus , can we assert that the buildings constructed by Zeta is more cost-effective? Maybe we cannot say so, it is possible that the extra 30 percent expenses in constructing buildings went to the better facilities which equip the buildings by Zeta, thus the maintenace expenses are correspondingly lower than those of Alpha.


At the same time, the arguer claims that the energy consumption of Zeta buiding has been lower than that of the alpha building ever since its construction, but can we simply assert that the Zeta building is so well constructed that it tends to be more energy saving? It is may be that Zeta company bought higher facilities for its building in order to be energy saving with the extra 30 percent expenses in constructing the building. Moreover, how much lower is the energy consumption than that of Alpha buildings? There is a possibility that the consumption of energy is just slightly lower than that of Alpha buildings, thus it is not economical for the Zeta company to conctruct those buidings.


In addition, the arguer cites the evidence that the zeta company has a stable workforce with little turnover, but does a stable workforce with little employee have anything to do with the buildings it constrcuts? a table workforce only tells us that the zeta company has little employee turnover, it cannot show that the buildings it constructs will be betthe than that of the Alpha company.Because it is likely that the alpha company has a higher employee turnover, and the alpha company tends to exchange employees with other companies for better human resourses, thus , it is very likey that the buildings by Alpha are better.


In conclusion, the argument is not persuasive as it stands, in order to make it more logically acceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate that the buildings by Zeta are indeed more cost-effectibe and energy saving at the same conditions with Alpha, additionally, the arguer must provide evidence that a company with little employee turnover can also construct better buildings at the same circumstances.

vivianian

The speaker claims that all the faculty incollege should be required to spent time working outside the academic world inprofessions relevant to the courses they teach, atfirst glance, the opinion seems to be somewhat convincing, but further reflectionon that shows that it is so complicated an issue that needs a case-to-case study, （这成了你的固定句式了，我希望不要成为套话，你说复杂，复杂在何处，在这里你最好能简单提下）and I tend to hold the view that the recommendation that all thefaculty should spend time working outside the academic world in professionsrelevant to the courses they teach has some advantages and its disadvantages.这也是一句废话。


To begin with, when the policy that allfaculty should spend some time working outside the college in relevantprofessions has been implemented, it will surely benefit the faculty and theirstudents, on one hand, the teacher will gain more practical knowledge about therelevant courses when they are working outside, and thus this new knowledgecould be passed to their students and the students will be endowed greaterability to find jobs after graduation, at the same time, the knowledge pool ofthe faculty will be updated now and then when they are occupied outside thecollege, this renewed knowledge will make their courses even more attractiveand efficient. On the other hand, the faculty will make many friends outsidethe college when they are working with relevant experts in their field, thusthis could be a vastly important human resource that the faculty could providefor their students, with this human resource the students will more likely havea bright future.


However, the policy that all faculty shouldspend some time working outside the college will bring about some trouble thatcould not be ignored. Foremost, different teachers have different emergency toattend, some teachers are greatly engaged in their research as well as in theirteaching, so that they obviously could not spare any time to work outside, takethe teachers in my major to illustrate this point, my major is biochemistry,and my tutor have a bunch of scholar research to attend, besides, he has totake part in various kinds of seminar all over the world in order to broadenhis perspect, so in my tercher's case, it is unreasonable to require my teacherto spend some time in work outside the college. Moreover, there is apossibility that the teacher will be influenced by the inpure atmosphere in thesociety of outside college, so in return the students will be disturbed by suchbad atmosphere which in not suitable for studying.


Thus, whether to adopt the policy that allfaculty should spend some time working outside the college is a complicatedissue, if the teacher have plenty of time, and if he is unlikely to bedisturbed by the atmosphere of the outside world, it is good for him to spend some time in working outside the college in the name of updating theirknowledge.


In conclusion, the recommendation that all faculty shouldspend some time outside the college has some advantages and its disadvantages.这么样的结尾是一大败笔，结尾是对文章的总结，而不是还给出一个模糊的表述。
另外，中间段落最好能更具体些，比如说好处，什么专业的老师出去做什么工作，会有什么好处，而不是空洞的说，因为空洞的说大家都可以想到，关键是能否更具体些。

-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/11/24 22:51:10)

多谢啊，因为时间问题， 我没有修改就发上来了， 不管怎样，感激斑竹的悉心提示和修改

竹林中人

你的文章还是没有考虑到instruction的要求，这点必须做到，因为相同的题目不同的instruction，表述方式和内容有很大差异的。这也是OG中对AW的明确要求

竹林中人

The speaker claims that all the faculty incollege should be required to spent time working outside the academic world inprofessions relevant to the courses they teach, atfirst glance, the opinion seems to be somewhat convincing, but further reflectionon that shows that it is so complicated an issue that needs a case-to-case study, （这成了你的固定句式了，我希望不要成为套话，你说复杂，复杂在何处，在这里你最好能简单提下）and I tend to hold the view that the recommendation that all thefaculty should spend time working outside the academic world in professionsrelevant to the courses they teach has some advantages and its disadvantages.这也是一句废话。


To begin with, when the policy that allfaculty should spend some time working outside the college in relevantprofessions has been implemented, it will surely benefit the faculty and theirstudents, on one hand, the teacher will gain more practical knowledge about therelevant courses when they are working outside, and thus this new knowledgecould be passed to their students and the students will be endowed greaterability to find jobs after graduation, at the same time, the knowledge pool ofthe faculty will be updated now and then when they are occupied outside thecollege, this renewed knowledge will make their courses even more attractiveand efficient. On the other hand, the faculty will make many friends outsidethe college when they are working with relevant experts in their field, thusthis could be a vastly important human resource that the faculty could providefor their students, with this human resource the students will more likely havea bright future.


However, the policy that all faculty shouldspend some time working outside the college will bring about some trouble thatcould not be ignored. Foremost, different teachers have different emergency toattend, some teachers are greatly engaged in their research as well as in theirteaching, so that they obviously could not spare any time to work outside, takethe teachers in my major to illustrate this point, my major is biochemistry,and my tutor have a bunch of scholar research to attend, besides, he has totake part in various kinds of seminar all over the world in order to broadenhis perspect, so in my tercher's case, it is unreasonable to require my teacherto spend some time in work outside the college. Moreover, there is apossibility that the teacher will be influenced by the inpure atmosphere in thesociety of outside college, so in return the students will be disturbed by suchbad atmosphere which in not suitable for studying.


Thus, whether to adopt the policy that allfaculty should spend some time working outside the college is a complicatedissue, if the teacher have plenty of time, and if he is unlikely to bedisturbed by the atmosphere of the outside world, it is good for him to spend some time in working outside the college in the name of updating theirknowledge.


In conclusion, the recommendation that all faculty shouldspend some time outside the college has some advantages and its disadvantages.这么样的结尾是一大败笔，结尾是对文章的总结，而不是还给出一个模糊的表述。
另外，中间段落最好能更具体些，比如说好处，什么专业的老师出去做什么工作，会有什么好处，而不是空洞的说，因为空洞的说大家都可以想到，关键是能否更具体些。

普渡哥

issue严重的头重脚轻。


argument，

In conclusion, the argument is not persuasive as it stands, in order to make it more logically acceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate that the buildings by Zeta are indeed more cost-effectibe and energy saving at the same conditions with Alpha, additionally, the arguer must provide evidence that a company with little employee turnover can also construct better buildings at the same circumstances.

这是一个句子？？