科科都低的自来火发奋涂墙的作文贴！！今天开始加入小分队！！

zhisheng2200

今天的作文题目，晚些时候会把作文发上来，感谢各位大神和战友猛批
11月19日
独立 It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them
综合 TPO19

tengawaakito

进来留个脚印。。。22号的作文没发现。。。

zhisheng2200

20号独立
 Nowadays, someone claims that due to the frantic and quick tempo in our lives, a negative phenomenon arose that people, especially the young generation are less likely to help others than people live in the past. However I disagree with that statement and would like to illustrate my reasons as follow.

To begin with, although some negative changes have happen to the society climate, the populace's cultivation still gets better because of the developing of education. Since 1763 Prussia became the first country to make education compulsory and free for its lower classes, today the policy of compulsory education has become an essential part of government’s duty among 170 countries all over the world. Being pride of good virtue, such as accommodating and collaboration, is still the main tune, no matter you in primary school or in university. However decades years ago, only in several wealthy countries can a common person get well educated without huge burden. Admittedly well-educated people are not equivalent to helpful guys, no one can deny that good education is the best way to eliminate fatuous, selfishness and greediness and improve the quality of one whole nation.

Secondly, thanks to the advanced technology, we living today can benefit others easily, which definitely increases our enthusiasm to help people. For instance, you can assist your classmate to solve a mathematics problem by telephone rather than arrange an appointment and go to library. You can donate money to the Red Cross by the ATM in your block rather than drive to the Red Cross Center. You can support the wildlife conservation organization by pressing the forward button on their twitters. All those conveniences were incredible for people living 20 years ago.

Furthermore, due to the improvement of government management and infrastructure, our life expectancy increased significantly. The young generation loses many chances to help others while the previous generations had, which leads to a illusion that the young people are unwilling to help others. For instance, during my mother’s childhood, the neighbors usually look after kids for each other because the there were only a few kindergartens in our town and many children couldn’t get enrolled. Now more and more nurseries and kindergartens arise so that I don’t have opportunity to care about kids of my neighbors. Let us take a look at how the youths perform when chance coming. In 2008, a strong earthquake struck Wenchuan on May, 12^th. As the news spread, many young people immediately stopped their work, banded together and drove to the seriously destroyed regions as volunteers. Almost in every large city in China, the blood donation stations were crowded with young faces. On other side of Pacific Ocean, there also are countless examples. Recently, when the tragedy happened in at Sandy Hook Elementary School, Miss Soto, aged 27, sacrificed herself to save her students by throwing her body in front of the young children. We will remember her as a heroin.

To sum up, according to what discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the new generation are more likely to aid others than people live in the past.

lillian馨

Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

No matter in ancient or modern society, social life plays an important role in our daily lives. What happened (这里用过去时应该没有道理吧？一般现在时或者现在进行时应该可以的) in our social circles usually is related to our daily happiness. However, as far as I am concerned, our jobs have a directly（direct） effect on our happiness. I would like to illustrate my reasons as follows.



First of all, a job satisfies people’s basic living requirement, which is directly related to happiness of our life. Obviously, with the salary, we can buy enough food and pay the rent of our departments（apartment）, therefore we won’t worry about tomorrow’ living（与前面的food和apartment 对照一下：eating and living）. On the contrary, a person unemployed（an unemployed person） would be in a state of deep depression, anxious about the family’s (families’) living expense. Countless examples like this can be easily found during the Great Depression or any other financial crisis. Even some people who used to work in the Wall Street committed suicide because of the pressure of unemployment. Although when we are in difficulties, we can get financial aid from our social life, for example, from friends, (建议把when we are in difficulties 放在from friends 后面，这样可以一眼看出来你although后面的让步是什么) we cannot always live without economical independence. （说出了job 各种好了，落脚点在hapiness上点一下）



Secondly, jobs have a direct influence on our moods, because it（前面是jobs 这里是it,对应一下） occupies more than half of our day time. For most common young workers in China, usually we have to get up before 7 o’clock in the morning and prepare for today’ working, and finish our assignments at middle night. Obviously, the environments we work in and the people we collaborate with have effects on both our work hours and leisure time. If we work in a comfortable environment and work with friendly and well-educated people, we would enjoy our lives easily. For instance, comparing（compared with） the dustmen working with garbage, lawyers who usually earn a higher salary and work in their own offices in metropolises can more easily get in touch with the satisfaction.（总结一下比较好）



Furthermore, by overcoming the difficulties in jobs, we can get a sense of achievement, which can definitely add happiness in our lives. Challenges in jobs provide us not only opportunities to get promoted, but also chances to dig out our potential talents. Take an example of myself. Three month （months）ago I was given an assignment to develop a virtual-reality program in computer to train the staff for a manufacturing plant. Before that, I was not (过去的过去用过去完成时) responsible for this kind of program, and（so） it was a totally a new field for me. It required me to self-study Java language and much professional software, such as Unity3D and Maya, within 5 days. And then I had to develop an original program with (within) 2 weeks. Finally according to the feedback from that company, I devoted myself to the modifications to the GUI and java scripts until they (这里用they无所指，可以直接写出来你想说的managers或者workers什么的) all satisfied every aspect of the program. All the works which used to be a near（virtually） impossible task ended within one month. Although I was exhausted after such a challenge, I was fully satisfied and content with my performance and reconsider（过去式） my potential. More importantly, via my program, many workers avoided injury and the rate of accident have dropped significantly in that company. (and这两个并列的句子时态尽量一致)It’s nothing（nothing is）better than finding a place where we can make contribution to the society.



To sum up, although our social life is important, our jobs are the basis of happiness and have a further more impact on our daily lives.



（zhisheng写的语言真的很好，变化多端，各种句式都能用上，这点真的很好，本来想高亮的，后来发现太多了干脆就省了。

我只是改出来了小毛病，其中时态错误比较多，略微注意一下就行。

在逻辑上，这篇文章是对比类的文章，我觉得你得两个方面对比了之后把一方的好处否定了或者说出那一方的缺点这样就更完美了，只写A的优点并不能完全就认为A就比B优秀，同时你自己在文章中也写到了social life is important 了，这样说服力就没有比出来那么强了~~嘿嘿，共同进步）

cooperdw

Nowadays, freedom and innovation have become the dominate tone in our society. This brings a change in work is that(,that is …) more and more people are allowed to work at home. However, personally I am opposed to this phenomenon and would illustrate my reasons as following.

To begin with, generally speaking(去掉一个，冗余了), when we work with colleagues in a company, a (the) competitive atmosphere unconsciously forms, which facilitates to increase our efficiency and furthermore to dig out our more potentials. To make my demonstration more persuasive, I’d like to refer some research work from authority organization. Several years ago, when I was a volunteer working in the community psychological clinic, I read an article that a professor in CambridgeUniversity
made a famous experiment with volunteers. The first group volunteers were required to remember the number strings alone in a room. As controls, the second group volunteers were asked to remember number strings together in the same room. Contrast to the hypothesis that staying alone aids to concentrate ourselves, the second group volunteers memorize more number strings and their answers are more precise. The subsequent research shows that when we work together with others(去掉), only few people would like to fall behind other competitors. As a result, many times we usually（sometimes we 这样表达更简洁）perform better than what we have （去掉，前后保持一致）thought（还是保持一致，前面perform是现在时，后面也应该是）. Further research proves that the mixture of working place and relaxing place is apt to confuse our brains and to low our capacity（这句话和你的论点是否意思是相悖的？或者你要表达的内容偏离了主旨？）. Therefore we can draw a conclusion that an appreciate sense of competitiveness（competition）, as one of the most （形容词呢）advantages of working in company, enhances the working efficiency and help people to reconsider their potentials.（有点小问题，enhance 前加情态动词will ，或者这么改：Therefore we can draw a conclusion that as one of the most significant advantages of working in company, the sensc of competition will enhance….）

Secondly, in the age of Internet, more people, especially the young generation, become indoorsmen who would like to spend considerable time indoors and refuse the outdoor world. SOHO, small office and home office, is popular among them. However, personally speaking(去掉一个), I disagree to the working style（I disapprove this working style）. For young graduates(去掉，你后面一句重句中已经强调了young graduates，描述略显累赘), the feeling of strangeness and confusion in a new environment of workplace is the first challenge for these students who just graduate from ivory tower. Instead of facing this challenge directly, they will lose the important opportunity to learn how to get along with different people and how to adapt the society, if they choose to work at home. Furthermore, usually in company, we can take advantage of the abundant resource. Let us（口语化的短语不能出现在作文中） look at my own experience. In our mechanics laboratory, we can utilize the work station to simulate ground control during rock burst or earth quake.（你这句话要表达一个什么意思？） However, if we use our PC at home, it takes more than ten times of time to finish the numerical simulation. We also can obtain the experience of colleagues, predecessors and professors, which helps us to quickly adapt to a new mission and to overcome difficulties. （最后一句我个人觉得与之前的陈述略显脱节，最后一句一般是总结性的话语）

Admittedly,（段首先陈述你本段的论点，而后才是论据，这样会有渐进性） some people argue that in some cases the most famous software engineers in Google or Apple（Mac） are allowed to work at their home and they have made a great achievement. Therefore they approve of studying or working at home. Nonetheless, if we put our eyesight on the whole world, we can （缺谓语）the opinion cannot hold water because the minority cannot represent the whole world.（这句话有严重的语病）

To sum up, according（to）what we have discussed above, working with colleagues benefits（benefit） us more than working at home. Consequently, I believe we should working in a company environment.

不好意思，前几天加班完全没有时间复习！有的句子写的很有亮点，问题
1    部分叙述累赘，需简化
2   文章对观点的讨论要有连续性和渐进性
3   要紧扣文章中心论述

楼主加油！

zhisheng2200

19 December

Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

No matter in ancient or modern society, social life plays an important role in our daily lives. What happened in our social circles usually is related to our daily happiness. However, as far as I am concerned, our jobs have a directly effect on our happiness. I would like to illustrate my reasons as follows.



First of all, a job satisfies people’s basic living requirement, which is directly related to happiness of our life. Obviously, with the salary, we can buy enough food and pay the rent of our departments, therefore we won’t worry about tomorrow’ living. On the contrary, a person unemployed would be in a state of deep depression, anxious about the family’s living expense. Countless examples like this can be easily found during the Great Depression or any other financial crisis. Even some people who used to work in the Wall Street committed suicide because of the pressure of unemployment. Although when we are in difficulties, we can get financial aid from our social life, for example, from friends, we cannot always live without economical independence.



Secondly, jobs have a direct influence on our moods, because it occupies more than half of our day time. For most common young workers in China, usually we have to get up before 7 o’clock in the morning and prepare for today’ working, and finish our assignments at middle night. Obviously, the environments we work in and the people we collaborate with have effects on both our work hours and leisure time. If we work in a comfortable environment and work with friendly and well-educated people, we would enjoy our lives easily. For instance, comparing the dustmen working with garbage, lawyers who usually earn a higher salary and work in their own offices in metropolises can more easily get in touch with the satisfaction.



Furthermore, by overcoming the difficulties in jobs, we can get a sense of achievement, which can definitely add happiness in our lives. Challenges in jobs provide us not only opportunities to get promoted, but also chances to dig out our potential talents. Take an example of myself. Three month ago I was given an assignment to develop a virtual-reality program in computer to train the staff for a manufacturing plant. Before that, I was not responsible for this kind of program, and it was a totally a new field for me. It required me to self-study Java language and much professional software, such as Unity3D and Maya, within 5 days. And then I had to develop an original program with 2 weeks. Finally according to the feedback from that company, I devoted myself to the modifications to the GUI and java scripts until they all satisfied every aspect of the program. All the works which used to be a near impossible task ended within one month. Although I was exhausted after such a challenge, I was fully satisfied and content with my performance and reconsider my potential. More importantly, via my program, many workers avoided injury and the rate of accident have dropped significantly in that company. It’s nothing better than finding a place where we can make contribution to the society.



To sum up, although our social life is important, our jobs are the basis of happiness and have a further more impact on our daily lives.

cooperdw

非常抱歉 最近两天都加班都很晚才回家，我会尽快修改你的作文，实在对不起！

zhisheng2200

18 独立Some people prefer to work at home while others would rahter work in an company, which one would you like?

Nowadays, freedom and innovation have become the dominate tone in our society. This brings a change in work is that more and more people are allowed to work at home. However, personally I am opposed to this phenomenon and would illustrate my reasons as following.

To begin with, generally speaking, when we work with colleagues in a company, a competitive atmosphere unconsciously forms, which facilitates to increase our efficiency and furthermore to dig out our more potentials. To make my demonstration more persuasive, I’d like to refer some research work from authority organization. Several years ago, when I was a volunteer working in the community psychological clinic, I read an article that a professor in Cambridge University made a famous experiment with volunteers. The first group volunteers were required to remember number strings alone in a room. As controls, the second group volunteers were asked to remember number strings together in the same room. Contrast to the hypothesis that staying alone aids to concentrate ourselves, the second group volunteers memorize more number strings and their answers are more precise. The subsequent research shows that when we work together with others, only few people would like to fall behind other competitors. As a result, many times we usually perform better than what we have thought. Further research proves that the mixture of working place and relaxing place is apt to confuse our brains and to low our capacity. Therefore we can draw a conclusion that an appreciate sense of competitiveness, as one of the most advantages of working in company, enhances the working efficiency and help people to reconsider their potentials.

Secondly, in the age of Internet, more people, especially the young generation, become indoorsmen who would like to spend considerable time indoors and refuse the outdoor world. SOHO, small office and home office, is popular among them. However, personally speaking, I disagree to the working style. For young graduates, the feeling of strangeness and confusion in a new environment of workplace is the first challenge for these students who just graduate from ivory tower. Instead of facing this challenge directly, they will lose the important opportunity to learn how to get along with different people and how to adapt the society, if they choose to work at home. Furthermore, usually in company, we can take advantage of the abundant resource. Let us look at my own experience. In our mechanics laboratory, we can utilize the work station to simulate ground control during rock burst or earth quake. However, if we use our PC at home, it takes more than ten times of time to finish the numerical simulation. We also can obtain the experience of colleagues, predecessors and professors, which helps us to quickly adapt to a new mission and to overcome difficulties.

Admittedly, some people argue that in some cases the most famous software engineers in Google or Apple are allowed to work at their home and they have made a great achievement. Therefore they approve of studying or working at home. Nonetheless, if we put our eyesight on the whole world, we can the opinion cannot hold water because the minority cannot represent the whole world.

To sum up, according what we have discussed above, working with colleagues benefits us more than working at home. Consequently, I believe we should working in a company environment.

烨叶

文章真的写得很好呀，所以我没有修改很多，就提了提建议。共同进步啦~~~~~~~
Nowadays, more and more situations require us to work in a group, just like reviewing for the final exam with your classmates or designing a huge project with your colleagues. However, as long as we work together, the opinions would definitely diverge from each other. So there is a long discussion whether we should insist our own opinions or listen to the others’ when we stay in a team. As long as I am concerned, I believe that we should listen to different voices from our teammates and would like to illustrate my reasons as follows.

To begin with, considering all the proper opinions helps people make right decisions and avoid impetuous decisions. To be more precise, Because of this patience, we can obtain the experience of predecessors, take all the possibilities or risks into consideration and then figure out a perfect plan before taking actions. On the other hand, without different voices, especially some opposite views, it is easy to form an arbitrary characteristic这个词儿的用法不是很好理解 in our minds, which would blind us and lead 单复数要和前面一致to a relatively high risk for our team. For instance, last semester, we software engineering students were required to build a small team and then to make a project, which could prove our creativity, within a few weeks. Unfortunately, the group leader in our team was attracted by the example of successful IT businessman, such as Mark Zuckerberg. Ignoring our counterviews, he refused all the innovative and feasible plans, and decided to develop a social network like Facebook, though there have been many mature similar products in this field. Unsurprisingly, without enough funding, technology and time, we finally failed to submit this impossible project before the deadline and all of us had to retake this course.

Secondly, being apt to listening diverse opinions is usually regarded as the virtues of great team spirit and cooperative ability. In other words, a boss, as a good listener, will benefit the whole group. To make my demonstration more persuasive, I’d like to refer to some research work from authority organization. According to the philosophy research in Cambridge University, when employees are encouraged to free share their ideas in a work team, they will very likely recognize themselves as one part of the whole group. This belongingness to the collectivity increases the employees’ happiness and the efficiency of work. Furthermore, once an employee’ plan was accepted by the team, the realization of their ideas will incite him to dig out more potential and make further contribution to the organization.

Admittedly, some people argue that in some cases they have to make a decision immediately without considering every view. Nonetheless, the opinion cannot hold water because the minority cannot represent the whole world.

To sum up, according to what we discussed above, listening to others in a work team helps group make appreciate strategic decision and facilitates the development both of the collectivity and individuals
很少的语法错误。意思表达没有太多歧义，用词和句式的多样性也很不错。
前三段都特别好，第四段稍微打破了整篇的平衡。
每一段的主论点都相得益彰；第二段有两个分论点，每个分论点都用很好的事例支撑；但是在第三段中两个方面（boss、employee），boss没有事例支持；第四段很全文的衔接不是很好啦。
我要好好向你学习啦~~~~~~~~~~

zhisheng2200

17 December  小组工作中倾听意见
Nowadays, more and more situations require us to work in a group, just like reviewing for the final exam with your classmates or design a huge project with your colleagues. However, as long as we work together, the opinions would definitely diverge from each other. So there is a long discussion whether we should insist our own opinions or listen to the others’ when we stay in a team. As long as I am concerned, I believe that we should listen to different voices from our teammates and would like to illustrate my reasons as follows.

To begin with, considering all the proper opinions helps people make right decisions and avoid impetuous decisions. To be more precise, Because of this patience, we can obtain the experience of predecessors, take all the possibilities or risks into consideration and then figure out a perfect plan before taking actions. On the other hand, without different voices, especially some opposite views, it is easy to form an arbitrary characteristic in our minds, which would blind us and lead to a relatively high risk for our team. For instance, last semester, we software engineering students were required to build a small team and then to make a project, which could prove our creativity, within a few weeks. Unfortunately, the group leader in our team was attracted by the example of successful IT businessman, such as Mark Zuckerberg. Ignoring our counterviews, he refused all the innovative and feasible plans, and decided to develop a social network like Facebook, though there have been many mature similar products in this field. Unsurprisingly, without enough funding, technology and time, we finally failed to submit this impossible project before the deadline and all of us had to retake this course.

Secondly, being apt to listening diverse opinions is usually regarded as the virtues of great team spirit and cooperative ability. In other words, a boss, as a good listener, will benefit the whole group. To make my demonstration more persuasive, I’d like to refer some research work from authority organization. According the philosophy research in Cambridge University, when employees are encouraged to free share their ideas in a work team, they will very likely recognize themselves as one part of the whole group. This belongingness to the collectivity increases the employees’ happiness and the efficiency of work. Furthermore, once an employee’ plan was accepted by the team, the realization of their ideas will incite him to dig out more potential and make further contribution to the organization.

Admittedly, some people argue that in some cases they have to make a decision immediately without considering every view. Nonetheless, the opinion cannot hold water because the minority cannot represent the whole world.

To sum up, according to what we discussed above, listening to others in a work team help group make appreciate strategic decision and facilitates the development both of the collectivity and individuals.