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工科女转美国HR, PS材料求喷 ~~~大家来帮帮忙啊,第二选择marketing,更加难写PS了

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楼主
发表于 2012-11-1 11:26:08 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |正序浏览 |阅读模式
现在已经大四了,想申请13年秋季美国的HR,本身读的是通信工程,毫无兴趣。学术上没有任何成就,但是获综合奖学金,三好等,学校里的奖还是挺多的的。GPA85,GMAT伤,640。。。。。托福成绩还没出。。。。然后社团,志愿者活动比较多,还有一个总经理助理的实习。写了个PS初稿,希望大家帮帮忙,教教我怎么改进好啊。。。我觉得自己就是水人一个。。。。另外 简历,大家有什么建议吗?还在制作当中。。。
不要没人理我啊~~~~~
其实 我还想说,因为没有先修课程,能接受的专业一般就marketing,HR(中介告诉我的),所以如果一些学校没有HR,申marketing的话,PS又该怎么写呢。。。那我的社会活动,实习 都没有用了啊,岂不是更难写?求助啊!

Different from the rest, I am more adventurous and goal-oriented. As an innocent high school graduate four years ago, I chose communication engineering as my major. The first two years’ education was about general courses. Until my senior year, it started to refer to some specialized courses. But I realized that this major wasn’t my real love. Unfortunately,it was too late for me to change major according to the school policy. So I paid much time to audit other courses and finally found my interest lie in HR. In order to be educated in my favorite fields and graduate smoothly in communication engineering, I rescheduled my time to attend HRM,organizational behavior and performance management etc. All these courses laid the foundation for me to receive further education in HR. That was part of the reason why my third year’s scores were not as good as previous.


My academic strength has always been in mathematics. Thanks to my strong logical thinking and analytical skills, I got high point almost in every course that related to mathematics in collage. Besides, I stand out in those practical curriculums owing to my strong practical ability. My merit also lies in the comprehensive self learning ability. The Business English Certificate is obtained all by self study which exams my capability of using English in business fields. I spent a considerable amount of time in the library reading books about business English. All these motivate me to pursue graduate studies at a prominent university to further challenge myself.



I am the class monitor and head of public relations of Youth Volunteers Association in my collage. So lots of my job is to organize activities and communicate with different people. Hangzhou government once authorized the organization of volunteer work of 2010 Hangzhou International Fireworks Festival to me. Together with my classmates, we broadcasted this activity in university. Hundreds of students wanted to join us. I organized my classmates to pick up the best volunteers through interviews and arranged every detail such as the meals problem, the shuttle bus, and the working spots for each one. I was so proud not to let the word down and to help people admire the beauty of fireworks smoothly. This was a brilliant experience to handle group relationship and to solve emergency events.


I also endeavoured to obtain the chance to work as executive assistance in HongKong Zealous Designer Company in my second summer vacation. The internship enabled me to boost my confidence in communication, acquire skills on establishing profitable client relations, and oriented me on the basic operations of a design company. Overall, this experience broadened my vision and introduced the idea of working in the HRD in the future.



This goal drove me to choose XXX University as the venue of the next phase of my academic development. Among all the academic institutions I considered, I am profusely impressed with XXX University because of its world-class faculty and long history of academic excellence, which are the marks of the best training ground for the top HR professionals of the future. Therefore, with my unwavering passion for my field of interest and my academic foundation and internship experience, I seek admission to your renowned institution. I am optimistic that graduate study at XXX University is my gateway to a successful future in the realm of HR.

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28#
发表于 2014-12-16 20:15:08 | 只看该作者
对hr专业不熟,还是随便说一点吧。lz你的long-term goal和short-term goal呢?我只看到一个"working in the hrd in the future"。短期目标尽量详细才显得lz你是有思考过职业规划的。有了长短期目标之后表达你为何选学校和出国读研才是有说服力的:因为你想达到一个目标,你自身有什么缺少什么,这所学校具体能给你带来什么帮助你实现。
27#
发表于 2014-12-16 19:53:29 | 只看该作者
翻到这个帖子,觉得回帖的人都好热心!!字字珠玑!现在发帖经常都被淹没了。。。LZ是很幸运的
26#
发表于 2012-12-12 00:16:45 | 只看该作者
有些建议很宝贵阿,借鉴借鉴
25#
发表于 2012-11-16 20:07:33 | 只看该作者
随便问一句。。。LZ不是北邮的把。。。
24#
发表于 2012-11-5 17:04:53 | 只看该作者
不明白工科那么好找工作要转蛋疼的HR干甚!
23#
发表于 2012-11-3 23:17:55 | 只看该作者
作为托福GMAT写作双满分的过来人,我觉得有必要和LZ说说我的看法。咱先不谈语言问题,内容上的问题有:1)开头“I am more adventurous and goal-oriented”,有实例支撑吗?我要是招生官,通读全文也看不出多少有实料的东西,切忌形容词堆砌!
2)作为HR专业的招生官,我希望看到的是你怎么爱上这一专业的过程,而不是蜻蜓点水一句话:So I paid much time to audit other courses and finally found my interest lie in HR. 你这个太唐突,很容易让我觉得你是不是也像高三那年选专业头脑发热一般;
3)That was part of the reason why my third year’s scores were not as good as previous.这句不写也罢!因为招生官的assumption是:既然你不喜欢自己的原专业,考分不太高也情有可原;你如若写了这句话,招生官会认为:这个申请者不具备multi-task的能力,她不能处理好课内和课外的学习(无法两头兼顾),他对你的印象不会太好!
4)第二段过于强调成绩,没有实例,太空泛!另外,你数学好又怎么样?你practical curriculum好又怎么样?我是招生官,我看不出你这些课学得好和HR专业有个毛毛关系,请你specify!
5)班长这种职位,每个人都会写,建议不要再恶心招生官了。请show出你的unique points.
6) ‘I am profusely impressed with XXX University because of its world-class faculty and long history of academic excellence, which are the marks of the best training ground for the top HR professionals of the future.’你喜欢这所学校的原因实在是苍白无力,我换其他学校如果也能套用‘world-class faculty',’long history of academic excellence‘,那就是万金油模板,万万使不得!如果你是copy学校官网上的介绍,那你就恶心到招生官并玩弄了他的智商了!姑娘你自己想想,如果有好多小伙子追求你,无外乎说XXX你好漂亮!你好温柔!我喜欢你!做我女盆友吧!敢情你也觉得麻木了吧。你要听的是对方真诚并且独一无二的表白,是不是?

此外,LZ写作能力真的不敢恭维,文章还要好好polish。许多用词不地道,而且啼笑皆非。比方说第一段“innocent”,第二段“high point”(高分),“The Business English Certificate is obtained all by self study”,最后一段“academic development”,etc.

有问题PM我吧。
22#
发表于 2012-11-2 20:35:42 | 只看该作者
我读商科读厌了能不能转通信工程啊
-- by 会员 CDshs (2012/11/2 20:27:51)


。。。。。兄台。。。读厌了是闹哪样啊。。。。商科转工科  比较痛苦的吧
-- by 会员 pplovehe (2012/11/2 20:30:57)

理科出生学acc  记的东西好多...   而且我觉得为什么学什么好像都可以转商科(特别是数学),商科转理工科什么的就特别难呢?
21#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-11-2 20:30:57 | 只看该作者
我读商科读厌了能不能转通信工程啊
-- by 会员 CDshs (2012/11/2 20:27:51)

。。。。。兄台。。。读厌了是闹哪样啊。。。。商科转工科  比较痛苦的吧
20#
发表于 2012-11-2 20:27:51 | 只看该作者
我读商科读厌了能不能转通信工程啊
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