独立写作 求拍砖 求指导~

小滋滋

小滋滋的的独立写作 求拍砖 求狠批~~~火烧眉毛考试求指导~~叩谢!!!
因为是限时作文完成后就直接传上来以求最真实批改情况，所以若有一些明显的拼写错误之类的错误希望大家不要介意~^^
9月24日 独立写作:
With the advent of technology and information, modern society is a high-pace and intensive enviornment. The competence to search a job is fierce. When it comes to preparation for future job in university, which might pays the most important roles in the process of fingding a job, a host of different ieads are held by different educators in defferent disciplines. Should colleges or universities offer students a better job preparation before they strat working? Admittedly, the main resposibility for stuents is to study and they should devote themselves competely to their study. Hoever, when we are facing the severe employment situation, what we must to is to prepare for future job as early as possible.
Actually, on the one hand, the main mission of student beyond class is to study, which occupys eight to ten hours a day, and students need to absorb the kownledge that the teacher taught in the class comprehensively. On the other hand, with a large number of availeble rehouses and facilities in campus, students can find materails they need whenever they want to study and to do cutting edge research. They should take advatage of rich resouces compeletly in the college. Otherwise, they will have no more chance to study systematically raher than they do in the school.


Nevertheless, while srudents should mainly spend our time in acaemic development, they should also prepare for their future job as early as possible. To begin with, modern student suffer from a lot of stress and pressure from both society and parents. They have to work hard for limited spaces into prestigious company in order to earn themseves a promising future. Better job also means good salarys, which can ensure our basic living standard in the everyday life. Therefore, student need prepare for a better job in the university, which will help them find a excellent job after graduating from school easily. For example, the university could provide a large number of job preparation couse for students in order to improve their interview skills and socail communication ability. The university can also encouage students to do intership job to gain the working experience.As a result, when students are finding a job in the future, they will have a more chance to geeting into presitigious compamies like top 500.
Furthermore, the completion to search a job is fierce. To stand out in thousands applicators, a simple diploma is not enough. What the company administration look for are people who have strong academic knowledgeable well as intership expericne. For example, a person who has work experience in the vocation as a intership is  more likely to get attention from the HR than the person who has no working experience at all. Thus, it seems a fact that students need job preparation before they graduate form college.
In sum, even though the main resposibility for stuents is to study, yet faced with the severe employment situation, students should prepare for future job as early as possible. Thus, school colleges or universities should offer students a better job prepration before they start working.
10月20日作文:

With the advent of the info and technology, education plays an important role in people’s life and also becomes more and more essential. When it comes to the point whether modern people are easier to educated, different people will hold different views due to their diversity perspectives. On the one hand, some people claim that the advanced resources and facilities give more opportunities to people to be educated. On the other hand, others opposes by saying that many entertainment that accompanies with the technology development may distract people concentration on the study, leading to less time on the education. From my point of view, it’s more reasonable to support the former rather than the latter.
Admittedly, modern people confront more entice than ancient people to the increasing living standards and technology development. In this day, people can access to a large number of entertainments when they want to relax themselves. There are movie theaters to for people to enjoy latest and popular films. There are parks for people to appreciate the beautiful scenery. There are also airplanes for people to travel anywhere they want. Some people will concern that all of these may distract people from concentrating on study.
However, as a matter of fact, the entertainment that people pursuit are just one way to escape from the reality, where modern people are living in a high-pace and intensive environment. In modern society, modern people suffer from a lot of stress and pressure. Even students, they have to work hard for limited prestigious school in order to get apromising future. As a result, the competence to enter excellent school is fierce. In this case, all students would have to spend more time on study from a very young age. Because of the well basement, for most teachers, students are more easily to grasp their key points in the class. Therefore, it’s easy for teachers to educate modern students rather than past students.
Furthermore, with the economic development and increasing living standards, there is more education institution in both city and country than in the past, where more people get to the opportunity to educate. There are also more teaching resources and convenient facilities currently than in the past. For example, modern technology has a great leap in computers owing to the emergence of the internet. With the internet, students can access to a large number of knowledge and information and improve their own abilities. Besides, the university is open to all people, if you want to learn the subject, you can just walk into the campus and learn anything you want to learn. Finally, every university has its own library, you can learn everything as long as you acquire the basic reading skills, math, philosophy, geology, and the list will go on. So we can completely enrich our knowledge by ourselves.
In sum, even though that modern people may face many entice, yet they have more opportunity to get access to the knowledge. Actually, the more knowledge that an individual gets, the more easily she or he will be educated. As a result, I strongly holds my view that modern people are easier to be educated than people who live in the past.
20121021 独立写作
Whenever we study or work, we may face controversial problems. In this case, we need assistance from our friends and discuss the problems with them. More often than not, when discussing and debating become possible, some problems can be solved unconcouisly. Fortunately, mordern technology provides us many options to solve the problems when we are asking help from others. We can use email and text message or we can use telephone and voice-messaging. From my point of view, although email can svae time and energy, i still like to use telephone since using telephone make the problem solved more effeciently and directly.



No one can deny the great convience the email bring. Never before we can communicate with others so conviniently. With email, we don’t have to go to the post office to send letters, all we have to do is to clik a bottom, in no minute, we can send 10 mails simoutanously. If you have a camera, you can also attach the picture to the mail. Thus,it is easy for us to discuss problems with otherS through emails. For example, when we face a complex problem in math, we can send emile that accompanys with resolving process of the question to our classmates for help. In contrary, they can also write down their details of solving process about the question to us. The detail and statistics are more easier for us to umderstand the problems.



However, while many people like to use email to solve the problem, as witnessed today, and email truly provide many details with charateristics and pictures, I prefer to use telephone sicne it is more directly and quickly. As a matter of fact, modern people live in a high-paced and intensive environment. And people haveto face a large munber of workloads everyday and they don’t even have spare time to relax hemselves. In this saituation, they might check thier emial at most once a day. Obviously, If you want to get a fast repay from the person you ask assistant for, you may not get the repay immediatelly. But if you take up the phone and call the person who can discuss the problems with you, you will get a higher of chance to solve your problem righy away.



Futhermore, with the advanced of the information and technology, people nowdays move to a cyber world and begin to work online, study online, even game online. People lost their tradition way of communication, from which people can get access to the communication skills. In light of this, using telephone is a more direct communication way and improve our communication sills. Also, the internet makes the realtionship between individuals becomes more loose and distant, using telephone to search help from frieds can cement their relationship with friends.



In sum, even though that email is more precise in solving problems, yet it can not solve the problem instantly. Actually, telephone allow us talk to others directly, which can cement our friedship with our friens. As a result, I strongly holds my opinion that i like to use telephone when facing the complex problems.
20121021综合写作
The reading passage lecture argues that wood companies in the USA don't want to adopt ecological certifications. However, the lecture casts doubt on what the lectuer says.



Fistly, the lectur asserts that customers in USA don’t trust the ecological certification, so wood companies don't need to adopt the certification. But the professor opposes by saying that customers concern about the profits and reputation of the company. If the company has a certification, they will have confidence about the quality of the products they buy.



Seconly, the lecture thinks that wood business in USA wouldn't like to introduce ecological certification since ecocentified wood is more expensive than unecocentritied wood, which will contribute to high price of products. However, the professor contradicts that the diference bewtteen the price of products is small, thus customers tend to buy pruducts with high value espeally something frirendly to environment.



Finally, the lecture claims that the pratice can only be adopted abroad, but cannot be adopted in the local USA. But the lecture asserts that the main customers target of wood business are local people in USA, companies should cater to the local people's taste.

Saturn光环

11.28
Modern people are confronted with a high-pace life and they. Consequently they need find ways to relax themselves. When it comes to the better way to relieve people's pressure from study and work, different people will hold different opinions due to their various backgrounds. For example, they can choose to see a latest movie in movie theater or do some exercise in sports club. As far as I amI’m concerned, I agree with the author's assertion that it is better to relax by watching movies or theaters than doing physical exercise in general. However, the author extends thethis issue into an irreversible extreme ?while overlooks other effects which also greatly influnce the topic.



首段关键问题是主题句比较模糊，在提出主题后面的however应该放到句子前面作为让步。不然主次不分让人读完不知道你支持什么观点。

On the one hand, no one can deny the fact that some comedycomediesmovies and funny fictions can bring endless happiness and fun for adult as well as children. （连词放在两个句子之间）Therefore making making them set aside their bother and stress from studying or working. Nothing can compare with the pleasure given by the intresting interesting plots in the books or funny sence scene on the screen. In addition, it is always accompanied with all kinds of snacks such as popcorn, chocolate, french fries in the process of watching movies and reading fictions（fiction指小说的时候不可数）, which will virtually people us think less seriously and just completely relax themselves. ？

On the other hand, a more rational and adequate opinion is it required to incorporate the issue as adequately adequate as possible. First, I have to point out that exercise enables people relax themxelves themselves in a healthy way, which will improve their health conditions by incresingincreasing the rate of blood circle. As we all know, people nowadays live in a high-pace and intensive environment where we suffer from a lot of working pressure and living stress. For example, breadwinner has to work day and night to earn their family a hiher? living standarads standards.Even students, they have to accomplish a large number of assignments every day for limited space（多余信息）in prestagiousprestigious schools in order to have a promising future. In this case, they always have no time to relax themselves, let alone doing exercise.accordingly posing their health to a threat. Furthermore, some employees sit in the front of scrrenscreen for more than 8 or 10 hours every day, which is excessively do harmful to their eyes and metabolism systemsystem. In the long run, they will have a higher chance of developinggetting various diseases such as myopia, obesity and heart diseases. Thus, doing exercises after work can offer people an oppotunity to relieve the pressure and exhaust in the office and lead to them a healthier life.

Moreover, what is worth noticing is that people can make friends with people who share the same intrest interest by playing sports. They can get little together?（不知所云）, they laugh, they talk, they disccuss, and all of these definitely make them feel funny and relax. For example, when you walk in the campus, more often than not, you might hear the laughs and louds from some boys and girls who are playing basketball or soccer ball. The teamates teammates in one soocer soccer team must cooperate with each other, while the competors competitors in different teams have to compete in order to win the scores.（想表达神马） They are immensed immersed into the game and enjoy the hapinesshappiness that the game brings, which would contribute them to forgetting the bad perfomances in academic or a low score report in the exam.

From what has been discussed above, it is sagacious to conclude that both movies or books and sports can provide a selection for individuals to relax.  As a result, what people must do is to find the proper way that fits relax themselves best.







1、我还以为我在一片文章里面错的单词已经够多了，看了楼主的我才知道原来山外有山啊；N多单词拼写错误，N多单复数没搞清楚。说道单词有优点，就是能有些例子和单词出现在正确的位置以正确的格式。这是可以继续发扬的。

2、感觉楼主就像刚背完，然后开始把单词往作文上搬，作文内很多单词的用法还需要考究不是会背就会用的。就是句子本身还需要再磨练，就是很多句子有chinglish的嫌疑

3、开头段没交代清楚，结尾段写的还不错。中间论述就是句子还是感觉重复的内容太多了，一句话说清楚的东西没必要说两句话，觉得很罗嗦。

小滋滋

tpo10
The reading passage and the lecture debate the issue about the cause of the reduction of sea otters population. The reading passage supports that environment pollution contributes the decline of sea otters population, providing three reasons, which are contradicted by the following lecture.

The first reason in the reading passage is that the water polluted by industrial chemical may kill the sea otters whereas the professor points out that it is the predator not the environment pollution factor that results in the decrease number of sea otters. She proves her opinion with the evidence that there is no death sea otters found in the sea. Obviously, her claim objects its counterpart in the reading passage.

Furthermore,  the reading passage contends that pollution affluenceS entire food chain of marine creature and alter large animals' food source, therefore leading large predators to prey small animals like sea otters.  The professor, however, claims the reason does not hold water. The reason is that the food source of large predators are hunted by human, which makes them have to eat small animals like sea otters.

Finally, despite the statement in the reading passage that environment pollution also well explain the uneven pattern of sea otters' decline, the professor considers that uneven pattern are the result of predator. It is because that sea otters have a small number in the places where orcas can easily access to them. In contrast, they have a large portion in shallow where the orcas with a large body can not approach.

小滋滋

http://tmpdl.xiaoma.com/dl/attachment/233

小滋滋

11.28
Modern people are confronted with a high-pace life and they consequently need find ways to relax themselve. When it comes to the better way to relieve people's pressure from study and work, different people will hold different opinions due to their various backgrounds. For example, they can choose to see a latest movie in movie theater or do some exercise in sports club. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the author's assertion that it is better to relax by watching movies or theaters than doing physical exercise in general. However, the author extends the issue into an irreversible extreme while overlooks other effects which also greatly influnce the topic.

On the one hand, no on can deny the fact that some comedy movies and funny fictions can bring endless hapiness and fun for adult as well as children, therefore makeing them set aside theirbother and stress from study or work. Nothing can compare with the pleasure given by the intresting plots in the book or funny sences on the screen. In addition, it is always accompanied with all kinds of snacks such as popcorn, chocolate, french fries in the process of watching movies and reading fictions, which will virtually people us think less seriously and just completely relax themselves.

On the other hand, a more rational and adequate opinion is required to incorporate the issue as adeqately as possible. First, I have to point out that exercise enables people relax themxelves in a health way, which will improve their health conditions by incresing the rate of blood circle. As we all know people nowadays live in a high-pace and intensive environment where we suffer from a lot of working pressure and living stress. For example, breadwinner has to work day and night to earn their family a hiher living standarads. Even students, they have to accomplish a large number of assignments every day for limited space in prestagious schools in order to have a promising future. In this case, they always have no time to relax themselves let alone do exercise, accordingly posing their health to a threat. Furthermore, some employees sit in the front of scrren for more 8 or 10 hours every day, which excessively do harm to their eyes and metabolism systerm. In the long run, they will have a higher chance of developing various diseases such as myopia, obesity and heart diseases. Thus, doing exercises after work can offer people an oppotunity to relieve the pressure and exhaust in the office and lead to them a healthier life.

Moreover, what is worth noticing is that people can make friends with people who share the same intrest by playing sports. They can get little together, they laugh, they talk, they disccuss, and all of these definitely make them feel funny and relax. For example, when you walk in the campus, more often than not, you might hear the laugh and louds from some boys and girls who are playing basketball or soccer ball. The teamates in one soocer team must cooperate with each other, while the competors in different teams have to compete in order to win the scores. They are immensed into the game and enjoy the hapiness that the game brings, which would contribute them forget the bad perfomances in academic or a low score report in the exam.

From what has been discussed above, it is sagacious to conclude that both movies or books and sports can provide a selection for individuals to relax.  As a result, what people must do is to find the proper way that fits themselves best.

小滋滋

The lecture and the reading passage held opposite opinions toward whether the ancient vessels that found in Iraq could prove ancient people use electric batteries. However, the professor illustrated that the equipment was applied as ancient electric batteries.

The reading mentioned that if such vessels were used as batteries, there would be some metal wires near the vessels. The speaker contradicted this point by saying that these devices were found（这个词用的不太准确，听力是想强调mw对于farmer的价值没有archaeologist大，所以throw away了，建议再仔细听下） by local residents not archaeologist, maybe inhabitants had used the original equipment but the archaeologist overlooked.

In addition, regarding the second argument the reading materials claimed, that the copper cylinders inside the jars looked like those copper tools in Seleucia and had the same use, was also rejected by the lecturer. He demonstrated that no evidence（evidence被证明哈？）was provided（proved） that the shape of original scrolls, the same shape was not necessary for the identical purpose.(是想写个同位语嘛？同位语要用双逗号隔开) What’s more, when copper was mixed with iron, they usually produced electricity. The original copper used for one purpose, while adapted copper for another purpose. Therefore, we can see how groundless the reading’s reason.

Finally, the professor rebutted the statement that the reading clarified, he explained that small electricity could produce wild short when we touch it. That’s the reason why many ancient people said they had magic power when using batteries. Because modern doctors use electricity to heal legs and pains and stimulate muscles, maybe ancient doctors also use it for the same purpose.



感觉第二段写的有点绕，建议长短句结合，然后可以加个结尾，第三点感觉我听的和你不太一样，都回去好好听听吧。

lizchang1990

TPO25

The lecture is skeptica(小错误拼写,还有skeptical 是一个形容词,你直接用suspects,不要is) about the point in the reading passge (小错误)that vesssel （小错误哦vessel）may be used as electric batteries in ancient times. The professor argues the evidence in the reading passage is unconvicing. (小错误哦unconvincing)你这句是病句,一句出现两个位于动词:argue/is, 建议用argues that来补救.

Firstly,(美国人其实很少用这个词,一般直接说first, 当然你没错,我建议地道点用哦~) the reading passage contends that there are no metal mires found near vessels proving that vessels are regard as electric batteries(这句你从句套从句,建议简化哦~用to prove vessels…). However, the professor believes that it is definitely not true. Then she surpports(小错误) her point by saying that the material plays an less important role for local people rather than archeologists and they probably throw them away after using it.

Furthermore, the professor objects the point in the reading passage by saying that (你第二次用by saying that,建议换词)it will certifify (小错误)nothing even though the copper cylinders found in Sel(小错误) are used by holding scrolls. The reason is that the copper might be designed to hold scrolls, but later it would be used to gather sunlight, which means the original desination (小错误)is adopted into another utility. Obviously, the lecture contradicts what the reading passage says.

Finally, the reading passage holds that the vessel is useless since there is no devices to operate it in anciet(小错误) times, whereas the professore (小错误)suggests that the vessel truly has more than one function. The first function is that it can produce magic power when people touch it. The second function is that ancient doctors can use it to cure pain or various diseases.(这段表达不错,简练清晰)

In sum, the points in the lecture contrastes(小错误) with the points in the reading passages. The professore(小错误) demonstratres (小错误)the reading passage in doubt.

亲,小错误偏多了点哦,注意下就好.
还有就是能用简单句就不要把句式弄得复杂,以免意思表达受到影响.
总体说听力部分写得不错,是亮点~

SophieS123

11.9 spending money on traving＆vacation vs. saving for furture

Money plays an important role in our life. Although the money is not a penecea, it is true that we can use money to satisfy many basic living repuirements. Broadly speaking, there are two kinds of consumption concept. One is that people should spend money rather than save to do some intererting or meaningful things as soon as possible. Another is about traditional view that people should save money they earn in order to deal with emergencies happening in the future. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the author’s one of assertion that people should save money for forture in general. However, the author explores the assertion into an irreversible extreme while overlooks other factors which also influnce the issue.

On the one hand, I agree with the point that people should save money for future since no one would predict whether there are some emergencies waiting for us. What we must do is to prepare money for the future as much as possible. Otherwise, when we meet some emergencies such as fatal diseases or traffic accidents, we will not afford the expense of thrapy and medicine(medical) care. Moreover, the accumulated money can also be used in all kinds of aspects of our life, which improves our basic living standards. For example, you can buy a big house in the suburbs, which will provide a well(合适吗） environment for you parents’ health as well as children’s development. You can also send your children to go to the excellent school in order to earn them a promising future.

On the other hand, a more rational and accurate judgment need to incorporate different aspects of the isuee as adequately as possible. First of all（只有first of all, 然后没下文了……）, I have to point out that health is more important than money. It is the fact that modern people now live in a high-paced and intensive environment and they suffer from a lot of presure from study and work. Employees have to sit in front of the screen for 8 or 10 hours a day to accomplish a massive number of workloads. Even students, they have to work hard for limited space in prestigious schools. There is no doubt that they don not have time to relax themselves, let alone do exercise, which will deplete their health. Thus, people repuire rest and the vacation exactly provides an opportunity for them to relieve pressure, which will also make union(好像用在这里不太合适） with family possible. When you smell the flowers and grass and hear the songs of birds in the natual（nature), you will set aside all of your bothers and burdens for you realize nothing is more important than family and pleasure.

Furthermore, what is worth noticing is that the tourism can help local economy. The tourism sites offer local residents job positions such as sevicers that ensure the basic income of these family. Besides, if the tourism runs well, an increasing number of people will visit the site, which will accrodingly attract more commercial business to invest in this region. This will no doubt promote the local economic development.

In sum, by taking into account all these factors dicussed above, we may safely arive at the conclusion that people should not only save money but also spend money on certain worth things like vacation. Therefore, they will find a good balance between life and work.

文章有一些语法的错误，我顺手改了一部分……很多短语和用词很值得学习~但是第三个观点好像跑题了……这种折衷的观点非常不好写啊呵呵……给我的感觉有点别扭……
以上为个人观点，说得不好不要太介意哈~

小滋滋

TPO25

The lecture is skeptica about the point in the reading passge that vesssel may be used as electric batteries in ancient times. The professor argues the evidence in the reading passage is unconvicing.

Firstly, the reading passage contends that there are no metal mires found near vessels proving that vessels are regard as electric batteries. However, the professor believes that it is definitely not true. Then she surpports her point by saying that the material plays an less important role for local people rather than archeologists and they probably throw them away after using it.

Furthermore, the professor objects the point in the reading passage by saying that it will certifify nothing even though the copper cylinders found in Sel are used by holding scrolls. The reason is that the copper might be designed to hold scrolls, but later it would be used to gather sunlight, which means the original desination is adopted into another utility. Obviously, the lecture contradicts what the reading passage says.

Finally, the reading passage holds that the vessel is useless since there is no devices to operate it in anciet times, whereas the professore suggests that the vessel truly has more than one function. The first function is that it can produce magic power when people touch it. The second function is that ancient doctors can use it to cure pain or various diseases.

In sum, the points in the lecture contrastes with the points in the reading passages. The professore demonstratres the reading passage in doubt.

小滋滋

11.9 spending money on traving＆vacation vs. saving for furture

Money plays an important role in our life. Although the money is not a penecea, it is true that we can use money to satisfy many basic living repuirements. Braodly speaking, there are two kinds of consumption concept. One is that people should spend money rather than save to do some intererting or meaningful things as soon as possible. Another is about traditional view that people should save money they earn in order to deal with emergencies happening in the future. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the author’s one of assertion that people should save money for forture in general. However, the author explores the assertion into an irreversible extreme while overlooks other factors which also influnce the issue.

On the one hand, I agree with the point that people should save money for future since no one would predict whether there are some emergencies wating for us. What we must do is to prepare money for the future as much as possible. Otherwise, when we meet some emergencies such as fatal diseases or traffic accidents, we will not afford the expense of thrapy and medicine care. Moreover, the accumulated money can also be used in all kinds of aspects of our life, which improves our basic living standards. For example, you can buy a big house in the suburbs, which will provide a well environment for you parents’ health as well as children’s development. You can also send your children to go to the excellent school in order to earn them a promising future.

On the other hand, a more rational and accurate judgment need to incorporate different aspects of the isuee as adequately as possible. First of all, I have to point out that health is more important than money. It is the fact that modern people now live in a high-paced and intensive environment and they suffer from a lot of presure from study and work. Employees have to sit in front of the screen for 8 or 10 hours a day to accomplish a massive number of workloads. Even students, they have to work hard for limited space in prestigious schools. There is no doubt that they don not have time to relax themselves, let alone do exercise, which will delepte their health. Thus, people repuire rest and the vacation exactly provides a opportunity for them to relieve pressure, which will also make union with family possible. When you smell the flowers and grass and hear the songs of birds in the natual, you will set aside all of your bothers and burdens for you realize nothing is more important than family and pleasure.

Furthermore, what is worth noticing is that the tourism can help local economy. The tourism sites offer local residents job positions such as sevicers that ensure the basic income of these family. Besides, if the tourism runs well, an increasing number of people will visit the site, which will accrodingly attract more commercial business to invest in this region. This will no doubt promote the local economic development.

In sum, by taking into account all these factors dicussed above, we may safely arive at the conclusion that people should not only save money but also spend money on certain worth things like vacation. Therefore, they will find a good balance between life and work.