[求助]请求大家帮忙修改这个文章◆◆◆TWE109 ◆◆◆

guandream

以下是引用漂亮宝贝在2004-11-4 3:15:00的发言：

109. When people move to another country, some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices. Which one do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details.

Whether people follow the customs of the new country or not when they move to another country, different people have different ideas due to their personal experience, style life, or emotional concern. In my point of view, I would like to follow the customs of the new country. I will present evidence to support my viewpoint.

To begin with, following the customs of the new country can help people adapt the new occasion as soon as possible (,)and adapting the new area is an important permit (???)to everyone when they move to a strange foreign country. For example, one of my Chinese friends, who moved to Canada recently,. He worked hard on studying English because English is the dominant language in this country. most Canadian speak English and speaking English is one of their customs. If he does not understand English, he cannot do everything such as renting a house to live, looking for a job to do, or talking to other persons. I think that following the customs of the new country is so important to survive in new environment.

Another reason is that following the customs of the new country can help people make a lot of friends easily. If people keep their old customs and do not accept new customs, they would be difficult to realize the new country and new people. For instance, Halloween is an important holiday in Canada, but in our country we do not celebrate it. When we moved Canada, we follow the new customs, use skulls and dolls to adorn our house, and give candies to children when they knock at our door. All these actions help us make a lot of native friends.

good paragraph

Admittedly, there are some advantages when people keep their old customs. If they hold their habits, they do not need change their behaviors, work hard on studying, and alter their mind. However, if they do not follow the new habits, they are difficult to become a member of the new country. This is not their goal to move the new area. I consider that following the new customs is a good choice.

To sum up, when people move to another country, they should follow the customs of the new country. It would make them live better and better.

conclusion is weak

谢谢大家帮我看看这样写能不能有5分，这是我的目标呀。

the whole essay is good. but the second paragraph costs you a lot. try to connect your ideas together. otherwise, it souds like a swimming beginner.

漂亮宝贝

109. When people move to another country, some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices. Which one do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details.

Whether people follow the customs of the new country or not when they move to another country, different people have different ideas due to their personal experience, style life, or emotional concern. In my point of view, I would like to follow the customs of the new country. I will present evidence to support my viewpoint.

To begin with, following the customs of the new country can help people adapt the new occasion as soon as possible and adapting the new area is an important permit to everyone when they move to a strange country. For example, one of my Chinese friends moved to Canada recently. He worked hard on studying English because most Canadian speak English and speaking English is one of their customs. If he does not understand English, he cannot do everything such as renting a house to live, looking for a job to do, or talking to other persons. I think following the customs of the new country is so important.

Another reason is that following the customs of the new country can help people make a lot of friends easily. If people keep their old customs and do not accept new customs, they would be difficult to realize the new country and new people. For instance, Halloween is an important holiday in Canada, but in our country we do not celebrate it. When we moved Canada, we follow the new customs, use skulls and dolls to adorn our house, and give candies to children when they knock our door. All these actions help us make a lot of native friends.

Admittedly, there are some advantages when people keep their old customs. If they hold their habits, they do not need change their behaviors, work hard on studying, and alter their mind. However, if they do not follow the new habits, they are difficult to become a member of the new country. This is not their goal to move the new area. I consider that following the new customs is a good choice.

To sum up, when people move to another country, they should follow the customs of the new country. It would make them live better and better.

谢谢大家帮我看看这样写能不能有5分，这是我的目标呀。