小v第一次加入写作小分队，作文求指教！！！

verchieldan

9月25日正式加入，本人作文是英语所有题型中最弱的，求各位多多指教啊。

jgasoshmu2005

上传了，请参见29楼

perfectends

The reading passage explores the issue which genetic trees will be much beneficial.(同义替换,good) In the lecture, however, their professor contradicts this idea. There are three reasons in the following parts.


First of all, the professor said that the resistant ability does not mean the trees can survival. Because the non-genetic trees are diverseto (too) .(diverse这一点我没听到,你听力也很好啊)And the genetic trees can’t suit for all the changes like pests and weathers.(细节听出来了,good)This directly refutes the reading passage which states that(巧妙通过从句写明文章与听力文章关系) genetic trees are to be harder than nature trees. (恩, 匆忙中听的point确实抓住的不是最关键的,但也听出来不少可以反驳的细节.)


Furthermore, there are little economic profits by planting this kind of (建议去掉,有点多余) genetic trees. Again this disagrees with what is pointed out in the reading material that the genetic trees are promise to boring more benefits. For example, if you plant the genetic seeds, you cannot collect the seeds after they are mature. The fact is you have to by the same seeds from the company every time and absolutely spend a lot of money.(例子部分,所对应的听力原文的point不是在于不能收种子,而是你每次种都要付费…)


Finally, the genetic trees will bring serious damage to the wild trees. This differs from the idea in the reading text that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees. On the contrary, due to the aggressively growth(8错,pharaphrase了) of the genetic trees among nature trees, this will completely ran out of(8错,pharaphrase了) the limit resources, including water, soil and shine. Consequently, the nature trees will be extinct.





你的听力也不错啊. 可能是你状态不好吧,感觉很多细节都抓住了但是主旨句稍微差一点就听到位了. 另外,你的paraphrase和文章结构,句式,都不错学习了. 拼写错误非常少,应该不会影响分数,像你学习.
不好意思，你跟我打招呼这一拖，我开始还记得，昨天就忘了，应该昨天这时候批的。。。祝你的成绩理想~

jgasoshmu2005

非常抱歉,附件忘了上传了!这两天也没有上网,而且修改文件在办公室的电脑上,可否稍等我明天回办公室再上传给你!
再次表示歉意!

verchieldan

The reading passage explores the issue which genetic trees will be much beneficial. In the lecture, however, their professor contradicts this idea. There are three reasons in the following parts.
First of all, the professor said that the resistant ability does not mean the trees can survival. Because the non-genetic trees are diverse to .And the genetic trees can’t suit for all the changes like pests and weathers. This directly refutes the reading passage which states that genetic trees are to be harder than nature trees.
Furthermore, there are little economic profits by planting this kind of genetic trees. Again this disagrees with what is pointed out in the reading material that the genetic trees are promise to boring more benefits. For example, if you plant the genetic seeds, you cannot collect the seeds after they are mature. The fact is you have to by the same seeds from the company every time and absolutely spend a lot of money.
Finally, the genetic trees will bring serious damage to the wild trees. This differs from the idea in the reading text that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees. On the contrary, due to the aggressively growth of the genetic trees among nature trees, this will completely ran out of the limit resources, including water, soil and shine. Consequently, the nature trees will be extinct.

不好意思，今天有事出去了，现在刚回来。
第一点几乎没有听出来。。。

perfectends

21 January
综合写作
perfectends 和 verchieldan 互改

Integrated Writing:
TPO 21
亲，你作文忘了贴了啊？？

jgasoshmu2005

修改请参见附件
感觉是不是有些偏题．我的理解应该是支持三种方式中的一种，然后突出论述相比较另外两种方式的优势，当然也可以让步式的写一段另外两种方式的优点．
感觉楼主应该实在套用自己的模板，个人感觉模板还需改进
水平有限，一家之言．

verchieldan

20 January
Independent Writing:
Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends?
a. join a sports team,
b. participate in community activities,
c. traveling

Asked what people would like to make new friend, which method they will chose or how to carry on their existent plan, some people may answered: devoting myself to as many as possible social activities. Admittedly, joining community affairs plays a vital part in common people because they are working and living in the where around their colleagues, subordinates, leaders and closed friends. Therefore, they can make friends with unfamiliar people through annual party of the company, public affairs and charity activities. The point of view seems superficially and indisputable but totally unsuitable when it comes to the special group of people—student. The discrepancies would be critically considered and found a better way for student in the following part of the article.
Frankly, students spend much more time staying school to obtain knowledge and should not focus on much more community activities. Generally, besides their classmates and teachers, if they want to make new friends, choose to join a sports team or some kind of music or art group is the most suitable and beneficial way. There is no better illustration than the example of my friend Dan. He is found of playing soccer and that forced him to attend the soccer team in his high school. “I make friends who have the same interests with me. Consequently, we can kill the boring time and talk about favorite players during the rest time.” He smiled when he said that and his parents were also delightful to see the progress he made in study and no worried about he would do something irrelevant.
Furthermore, in modern society, here comes much pressure on student. I, as a college student, would also firmly recommend that student should make friends while they are traveling during vacation. On the one hand, traveling can reduce and relieve the pressure from the live and study. On the one hand, the more important is they can meet different people in all kinds of areas, including single travelers, reporters, poetesses and office gentlemen, which will absolutely broaden their horizon and experience a totally unique world beyond school and home.
Admittedly, students also have to gain social skills especially the ability to communicate with others through community activities. Social life to some extent releases people from the onerous work but value nothing to make people choke. The main method of students is to try best to learn knowledge, giving up the main value, students will be hysterical and lost.
In conclusion, sounds over the stated it is, I definitely regard join the school group and traveling as the best war for students to make new friends. Share the happiness and sorrows what they have experience and achieve one fulfillment.

wsxz007

19 January
Integrated Writing:
TPO 19

The reading passage explores the issue about the buzzing will do harm to people in all kinds of areas. In the reading material, however, the buzzer disagrees with the reading passage. And the buzzer explained why the buzzer is beneficial. There are three reasons to support this idea.


开头还是背背模板再结合自己的东西编一编……
First of all, the buzzer thinks they always tell the truth about the product they are buzzing. This directly refutes the reading passage which states a person who is paid by the company will mislead the consumers by say how good the product of service. The man explains how the buzzing work to illustrite that. People who used the product and really like it will tell the truth about the product and never lie absolutely.

这里我听得还有还有个细节就是公司雇佣的buzzer是那些真正觉得产品好用的人，这些人会说产品好，也是因为他们确实觉得好。

Secondly, against this contradicts what is stated in the reading passage which stated that buzzing will make the consumers listen their endorsements less and thus harm consumers, the buzzer said that they are just show the price, services and awareness to the whole consumers. There is no existence of cheating of misleading.

这里我听到的是，顾客们会问很多问题像price, usage,function等，buzzer必须回答顾客的问题否则顾客不买产品，而不是buzzer本意一定要说产品的各种好————这段好短，逻辑又不是很明显，真心不好听啊……

Finally, the buzzer points out that if buzzer doesn't like the product, it's boring nothing to the company by hire them. This disagrees with the reading passage that buzzing has negative effects on social relationship. He takes himself as an example. He likes the cellphone deeply and that stimulate him to be take that job. "After careful experience and being a buzzer to tell what one really think, that will make people more trustful and open up to the other."
这华丽丽滴不是最后一点啊，是前面的内容，这里我听得信息是，buzzer会破坏社会关系，由于他们所售卖宣传的产品给后来购买的人带来困扰和被欺骗感，导致人与人之间的不信任。针对这一点听力提出，恰恰相反由于BUZZER的宣传是基于好的产品诚实的宣传，所以后来购买的人会对产品很满意，从而增进人与人之间的信任……

总的来说这篇有些难……逻辑有点G的感觉了……

wsxz007

辩证的看问题是对的，也是必要的，但就这篇来看，可以写写，“现在的青年较以前的青年可能还存在其他方面的差异，比如踏实、执着之类的性格特征，”这样的观点更好写，逻辑上也更清晰