SophieS123的作文贴

SophieS123

这里是SophieS123的作文贴，谢谢帮我改作文的同学，求狠拍~

9月13日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Colleges or Universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working.

中文提纲：
同意
1、有助于学生找工作和个人发展
2、有助于学校提升自身质量和入学率
3、有利于相应公司的发展并可能带动整个行业的进步

Universities are places where students can get higher education to prepare for their future lives and enhance themselves. Nowadays, with more and more intense competitions in varied fields, I think it is very important for universities to provide their students with better job preparation before they start working. Only in this way will they benefit not only the students, but also the universities themselves and the whole society.

Offering students better job preparation is a good way to help students find jobs more easily and perform better in their own careers. No matter what a student majors in the university, he or she will eventually enter the job market, facing challenges from peers. And if students have already accepted some training or internship in the areas they choose, it is quite likely that they will be more efficient in their future jobs and can get to know the skills and knowledge needed in that area more sufficiently. This means that they may get more opportunities than others on further development and job promotion.

Besides, offering students better job preparation also helps improve the quality and enrollment of a university. By doing so, students and their parents may find that graduates from this university are more skilled at finding jobs or more capable in companies; thus maybe students tend to apply to this university and enroll in this school. At the same time those who benefit from the job preparation program are likely to contribute to the university after they graduate, which will surely help the university improve their quality of education and do good to more students.

In addition, offering students better job preparation can boost the development of the whole industry. By training students' specific skills in certain fields, universities send students with much practical knowledge to companies, which will greatly improve the competitive power of companies and motivate the development of the whole industry. For example, some universities provide students with many chances of internship. During this kind of experiences, students get to know whether they are really interested in certain areas, thus they may devote more energy to their jobs in the future, which can bring more enthusiasm and creativity to companies. In the end this will benefit the whole society, providing more fresh air of thought.

To sum up, there are many advantages in different aspects to offer students better job preparation before they enter the job market, so it is really essential for universities to do so.

lizchang1990

我昨天的作业连接,谢谢了   http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-781814-3-1.html#last

lizchang1990

我的下午6点样子上传,不好意思哟~~~

lizchang1990

A/D? Your job has more influence on your happiness than your social life does.

Happiness is a complex emotion determined by many factors and needs(needs就去掉吧,factors其实也可以包括这些). It can be embodied (觉得没必要用被动)in various aspects such as basic living needs, respect from others and so on.(建议1,2句结合成1句) While some people believe that people’s social lives have more influence over their happiness than do their jobs, I hold the opposite opinion.

According to Maslow's(马洛斯是Malos,其需求原理中最foundation的是生理需求哟~) pyramid of needs, the foundation of happiness is satisfaction of basic needs. It is obvious that basic needs are chiefly met by working. As human beings, we need to obtain water, food and shelters in order to survive, which of course a stable job can provide us with(你这个地方没必要定语从句). By doing jobs, we can not only make a living, but better support our family. With the money you earn from work, you are able to consider all kinds of recreation to further enrich your lives, during which process you feel blessed. Otherwise, if you cannot even settle the meals(没明白~~), then how do social lives make any sense? Therefore your job is more important on the issue of happiness.

Besides, your jobs can bring you more respect from others than does your social life. Natural(你这个词建议换下) is that everyone hopes to be approved by others so that they will have a stronger sense of identity(你要说认同感么? Identity不是的额). Doing your jobs is an approach to testify your capability and benefit society, which will eventually earn others' respect and obtain happiness. Many famous CEOs in the world, such as Steven Jobs and Bill Gates, are respected by others profoundly due to their excellent performances in different fields, which are conductive to the whole world. I am convinced that they are more likely to enjoy the happiness brought by their jobs than by their social lives.(其实你这句话不要前面的修饰convinced更好,你这样一说,感觉是你在猜测他们这样想的.这就存在一个问题,事实上人家未必这样~~ 为了支持你观点,你可以编得他们就是认为工作比social life重要~~~)

Admittedly, to some extend our happiness is effected by the quality and frequency of our social lives. A successful social life can satisfy our needs for mental relaxation and recreation, which then will benefit our health. However, I regard this kind of happiness as a temporary one. You may just have fun during the parties but feel a great emptiness inside waking up next morning. This is because you subconsciously take social life as a method to escape dilemmas in real life. The happiness social life provides you is unrealistic compared to that offered by your career success. Only when you achieve improvement (这个搭配很chinglish)in your jobs, you can feel really content deep inside, knowing that you deserve the outcome after great efforts.

In conclusion, our jobs are essential to our daily lives and all sorts of demands, both physically and mentally. As social beings, social lives contribute greatly to our connection with the world, thereby our happiness(thereby后面可以接个名词?!?!). However, it is our professions that determine the direction of our future lives and happiness.(这个结尾有点问题,你明明在说job带给你的幸福感强,这个结尾就毁了你之前辛辛苦苦写出的论证了~)

总结: 句式复杂,词汇不错~  但小错误还是得避免下,对于自己都不确定的词,例子就不要列举得那么细哦~~~

lizchang1990

TO SophieS123 ,不好意思阿~ 我尽量快点帮你批改作文吧~ 若今晚没看完,我明天早上发给你.我的作文也明天一块贴上来~  不好意思呀,忙递交申请材料今天,所以....   我一定会在明天早上前给你的!!!

lmylacoste

等综合~

SophieS123

11月15日 独立
A/D? Your job has more influence on your happiness than your social life does.

Happiness is a complex emotion determined by many factors and needs. It can be embodied in various aspects such as basic living needs, respect from others and so on. While some people believe that people’s social lives have more influence over their happiness than do their jobs, I hold the opposite opinion.


According to Maslow's pyramid of needs, the foundation of happiness is satisfaction of basic needs. It is obvious that basic needs are chiefly met by working. As human beings, we need to obtain water, food and shelters in order to survive, which of course a stable job can provide us with. By doing jobs, we can not only make a living, but better support our family. With the money you earn from work, you are able to consider all kinds of recreation to further enrich your lives, during which process you feel blessed. Otherwise, if you cannot even settle the meals, then how do social lives make any sense? Therefore your job is more important on the issue of happiness.


Besides, your jobs can bring you more respect from others than does your social life. Natural is that everyone hopes to be approved by others so that they will have a stronger sense of identity. Doing your jobs is an approach to testify your capability and benefit society, which will eventually earn others' respect and obtain happiness. Many famous CEOs in the world, such as Steven Jobs and Bill Gates, are respected by others profoundly due to their excellent performances in different fields, which are conductive to the whole world. I am convinced that they are more likely to enjoy the happiness brought by their jobs than by their social lives.


Admittedly, to some extend our happiness is effected by the quality and frequency of our social lives. A successful social life can satisfy our needs for mental relaxation and recreation, which then will benefit our health. However, I regard this kind of happiness as a temporary one. You may just have fun during the parties but feel a great emptiness inside waking up next morning. This is because you subconsciously take social life as a method to escape dilemmas in real life. The happiness social life provides you is unrealistic compared to that offered by your career success. Only when you achieve improvement in your jobs, you can feel really content deep inside, knowing that you deserve the outcome after great efforts.



In conclusion, our jobs are essential to our daily lives and all sorts of demands, both physically and mentally. As social beings, social lives contribute greatly to our connection with the world, thereby our happiness. However, it is our professions that determine the direction of our future lives and happiness.

Crystal的秋天

Nowadays, people usually love to go on a vacation in orderto relax themselves and there are some factors most people would like to referto while evaluating(evaluate的对象必须具有两面性) thevacation, which include whether there is delicious  food, whether getting-together with closefriends or whether it is a good location连续三个good 有点单一，而且是跟朋友一起，不是. From mypoint of view, a good location is the most essential element of a pleasantvacation.


With the development of modern transportation and people'sliving standards, people today tend to travel during a vacation.主旨句，跟后面的论点联系不紧密 And agood location is likely to guarantee beautiful scenery and novel culture, whichis exactly most people are longing for during the trip. Different geographicalpositions always give us various experiences and feelings. If you go to somecoastal states, you can reach the sunshine and warm beaches; if you arrive at acanyon, you can experience the grand nature and the beauty of wildness; and ifyou visit some small towns with rivers, you will enjoy the serenity there andits long history. Anyway, a good location is the foundation of an unknown andexciting journey.


Some people may say that vacations are for relaxation,which implies that good food and good friends contribute more to an enjoyablevacation. However, personally I always regard food as a necessity ensuringsurvival, instead of a good way to enjoy my vacation. As for good friends, Ibelieve that sometimes not being with your good friends can be more relaxed ina vacation. Being around your friends may remind you of your troubles andstatus quo back in your daily life, which is actually something you prefer toturn off temporarily during the vacation. By not being companied by them youcan try to rely on yourself. Furthermore, not like a good place for vacation,both good food and good friends are available in your daily life, which renderboth of them not the most important elements of a delightful vacation.（你这段怎么又多了food，你第一段的主旨可是只有location哦）
Besides, a good location leaves open the possibility thatyou have opportunities to meet new people and challenge yourself. A newsurrounding means that you can apply the knowledge you've learnt before to thenew environment and situations. For instance, you may be forced to communicatewith some foreigners or use a map to find attractions. By doing so, not onlycan you find a whole new inner person of yourself but also obtain greatsatisfaction of mind. Therefore it is safe to say that a good location makescome true both the possibility of trying new extensions and a pleasant holiday.


In conclusion, spending a vacation is a popular way tothrow away our trouble and enjoy lives. As good friends and food can always bearound us in daily lives, I regard a good location as the most important factorcontributing to an enjoyable vacation.

总体上，除了第三个观点比较清晰，第二段可以说没有观点，第一段总结句总结的不好，应该是交通使得人们更方便去找到一个goodlocation，这样才能符合整篇文章的主旨，和题目联系紧密。
语言上，有一些固定的词组用的挺好。

SophieS123

11月14日 独立
three factors & an enjoyable vacation: good food, good friends, a good location


Nowadays, people usually love to go on a vacation in order to relax themselves and there are some factors most people would like to refer to while evaluating the vacation, which include good food, good friends and a good location. From my point of view, a good location is the most essential element of a pleasant vacation.


With the development of modern transportation and people's living standards, people today tend to travel during a vacation. And a good location is likely to guarantee beautiful scenery and novel culture, which is exactly most people are longing for during the trip. Different geographical positions always give us various experiences and feelings. If you go to some coastal states, you can reach the sunshine and warm beaches; if you arrive at a canyon, you can experience the grand nature and the beauty of wildness; and if you visit some small towns with rivers, you will enjoy the serenity there and its long history. Anyway, a good location is the foundation of an unknown and exciting journey.


Some people may say that vacations are for relaxation, which implies that good food and good friends contribute more to an enjoyable vacation. However, personally I always regard food as a necessity ensuring survival, instead of a good way to enjoy my vacation. As for good friends, I believe that sometimes not being with your good friends can be more relaxed in a vacation. Being around your friends may remind you of your troubles and status quo back in your daily life, which is actually something you prefer to turn off temporarily during the vacation. By not being companied by them you can try to rely on yourself. Furthermore, not like a good place for vacation, both good food and good friends are available in your daily life, which render both of them not the most important elements of a delightful vacation.


Besides, a good location leaves open the possibility that you have opportunities to meet new people and challenge yourself. A new surrounding means that you can adapt the knowledge you've learnt before to the new environment and situations. For instance, you may be forced to communicate with some foreigners or use a map to find attractions. By doing so, not only can you find a whole new inner person of yourself but also obtain great satisfaction of mind. Therefore it is safe to say that a good location makes come true both the possibility of trying new extensions and a pleasant holiday.


In conclusion, spending a vacation is a popular way to throw away our trouble and enjoy lives. As good friends and food can always be around us in daily lives, I regard a good location as the most important factor contributing to an enjoyable vacation.

小滋滋

In contemporary society, with the development of science and technology people's living standard has been increased greatly. Accordingly, this fact gives rise to the heated debate over the issue whether it is better to spend money on travelling than saving money for future use. In my point of view, despite the necessity of saving money for the future, I tend to spend money on travelling.

Apparently, spending money on travelling offers us an opportunity to broaden our horizons and explore a new world. During the journey, not only can you adapt the knowledge you have learnt to the new surroundings, but also you can get to know something mysterious or interesting. For instance, when you visit Hawaii, you are likely to indulge in the warm hospitality there and be interested in the residents' custom. Isn't it a prefect experience to attend a traditional Hawaii wedding and feel the impressive atmosphere they sing folk songs? I am convinced that by spending money on travelling, you can definitely have a special understanding about a certain area and its culture, which you can(同一句话中最好别出现相同的词，建议换一个) hardly acquire through just saving money for further use.

Besides, travelling is a valid method for you to relax and relief your pressure. People always tend to forget their own little problems when they are facing the grand and fantastic nature. Take myself as an example. As an engineering student, I always have piles of homework to do and feel great pressure（feel+adj.） from my peers. Sometimes to finish a project in a certain course, I have to stay up late for several nights, let alone plowing through those abstruse professional books. So when I have an opportunity to travel, I always do(will) not hesitate to take it and make(take) good(full) use of it.(这句太chinglish了)During the trip, I am temporarily away from the difficulties and concentrate on the scenery that meets my eyes. By doing so, I am able to recharge myself so that I can be back to my study with stronger fight will.

Admittedly, it is necessary to save some money for future use. If you are planning to study aboard, it is just crazy to spend much money on travelling. Also there exist some circumstances where you may encounter some accidents, so it is really important to save some money in case that sort of things happens. However, I believe that as long as you can manage your finance properly, there is no problem to spending some money on travelling. (Especailly)For us young adults, it is actually more meaningful to spend money on travelling, which represents those potential possibilities and self-charging.

In conclusion, important as saving money for the future may be, it is not a wiser way than spending money on travelling. Travelling can bring us many more benefits than saving money due to its influence on both our physical and mental health, as well as our store(accumulation) of knowledge.

结构语法都没什么大问题，可以适当增加一些好的句型和加强举行变换，觉着楼主的句型有点单调，从而让文章更出彩。