bonfin作文贴

bonfin

先谢谢帮我改作文的童鞋了，你们辛苦啦~以后就不占楼分别感谢了~

09.10  TPO15综合

In the passage, the writer asserts that because the toad reproduced rapidly, they threaten small native animals, it is necessary to take action to control the spread of the cane toad.The writer brings up three ways to solve the problem. However, the speaker refutes what states in the reading materials.

First, the writer suggests that building a national fence could be a efficient way to defend the spread ofthe cane toad. And they also controlled the rabbit population by the same wayand succeeded. But the speaker points out that considering that cane toad live in stream; it is easy for the young toad or eggs move into the protected area.

Second, the write proposes that the Australia government can organize volunteers groups to capture anddestroy cane toads. Moreover, it is easier to destroy young toads and toadeggs. The speaker argues that if the volunteers are not trained, they may be unfamiliar with the toad eggs and destroy the eggs of native frog by mistaken.

Last but not least, the writer comes up with the idea that researchers can use a disease-causing virusto control the cane toad population. The advantage of the method is that thevirus will be harmful only to cane toads and will not affect the population ofother reptile and amphibian species. The speaker says that the virus can be transmitted through the transportation of amphibian by researchers and collectors.Therefore, the virus will harm the king toads, which is the vital part inecosystem of South America. This directly contradicts the suggestion in the passage.

婷婷connie

9.16 综合
09.16 TPO20综合

In the passage, the writer asserts that it is necessary to replace the “let it burn” police(policy) because it cause（causes） a lot of damage in the forest fires in Yellowstone. On the contrary, the professor argues that there is no need to adopt a new policy by pointing out the current circumstance in the area.

First, the writer claims that some trees and vegetation dies(died应该是当年灭绝的) out in this（these） forest fires. However, the professor refutes that although it cause（causes） irreversible change to these kinds of plants, it brings a better living condition to other kinds of trees. As a result, the area begins to recover and even has more diverse plants. Moreover, seeds of some trees can only sprout （听力里是germinate）within the high level temperature（hear）.

Second, the formation of the new environment also provides good habitats for some animals. For example, the advent of new small trees offers the food to the small animals（such as rabbits）. Therefore, the animals（predators） feed on these small animals also can survive in the area.（可以提一下food chains） So this directly contradicts what is stated in the passage.

Last but not least, the cause of the forests fire in Yellowstone is the combination of low rainfall, unusual strong wind and so on. These factors never appear together since then. So the tourists come back to visit the Yellowstone.


Conclusion：细节没有问题，不过有一些语病哦，这个一定注意啦

bonfin

09.16 TPO20综合

In the passage, the writer asserts that it is necessary to replace the “let it burn” police because it cause a lot of damage in the forest fires in Yellowstone. On the contrary, the professor argues that there is no need to adopt a new policy by pointing out the current circumstance in the area.

First, the writer claims that some trees and vegetation dies out in this forest fires. However, the professor refutes that although it cause irreversible change to these kinds of plants, it brings a better living condition to other kinds of trees. As a result, the area begins to recover and even has more diverse plants. Moreover, seeds of some trees can only sprout within the high level temperature.

Second, the formation of the new environment also provides good habitats for some animals. For example, the advent of new small trees offers the food to the small animals. Therefore, the animals feed on these small animals also can survive in the area. So this directly contradicts what is stated in the passage.

Last but not least, the cause of the forests fire in Yellowstone is the combination of low rainfall, unusual strong wind and so on. These factors never appear together since then. So the tourists come back to visit the Yellowstone.

bonfin

09.16  独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: similar job with you for your children.

提纲：
1.个人兴趣
2.性格
3.例外

In this day and age, the debate over whether children should do the same job as their parents has been raging for a while. In fact, some parents indeed want their children to choose the same career while the others do not. Personally, I agree with the view that decisions of children are more important than the thought of their parents to some extent.

To begin with, children’s interests determine whether they put their motivation to try their best to do well. If the children follow what their parents force them to do without considering their own interests, it may have bad effects on them. For example, once the children do what they are not interested in, they will feel boring and have poor performance on it. Moreover, it will hinder the children’s better development if they have talent in their previous field. More importantly, children who have excellent performance in their major may make a big difference. Their work might promote the development of biology, technology and even the whole society.

Furthermore, children’s personalities are important factors when they decide what to do. For example, the child’s parents are working in entertainment circle. However, the child is shy and do not like to perform in front of others. It is inappropriate to insist on forcing the child to follow the parents’ career. Besides, everyone has his or her rights to decide how to live their life. Only by following their heart can they truly experience what is the meaning of life.

Granted, I concede that in some rare examples, following the parents’ career is beneficial for the children. Take the cellist as an example, many brilliant cellists studied to play the cello since the age of 4 or 5 and most of them were tutored by their parents who also are musicians. The family education sets a good base for their further improvement, because cello is one of the most difficult music instruments and it is harder to learn if people begin at the age of 14 or beyond. Therefore, the family atmosphere contributes a lot to the formation of proficient skills. As a result, the children are more likely to become top-level cellists, such as Pablo Casals.

In conclusion, it is of importance to take the children’s own interests and characteristics into account when the parents decide the future of the children. But in some circumstances, children might benefit from following their parents’ career.

xeyyxzty

没关系

你的观点和我一样~思路却完全不同（我是最后才想到科技什么的，只是加了一句）
互相学习哦


In the past, getting education may be aluxury to somebody. However, the development of the society and the advent ofnew technology make people more easily to get educated.
喜欢你的开头~简洁明了~
First of all, as we know, many countries takethe compulsory education into act. The right of getting primary education is protected by the policy andsupported by the society and family. Our government also makes somefavorable polices, like nine-year compulsory education and student loans.Moreover, many charity foundation and volunteer organizations（这是什么？志愿组织？好吧~无知了） providemoney, infrastructure and other teaching resources to the remote mountainareas, which makes the children in these places are more easily to get education(get education more easily) than before. Take ourcountry for (as an) example, the establishment of hope primary school helps manychildren in the Western China. With social-awareness, more and more peoplevolunteer to teach children in the remote areas and make contributions to theimprovement of the whole society.

Secondly, with the increase demand of learning,more and more training classes appear. By taking these courses, people not only can enrich their knowledge, but also can improve (cannot only enrich…, but also improve…) theirskills that may be useful in their study and work. The easier way to be educated (more access to education感觉比较好~个人意见)makes them grasp more chances to live a better life.

Thirdly, contemporary technology makes moreinformation and knowledge available. People can learn different kinds ofcourses on the internet. For example, you can learn the free open class fromdifferent schools when you are just surfing on the internet. These coursesinvolve physics, economics, arts and so on. On the other hand, some net schoolsalso provide more professional study courses, such as tutoring classes for somecertification tests and language courses. Admittedly, virtual world offer moreopportunities for people who urge for knowledge. More importantly, thedevelopment of the portable devices makes learning everywhere possible. You canlisten to podcasts and learn courses（感觉不是很对~） on your iPhoneor iPad, or you can read ebook on your amazon kindle. The time you spend on thesubway or bus can be fully used to study.

In conclusion, with the insurance of policy, （才疏学浅哈~没看懂~assurance?还是别的什么）the progress of the society and the improvement of the technology,people at present can be educated more easily.



写的很好哟~祝你考出好成绩~
good luck

kris灿

提纲：
1.社会对教育的贡献让人们能更好接受教育（加上 社会与教育的关系 会不会更好点呢^^）
2.培训班级也是一种获得教育的方式
3.信息媒体

In the past, getting education may be a luxuryto somebody. However, the development of the society and the advent of new technology make people more easily to get educated(than before).

First of all, as we know, many countries take the compulsory education into act(action) . The right of getting primary education is protected by the policy and supported by the society and family. Our government（In China, the government,个人觉得 因为是外国人批改这么说好点吧^^) also makes some favorable polices, like nine-year compulsory education and student loans. Moreover, many charity foundation (charitable institutions也可以) and volunteer organizations provide money, infrastructure and other teaching resources to the remote mountain areas, which makes the children in these places are more easily to get education than before. Take our country for example（Just like our country）, the establishment of hope primary school helps many children in the Western China. With social-awareness, more and more people volunteer (volunteers) to teach children in the remote areas and make contributions to the improvement of the whole society.

Secondly, with the increase (increasing) demand of learning, more and more training classes appear(ed). By taking these( various of, 前面的these用的比较多，换一些别的表达方式会更好)courses, people not only can (去掉can)enrich their knowledge, but also can improve their skills that may be useful in (for) their study and work. The easier way to be educated makes them grasp more chances to live a better life.

Thirdly, contemporary technology makes more information and knowledge available （everywhere). People can learn different kinds of courses on the internet. For example, you can learn the free open class(es) from different schools when you are just surfing on the internet. These courses involve physics, economics, arts（art是 艺术，arts 是文科上网查了意思也有重复的，既然前面都是专业学科art还是更保险一点吧） and so on. On the other hand, some net schools also provide more professional study courses, such as tutoring classes for some certification tests and language courses. Admittedly, virtual world offer(s) more opportunities for people who urge（be thirst更常用） for knowledge. More importantly, the development of the portable devices makes learning（attaining knowledge）everywhere possible. You can listen to podcasts and learn courses on your iPhone or iPad, or you can read ebook on your Amazon kindle(要大写). The time you spend on the subway or bus can be fully used to study.（make full use of the time是 想要说要充分利用时间吧。）

In conclusion, with the insurance of policy, the progress of the society and the improvement of the technology, people at present can be educated more easily.（than before）
PS:可能改的 你觉得不满意的地方请见谅^^ 附件是word版的 有红字批注 ，这个因为不太会弄所以颜色弄得不好sorry

婷婷connie

9.14  TPO19 综合

to 婷婷
我明天考试，现在才到考点附近，还要复习下口语。明天一回去自己写了之后就帮你改，不好意思啊，本来以为时间够的。

-- by 会员 bonfin (2012/9/14 0:50:58)

恩恩， 没事儿，好好考哦，写完了告诉我~

bonfin

09.13 独立作文

Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

提纲：
1.社会对教育的贡献让人们能更好接受教育
2.培训班级也是一种获得教育的方式
3.信息媒体

In the past, getting education may be a luxury to somebody. However, the development of the society and the advent of new technology make people more easily to get educated.

First of all, as we know, many countries take the compulsory education into act. The right of getting primary education is protected by the policy and supported by the society and family. Our government also makes some favorable polices, like nine-year compulsory education and student loans. Moreover, many charity foundation and volunteer organizations provide money, infrastructure and other teaching resources to the remote mountain areas, which makes the children in these places are more easily to get education than before. Take our country for example, the establishment of hope primary school helps many children in the Western China. With social-awareness, more and more people volunteer to teach children in the remote areas and make contributions to the improvement of the whole society.

Secondly, with the increase demand of learning, more and more training classes appear. By taking these courses, people not only can enrich their knowledge, but also can improve their skills that may be useful in their study and work. The easier way to be educated makes them grasp more chances to live a better life.

Thirdly, contemporary technology makes more information and knowledge available. People can learn different kinds of courses on the internet. For example, you can learn the free open class from different schools when you are just surfing on the internet. These courses involve physics, economics, arts and so on. On the other hand, some net schools also provide more professional study courses, such as tutoring classes for some certification tests and language courses. Admittedly, virtual world offer more opportunities for people who urge for knowledge. More importantly, the development of the portable devices makes learning everywhere possible. You can listen to podcasts and learn courses on your iPhone or iPad, or you can read ebook on your amazon kindle. The time you spend on the subway or bus can be fully used to study.

In conclusion, with the insurance of policy, the progress of the society and the improvement of the technology, people at present can be educated more easily.

to xeyyxzty 明天就考试了，现在才到考点附近，不好意思啊，明天考完回去就帮你改。

bonfin

09.13  独立（第二次修改）

In this day and age, whether students should take more courses offered by Colleges or Universities is still open to debate. Some people assert that it may be helpful for the future of students. Personally, I agree with their view, but I would qualify it to some extent.

To begin with, the study of courses outside a student’s own field could benefit the study of his or her major, because different kinds of disciplines are related. For example, if you are major in finance, the good master of mathematics will help you a lot in your research. Moreover, if you work as a financial analyst, mathematics plays a vital role in your investment decision. Another example is the learning of philosophy. Since philosophy is the basic foundation of all disciplines.（这个观点我觉得很好，但感觉没有和题目联系起来~我想了一下，如果再后面加几句话会更好，学科之间的渗透广泛能使学生在以后的工作中有能处理不同的工作内容，也能更好的适应多元化的工作~~呵呵，我就自己想了想，你再读读看哈~~）(呜，才发现只写了半句...你的观点很好吖~谢谢~  Since the philosophy is the basix foundation of all disciplines, it provides us a good way to think various problems. Professioally, the grasp of different specializations can make people view the problems in new perspectives. It can help them adapt to the diverse work environment.)

Furthermore, as the competition becomes fiercer, many people begin to search for other opportunities of development. For instance, people who are major in engineering may begin to learn the courses of accounting. The phenomenon（this kind of phenomenon） is more universal than before because when the companies hold the interviews, they favor the person who owns more skills. The reason why these companies value the kind of person is that hiring one person owns two or more skills is more economical(感觉这个词在这里有点不合适呢~想用更节约成本，save more cost,你看看行不行哈~~再讨论)than hiring two or more people who have just one specialization.

Granted, I concede that the studying of more courses occupies the time that students learn their own majors. If they cannot distribute their time well, they may have poor performance in their major. What is worse, it may affect them because they may not have qualified skills to find a job in the future. Besides, we can take part in various activities to improve our comprehensive qualities（用得好~~）. For example, by joining in the volunteer projects, we can develop our responsibilities for the whole society. If we waste too much time to study more courses, we will lose a good approach to improve our adaption to the society.

In conclusion, I am in favor of the view that Colleges and Universities should offer more courses to students. But the students also need to learn how to set their plans; otherwise, the strategy will have bad effects on them rather than benefit them.

羊咩咩yw

In this day and age, whether students should take more courses offered by Colleges or Universities is still open to debate. Some people assert that it may be helpful for the future of students. Personally, I agree with their view, but I would qualify it to some extent.

To begin with, the study of courses outside a student’s own field could benefit the study of his or her major, because different kinds of disciplines are related. For example, if you are major in finance, the good master of mathematics will help you a lot in your research. Moreover, if you work as a financial analyst, mathematics plays a vital role in your investment decision. Another example is the learning of philosophy. Since philosophy is the basic foundation of all disciplines.（这个观点我觉得很好，但感觉没有和题目联系起来~我想了一下，如果再后面加几句话会更好，学科之间的渗透广泛能使学生在以后的工作中有能处理不同的工作内容，也能更好的适应多元化的工作~~呵呵，我就自己想了想，你再读读看哈~~）

Furthermore, as the competition becomes fiercer, many people begin to search for other opportunities of development. For instance, people who are major in engineering may begin to learn the courses of accounting. The phenomenon（this kind of phenomenon） is more universal than before because when the companies hold the interviews, they favor the person who owns more skills. The reason why these companies value the kind of person is that hiring one person owns two or more skills is more economical(感觉这个词在这里有点不合适呢~想用更节约成本，save more cost,你看看行不行哈~~再讨论) than hiring two or more people who have just one specialization.

Granted, I concede that the studying of more courses occupies the time that students learn their own majors. If they cannot distribute their time well, they may have poor performance in their major. What is worse, it may affect them because they may not have qualified skills to find a job in the future. Besides, we can take part in various activities to improve our comprehensive qualities（用得好~~）. For example, by joining in the volunteer projects, we can develop our responsibilities for the whole society. If we waste too much time to study more courses, we will lose a good approach to improve our adaption to the society.

In conclusion, I am in favor of the view that Colleges and Universities should offer more courses to students. But the students also need to learn how to set their plans; otherwise, the strategy will have bad effects on them rather than benefit them.