白冬冬916就要考，独立写作恳请大家多拍砖! 楼主一定回访！

白冬冬

8.29     独立写作(一)
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Among all successful people's character，communication skilli is the most important。
Intro：虽然成功人士大多数有很高的communication skill，但是单有它并不足够
一段：各行各业的人，要成功，人际关系和人脉很重要
二段：还有其他很多的品质，是不可或缺的
三段：只有各种品质协调发展才能成功
总结
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It might be tempting to suggest that the connection and networking are the most essential edges in this society, and therefore to communicate efficiently and effectively is utmost important. I do not deny that successful people, such as Steve Jobs, always possess excellent communication skill, but I believe that this skill alone is far from sufficient. Some other personalities play a no less or even greater role contributing to success.

Firstly, to set up and maintain relationship with others indeed calls for good communication, while successful people from all walks of life require harmony network. Cases are not rare in daily life. In business world, managers need to express themselves effectively to set up a proposal; persuasive sales people must constantly change their methods according to the situation, when they promote products in differentiated channels. In the academic field, professors need to efficiently illuminate the new discovery and explain students' questions. Hence, we cannot emphasize the importance of effective communication skills more, for people who want to grasp success.

Nonetheless, compared with the communication skills, some personalities play a no less or even greater role contributing to the thriving people. On one hand, different positions call for specific skills. For instance, for craftsman and artisan, practiced manufacturing skills are indispensable, while athletes and entertainers especially attach importance to their specialty. On the other hand, qualities such as perseverance and spirit of studious are equally critical to success. A fine case in point is that Thomas Edison, a silent, precise man with a pair of deep-sunken eyes, never talked too much but achieved tens of invention. Although he quit school in early age and suffered from poverty, he went through all these and never gave up. That's why he could become successful.

Furthermore, I believe that it is the corresponding development of all personalities that lays the basis for success. Indeed, there exist so many kinds of characteristics and various opportunities for success. Those who can only express themselves clearly but cannot work in harmony in the group may not easily make a difference. Talented communication skill does favor an eloquent orator to succeed, but without creativity and critical-thinking, Steve Jobs might not perfect his products and surprise the world.

To put it in nutshell, success calls for many striking characteristics, among which, communication skill is indeed important. But it is insufficient to view it as the most indispensable one.

txwilliam

235852140

   9.2. 独立修改  粉色错误 蓝色建议 黄色好

gre呀gre

9.1独立修改

白冬冬

9.2 独立作业
写下载附件~~多谢！

白冬冬

好的好的~~~我正愁该怎么办呢~~~~确实是开错贴子了~~多谢鹤鹤~~~！

超级无敌小鹤鹤

把你的还有个贴（就是你自己删的那个）屏蔽了哈~~ 省的GRE童鞋还以为你还没写~~

白冬冬

To gre:
不好意思，上传晚了~~~请指正！
ps：我就是卓子...晚上口语见~~!

steigen

8.31 独立批改

It is tempting that citizens living outside the villages can enjoy a oppuluent（？？？） life;（亲的分号每次用的都好恰当，学习了~） therefore, people who go out of the villages could be more successful, even happier. In my opinion, however, the conclusion is partial. Although people in cities possess more changes（chances/opportunities） to succeed, making difference depends on a lot more qualities, while happiness should not be determined by the places where they live .



First and foremost, admitting that there exist more resources in towns and cities than in villages, I still believe that some other factors, namely persvaservrance(perservance) and goodluck(good luck/fortune), are need for people to succeed. For instance, located in Tianjin Province, Shawo Village is such a poor county where villagers there only cultivate single product and lack sales channels. Obviously, these villagers have been suffering from the resource scarcity(???) and could hardly make ends meet. Comparing with what small villages possess, ample natural and human resources indeed serve as guarantee for success in such big cities as Beijing and Shanghai. However, the ablity(ability) to maximum the resources (这个句子读起来怪怪的)and the quality of perservanceare equal essential for one to succeed. Hence, even though people go out the village possess more opportunity(opportunities), it is not sufficient to guarantee their success, since it also depends on who and how to use the resource. （这一段论点很好，但是觉得缺少具体一点的例子。到最后希望能有更多的具体说明来强调个人努力的重要性吧。觉得中间转的有点突兀啊）


Furthermore, it is such a harsh conclusion to say that people living out of the village are happier. Admittedly, the living standard and quality are much better in some of the cities than that in small villages; however inner happiness would not be influenced by outer situation.On the one hand, both citizens and villagers could live happily. A good case in point is that citizens in metropolis enjoy hitech(不知道提不提倡这种缩写词啊，high-tech/high-technology) facilities that provide much convenience, while villagers in far reaching mountains likewise possess the quietness and picturesque sceneries of the nature. On the other hand, from another perspective, villagers could have live even happilier for they can get rid of lots of terrible urbanized problems, such as traffic congestions and air pollution. In all, villagers not only live a(可以没有) equal happy life, but can be even much happier than the citizens.

（在这一段，好像都在阐述外界怎么影响着人的幸福啊，能有人们怎么去自身方式去寻找快乐的句子就更好了）


To put it in a nutshell, the places where people live should not determine one’s success. Although people in cities have more resources, which enhance the possibility to succeed, success depends on how people use the resource. Meanwhile, villagers could have live(lived) a happy life, if they take care about their own inner happiness.

语言还有语法是很好的，但是有几处拼写错误啊~ 以后多多注意哈
文章立意是蛮好的，但是段中的论述上，可以有更加具体的，一得出结论的那种感觉就更好了

很是惭愧啊，因为自身实力有限，不能给出更好的建议

steigen

真的好谢谢你啊~  我只是就匆匆用半个小时写一篇，然后根本就不修改的直接发帖了。。。
已经下载易改了 感觉真的很好用啊~  真的好谢谢你噢~   一起加油哈~~