Cans的作文贴。目标30。ROCK TOEFL WRITING

pedrohuo

8月28日。写作小分队Cans首篇独立作文。欢迎拍砖！

TOPIC: agree or disagree? If child want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies

Children tend to spend hours a day on watching TV programs or movies nowadays. More and more parents concern about their children's study and behavior in school, so they start to limit children's watching time. For me, I strongly agree with the statement that if child wants to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies, and the points below support my opinion.

First and foremost, energy is limited for one individual in his/her daily life, especially for children. One child who wastes too much time watching TV programs or movies, in most cases, are too exhausted to study or prepare for the next day's courses. For instance, so exciting some cartoons are that the scenes or scenarios exist for a long time in children's minds. Thus that makes it even harder for them to concentrate on their studies. Besides, American TV series comprise a couple of seasons and are released for months. Children who are interested in these shows regard watching TV as an important task and they forget their study mission unconsciously. As a result, children cannot do well in school.

Moreover, TV programs or movies may affect children's attitudes toward life. Some TV shows, like gossip girl, present a luxury life style to youngsters, and the leading roles in the story hang out all day to join the party. Children who cannot distinguish between the right and the wrong dream of such life and imitate actors' behavior, which in turn leads to worse situation that youngsters drop class or stop learning. Meanwhile, children tend to get aggressive after watching some violent movies. A survey conducted by Youngster Magazine in 2012 indicates that nearly 78 percent of youngsters' criminals , such as murder, rape and so on, are due to the bad effects of such TV shows.

Last but not least, TV programs or movies conduct wrong historical knowledge. For the sake of TV marketing, some scriptwriters, as reported, start to change the accurate historical events and make up some novel stories for these series. There is no denying that these shows are fantastic and interesting. However, children would get misleading after watching them. So on no account can we ignore the value of history.

To sum up, before children step into adult life, watching less TV programs or movies would be helpful to save large amount of time, to cultivate healthy attitude toward life and to avoid misleading. I no doubt understand parents' worry and support this kind of behavior that parents should limit children’s TV watching time.

E月羽

Aiming at high benefits, more and more companies concentrate on inventions of hi-tech products, which in turn leads to an increasing demand of qualified employees. Thus these companies start to spend large amount of money to improve the skills of their employees, and regard it as the pivotal investment of their companies. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with this statement, and points below support my opinion.

First and foremost, improving the skills of employees enables them to work more efficiently. One adept after a long term training would pay more attention to the details of his/her working tasks, and avoid repeating the blunders that he/she（he or she 写全称） did in the past, while a new employee without training are confronting a long way in front of him/her to accumulate such experience. As known to us all, each project has its own deadline. To accomplish it perfectly within limited time, companies have to improve the skills of their employees. A survey conducted by National Statistics Bureau of China in 2012 indicates that employees who have finished training courses are able to finish 20 percent more works within one week than the untrained ones. That would explain the phenomenon why more and more（加个enterprises 会比较好） are willing to invest on training.

Apart from high working efficiency, improving the skills of employees enhances the connection between companies and employees. Through training, companies would show their care about each individual, which obtains the respect from employees. After improving their own skills, employees would be more confident and loyal to firms. They no longer worry about being fired because the companies have invested too much on them. Meanwhile, trainings enable employees to have a clear plan for the further development of their careers. For instance, I was a software engineer of a database company two years ago. After improving my skills, I am able to become a consultant focusing on business intelligence in the end. Such training convinces me that I can make more contributions to my company.

Admittedly, investing on infrastructure or advertisements are also important. The former one would improve the working environment while the last gets products known to people. However, common sense informs us that individual is the basic of each company. Improving the skills of employees is raising the benefits of company.

To sum up, improving the skills of employees provides firms with high working efficiency and better connection between firms and employees. Regardless of the basic needs and functions of individual, standing out in certain industry for one company would be an impossible mission.

逻辑非常好，表达多样 ，perfect

pedrohuo

9月8日。独立作文。
TOPIC：The most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.D\A

Aiming at high benefits, more and more companies concentrate on inventions of hi-tech products, which in turn leads to an increasing demand of qualified employees. Thus these companies start to spend large amount of money to improve the skills of their employees, and regard it as the pivotal investment of their companies. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with this statement, and points below support my opinion.

First and foremost, improving the skills of employees enables them to work more efficiently. One adept after a long term training would pay more attention to the details of his/her working tasks, and avoid repeating the blunders that he/she did in the past, while a new employee without training are confronting a long way in front of him/her to accumulate such experience. As known to us all, each project has its own deadline. To accomplish it perfectly within limited time, companies have to improve the skills of their employees.  A survey conducted by National Statistics Bureau of China in 2012 indicates that employees who have finished training courses are able to finish 20 percent more works within one week than the untrained ones. That would explain the phenomenon why more and more are willing to invest on training.

Apart from high working efficiency, improving the skills of employees enhances the connection between companies and employees. Through training, companies would show their care about each individual, which obtains the respect from employees. After improving their own skills, employees would be more confident and loyal to firms. They no longer worry about being fired because the companies have invested too much on them. Meanwhile, trainings enable employees to have a clear plan for the further development of their careers. For instance, I was a software engineer of a database company two years ago. After improving my skills, I am able to become a consultant focusing on business intelligence in the end. Such training convinces me that I can make more contributions to my company.

Admittedly, investing on infrastructure or advertisements are also important. The former one would improve the working environment while the last gets products known to people. However, common sense informs us that individual is the basic of each company. Improving the skills of employees is raising the benefits of company.

To sum up, improving the skills of employees provides firms with high working efficiency and better connection between firms and employees.  Regardless of the basic needs and functions of individual, standing out in certain industry for one company would be an impossible mission.

pedrohuo

9月6日。独立作文。

TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.

With the advancement of science and technology, humankind has stepped into a new era. The advents of high-tech inventions contribute to the high quality of life. Better medical services enable people to enjoy longevity. However, all these improvements do not come without a price. The world nowadays is facing the following pivotal problems which cannot be solved within our lifetime.

First and foremost, the earth is not able to support so much people. Population explosion has lost its control only within decades. It increases the burden of the earth. A survey conducted by State Statistics Bureau in 2012 indicates that there would be 10 billion people worldwide in 2050 while the earth can only support 6 billion ones, which in turn leads to more social issues. However, for now, the governments all around world do not find out a true resolution. Some countries tend to decree law to control the birth rate while such behave is against humanity. Other countries regard high education as the fundamental key. But it takes a long time to show its advantages.

Apart from population explosion, environment pollution also endangers the world. With the burning of coals and woods, toxic gases have been diffused into the atmosphere. Air pollution is a more and more urgent issue which is harmful to people's health condition. Ironically, people cannot jog outdoors nowadays because of air pollution. Meanwhile, the global warming is increasing the sea level. Numerous places along the sea shore are going to be inundated in the future. Thousands of people would lose their homelands. Moreover, many species have died out  since the 20 century, which breaks the food chain and endangers the balance of ecosystem. The desertification continues to deteriorate because of the disappearance of more and more forests.

In addition, resource exhaustion baffles human beings. When time came into the industrial age, people started to exploit coal and petrol for achieving economic benefit. Although the utilization of such nature resources contributes a lot to the modern society, they are already on the verge of exhaustion. Aiming at solving the resource issue, governments finance more and more research institutes to develop new energies. Nevertheless, all these new energies such as solar energy and wind energy cannot come into use widely because of technological and .practical issues. Thus there is a long way in front of humankind to discovery new resources.

To sum up, people have to spare no efforts to keep on working for these pivotal problems: population explosion, environment pollution and resource exhaustion. Maybe we could not see these achievements within our lifetime. But we believe that with the intelligences of human beings the world would have a bright future.

N只梨花压海棠

8月31日。写作小分队Cans独立作文改
TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree,people who go out from their villege will be more successful and happier than people who stay in their village?

Many people regard going out of village as the true symbol of success or happy(happiness), and contend that they have reached the next level(upper level能好一些), while others hold the opposite position that where people go cannot decide such things. As far as I am concerned, I definitely fall into the second category(category这词指种类范畴，这里不太合适，建议：perspective), and points below support my opinion.

First and foremost, people have various definitions to success. However, most of them are not correct. Have you ever inundated by the crowded flock at the subway? Have you ever breathed the polluted air even as you are jogging? And have you ever been homeless because of the high house rent in the city? (很好的问句)If you have never experienced such things and believe living in the city is success, you are walking on the wrong way further and further. Common sense informs us that the essence of success is to surpass oneself. Thus where people live or where people have been is not the judgment to success. A worker would engage in the construction of city while A farmer can provide thousands of people with the crops he/she cultivate. In a way, they both make the same contributions to humankind. On no account can we only evaluate people with fame and wealth.(这段有着磅礴的气势，精彩精彩)

Apart from the issue about success, happy is another topic deserved to debate. Psychologists classify happy(happiness) into two aspects: intrinsic value and extrinsic value. The intrinsic value no doubt is more pivotal than extrinsic one. People who go out of village, in most cases, aim at extrinsic value-- fame and wealth. Nevertheless, they forget how much stress they face in daily life. When seeing more and more poker faces in the cosmopolitan cities, hardly can we say that they attain true happy. Meanwhile, the extrinsic value getting from others' respects or flatters never lasts long.(这句话要给一下原因为啥不能持续长久) On the contrary, people in the village are able to enjoy the fresh air as well as the warm breeze. Their lives are simple but meaningful.

Admittedly, going out of village enable(s) people to experience modern life. However, a survey conducted by State Statistics Bureau of China in 2012 indicates that nearly 60 percent of people   have chosen to return their hometown since 2000. (感觉这个不该有，局限了整个话题) Their attitudes toward life change during these years. That is the reason why I argue that going out of village is not the symbol of success and happy.(这段感觉和前面的内容不太搭，建议：还是从general的角度去出发，可以举中国那个例子，但要加上原因，为啥他们要回来，因为XXX你前面的原因。而不能因为他选择回来，你就支持这个Position)

To sum up, people should listen to the voice deep in their hearts and chasing what they really need. There is no conspicuous relation between success or happy and going out of village.

To pedrohuo


看完阁下的文章之后,觉得前两段的论证鲜明，逻辑清晰，读起来非常地过瘾
下面提几点小建议;
1, 语言上需要更加精炼一些，要是能让句子也出彩那就更好了
2，句式上可以多变换，Erater会识别并且加分
3，good luck

pedrohuo

谢谢Carol。改正非常的详细而且有帮助。我都记到本子上了。
想起了电影~哈哈。这句话太可爱了。

CCcarol

红色为错误，蓝色为修改建议，绿色为段后总结，高亮为精彩！

The government is planning to finance several infrastructures at present. Some hold the viewpoint(我经常会用argue或者contend，但是这样字数就下去了~ 用hold the viewpoint可以大大的增加字数~ 赞~）that it is more important to build art museums and music performance center while others prefer recreational facilities, such as swimming pool and playground. As far as I am concerned, I definitely fall into the second category, and points below support my opinion.

First and foremost, recreational facilities are more popular among people of all ages. There is no denying that （同类的还有It cannot be denied that) the pursuit of happiness (想起了电影~)is people's ultimate goal. (the ultimate goal of human beings. 个人觉得这样表达更明确) Thus recreational facilities which contribute a lot to people's happy life are more important. From the young to the old, everyone is able to do sports and release stress after a day's hard work .On the contrary, only small group of people who cultivate their taste（陶冶情操.很赞！~） for years are able to feel the soul of art and music. It is not difficult to imagine that teenagers without professional education cannot distinguish realism and impressionism, or tell what pitch the artist is singing. Meanwhile, with(because of能清楚的说明原因) thehigher（high，因为没有比较对象，所以不应该用比较级。或者可以说higher price of tickets than recreational facilities do拿这两者比较~ ） price of tickets, many people stop their steps（这里表达感觉有点中式，其实直接用stop也可以表达停下脚步。） and return to recreational facilities instead.

Furthermore, recreational facilities provide more practical functions. With the development of society, people pay more attention to their health condition. Thus doing exercises becomes an inevitable task for us（people，我觉得用客观的语气更好。）. A survey conducted by Health and Diet Magazine of China in 2012（例子引进的很好！）indicates that the amount of people who do exercises regularly has increased by 20 percent since 2000, which in turn leads to an increasing number of recreational facilities. Moreover, each city would hold some sports meetings in the beginning of summer（为什么是夏初？觉得直接用in the summer也可以~） to call on sports spirit. These facilities can be re-used（不知道要表达的是不是重复使用？Reusable即可） for such（some） activities, and there is no need to invest them again. On the other hand, seldom cities excluding cosmopolitan cities （would） have the great influence to hold a concert or art exhibition.

Admittedly, art museums and music performance centers can increase people's quality of life and enhance（同类的词还有strengthen，increase） exchanges of cultures. However, to maintain art museum, government have to not only hire professional experts to preserve the paintings or artifacts but also purchase new asterpieces(masterpiece) from artists, which costs (will cost) excessive money. At the same time(同类词还有Meanwhile，有时适当使用可以表达简洁~), inviting well-known bands to the local music center also needs tremendous funds. It seems an impossible mission for some small cities. That's the reason why I vote for building more recreational buildings.

All in all, for the reasons listed above（above-mentioned reason ）, we can safely conclude that it is more important to finance recreational buildings than to build are art museums and music centers. The buildings (which) people most need(need most) is the best.


Carol第一次改~ 很多地方只是自己的小建议~ 其实整体思路还是很棒的！ 有什么改的不对的地方请尽管指出来~~~

pedrohuo

8月31日。写作小分队Cans独立作文。欢迎拍砖！
TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree,people who go out from their villege will be more successful and happier than people who stay in their village?

Many people regard going out of village as the true symbol of success or happy, and contend that they have reached the next level, while others hold the opposite position that where people go cannot decide such things. As far as I am concerned, I definitely fall into the second category, and points below support my opinion.

First and foremost, people have various definitions to success. However, most of them are not correct. Have you ever inundated by the crowded flock at the subway? Have you ever breathed the polluted air even as you are jogging? And have you ever been homeless because of the high house rent in the city? If you have never experienced such things and believe living in the city is success, you are walking on the wrong way further and further. Common sense informs us that the essence of success is to surpass oneself. Thus where people live or where people have been is not the judgment to success. A worker would engage in the construction of city while A farmer can provide thousands of people with the crops he/she cultivate. In a way, they both make the same contributions to humankind. On no account can we only evaluate people with fame and wealth.

Apart from the issue about success, happy is another topic deserved to debate. Psychologists classify happy into two aspects: intrinsic value and extrinsic value. The intrinsic value no doubt is more pivotal than extrinsic one. People who go out of village, in most cases, aim at extrinsic value-- fame and wealth. Nevertheless, they forget how much stress they face in daily life. When seeing more and more poker faces in the cosmopolitan cities, hardly can we say that they attain true happy. Meanwhile, the extrinsic value getting from others' respects or flatters never lasts long. On the contrary, people in the village are able to enjoy the fresh air as well as the warm breeze. Their lives are simple but meaningful.

Admittedly, going out of village enable people to experience modern life. However, a survey conducted by State Statistics Bureau of China in 2012 indicates that nearly 60 percent of people   have chosen to return their hometown since 2000.  Their attitudes toward life change during these years. That is the reason why I argue that going out of village is not the symbol of success and happy.

To sum up, people should listen to the voice deep in their hearts and chasing what they really need. There is no conspicuous relation between success or happy and going out of village.

fuzhengrui

pedrohuo

8月30日。写作小分队Cans独立作文。欢迎拍砖！
TOPIC: It's more important for goverment to spend money to buide art museums and music performance center than to uide recreational facilities(such as swimming pool,playground)

The government is planning to finance several infrastructures at present. Some hold the viewpoint that it is more important to build art museums and music performance center while others prefer recreational facilities, such as swimming pool and playground. As far as I am concerned, I definitely fall into the second category, and points below support my opinion.

First and foremost, recreational facilities are more popular among people of all ages. There is no denying that the pursuit of happiness is people's ultimate goal. Thus recreational facilities which contribute a lot to people's happy life are more important. From the young to the old, everyone is able to do sports and release stress after a day's hard work. On the contrary, only small group of people who cultivate their taste for years are able to feel the soul of art and music. It is not difficult to imagine that teenagers without professional education cannot distinguish realism and impressionism, or tell what pitch the artist is singing. Meanwhile, with the higher price of tickets, many people stop their steps and return to recreational facilities instead.

Furthermore, recreational facilities provide more practical functions. With the development of society, people pay more attention to their health condition. Thus doing exercises becomes an inevitable task for us. A survey conducted by Health and Diet Magazine of China in 2012 indicates that the amount of people who do exercises regularly has increased by 20 percent since 2000, which in turn leads to an increasing number of recreational facilities. Moreover, each city would hold some sports meeting in the beginning of summer to call on sports spirit. These facilities can be re-used for such activities, and there is no need to invest again. On the other hand, seldom cities excluding cosmopolitan cities have the great influence to hold a concert or art exhibition.

Admittedly, art museums and music performance center can increase people's quality of life and enhance exchanges of cultures. However, to maintain art museum, government have to not only hire professional experts to preserve the paintings or artifacts but also purchase new asterpieces from artists, which costs excessive money. At the same time, inviting well-known band to the local music center also needs tremendous funds. It seems an impossible mission for some small cities. That's the reason why I vote for building more recreational buildings.

All in all, for the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that it is more important to finance recreational buildings than to build are museums and music center. The buildings people most need is the best.