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恶鸟终于开始写作文了。还有十天,希望大家拍砖!辛苦了!~

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楼主
发表于 2012-8-26 21:24:32 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |正序浏览 |阅读模式
终于要开始写作文了,希望大家狠拍啊,之后再练十天就该进考场了,不求运气了,希望到时候不要紧张!谢谢给我改作文的筒子们!~~~~~谢谢群里的各个大神帮忙了~~



独立写作:
8月26日
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?



Many people considerthe professor is the vital part of a university. They do research to discoversomething new and educate students with advanced knowledge. It seems that doresearch is very important as it might increase the development of science and technology.I think that to educate students should be the main role of the professors inuniversity.

First and foremost,the original function of a university is to supply a place to educate, and theoriginal position of a university professor is a teacher. Even thoughuniversity professors are very important for a country as they can help developethe most advanced technic by doing research. Without educating students well,there is no reason for a professor to stay in a university as there are lotsmore place to do research. Moreover, if most professors of a university do notpay enough attention in education, the reputation of this university will beworse and worse. Then less and less students will apply for this university.Ultimately, the university will not exist anymore. And so does the position ofprofessor.

Moreover, most ofthe researches, as we all know, are never done by one generation of scholars. Oneresearch might last for decades which could include professors and theirstudents and even the students of their students. If the professor only regardsthe research as the main role, s/he might never get any result before he die.However, with putting educating his/her students in the vital position, s/hemight have a coworker. And in another word, the research life has been prolonged;more and more scholar will continue his research. After all, it will be notonly good to educate students but also benefit to research.

Lastly, students goto university to be educated. Mostly, they learn knowledge and good habit fromtheir professor. If the professor doesn’t pay enough attention to educate them,a genius who might discover something important might be ploughed under. Comparingto a genius who might have done several researches, the attention to a researchof a professor is unworthy.

All in all, to wortha university professor’s salt, educate students should be the main role of aprofessor.
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31#
发表于 2012-10-19 12:51:39 | 只看该作者

另外,托福点睛之笔200句需要打开口令~
-- by 会员 夜游的恶鸟 (2012/10/19 10:35:51)



抱歉,忘了有口令了,口令:1234。
30#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-19 10:35:51 | 只看该作者
谢谢cece,意见非常受用!上午给你改~~
另外,托福点睛之笔200句需要打开口令~
29#
发表于 2012-10-19 05:13:35 | 只看该作者

10.18独立改

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

10.18
do you agree that the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility is to have children care for an animal?


Nowadays, increasing numbers of parents pay more attentions on childrens responsibility 表意不清,应该是如何cultivate childrens responsibility 原表达太笼统,也不切题. They tried lots of ways to make the children learn about responsibility. Parts of them believe that caring an animal can exert positive efforts effect on building childrens responsibilities. However, I cannot agree this opinion and believe that to have children care an animal will even be bad for children.

At the very beginning, those who are responsible are always serious on what they are doing. When parents want their children to get into the habit of taking responsibility, they should ask their children to do something they are interested in at the first step. Then, some parents have their children care for an animal.我明白楼主想说parents让小孩照顾动物这件事不是所有小孩都感兴趣的,但是问题是这句话放在这里这样表述很别扭,尤其是哪个“then. However, not all children like animals. And and some children are even afraid of animals. Now that they are not interested in caring an animal, how can they do their utmost to at what they are doing? Therefore, they will have less responsibility on caring animals. Obviously, they will not learn about responsibility from doing what they really hate.虽然前文有提到children,但是那么多they作为指代词会让人感觉很混乱,建议添两个children who dont like animals/ those children

Another problem brings brought by caring an animal is also harmful for children to learn about responsibility. Even if the children like animals, it might not be easy for children to care an animal. As we all know, animals are something alive which makes it very difficult to feed up even for adults. When this huge assignment is given to a young child, he or she will feel a great pressure as this is quite an event for him or her. When children are compelled to finish such a huge assignment, they may much easier tend to give up. Thus, they will not succeed and never feel the advantages that responsibility brings???这是想说什么。。。. And there will be nothing to encourage them to keep responsible. It is conceivable that too much give up on what they are doing will be not good for children to learn about responsibility.

Admittedly, some children who are very good at caring animals may learn about responsibility through this way. However, animals usually have sharp clips and children are usually not strong enough to protect themselves. Why would parents rather take such a big risk that animal may hurt children badly than using some other safer ways to help children learn to take responsibility like taking part in some activity groups and finish their work seriously?

All in all, there are lots of efficient ways for parents to make their children learn about responsibility, to care an animal can bring numbers of undiscovered problems and hardly be the best way for children to learn about responsibility.

总的来说,楼主的思路清晰,分论点明确,相互印证得也不错。
问题:1、 没有好的例证做支持,全部都是一家之言,这个也是我的问题,所以希望大家共同进步,我贴了我认为不错的例证上来,有空看一看会很错。
2、 表达不简练,第三段感觉不停得再重复。
3、 指代词用的太多。
4、 表达不丰富,好词好表达比较少。

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28#
发表于 2012-10-19 04:50:25 | 只看该作者

10.18 综合改

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

In the lecture, the speaker gives three reasons to illustrate that dinosaurs were not endotherms. She said the reasons in the reading passage are not property and somewhat inaccurate when we consider more. 时态要统一。

First, dinosaur fossils found in Polar Regions cannot prove the polar dinosaurs were endotherms as in the dinosaur period the polar was much warm than today. In the warm climates, dinosaurs can be active in the polar. And once the polar become cold, dinosaurs may 在综合写作里面你听到什么就写什么,may的话会让人觉得是是而非,质疑你的credibility immigrate to some warm regions to keep warm. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Second, the leg positioned underneath dinosaurs' body is for them to grow large size rather than help running. 精准In the passage, they 前文没有出现这群人物哦,指代不明。 predict the reason that dinosaurs' legs positioned underneath is allowing sustained physical activity. However, dinosaurs with legs positioned underneath were almost in a large size. To grow in such a large size, dinosaurs' legs have to be positioned underneath their body to support such a heavy body. This indicates that leg's position does not mean the dinosaurs were endotherms.

Third, the bone structure does not only include Haversian canals, they also include structures allow the dinosaurs grow slow. The researchers found that although there are Haversain canals which are indicated in the passage, some other bone structures are existed in dinosaursbodies. After some fast growth, there always be some slow growth and even no growth. These structures proved that dinosaurs were not endotherms indicated in the reading passage. 感觉这个点楼主没有听明白, Lecturer承认恐龙有haversian canal这个structure, 但是另外一个bone structure, the growth rings直接说明了恐龙不是恒温动物, 因为这个ring就像树轮一样,记录了生命体的生长快慢程度。根据科学家的推算以及比照恐龙的生长ring,恐龙在冷的时候生长得比温暖的时候要缓慢得多,但这种情况其实不会出现在恒温动物身上,所以证明了恐龙不是恒温动物。

总的来说,楼主的用词和造句无大问题,问题解释得也比较清晰,通读下来也很流畅。问题有:1. 第一段的时态混乱。2. 听力细节不清晰,或者有出错的细节,这一点比较要命。建议多花一些时间在听力上面。
加油吧!
27#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-18 17:34:42 | 只看该作者
10.18
do you agree that the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility is to have children care for an animal?


Nowadays, increasing numbers of parents pay more attentions on children’s responsibility. They tried lots of ways to make the children learn about responsibility. Parts of them believe that caring an animal can exert positive efforts on building children’s responsibilities. However, I cannot agree this opinion and believe that to have children care an animal will even be bad for children.

At the very beginning, those who are responsible are always serous on what they are doing. When parents want their children to get into the habit of taking responsibility, they should ask their children to do something they are interested in at the first step. Then, some parents have their children care for an animal. However, not all children like animals. And some children are even afraid of animals. Now that they are not interested in caring an animal, how can they do their utmost to what they are doing? Therefore, they will have less responsibility on caring animals. Obviously, they will not learn about responsibility from doing what they really hate.

Another problem brings by caring an animal is also harm for children to learn about responsibility. Even if the children like animals, it might not be easy for children to care an animal. As we all know, animals are something alive which makes it very difficult to feed up even for adults. When this huge assignment is given to a young child, he or she will feel a great pressure as this is quite an event for him or her. When children are compelled to finish such a huge assignment, they may much easier to give up. Thus, they will not succeed and never feel the advantages that responsibility brings. And there will be nothing to encourage them to keep responsible. It is conceivable that too much give up on what they are doing will not good for children to learn about responsibility.

Admittedly, some children who are very good at caring animals may learn about responsibility through this way. However, animals usually have sharp clips and children are usually not strong enough to protect themselves. Why would parents rather take such a big risk that animal may hurt children badly than using some other safer ways to help children learn to take responsibility like taking part in some activity groups and finish their work seriously?

All in all, there are lots efficient ways for parents to make their children learn about responsibility, to care an animal can bring numbers of undiscovered problems and hardly be the best way for children to learn about responsibility.
26#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-17 11:20:09 | 只看该作者
2012 10 18
TPO4
In the lecture, the speaker gives three reasons to illustrate that dinosaurs were not endotherms. She said the reasons in the reading passage are not property and somewhat inaccurate when we consider more.

First, dinosaur fossils found in Polar Regions cannot prove the polar dinosaurs were endotherms as in the dinosaur period the polar was much warm than today. In the warm climates, dinosaurs can be active in the polar. And once the polar become cold, dinosaurs may immigrate to some warm regions to keep warm. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Second, the leg positioned underneath dinosaurs' body is for them to grow large size rather than help running. In the passage, they predict the reason that dinosaurs' legs positioned underneath is allowing sustained physical activity. However, dinosaurs with legs positioned underneath were almost in a large size. To grow in such a large size, dinosaurs' legs have to be positioned underneath their body to support such a heavy body. This indicates that leg's position does not mean the dinosaurs were endotherms.

Third, the bone structure does not only include Haversian canals, they also include structures allow the dinosaurs grow slow. The researchers found that although there are Haversain canals which are indicated in the passage, some other bone structures are existed in dinosaurs’ bodies. After some fast growth, there always be some slow growth and even no growth. These structures proved that dinosaurs were not endotherms indicated in the reading passage.
25#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-15 14:39:33 | 只看该作者
今天开始每天限时写作文了!加油恶鸟!每天21点之前来交作业
24#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-9-2 12:46:20 | 只看该作者


恩恩,最后一段听力还需要细听哦,亲,加油,不好意思改晚了,因为俺明天考了
-- by 会员 kaddish (2012/9/1 22:55:19)



不晚~听力还是我的大问题啊,你好好考呢!现在应该已经考完了吧~~
23#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-9-2 12:33:21 | 只看该作者

整体还好啊,句子是木有问题,听力的内容加强就好。看出来时第一点,就是开始的时候听的不是太好,难道是紧张么?
-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/9/2 11:42:28)



谢谢改正!~
这一篇整篇都没有听好呢,还是重新找出来音频重听的。后来第一点听清了可是也忘记写全一些~~谢谢k~我要好好加强听力了呢!
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