羊咩咩yw的写作贴~~求猛拍，for my dream~

羊咩咩yw

第一次加入学习分队，很开心，希望有进步，朝25+冲~路过的大神大牛们~请猛拍，不用客气，多多提出你们的观点和看法，拍拍分更高~


按自己的计划， 一步步坚持下去，绝不放弃~~

E月羽

9月14

With the development of education system, the idea that people are now easier to become(没有这种用法get ) educated than in the past has gained increasing support in recent years. People feel that they have more chances to receive professional educations nowadays than in the past. （和上句话重复）I totally agree with them.

First, with the progress of modern technology and science, a lot of alternative（可替代的？available） sources have been used in education, such as computer, television and the on-line curricula which provides people more chances to be educated. The on-line curricula can help people who hope to gain more knowledge increase their range of study. Besides, more and more television programs impart various types of knowledge. People can be educated at any time and in different locations. Take one famous television programs named Yi Zhan Dao Di （你确定它的外文名是这个？）as an example, people take part in this programs need to answer different kinds of questions about mathematics, history, language and culture ,etc, at the same time the audience can learn those knowledge form（from） their answers, or they can use send messages to answer those questions. In this case, people nowadays are easier to become educated.

Second, with the increasing of income level, people nowadays can afford more self-study courses and trainings than before. They can learn(acquired) practical skills and knowledge form(from) these courses which,in the past, were only available in traditional schools. Take New-oriental English School as an example, it provide various class to enroll students at different ages. People can get professional instructions and assistances(单数) in there when they are learning English. In contrast, hardly can people find a place to learn English. ()

Finally, the government has generate(generated) more education projects to ensure all the citizens have chances to become educated. Besides, in some under development areas, primary schools, middles, high schools and even universities have been build to meet the requirements of people's education demanding, which are never happened in the past.

To sum up, thanks for the development of our society to provide us a positive studying environment which filled with advanced technology and teaching methods. Therefore, it is safe to concluded(conclud) that people now are definitely easier to become educated than in the past.

作者词汇基础扎实，拼写也很棒；全文结构较为严谨；作者应适量增加从句的使用量。

羊咩咩yw

9.14 独立

Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

With the development of education system, the idea that people are now easier to become educated than in the past has gained increasing support in recent years. People feel that they have more chances to receive professional educations nowadays than in the past. I totally agree with them.

First, with the progress of modern technology and science, a lot of alternative sources have been used in education, such as computer, television and the on-line curricula which provides people more chances to be educated. The on-line curricula can help people who hope to gain more knowledge increase their range of study. Besides, more and more television programs impart various types of knowledge. People can be educated at any time and in different locations. Take one famous television programs named Yi Zhan Dao Di as an example, people take part in this programs need to answer different kinds of questions about mathematics, history, language and culture ,etc, at the same time the audience can learn those knowledge form their answers, or they can use send messages to answer those questions. In this case, people nowadays are easier to become educated.

Second, with the increasing of income level, people nowadays can afford more self-study courses and trainings than before. They can learn practical skills and knowledge form these courses which,in the past, were only available in traditional schools. Take New-oriental English School as an example, it provide various class to enroll students at different ages. People can get professional instructions and assistances in there when they are learning English. In contrast, hardly can people find a place to learn English.

Finally, the government has generate more education projects to ensure all the citizens have chances to become educated. Besides, in some underdevelopment areas, primary schools, middles, high schools and even universities have been build to meet the requirements of people's education demanding, which are never happened in the past.

To sum up, thanks for the development of our society to provide us a positive studying environment which filled with advanced technology and teaching methods. Therefore, it is safe to concluded that people now are definitely easier to become educated than in the past.

羊咩咩yw

TO ~9.14给我改作文滴同学，实在不好意思哈，我今天有点事所以不能早点写完，我会在9点贴上来的，然后也会提前去给你改完作文的，实在不好意思哈~~

bonfin

修改 9. 13 独立
修改 Colleges and universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.

In recent years, the idea that offering students a better job preparation before they start working has gained increasing support in most places of China. Some people even argue that in order to find ideal jobs after graduation, students should choose more preparation courses instead of traditional subjects in the last year of college. I totally agree with them.

The main reason to provide students a better job preparation is that they can adapt themselves to a new environment during a short time, which will help them build their confidence in future work. Most student（students）, if not all , are protected by parents and teachers in school for at least 20 years, so they do not know how to encounter the troublesand challenges（改为how to deal with the troubles and challenges they encounter //因为不是怎样遭遇困难，而是怎样解决遭遇的困难，我这么认为哈） along in a working environment, or, in some cases, they do not know how to keep a good relationship with colleges and supervisors. A good job preparation can provide them some feasible methods to solve those problems and build a positive working attitude. Take my experience as an example, I still remembered 4 years ago I had a wonderful experience in my first job. Based on the knowledge and practical skills learning form my university, I can communicate with my colleagues effectively, with their help, I complete all my jobs in a short time with high quality. (这句话是完整的，前面最好用句号)It is the job preparation that give（gives） me an opportunity to learn how to process all the things related to work.


Another consideration to my judge is that universities can also benefit form (from) offering students a better job preparation. If most of college's students can find their ideal jobs, this will boost the school's reputation among its potential applicants. As a result , universities can enroll more better students who can bring those school a long term benefit. According to a recent research in the Internet with 2500 excellent students in middle school, over 90 percent of them tend to choose a shool with high reputation of employment rate. Therefore, it is necessary for a university to provide job preparation to students.

To sum up, students, it is thought, （建议写为it is thought that students）benefit from the professional assistance of professor, the positive studying environment of campus, and, the most important one, the excellent job preparation from universities. So, we should call upon all the universities to give students a better job transition course in their last stop in school.

文章的构思不错，论点比较独特~有些建议修改的地方可以再讨论哈，毕竟只是我的想法啦~

羊咩咩yw

9. 13 独立

Colleges and universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.

In recent years, the idea that offering students a better job preparation before they start working has gained increasing support in most places of China. Some people even argue that in order to find ideal jobs after graduation, students should choose more  preparation courses instead of traditional subjects in the last year of college. I totally agree with them.

The main reason to provide students a better job preparation is that they can adapt themselves to a new environment during a short time, which will help them build their confidence in future work. Most student, if not all , are protected by parents and teachers in school for at least 20 years, so they do not know how to encounter the troubles and challenges along in a working environment, or, in some cases,  they do not know how to keep a good relationship with colleges and supervisors. A good job preparation can provide them some feasible methods to solve those problems and build a positive working attitude.  Take my experience as an example, I still remembered 4 years ago I had a wonderful experience in my first job. Based on the knowledge and practical skills learning form my university, I can communicate with my colleagues effectively, with their help, I complete all my jobs in a short time with high quality. It is the job preparation that  give me an opportunity to learn how to process all the things related to work.


Another consideration to my judge is that universities can also benefit form offering students a better job preparation. If most of college's students can find their ideal jobs, this will boost the school's reputation among its potential applicants. As a result , universities can enroll more better students who can bring those school a long term benefit. According to a recent research in the Internet with 2500 excellent students in middle school, over 90 percent of them tend to choose a shool with high reputation of employment rate. Therefore, it is necessary for a university to provide job preparation to students.

To sum up, students, it is thought, benefit from the professional assistance of professor, the positive studying environment of campus, and, the most important one, the excellent job preparation from universities. So, we should call upon all the universities to give students a better job transition course in their last stop in school.

tracyn

TPO17



The reading passage talks about a phenomenon that because of the increaseing of human population, the number of birds in the United Stated will necessarily decline. On the country, the professor claims that the arguments in the reading are not convincing, She uses three specific ideas to oppose the main claims of the reading passage.



First of all, it is true that the development of urbanization may exert a negative effect to on the birds, but it is dose not necessary mean these activities will harm all the types of birds这句话有点奇怪. She argues that the fact is that the expendingexpanding(这个词能不能这么用不太清楚耶~~) of settlements provides more larger and more suitable habitats for some kinds of birds., and the size of those bird populations become more larger now.



Second, she points out that it is also true that the growth of agriculture will harm the distractionof birds’ habitats, but it is not in the way assumed in the reading passage. With the introduction of new kinds of crops, which can produce more foods, less and less wilderness areas are converted to agricultural use ones.



Last but not least, she claims that in the past, the usingusage of chemical pesticides did do harm to the birds. But with the development of science, new less toxic 这样的话最好把一个形容词变成从句 pesticides are introduced to use in agriculture. Besides, there also hasis a growing trend to produce new type of crops which isare genetically transformed and can resist the insects by themselves. Therefore, the birds will not be harmed by those chemical pesticides.



内容方面基本没什么问题啦～～

xeyyxzty

能力有限哈~可能评价的不是很到位

I disagree with the statement that patience isusually not a good strategy, and we should take action now. In fact, hardly canone(anyone?个人感觉哈) definethe concept of patience accurately due to the diverse ideas of different people. But asfar as I am concerned, I tend to believe that people with patience are willingto spend time thinking about how to fulfill tasksand goals（有这个用法吗？还是achieve goals?） in a logical way with discretion, and it(我不太清楚这个指代的是什么) alsoindicates that people should take action in the righttime and right location rather than now.

One of my explanations is that people who are able to keep patient can increasethe possibility of success. Doing things in a logical way can help people avoidmany unnecessary troubles. That is to say, people can have a continuous performance without making mistakes,either in business or in society, ifthey are willing to take an over all thinking before takeàtakingaction. Take Steve Jobs as an example, it is well aware that it takes a longtime for him to introduce a new product to all his consumers. High quality and fantastic design of his products tell usthat only after a lot of discussions andtests among Steve's team, can it provide us a enjoyable using experience.(我明白你意思，但是这么写很奇怪~only aftercareful tests can the products, which have high quality and fantastic design,offer consumers enjoyable experience，你再改一下吧) In thiscase, patience is the main key of people's success.

Another consideration to my judge is thattaking action immediately may result in big disasters（不确定disasters是否恰当哈）. Without carefully thinking, people will makea lot of mistakes. Some mistakes can reviseeasily(be found if revised) , but the otherswill bring serious consequences. Forbusiness person-->businessmen, hasty decisions for investments may leadto bankrupt. For doctors, their impulsive behaviour may exert a harmful effect on patients' lives.For teachers, without being patience for their students, they may lose theirconfidence in studs. Such examples tell us that we cannot take action justbecause we want to do it, we need to calm down and be patient to make a plan toavoid making mistakes. In this sense, patience is good strategy for all of us.
貌似这两段都是在说mistakes吧~区分不是很明显~个人意见
Of course, we should admit that in some special cases peopleshould take action as soon as possible.  When students feel bed（don’t satisfy with their performance） abouttheir performance in school, they should take action nowàimmediately. And when we do not see our family members during a longtime, we should take action nowàimmediately/ without hesitation. But, after we make all the decisions, we needto be patient enough to take allthings down（什么意思？）.Therefore, patience is one of the most valuable merits for every person topersue and it is usually a good strategy.

In conclusion, in order to avoid makingirreparable mistakes, people should learn how to keep patient in their lives.Patience is one of the most valuable merits and it plays a necessary rolein the process of people's whole lives.



觉得说理的部分不是很convincing~
然后句子有各种小错误~

羊咩咩yw

TPO17

The reading passage talks about a phenomenon that because of the increasing of human population, the number of birds in the United Stated will necessarily decline. On the country, the professor claims that the arguments in the reading are not convincing, She uses three specific ideas to oppose the main claims of the reading passage.

First of all, it is true that the development of urbanization may exert a negative effect to the birds, but it is dose not necessary mean these activities will harm all the types of birds. Sh argues that the fact is that the expending of settlements provides more larger and suitable habitat for some kinds of birds., and the size of those bird populations become more larger now.

Second, she points out it is also true that the growth of agriculture will harm the distraction of birds habitats but it is not in the way assumed in the reading passage. With the introduction of new kinds of crops, which can produce more foods, less and less wilderness area are converted to agricultural use.

Last but not least, she claims that in the past, the using of chemical pesticides did do harm to the birds. But with the development of science, new less toxic pesticides are introduced to use in agriculture. Besides, there also has a growing trend to produce new type of crops which is genetically transformed can resist the insects by themselves. Therefore, the birds will not be harmed by those chemical pesticides.


9.12  独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

I disagree with the statement that patience is usually not a good strategy, and we should take action now. In fact, hardly can one define the concept of patience accurately due to the diverse ideas of different people. But as far as I am concerned, I tend to believe that people with patience are willing to spend time thinking about how to fulfill tasks and goals in a logical way with discretion, and it also indicates that people should take action in the right time and right location rather than now.

One of my explanation is that people who are able to keep patient can increase the possibility of success. Doing things in a logical way can help people avoid many unnecessary troubles. That is to say, people can have a continuous  performance without making mistakes,either in business or in society, if they are willing to take a over all thinking before take action. Take Steve Jobs as an example, it is well aware that it takes a long time for him to introduce a new product to all his consumers. High quality and fantastic design of his products tell us that only after a lot of discussions and tests among Steve's team, can it provide us a enjoyable using experience. In this case, patience is the main key of people's success.

Another consideration to my judge is that taking action immediately may result in big disasters. Without carefully thinking, people will make a lot of mistakes. Some mistake can revise easily, but the others will bring serious consequences. For business person, hasty decisions for investments may lead to bankrupt. For doctors, their impulsive behaviour may exert a harmful effect on patients' lives. For teachers, without being patience for their students, they may lose their confidence in studs. Such examples tell us that we cannot take action just because we want to do it, we need to calm down and be patient to make a plan to avoid making mistakes. In this sense, patience is good strategy for all of us.

Of course, we should admit that in some special cases people should take action as soon as possible.  When students feel bed about their performance in school, they should take action now. And when we do not see our family members during a long time, we should take action now. But, after we make all the decisions, we need to be patient enough to take all things down. Therefore, patience is one of the most valuable merits for every person to persue and it is usually a good strategy.

In conclusion, in order to avoid making irreparable mistakes, people should learn how to keep patient in their lives. Patience is one of the most valuable merits and it play a necessary role in the process of people's whole lives.

fuzhengrui

要点齐全但是语法上面有点小问题
The reading passage talks about several measures to stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia. On the country, the professors claims that these measures will not be feasible to stop the spread of those animals. She uses three specific ideas to oppose the main measures of the reading passage, as presented below.

First of all, she points (OUT) that the young cane toads and cane toad eggs are living in the strings(STREAMS) or the lacks(???). They will be carried from one side to the other sides(删了sides) by the water in those strings or lacks. Therefore, the fence cannot prevent cane toads from moving into other parts of Australia. It is opposite with the reading passage.

Second, she holds that the cane toad cannot be easily captured and destroyed by volunteers who without professional training. Instead of destroy the cane toads, those volunteers who do not receive the profession training, may destroy another frog species.This kind of frog looks like the cane toads, especially the young cane toads. And this kind of frogs have already(been) in danger. Therefore the reading is wrong to suggests that cane toads can easily be captured by hand.

Last but not least, contradicting to what is stated in the reading that a disease-causing virus will not harm most of the infected species, the professor argues that it can attract(affect) the native cane toads in American which is one part of the local ecosystem. She explains that the cane toads which infect by this virus might be taken to other places by scientists or other persons. So, this method cannot be feasible.