『写作小分队』 求轰炸

margrate

0813 Independent  
Subject: know about the events happening around the world that do not affect our life.D\A

Have you ever lived in a situation where no outside information is available for you? How horrible it is to live in such a situation! One cannot live without knowing about the events happening around the world. I do agree that the events happening around the world have a significant influence on our daily life.



To begin with, major events will keep you moving forward. Knowing about the events happening around the world will keep you informed for major changes which will lead to far-reaching consequences and dramatically change the world. For example, from 18 century to mid-19 century, the processes of The Industrial Revolution of Britain were going on step by step. However, on the other side of the world at the same time, Qing Dynasty of China lagged far behind Britain with no incentive to study from the profound transformation of the Industrial Revolution. And then China, ever leading the way almost in all aspects, fell behind the majority countries and was oppressed by the Western Countries for a long time. If Chinese government had taken any focuses on major events, the Chinese would not have suffered from the bully and oppression. Therefore, if we know about some events taken place around the world, we could at least keep our pace with times, rather than being ignorant to the world.



Moreover, as illustrated in Butterfly Effect, a subtle difference of the original condition will cause a surprised consequence. If you neglect the events happening around yourself, let alone the events happening around the world, you will be eliminated by the world around yourself. For example, as a leader of a company, you only focus on the events happening in your company without any consideration of the outside word, such as your competitors. What will happen to the company？As expected, your company will soon disappear.



Last but not least, to know what is related to you or what is important. Obviously, facing large amount of events occurring every day, you cannot decide which kind of events will affect us most so that we have to learn how to screen information. Centralizing on the events that we are interested in, that happen in our field will improve the efficiency to deal with them, which will not only save time, but also enhance the quality to process these events.

All in all, everyone has to know about the events happening around the world because of their profound influences on our life.

阿伦艾弗森

The reading passage maintains that a four-day workweek is beneficial. The professor in the lecture, however, demonstrates that this it will not work as the reading discusses.

First, according to the reading, the shortened workweek would increase company profits, while the professor states that this policy would force companies to spend a lot more. Hiring more staff will increase the cost on training and medical issues,as well as the cost(hiring无逻辑主语)on office space and computers. All these cost will offset the benefits.

Second, the reading passage shows that the unemployment will be reduced under this policy. Contrary to the reading, the professor points out that, because of the increasing cost from hiring more staff, companies will force employees to work overtime, or raise the expectation that staff who work four-days will do the same work as five-day staff, leading to no more jobs being offered and unpleasant jobs.（这句话有些别扭，语法中being这样的词最好不要出现在句中）

Third, even though the reading contends that a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees, the professor indicates that the shortened workweek will low either employees’ job ability or promotion opportunity of the four-day staff. The four-day staff will be the first one to lose their jobs when economy goes down. And the companies will make it a priority to promote five-day staff who can cover and supervise the jobs all the week.

Above all, the professor in the lecture clearly analyses the three weaknesses of the four-day workweek and strongly refutes what has been discussed in the reading passage.

一点拙见，望共同进步

margrate

TPO 1 1015综合

The reading passage maintains that a four-day workweek is beneficial. The professor in the lecture, however, demonstrates that this it will not work as the reading discusses.

First, according to the reading, the shortened workweek would increase company profits, while the professor states that this policy would force companies to spend a lot more. Hiring more staff will increase the cost on training and medical issues, as well as the cost on office space and computers. All these cost will offset the benefits.

Second, the reading passage shows that the unemployment will be reduced under this policy. Contrary to the reading, the professor points out that, because of the increasing cost from hiring more staff, companies will force employees to work overtime, or raise the expectation that staff who work four-days will do the same work as five-day staff, leading to no more jobs being offered and unpleasant jobs.

Third, even though the reading contends that a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees, the professor indicates that the shortened workweek will low either employees’ job ability or promotion opportunity of the four-day staff. The four-day staff will be the first one to lose their jobs when economy goes down. And the companies will make it a priority to promote five-day staff who can cover and supervise the jobs all the week.

Above all, the professor in the lecture clearly analyses the three weaknesses of the four-day workweek and strongly refutes what has been discussed in the reading passage.

margrate

The reading passage criticizes the "let it burn" policy leading to serious consequences to the Yellowstone Park in 1988. The professor, however, announces that the fire is more creative than destructive.(感觉还是应该把两者的观点再明确化一些,reading要停止这个policy而professor很赞成)

First, the reading passage claims that the park's trees and other vegetation were damaged by the fire. By contrast, the lecture points out that the fire create(created) new opportunities for new plant species to survive which were not able to survive in the scorched place before(信息有误,为一些以前需要open and shaded space来生长的植物提供了机会). Some certain seeds now could exist in high level(原意为一些植物的seeds只有在高温下能develop,而火灾提供了这种机会).

Second, according to the passage, wildlife was affected by the firs(fire). But the professor indicates that not only the population of the animals increases, but also the new species appear. The fire created an ideal habitat for some small animals, such as rabbits and hears(hares). Consequently, the number of predators living on these small animals increases. So some certain food chains were strengthened, rather than disrupted.

Finally, the passage asserts that the fire negatively influenced the local tourism economy. The professor refutes that actually, the fire in 1988 was caused by the combination of multi-factors, such as the strong wind, the dry air(+little rainfall). However, such kind of fire did not come back each year later. So tourists still go to the park every year.



不知道为什么字体换颜色的功能突然不行了，所以就用了加粗加下划线，见谅。
比前面那篇信息更准确，交代也比较不啰嗦一些，有进步哈。

-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/10/11 19:39:03)

再改


The reading passage criticizes the "let it burn" policy leading to serious consequences to the Yellowstone Park in 1988 and want to ban it. The professor, however, announces that the fire is more creative than destructive.

First, the reading passage claims that the park's trees and other vegetation were damaged by the fire. By contrast, the lecture points out that the fire created new opportunities for new plant species that could not grow otherwise. Smaller plants took over the areas of trees destroyed by the fire. And the high heat of the fire promoted the germination of certain species.

Second, according to the passage, wildlife was affected by the fires. But the professor indicates that not only the population of the animals recovers, but also the new species appear. The fire created an ideal habitat for some small animals, such as rabbits and hares. Consequently, the number of predators living on these small animals increases. So some certain food chains were strengthened, rather than disrupted.

Finally, the passage asserts that the fire negatively influenced the local tourism economy. The professor refutes that actually, the fire in 1988 was caused by the combination of multi-factors, such as low rainfall, unusual strong winds, and the dry air. However, such kind of fire did not come back each year later. So tourists still go to the park every year.

陈喵喵holdon

Have you had such kind of feeling that you fell(felt) either tired or empty after you watch a movie which teach you nothing, just for wasting time(直接用a waste of time,不然感觉像目的是浪费时间)? Have you noticed that you will be attracted automatically if the movies really teach you something about the real life? And are you deeply fascinated by movies that can tell you something, such as the love, the courage, the life meaning and so on?(这个和上一个问句的意思好像差不多) You will stand on my side with the opinion that movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.

The most important meaning for the movie is to impart unfamiliar things to human beings. According to a statistic analysis for China's film industry, it suggests that more than 70 percent of the consumers who go to theaters watching movie is young people, nearly 20 percent of them is children. It is not a surprise that the middle age people only account for 10 percent of them. The older adult's perspective, experiences are much richer than the young. So the young will find it is interesting to watch the movie for they could learn something really different from what they know. It is because the movies teach the something about the real life that they are willing to watch the movie(这个句子的主语好混乱,后面的they是观众吧,句子里指代的是movies).

It will be a luxury approach to waste your time if the movie does not tell you something meaningful. Even though some people indicate that watching movies, regardless of whether they are worth or meaningful, create more opportunities to share time with friends, families, this is not the point. However, the opposite is the right one. You spend time with your friends or families; it is because you want to share something happy or meaningful with them.(这个point很好！) So why do you waste your time watching a movie which just makes all of you disappointed? That is to say, if the movies are not able to grant something to us, they are not worth watching. Watching such kind of movies will also make you tired.(这两句的描述好像跟这段的观点不一致,跑偏了)After all, there are more ways for us to relax, to entertain, and to learning.(这段缺少例子)

The meaningful movies which can tell us something about the real life will attract us automatically. Think about this: why do some television programs is so popular all the time, while some of them die out without any notice? It is the information, the different and new experience, and the various culture from another world that those programs teach us that make them prevail. Therefore, just like the spread of the television programs, the spread and popularity of movies are for the same reason. Recently, there is a very hot documentary movie The tip of the tongue of China, regarded as the most successful documentary movie of China, appealing thousands of Chinese people, especially the young. As we all know, the young commonly take fewer interests in documentary movies. It is the vivid illustration and the glorious knowledge of Chinese food that fascinate the young people. Such kind of movies is really worth watching.(这段的观点:人们会自然而然被有意义的电影吸引,讲的应该不是看该类电影的原因吧?讲的好像是一种现象,一个客观事实,或者说是只看有意义电影这个现象.最好找一个别的理由加以论证)

缺少结尾段??

陈喵喵holdon

The reading passage criticizes the "let it burn" policy leading to serious consequences to the Yellowstone Park in 1988. The professor, however, announces that the fire is more creative than destructive.(感觉还是应该把两者的观点再明确化一些,reading要停止这个policy而professor很赞成)

First, the reading passage claims that the park's trees and other vegetation were damaged by the fire. By contrast, the lecture points out that the fire create(created) new opportunities for new plant species to survive which were not able to survive in the scorched place before(信息有误,为一些以前需要open and shaded space来生长的植物提供了机会). Some certain seeds now could exist in high level(原意为一些植物的seeds只有在高温下能develop,而火灾提供了这种机会).

Second, according to the passage, wildlife was affected by the firs(fire). But the professor indicates that not only the population of the animals increases, but also the new species appear. The fire created an ideal habitat for some small animals, such as rabbits and hears(hares). Consequently, the number of predators living on these small animals increases. So some certain food chains were strengthened, rather than disrupted.

Finally, the passage asserts that the fire negatively influenced the local tourism economy. The professor refutes that actually, the fire in 1988 was caused by the combination of multi-factors, such as the strong wind, the dry air(+little rainfall). However, such kind of fire did not come back each year later. So tourists still go to the park every year.



不知道为什么字体换颜色的功能突然不行了，所以就用了加粗加下划线，见谅。
比前面那篇信息更准确，交代也比较不啰嗦一些，有进步哈。

margrate

我写跑题了，求指导！这个hold不住
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.

Have you had such kind of feeling that you fell either tired or empty after you watch a movie which teach you nothing, just for wasting time? Have you noticed that you will be attracted automatically if the movies really teach you something about the real life? And are you deeply fascinated by movies that can tell you something, such as the love, the courage, the life meaning and so on? You will stand on my side with the opinion that movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.

The most important meaning for the movie is to impart unfamiliar things to human beings. According to a statistic analysis for China's film industry, it suggests that more than 70 percent of the consumers who go to theaters watching movie is young people, nearly 20 percent of them is children. It is not a surprise that the middle age people only account for 10 percent of them. The older adult's perspective, experiences are much richer than the young. So the young will find it is interesting to watch the movie for they could learn something really different from what they know. It is because the movies teach the something about the real life that they are willing to watch the movie.

It will be a luxury approach to waste your time if the movie does not tell you something meaningful. Even though some people indicate that watching movies, regardless of whether they are worth or meaningful, create more opportunities to share time with friends, families, this is not the point. However, the opposite is the right one. You spend time with your friends or families; it is because you want to share something happy or meaningful with them. So why do you waste your time watching a movie which just makes all of you disappointed? That is to say, if the movies are not able to grant something to us, they are not worth watching. Watching such kind of movies will also make you tired. After all, there are more ways for us to relax, to entertain, and to learning.

The meaningful movies which can tell us something about the real life will attract us automatically. Think about this: why do some television programs is so popular all the time, while some of them die out without any notice? It is the information, the different and new experience, and the various culture from another world that those programs teach us that make them prevail. Therefore, just like the spread of the television programs, the spread and popularity of movies are for the same reason. Recently, there is a very hot documentary movie The tip of the tongue of China, regarded as the most successful documentary movie of China, appealing thousands of Chinese people, especially the young. As we all know, the young commonly take fewer interests in documentary movies. It is the vivid illustration and the glorious knowledge of Chinese food that fascinate the young people. Such kind of movies is really worth watching.

margrate

The lecture and the reading passage explore the influences of "let it burn" policy of 1988 Yellowstone Fire. The reading passage asserts it to be destructive, however, the professor points out that the fire also brought about creation. Furthermore, the fire was fundamental to the environment似乎信息有误.(最好亮下两者的观点,reading反对此policy,professor支持.)

First of all, the passage believes that tremendous damage to the park's trees and other vegetation were caused by the fires. As a matter of fact, the professor says that the scorched land created new opportunities for more plants to live in the land. Vegetation seeds also appeared on high level. This is the first point where the lecture is inconsistent with the reading passage.(缺少lecture中信息:火灾后植被更diverse)

Moreover, the professor also(有moreover再用also感觉有点重复) proposes that not only did the fires lead to the increase of animal population, but also made more chances for new species. The destructive habitat became the ideal habitats for other small animals, such as rabbit and hears(hear是什么). Then the whole food chains had been strengthened and became stronger than before. This is another point which contrary to the reading passage that the park wildlife was affected.

Finally, the reading passage deems that the fire had a negative influence on the local tourist economy. In fact, the lower(smaller) number of tourists in that year was unusual, because of the fierce fire, intrigued by the unusual strong wind, mentioned by the professor. And there was also no fire like 1988 later on. Therefore, the tourists came back to the park during the next years. This was the third part that the reading passage and lecture conflicts with each other.

Above all, according to the professor, the fire actually generated more opportunities either to the plant and vegetation, or to the wildlife, or to the local economy.(综合写作总结段不必要?)

-- by 会员 margrate (2012/10/9 16:07:55)

貌似以前也给你改过 口语小分队也见过 呵呵
条理很清楚,点也基本都到了,不过每段陈述的套路好像有点千篇一律,都是最后加上一句‘这是两者持的矛盾观点’,最好适当变通一下.
Good Luck..

-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/10/11 13:43:40)

额  我还没来得及更新呢  这个又重新写了一份  你要是有时间的话  就帮忙再看一下这一篇吧  应该是hare，打错了  hare=rabbit  意思相同，种类不同

我觉得最后一个总结好像也木有必要的

The reading passage criticizes the "let it burn" policy leading to serious consequences to the Yellowstone Park in 1988. The professor, however, announces that the fire is more creative than destructive.

First, the reading passage claims that the park's trees and other vegetation were damaged by the fire. By contrast, the lecture points out that the fire create new opportunities for new plant species to survive which were not able to survive in the scorched place before. Some certain seeds now could exist in high level.

Second, according to the passage, wildlife was affected by the firs. But the professor indicates that not only the population of the animals increases, but also the new species appear. The fire created an ideal habitat for some small animals, such as rabbits and hears. Consequently, the number of predators living on these small animals increases. So some certain food chains were strengthened, rather than disrupted.

Finally, the passage asserts that the fire negatively influenced the local tourism economy. The professor refutes that actually, the fire in 1988 was caused by the combination of multi-factors, such as the strong wind, the dry air. However, such kind of fire did not come back each year later. So tourists still go to the park every year.

陈喵喵holdon

The lecture and the reading passage explore the influences of "let it burn" policy of 1988 Yellowstone Fire. The reading passage asserts it to be destructive, however, the professor points out that the fire also brought about creation. Furthermore, the fire was fundamental to the environment似乎信息有误.(最好亮下两者的观点,reading反对此policy,professor支持.)

First of all, the passage believes that tremendous damage to the park's trees and other vegetation were caused by the fires. As a matter of fact, the professor says that the scorched land created new opportunities for more plants to live in the land. Vegetation seeds also appeared on high level. This is the first point where the lecture is inconsistent with the reading passage.(缺少lecture中信息:火灾后植被更diverse)

Moreover, the professor also(有moreover再用also感觉有点重复) proposes that not only did the fires lead to the increase of animal population, but also made more chances for new species. The destructive habitat became the ideal habitats for other small animals, such as rabbit and hears(hear是什么). Then the whole food chains had been strengthened and became stronger than before. This is another point which contrary to the reading passage that the park wildlife was affected.

Finally, the reading passage deems that the fire had a negative influence on the local tourist economy. In fact, the lower(smaller) number of tourists in that year was unusual, because of the fierce fire, intrigued by the unusual strong wind, mentioned by the professor. And there was also no fire like 1988 later on. Therefore, the tourists came back to the park during the next years. This was the third part that the reading passage and lecture conflicts with each other.

Above all, according to the professor, the fire actually generated more opportunities either to the plant and vegetation, or to the wildlife, or to the local economy.(综合写作总结段不必要?)

-- by 会员 margrate (2012/10/9 16:07:55)

貌似以前也给你改过 口语小分队也见过 呵呵
条理很清楚,点也基本都到了,不过每段陈述的套路好像有点千篇一律,都是最后加上一句‘这是两者持的矛盾观点’,最好适当变通一下.
Good Luck..

margrate

10.9.独立 修改
It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)

As exercising（这里应该说art和music,可能笔误了）is playing a significant role in our society as entertainment is, building art museums and music performance center is as important as building recreational devices, such as swimming pool, playgrounds. None of them are dispensable to our society, our country, and our lives. I will stand on my side with the opinion that no one is more important than another one. That is to say, I suggest government should pay the same energy and resources to build art centers as to build recreational devices.

First, the unbalanced investment to the building of art centers and recreational devices will introduce unbalanced development of the whole society. Let us imagine that if the whole country pays much more to the development to（of） the art center. It is the government itself that makesthe signal that we need more artists instead of athlete. What will happen next? The citizens will take it for granted that if their children learn arts,（这里没必要加逗号） or related subjects, it will be guaranteed(guarantee) a promising job. Then the whole society will swamp into the unbalanced circumstances in which a short of physical experts will appeared(appear) in the near future. So whichever is over-strengthened, there will be an unbalance of the whole society. We have to keep the belief of the balanced, stable and(我觉得加了更好些)sustainable development in mind.
（第一个论点写得非常好，鉴于第三个论点，这段开头要加个In general为好）


Moreover, both art centers and recreational devices are harmoniously coordinated with each other to sustain(好像没有这种用法，建议用regulate) our lives. Unless the two parts are mutually development(developed),（这里没必要加逗号）can the quality of lives be improved. Once a time, the Chinese government overstressed the development of the economy, leading to an educational fault. This principle is also appropriate for the development of the art centers and the recreational devices.（这个类比似乎不准确，没什么联系）So only one is flourishing, the other onewill undermine the effectiveness or ultimately negatively molded(这里语法错了吧)the thriving one.

（这一段其实是想说两者对于生活是缺一不可的，我认为这个作为第一个论点更好，简单地叙述出两者各自的重要性。另外，2 hints: 这段中主要的主语是建筑，其实是不对的，因为不可以说建筑develop，可以说art和exercising ;三个论点的字数最好一个比一个长，不然容易被认为论证不充分，容易被扣分）

Finally, the government should certainly pay relatively more attention to one of the two aspects during specific periods, aiming to enhance self-improvement either of art or of physics. For example, during the 2008 summer Olympic Games, the Chinese government invested much more on the construction of recreational devices, especially the construction of a lot versatile gymnasiums, with the purpose of encouraging citizens to participate in the Olympic Games. Meanwhile, the government also hopes to strengthen the consciousness(awareness更好) of exercising of the citizens. It was pretty a reasonable way to help citizens establish such kind of thinking.Similarly ,when the art was weakening, the government should also commit more(就用pay more attention吧，commit用在这儿不合适) to the investment of(to)the art museums and performance center.

(这一段也写的不错)

Above all, it is unadvisable for the government to put into more（put more efforts） to build art museums and music performance center than to build swimming poor, playgrounds and so on. Furthermore, a balanced and sustainable development of both orientations is encouraged.(总结段要总结三个论点，还要加一句特殊情况特殊对待)

-- by 会员 正儿八经潜水 (2012/10/10 20:53:36)

你的意思是说将第一段和第二段的位置倒一下，对么？