求综合部分提高..Writing加油!!

陈喵喵holdon

一战综合Fair..词穷.. 求指教求提高!!

小滋滋

Recently, the debate of whether colleges or universities should provide students with higher levels of job preparation has been discussed more(widely), as these two institutions are more or less the basis of students’ future development and play important roles in their career. Personally, I favor the opinion that it is necessary for students to have better job preparation from their colleges and universities, and the reasons are as follows.

To begin with, as the considerable difference between university life and career life, it is common that many graduates find it difficult to adapt to their jobs. As a result, colleges or universities should take responsibility to have them better prepared(make them better prepare更好点吧) in order to avoid these problems. Lectures and seminars including features such as future job analysis and interpersonal communications are especially required. As（？According to好点吧？） a research conducted by 7 students from the Peking University shows, among over 300 undergraduate participants, nearly 90% tend to have positive feedbacks about job preparation arrangements, because such arrangements offer them tipson job-related decision making and interpersonal relationships. Take myself as an example, I am a senior undergraduate who will be involved in job-hunting soon, but when I had an internship in a medical company last summer, I faced many difficulties like behaving interactively to my colleges and arranging my daily work properly. In addition, I am struggling with my future career direction. Consequently, better job preparation is needed in colleges and universities so that those problems can be overcome.

Moreover, by giving higher standards of job preparation, colleges or universities will gain positive reputations. In other words, excellent job performances from graduates can lead to better education reputations of their universities. （这句话和前面那句话其实是一句，可以删掉，保留又没什么错，就是感觉有点累赘）A good case in point is the City University London, which has high academic reputations within accounting and financing areas. Although its overall ranking is not very high, its good reputation resulteding from its graduates’ good performances in jobs makes it a dream school for many applicants. To conclude, to provide relatively better preparations for students, as the City University London, can be beneficial for the university itself.

Additionally, it is a reasonable approach when referring to the job and society side. Organizations, companies or associations, which recruit graduates with better job preparation offered by their universities, can operate more efficiently. Furthermore, they tend to have fewer conflicts. As the CEO of Tencent, Ma Huateng, stated in one of his lectures in Nanjing University that (,去掉，这才是一句话吧？)his company preferred employees with more basic preparations for jobs in their college time, since that would benefit the company in both daily operation and internal relationships.

In summary, from what has been discussed above, we may safely say that to have preparation of job in colleges or universities will have favorable influences on not only the individual student side, but also the university and public side. Therefore, colleges and universities should be responsible to offer their students better job preparation

结构论点论据都很好，就是注意一下句式变换和词汇变换吧...

陈喵喵holdon

To conclude, more possessions can offer opportunities to cure adisease, which（which不能指代前面一整句话，用连词连接） guarantees the health problem, and that is the basis of living ahappy life.

-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/11/4 15:03:14)

楼上说的不太准确哦，用which引导的非限制定从是有这个功能的，不过楼主的这句话确实分句太多成分有点奇怪就是了。

-- by 会员 dreamcece (2012/11/7 13:05:00)

谢谢cece指正~的确有时候成分太乱了..

陈喵喵holdon

11.7独立Collegesor universities should offer students a better job preparation before theystart working.


Recently, the debate of whether colleges or universities should provide students with higher levels of job preparation has been discussed more, as these two institutions are more or less the basis of students’ future development and play important roles in their career. Personally, I favor the opinion that it is necessary for students to have better job preparation from their colleges and universities, and the reasons are as follows.

To begin with, as the considerable difference between university life and career life, it is common that many graduates find it difficult to adapt to their jobs. As a result, colleges or universities should take responsibility to have them better prepared in order to avoid these problems. Lectures and seminars including features such as future job analysis and interpersonal communications are especially required. As a research conducted by 7 students from the Peking University shows, among over 300 undergraduate participants, nearly 90% tend to have positive feedbacks about job preparation arrangements, because such arrangements offer them tipson job-related decision making and interpersonal relationships. Take myself as an example, I am a senior undergraduate who will be involved in job-hunting soon, but when I had an internship in a medical company last summer, I faced many difficulties like behaving interactively to my colleges and arranging my daily work properly. In addition, I am struggling with my future career direction. Consequently, better job preparation is needed in colleges and universities so that those problems can be overcome.

Moreover, by giving higher standards of job preparation, colleges or universities will gain positive reputations. In other words, excellent job performances from graduates can lead to better education reputations of their universities. A good case in point is the City University London, which has high academic reputations within accounting and financing areas. Although its overall ranking is not very high, its good reputation resulted from its graduates’ good performances in jobs makes it a dream school for many applicants. To conclude, to provide relatively better preparations for students, as the City University London, can be beneficial for the university itself.

Additionally, it is a reasonable approach when referring to the job and society side. Organizations, companies or associations, which recruit graduates with better job preparation offered by their universities, can operate more efficiently. Furthermore, they tend to have fewer conflicts. As the CEO of Tencent, Ma Huateng, stated in one of his lectures in Nanjing University, his company preferred employees with more basic preparations for jobs in their college time, since that would benefit the company in both daily operation and internal relationships.

In summary, from what has been discussed above, we may safely say that to have preparation of job in colleges or universities will have favorable influences on not only the individual student side, but also the university and public side. Therefore, colleges and universities should be responsible to offer their students better job preparation.

dreamcece

To conclude, more possessions can offer opportunities to cure adisease, which（which不能指代前面一整句话，用连词连接） guarantees the health problem, and that is the basis of living ahappy life.

-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/11/4 15:03:14)

楼上说的不太准确哦，用which引导的非限制定从是有这个功能的，不过楼主的这句话确实分句太多成分有点奇怪就是了。

bonnenuit

As the increase of people’s living standards in recent decades, disputes related to possessions such as unfair distributions or competitions occur at a higher frequency. As a result, some contend that people nowadays would be happier if they had fewer possessions. However, I totally disagree with this statement and regard possessions as a quite important factor in modern life. The reasons are as follows.

To begin with, it is admittedly(去ly) that basic personal(这个可以不要） needs cannot be satisfied without enough possessions. On one hand, daily consumptions such as food, clothes and transportations need money（这个需要花钱有点怪，不可能是主动发出的，改need paid), and more possessions means higher levels in both quantity and quality. On the otherhand, more possessions guarantee spiritual enjoyment beyond fundamental daily necessities. For example, a relatively larger amount of money is required in not only pleasure activities such as attending concerts, but also relaxation like traveling across other countries. In addition, based on a research that was conducted by 7 students in the Peking University, over 90% of research participants showed（用一般现在时，因为是表示一个客观现象） higher satisfaction if they could own more possessions, which would met their essential needs. Therefore, fewer possessions will not lead to happier life attitudes.

Furthermore, disease, one of the factors deprive of people’s happiness, requires considerable amount of money, and as a result, more possessions can solve this problem. Recently, more concern has been put on human‘s health while disease has been regarded as one of the major human killers. Except for the curing difficulties(这个表达很有问题）, the extremely expensive medical fees cannot be ignored. Suppose that one member of a family suffers （这种假设情况要用过去式了）from a disease but the family cannot afford the fees. Under such circumstance, how can they obtain happiness? To conclude, more possessions can offer opportunities to cure adisease, which（which不能指代前面一整句话，用连词连接） guarantees the health problem, and that is the basis of living ahappy life.

Finally, some argue that when people have more possessions, they tend to be more selfish and that（that也不可以知道前面的一整句话） may lead to unfair competitions and treatments. However, it is the nature of some persons that determines such behavior, and this sort of behaviors exists no matter how wealth a person is. A good case in point is that although the economic standards has enhanced（改被动） substantially since Chinese liberation, （两个独立的句子都有主谓宾要用连词连接，根据句意是个转折，加个however）some citizens who became wealthy afterwards still experience economic disputes. Only when people have（only开头，have要倒装，） better natures and positive living attitudes can they become happier.

To summarize, to have fewer possessions does not necessarily mean a happier live as more possessions can both meet people’s daily needs and result in a comparatively high-quality life. Also, it is the human nature, instead of possessions, determines daily behaviors and living attitudes.

陈喵喵holdon

11.3独立Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Peopletoday would be happier if they had fewer possessions.


As the increase of people’s living standards in recent decades, disputes related to possessions such as unfair distributions or competitions occur at a higher frequency. As a result, some contend that people nowadays would be happier if they had fewer possessions. However, I totally disagree with this statement and regard possessions as a quite important factor in modern life. The reasons are as follows.

To begin with, it is admittedly that basic personal needs cannot be satisfied without enough possessions. On one hand, daily consumptions such as food, clothes and transportations need money, and more possessions means higher levels in both quantity and quality. On the otherhand, more possessions guarantee spiritual enjoyment beyond fundamental daily necessities. For example, a relatively larger amount of money is required in not only pleasure activities such as attending concerts, but also relaxation like traveling across other countries. In addition, based on a research that was conducted by 7 students in the Peking University, over 90% of research participants showed higher satisfaction if they could own more possessions, which would met their essential needs. Therefore, fewer possessions will not lead to happier life attitudes.

Furthermore, disease, one of the factors deprive of people’s happiness, requires considerable amount of money, and as a result, more possessions can solve this problem. Recently, more concern has been put on human health while disease has been regarded as one of the major human killers. Except the curing difficulties, the extremely expensive medical fees cannot be ignored. Suppose that one member of a family suffers from a disease but the family cannot afford the fees. Under such circumstance, how can they obtain happiness? To conclude, more possessions can offer opportunities to cure adisease, which guarantees the health problem, and that is the basis of living ahappy life.

Finally, some argue that when people have more possessions, they tend to be more selfish and that may lead to unfair competitions and treatments. However, it is the nature of some persons that determines such behavior, and this sort of behaviors exists no matter how wealth a person is. A good case in point is that although the economic standards has enhanced substantially since Chinese liberation, some citizens who became wealthy afterwards still experience economic disputes. Only when people have better natures and positive living attitudes can they become happier.

To summarize, to have fewer possessions does not necessarily mean a happier live as more possessions can both meet people’s daily needs and result in a comparatively high-quality life. Also, it is the human nature, instead of possessions, determines daily behaviors and living attitudes.

bonnenuit

As the recent development of communication technology, people nowadays have more choices when it comes to contact(with) each other, such as e-mails, text messages, telephone calls or voice messages.However, when people are discussing upsetting or controversial problems with others, these communication methods do not have equal effects. Personally speaking, I prefer to use telephone calls or voice messages while having such sensitive topics because of their( 如果这个their就近看的话就是topics了,会曲解句意）advantages which listed below.

To begin with, controversial topics themselves have meanings which are easy to (be misunderstaood)misunderstand, so using direct voice communication is a better choice. Generally, information written down has higher possibilities to convey unexpected meanings than voice messages do, which to some extent contributed to the creation of voice communication tools, such a svoice call and cell phones（这句真心没看懂，which后面这个to是接convey的宾语从句？）. In addition, telephones and voice messages can express with different voices and tones, which can make communications more accurately. For example, a higher volume may indicate different opinions, which can be noticed by listeners and by this means（and前最好加个逗号，否则两个by就并列成同一个意思了）, to avoid further opposite response.

Moreover, as disputable topics’ needs（‘s只能用于人或活物上，换of) for interaction by participants, contact of telephones and voice messages fulfill this requirement. To further the discussion, speakers need to share opinions,make comments and solve problems, which cannot be obtained by simply writing ane-mail or a text message. A research done by students from the Peking University reveals that most participants of the survey prefer voice messages rather than written-form information because they can be regarded as interactive communications, and that is one of the goals of disputable topic discussion(太复杂了点，直接one goal of....).

Finally, what is needed in a talk of upsetting and controversial topic is efficiency, as more time can be saved by voice messages delivery and understanding(被动）. A good case in point is the popular communication application, Weixin. It adds voice function to traditional textone, and results in uses of large number of persons to discuss daily things(这个表达不对，that many people use weixin。。。。。） , including debatable issues. Based on Weixin’s function, it becomes a symbol of freedom and convenient talking. Consequently, that(that最好不要在一个独立完整句子里做主语） supports the assertion that voice messages are more feasible in terms of controversial topics discussion.

From what has been discussed above, I can safely draw the conclusion that to use（using） telephones and voice messages is more advantageous（这个词不常见，换reliable） than to use e-mails and text messages, since they（指代不明） can provide more precise expression of information, more interactive atmosphere and higher efficiency.

有些指代词使用不是很恰当 建议多看看语法
句型可以多变换一下 祈使句啊 倒装句啊 都可以用用
长句子不一定好 也容易产生错误

陈喵喵holdon

10.21独立
If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others,you will use e-mail or text messaging, OR use thetelephone or voice-messaging.

As the recent development of communication technology, people nowadays have more choices when it comes to contact each other, such as e-mails, text messages, telephone calls or voice messages.However, when people are discussing upsetting or controversial problems withothers, these communication methods do not have equal effects. Personally speaking, I prefer to use telephone calls or voice messages while having such sensitive topics because of their advantages which listed below.

To begin with, controversial topics themselves have meanings which are easy to misunderstand, so using direct voice communication is a better choice. Generally, information written down has higher possibilities to convey unexpected meanings than voice messages, which to some extent contributed to the creation of voice communication tools, such asvoice call and cell phones. In addition, telephones and voice messages can express with different voices and tones, which can make communications more accurately. For example, a higher volume may indicate different opinions, which can be noticed by listeners and by this means, to avoid further opposite response.

Moreover, as disputable topics’ needs for interaction by participants, contact of telephones and voice messages fulfill this requirement. To further the discussion, speakers need to share opinions,make comments and solve problems, which cannot be obtained by simply writing ane-mail or a text message. A research done by students from the Peking University reveals that most participants of the survey prefer voice messages rather than written-form information because they can be regarded as interactive communications, and that is one of the goals of disputable topic discussion.

Finally, what is needed in a talk of upsetting and controversial topic is efficiency, as more time can be saved by voice messages delivery and understanding. A good case in point is the popular communication application, Weixin. It adds voice function to traditional textone, and result in uses of large number of persons to discuss daily things, including debatable issues. Based on Weixin’s function, it becomes a symbol of free and convenient talking. Consequently, that supports the assertion that voice messages are more feasible in terms of controversial topics discussion.

From what has been discussed above, I can safely draw the conclusion that to use telephones and voice messages is more advantageous than to use e-mails and text messages, since they can provide more precise expression of information, more interactive atmosphere and higher efficiency.

Catherie

哦哦，原来是这样，那基本都没什么问题了，你几号考？

-- by 会员 Catherie (2012/10/14 10:44:27)

还不知道..想报这周末的,可是在的城市没有考点..T T 你呢??

-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/10/14 22:26:24)

11.2号……