小兔爱twins的作文贴 7.23开始~ 求吐槽求拍砖

小兔爱twins

今天占位了独立和综合~~~ 现在正在写~~ 写完就贴~~~

正儿八经潜水

9月17日 独立 批改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Increasing focus comes to be attracted on happiness. However, viewers are holding different opinion about this issue. On the one hand, a number of people believes that your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life dose(does). On the other hand, there is an opposition among others who insisting(insist,以who开头的定语从句，后面的谓语不是V-ing形式，V-ing引导的句子可以直接作为定语)that social life has greater impact on happiness. As far as I am concerned, the opposition holds water.

To begin with, it is very likely that people feel frustrated with their jobs. At this time(On the contrast更好, at this time 太中式化), social life at（to,固定说法）some extent releasespeople from depression and makes them feel comfort（comfortable）. Taking my own experience as an expamle(example), when（After）graduating, I did not spend(have更好, spend似乎意味着你是有时间玩的)as much time having fun with my friends as I used to. I submerged myself into work.（ Use immerse instead. Submerge doesn't fit there.） One day,when（去掉when吧） I failed(注意时态保持一致) to compete（during the competition 还是中式英文的问题） with my colleagues and did not get the chance of promotion, (and, 这里一定要加and, 因为逗号不可以连接两个并列句）I felt so upset that I quited my job. And then I turned to my friends to look fro（for） comfort. They took me to travelaround and encouraged me to cheer up. As a result, I forgot about the frustration on careerand engaged into a new job（the frustration of my previous job and engaged into a new one是不是好一些，哈） It was the social life that help me find my happiness back.(happiness 对应不能是 just uncomfortable , 前面可以换些词说明自己觉得生活得不快乐)

Admittedly, a minorty（minority）of people are strong believers in the claim that being happy or not greatly depends onwhether the job which(can) help them earn a better living. However, those people are oversimplifying the real situation. That is to say, if an individual devotes all the enery(energy) to work, hardly can he or she have time to enjoy the life. An experience of my best friends, Mike, can be a convincing example. He has admirable and high-salary position(achieved a admirable position with a high salary, 原句中没有冠词，而且mirable修饰salary也是不合适的)which needs 100-hours work a week. On a weekend, Mike’s girlfriend came from Canada to throw a birthday party for him, but Mike did not have a minute to meet his girlfriend. At the beginning, the girl could understand Mike. However, after no more than three months, she broke up with Mike for being separated for too long. Mike felt very heart-broken about this ending. From Mike’s experience, I learn that if we do not have any time for our social life, millions of salary has nothing to do with happiness.
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Taking into account what is discussed above, I will make no effort to subdue my opinion that social life plays more important role on our happiness than the job does.

总结一下你的论点：1、工作挫败，朋友给自己带来happiness 2、工作太忙，失去happiness

论点其实是充分的，有三点更好，但是在句子的表达中意思应该更明确才行。兔子加油！！

小兔爱twins

9.19 独立 （最近几天写的跟小组的不太一样 因为这几篇是9月，10月必中的机经 所以自己写这些题目 见谅哈~~ ）

Which of fllowing ways do you prefer to improve your health.( choose only one)
1.    The kind of food you eat 2. The amount of exercise 3. The amount of stress

Increasing focus comes to be attracted on health. However, viewers are holding various opinions about the methods on improvement of health. On the one hand, a number of people believe changing the diet or reducing the amount of stess makes us more healthy. On the other hand, there is an opposition among others insisting that doing more exercise plays an essential role on the improvement of health. As far as I am concerned, the opposition holds water.

To begin with, there is no doubt that doing exercise is beneficial for our physical heath. For instance, when I was a kid, I was weak and hardly did I do exercise. One day, my friends encouraged me to take part in a long-distance race holding by school. I promised him, and then every day we worked out by running continuously one hour as the preparation for the race. Althogh I did not get any prize on the race, surprisingly I am becoming stroger than before. Since then, I presisted in running one mile a day. Now I am anything but weak. Therefore, I firmly believe that the amount of exerciese are likely to make a great difference on our health.

Moreover, doing exercise improves our mental health as well. A survey reveals that if done in moderation, the more exercise means the less possibility people experience anxiety and depression. I cannot agree more with this idea. Taking my own experience as an example, at the end of last semester, I was totally occupied with various tasks. Being worried that I was not able to finish them on time, I stopped my exercise plan. However, I found it easy to get mad and I just cannot be happy about anything. Even, I wanted give up these assignments. Therefore, I turned to psychological consultation for help. The adviser keep on doing exercise might help me release the my pressure. So I tried to make my time to continue my one-hour running plan. It did work! My mind was totally refreshed and I felt no longer upset about my schoolwork.        

Taking into account what is discussed above, I will make no effort to subdue my point of view that increasing the amount you exercise is the most wise choice for us, if we are eager to improve our health condition.

小兔爱twins

100207CN  9.18 独立 （最近几天写的跟小组的不太一样 因为这几篇是9月必中的机经 所以自己写这些题目 见谅哈~~ ）
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

Increasing focus comes to be attracted on personal success. However, viewers are holding different opinions on this issue. On the one hand, a number of people believe that conformity and consistency make it easier for people to succeed. One the other hand, there is an opposition among others insisting that in order to be successful, we are supposed to be different from everyone else. As far as I am concerned, the opposition holds water.

To being with, innovation leads to success. Bill Gates and the personal computer can be an convincing example. When he first started the Microsoft, he had a version that the personal computer would change the world. It was an unique idea which no other person had ever imagined before. Many believe Gates was crazy. However, Gates insisted on being a non-conformist—to do his own. It turned out to be a great success, as the personal computer is totally a breaking through in the our human history. If Gates had tried to be like others, he would have never dropped out of school to start his own plan, and he would have follwed the more common path and thus results would have been much ordinary. Also, our human beings might not have been able to enjoy the convenience that personal computer brings to us.

Admittedly, many people, if not most, are strong believers in the claim that being different from others is risky, so it is better to be consist with others. However, they are oversimplifying the real situation. That’s to say, if you try something different, at first it may fail, but if you can learned from the failure and persist on your plan, you will eventually succeed. For example, last semester, I chose a totally unique perspective to write my biology paper. The first draft was full of mistakes, however, with the help my professor, I learned how to modify them. In the end, I was the only person who get an A in that task.

Taking into account what is discussed above, I will make no effort to subdue my opinion that don’t be afraid of being a non-conformist, which makes us more successful than others.

正儿八经潜水

9月16日 批改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: it is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.

In this day and age, increasing focus comes to be attracted on honesty. However, viewers are holding different opinion about this issue. On the one hand, a number of people believe that we are suuposed(supposed)to be honest to(with, be honest with 是固定介词搭配用法，表示：对…诚实、或坦诚; be honest to do sth.  后面是动词不定式) our friends unconditionally. On the other hand, there is an opposition among others who insisting(insist)that it is impossilbe(impossible) to be completely honest with our friends. As far as I am concerned, the opposition holds water.

To begin with, truth is not of necessity in some case. It is known to all that sometimes big surprise comes from a secret. Taking my brother as an exapmle(example). Once his best friends(去掉s),Tom, did a part-time job to earn money for a present which was supposed to be a surprise for his girlfriend, May. So Tom asked my brother not to tell May anything about what he was doing. It is sure that my brother is a nice friend and he kept this secret for 3 weeks, during which May had asked him quite a lots(去掉s) of times about Tom. It was needless to say that my brother did not the(tell) May the truth. Finally, when May got the present from Tom, she burst into tears, for she felt so surprising(surprised) and graceful about about(太粗心啦，去掉) the great surprise, also, she thanks my brother a lot. Therefore, we are not needed to（There is no need for us to,只有表示做手术时,need的主语可以是人）be completely honest to（with) our friends. Because a screct(secret) can sometimes make great surprise, which will benefit the friendship.(这一段，句式太过简单罗嗦)

Admittedly, many people, if not most, are strong believersin the claim that we should always be completely honest with our friends, which plays an essential role on(in) friendship. However, those people are oversimplifying the real situation. In the sense that untruths(untruth可数吗，去掉s不错)can also serve as a kind of social oil when they smooth the connections between people. Assuringthat you havea worried friend that his(whose) haircut is flattering, claiming an appointment that avoiding an invitaion(invitation) of your friend’s(his) motherto your party—these lies may protect the liar, but they also protect the person you lie to.(这句话貌似不通啊，我都不知道怎么改了，flattering是令人愉悦的意思吧，可是为什么要不邀请妈妈呢，逻辑上说不通)In preventing injured feelings(To prevent friends from being injured ,还是那个问题，中式英文有些严重), lies can sometimes allow friendship to go on as before(make it).

Taking into account what is discussed above, I will make no effort to subdue my opinion that we needn’t be completely honest with our friends.



这篇作文最严重的问题是论点不足，而且文中的两个论点是相似的，不足以证明论题。另外，还是老问题，中式英文比较严重。

正儿八经潜水

In this day and age, increasing focus comes to be attratced（attracted）on the responsibility of professors. However, viewers are holding different opinion about this isuess（issue）. On one hand, some people believe that the main duty of professors is to educate students. On the other hand, there is an opposition among others who insist that professors are supposed to spend more time doing research. As far as I am concerned, the opposition makes sense.

To begin with, the research could have great importance(be of great importance 哈，咱们仿的同一篇啊，昨儿我就不确定这儿用in 还是on) in the real world, like a cure for cancer or a solution to global warming. Theses researches could make a difference on the whole world. Therefore, it seems quite reasonable that professors should spend more time doing research than teaching students.

What’more, if a professor’s research succeeds, it will benefits both the university and the students. Because, the university ismore likely to get grants and funding to continue further research. And with the money funded, the university are able to improve their teaching facilities, which will benefit the students. In addition, recognition of the research can improve the reputation and position of the university, which is also benefical(beneficial) for the students who study there.

Admittedly, many people, if not most are, are strong believers in the claim that professor should focus more on educating students to guarantee the quality of teaching. However, if we can view such a situation in a different perspective, we can find that those people oversimplified the real situation. That says, if a professor spends most of his/her time on lecture and keep doing this everyday, he/she will soon be tried of teaching, which is detrimental for teaching quality. On the contrary, doing research enables the professor to be aware of recent development of the field he/she teaches, which makes the professor a more knowledgeable teacher. The professor is also likely to be a enthusiastic teacher because he/she will be excited about the new discoveries and is eager to share these with students. Therefore, I believe, doing research is more important for professors.

Taking into account what is discussed above, I will make no effort to subdue my opinion that professors are supposed to concentrate more on their research, because it benefits the students, as well as the world in genral(general).

哈，不错不错，比我借鉴得好！向你学习！！不过，果然是个大条啊。。

正儿八经潜水

Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the
past?



In this day and age, increasing focus comes to be attracted on education. However, viewers are holding different opinions on whether people are now easier to become educated than in past. As far as I am concerned, theaverge（average）level of education in modern society has been greatly lifted, owing to the better teaching and learning condition and the increasing learning motivation.

To begin to(to begin with), the development of economic allows government to pay more attention on（to,只有pay attention to没有pay attention on）education than before, which make(makes)it easier for people to become educated. For example, it is the advanced equipments(equipment是不可数名词)and the woderful（wonderful）teacher(teachers)that increase the quailty(quality)of education. In additon(addition), the fund of government offers some financial assistance to help the talented kids to finish their study. However, in the past, quite a number of teenagers dropped out in order to release the financial bounden of their family.(我总觉得这一段有点怪怪的,better teaching偏向指的是更好的教学方式，这段可以侧重写老师教学方式的转变，而equipment,fund貌似有些偏了，放在learning condition的段落中更为合适)

Further, compared to the past, people have far more avenues to get educated as well（compared with the past, there are far more avenues for people to get educated注意compare to 和compare with的区别，还要注意，在原句中，人是不能和过去相比的). Nowadays, the schools have already been a common place. Most of(去掉of)people attends(attend)school to receive the(去掉the)education. In addtion(addition), there are a variety of extracurricular schools(好像没有这个说法吧，可以去掉，这位童鞋中式英文似乎有些严重哈)and training agencies providing trainings(training,动名词，不可数，无复数形式)in all kinds of skills, suchas languagesandarts. Besides, the technology innovations(去掉s, innovation作为革新、创新的意思来讲，是不可数的。但作为新方法、新制度、新事物的意思来讲是可数的)enables us to get access to the online classes, which allows us to learn knowledge wherever we want(are).

Last but not least, today, indivuduals(individuals), companies and nations all compete with each other. It is apparent that well-rounded education holds the key to opportunities and to people's living out their dream(是想表达过梦想的生活吗？这样表达是生活在梦想中吗？水平有限，也不知对错额). As a result, the whole society becomes aware of the significance of education, which enhances the learning motivation of the people. For instance, a great number of school-aged students have already set specific goals for their education in order to get well prepared for future professional careers. The fierce competition in themodernsocietyraises the social position of education, and because of this, the people are now easier to become educated.(其实这段跟be easier to become educated 没关系吧)

Taking into account what is discussed above, we can safelu（safely）come to the conclusion that people have more ways and more reasons to get themselves well educated. And as a result, the average education level of citizens has already been greatly lifted. (最后一段总结时要切题)

这位童鞋，怎么说呢，首先我觉得你的中式英文太严重，其次就是太粗心了，有不少语法错误。就这篇文章而言，似乎有些偏题了。

eone1025

In this day and age, increasing focus comes to be attracted on the career preparation of the sudents. However, viewers are holding different oppinion about this issue. On the one hand, a number of people claim that it is students’ own duty to get themselves prepared for starting job. On the other hand, there is an opposition among others insisting that colleges are universities are suppose to provide students more guidance, such as seting more courses to prepare students for their future career. As far as I am concerned, the opposition holds water.

First of all, as we see it, most of knowledge are learned in the lecture given by the professors, and credits are achieved mostly by exams. So it is likely that students only understand the theories in their textbooks, insteading of applying them into real work. Therefore, in my view, skill pratice courses are urgently needed be set in order to enhance students’ practice ability in their future career. Taking my own experience as an example. At the end of every semester, my colleage sets up some practice courses for our students, by attending thses courses, I become farmilar with the real working situation and aquire well-rounded understanding of the knowledge I learn from the lecture. In my internship, I performed better than those who do not taking the extra practice class. Therefore, I believe that the practise that college or universities offer more pratice classes for students’ job preparation will benefit students a lot.

What’more, our students, without plentiful social or working experience, may have psychological strain of what we will confront when leaving for work.. Therefore, it is important for the collegues or universities provide students with some lectures or orientations about career preparation, which can to some extent solve out students’ problem. Such courses as allowing students to explore what kinds of jobs they are best suited, information of job hunting, or teaching students how to develop a good the relationship with their colleagues, all of which could be a necessary class for those students who have not formed a clear career planning, job preparation.

Taking into account what is discussed above, I will make no effort to subdue my opinion that opinion that it is wise for a college or a university to hold job prepararion courses, because these courses make great sense in students’ future career.

除了一些基础的单词拼写错误什么的，其他都很好了。表达清晰，思路明确。

小兔爱twins

917 独立 之前写了小组的这篇了 所以自己另外找了一篇写~~
111209NA  
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Increasing focus comes to be attracted on happiness. However, viewers are holding different opinion about this issue. On the one hand, a number of people believes that your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life dose. On the other hand, there is an opposition among others who insisting that social life has greater impact on happiness. As far as I am concerned, the opposition holds water.

To begin with, it is very likely that people feel frustrated with their jobs. At this time, social life at some extent releasespeople from depression and makes them feel comfort again. Taking my own experience as an expamle, when graduating, I did not spend as much time having fun with my friends as I used to. I submerged myself into work. One day, when I fail to compete with my colleagues and did not get the chance of promotion, I felt so upset that I quited my job. And then I turned to my friends to look fro comfort. They took me to travel and encouraged me to cheer up. As a result, I forgot about the frustration on career and engaged into a new job. It was the social life that help me find my happiness back.

Admittedly, a minorty of people are strong believer in the claim that happy or not greatly depends on the job which help them earn a better living. However, those people are oversimplifying the real situation. That is to say, if an individual devotes all the enery to work, hardly can he or she have time to enjoy the life. An experience of my best friend Mike can be a convincing example. He has admirable and high-salary position which needs 100-hours work a week. On a weekend, Mike’s girlfriend came from canada to throw a birthday party for him, but Mike did not have a minute to meet his girlfriend. At the beginning, the girl could understand Mike. However, after no more than three month, she broke up with Mike for being separated for too long. Mike felt very heart-broken about this ending. From Mike’s experience, I learn that if we do not have any time for our social life, millions of salary have nothing to do with happiness.
.
Taking into account what is discussed above, I will make no effort to subdue my opinion that social life plays more important role on our happiness than the job does.

小兔爱twins

916 独立 之前写作了小组的这篇了 所以自己另外找了一篇写~~
111217NA  
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: it is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.

In this day and age, increasing focus comes to be attracted on honesty. However, viewers are holding different opinion about this issue. On the one hand, a number of people believe that we are suuposed to honest to our friends unconditionally. On the other hand, there is an opposition among others who insisting that it is impossilbe to be completely honest with our friends. As far as I am concerned, the opposition holds water.

To begin with, truth is not of necessity in some case. It is known to all that sometimes big surprise comes from a secret. Taking my brother as an exapmle. Once his best friends,Tom, did a part-time job to earn money for a present which was supposed to be a surprise for his girlfriend, May. So Tom asked my brother not to tell May anything about what he was doing. It is sure that my brother is a nice friend and he kept this secret for 3 weeks, during which May had asked him quite a lots of times about Tom. It was needless to say that my brother did not the May the truth. Finally, when May got the present from Tom, she burst into tear, for she felt so surprising and graceful about about the great surprise, also, she thanks my brother a lot. Therefore, we are not needed to be completely honest to our friends. Because a screct makes great surprise, which benefits the friendship.

Admittedly, many people, if not most, are strong believer in the claim that we should always be completely honest with our friends, which plays an essential role on friendship. However, those people are oversimplifying the real situation. In the sense that untruths can also serve as a kind of social oil when they smooth the connections between people. Assuring a worried friend that his haircut is flattering, claiming an appointment avoid an invitaion of your friend’s mother—these lies may protect the liar, but they also protect the person you lie to. In preventing injured feelings, lies sometimes allow friendship to go on as before.  

Taking into account what is discussed above, I will make no effort to subdue my opinion that we needn’t be completely honest with our friends.