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Sherryzhangh  加入写作小分队的首篇独立作文,欢迎拍砖!7月7号

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楼主
发表于 2012-7-7 17:19:45 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |正序浏览 |阅读模式
it is more important to choose friends that 更能 have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them..

Some people think choose fun friend it’s more important than the friend is needed, Because life is short and miserable, choose fun friend can help us bring more happiness than the needed. What I am thinking is needed friend is like every day meal. You cannot leave with out them. But fun friend is like after meal desert, if you have them in your life it become more colorful than ever. Those are the things you can’t live without it. Therefore I think fun friend and needed friend are equally important.

For example, When you want to solve an difficulty issue, you probably want a friend who can help than a friend who is funny and capable of make jokes about it, anyway, the priority of you at the moment is solve the issue not complaint or laugh about it. It only can make things worth when you bring a funny friend to a disaster.

But when you are ready to having fun after the issue was cleaned. You probably want to get a fun friend to have a drink; of course you should bring your needed helped friend with you to celebrate. Fun friend can help you to lose pressure, get ready for the new challenge. So in some level they also “helped” you when you needed to comfort yourself. Other than helping you in the issues, they help you tomake you a happier person.

In a summarize, what kind of friend is more important than other depends on the situation, But friends is not a thing, they are human being, and they made our life more meaningful and enjoyable, we should not label them or classified them who is important than other.
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125#
发表于 2012-9-1 13:38:19 | 只看该作者
831日 修改


Do you agree or disagree, people whom go out from their village will bemore successful and happier than people who stay in their village?

蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注建议



In modern society, people tend to move around to pursue further education or better career, or even just simply want to have a different life in big city. But is it really making them more successful and happier than people who stay in their village hometown? Different people hold various thoughts. As far as I am concerned, I think both have it’s[its]advantages and drawbacks. My reasons are as followed.





On one hand,[a] big city 【这里应该不能单独用big city把,不过我不确定前面是加 the 还是a,或者直接用复数形式好?希望和lz讨论下】does offer magnificent advantages. Metropolitans possess more opportunities and resources for capable individuals to get succeed. Better universities and most advanced information as well as bigger platforms, those are the essential and strong advantages for success. However, it is[does] not necessarily make people happier. According to the poll research, although big center seems to have all the superiorities, it’s competition pressure as well as the growing environment health problem make household an not so perfectly life. Actually, the bigger the city is, the lower the happiness index is. Take myself as an example, When I was leaving my small hometown and went to University in the big city, I was exhilarated. I am planning a big[bright] future for myself such as what kind of life I want to have and what kind of career I want to pursue[这句话的时态应该用过去式]. However after years goes, I could not saying I am successfully and happier than [the situation 这里的比较对象应该是如果我还住在village的成功和快乐把。但我不确定这里怎么改] if I still living [live] in my hometown,it’s only [a] different kind of experience,[.] I am[do] not regret that I left thehometown and went to big city. But I will[would be虚拟语气,注意后面你用的是形容词,要加be] definitely regretful if I haven’t done anything to pursuing[pursue] my dream.【这段说的是在城市里面的有点缺点,最后是自己的观点】





On the other hand, as village development[develops], it’s not necessarily to be an obstacle for individual to become succeed[注意succeed的词性,是动词]. In the past,village due to it’s illiterate and conservative[这里这俩词,你是想形容人的把,如果是形容village,conservative或许还可以,illiterate就有点不适合了,而且这句话语法上也有问题,不如把这句话和下一句话,连起来 改成:village is conservative and/so it is really hard for people who...] It is really hard for peoplewho want to something different to be successful and have [a] better life. However, nowadays,as more educated students went[go] back to their hometown and make it a better place, the village is quite different as before. Moreover, with the family and families connects[不明白什么意思,而且with 是伴随,后面不能有谓语 connects,只能connecting] actually, it will be a great advantages for individuals to get succeed. Finally, less pressure and better environment makes the village an attractive place than the big city for some people. Take my brother as an example,instead of staying in the big city after graduation, he directly went back to our hometown and started his own business. Now he is [an] entrepreneur and has a happier[happy 这里没有比较对象]family. Obviously, it is the right choice for him.  








In conclusion, both big city and small village have their own pro and cons, we should evaluate it according to individuals’ choices instead of jumping to the judgment rashly that big city life is more successful and happier than the small village life.


【整篇文章结构还是挺清晰的,lz最大的问题就是语法与词性,听说语法是硬伤,错太多即使写得再好也不会有高分。建议lz写完文章之后检查一下,避免很多不必要的语法错误。
                加油加油!~ 有问题可以来找我讨论~】
124#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-31 22:28:13 | 只看该作者
831

Do you agree or disagree, people whom go out from their village will bemore successful and happier than people who stay in their village?


In modern society, people tend to move around topursue further education or better career, or even just simply want to have adifferent life in big city. But is it really making them more successful andhappier than people who stay in their village hometown? Different people holdvarious thoughts. As far as I am concerned, I think both have it’s advantagesand drawbacks. My reasons are as followed.


On one hand, big city does offer magnificentadvantages. Metropolitans possess more opportunities and resources for capableindividuals to get succeed. Better universities and most advanced informationas well as bigger platform, those are the essential and strong advantages forsuccess. However, it is not necessarily make people happier. According to thepoll research, although big center seems to have all the superiorities, it’scompetition pressure as well as the growing environment health problem makehousehold an not so perfectly life. Actually, the bigger the city is, the lowerthe happiness index is. Take myself as an example, When I was leaving my smallhometown and went to University in the big city, I was exhilarated. I amplanning a big future for myself such as what kind of life I want to have andwhat kind of career I want to pursue. How ever after years goes, I could notsaying I am successfully and happier than if I still living in my hometown,it’s only different kind of experience, I am not regret that I left thehometown and went to big city. But I will definitely regretful if I haven’tdone anything to pursuing my dream.


On the other hand, as village development, it’s notnecessarily to be an obstacle for individual to become succeed. In the past,village due to it’s illiterate and conservative. It is really hard for peoplewho want to something different to be success and have better life. However, nowadays,as more educated students went back to their hometown and make it a betterplace, the village is quite different as before. Moreover, with the family andfamilies connects, actually, it will be a great advantages for individual toget succeed. Finally, less pressure and better environment makes the village anattractive place than the big city for some people. Take my brother as an example,instead of stay in the big city after graduation, he directly went back to ourhometown and started his own business. Now he is entrepreneur and has a happierfamily. Obviously, it is the right choice for him.  



In conclusion, both big city and small village havetheir own pro and cons, we should evaluate it according to individuals’ choice insteadof jump to the judgment rashly that big city life is more success and happierthan the small village life.
123#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-31 20:20:03 | 只看该作者

TPO 15



The reading passage and the professor both explore the issue of how to control the overpopulation of cane toad in Australia. The reading passage proposes three possible solutions. However, the professor casts serious doubts about it.



To start with, the reading passage suggests to build a national fence in order to control the cane toad expands to other area. On the contrary, the professor argues back by citing the evidence that cane toad usually travel by river or stream. Therefore, it will not necessarily prevent the spreading.



Secondly, the reading passage claims that it could be captured and destroyed by volunteers. The professor thinks it's highly possible solution, but it has drawbacks. Because of the young cane toad looks very similar with the local frogs. Therefore, the untrained volunteers may impair a lot of local frogs.



At last, the reading passage suggests to using disease-causing virus to control it. However, the professor is strongly against it. Because of it may bring a terrible ecological disaster. The cane toad often traveled by researchers or as pet. If we use virus to control the population in Australia, which will indirectly influence the original Africa cane toad bring devastation for the ecological environment.
122#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-30 22:32:01 | 只看该作者
830

It's moreimportant for government to spend money to build art museums and musicperformance center than to build recreational facilities (such as swimmingpool, playground).

When it comes to the questionof whether government should build art museums and music performance center orrecreational facilities such as swimming pool and playground. We need tounderstand what is the difference between them. Art museum and music center areculture leisure facilities; swimming pool and playground are sports leisurefacilities. Needless to both of them are very important for the development ofthe city. Therefore, the government should allocate the money wisely regardingto the building of such facilities.

On one hand, Art museum andmusic performance center plays a vital role for cultivating peoples’ aestheticalabilities, bring more cultural atmosphere to the city. Such as Louvre in Paris,Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, Golden Hall in Vienna etc. notonly benefiting the local people who could enjoy the fantastic art andmusicals, but also the entire world can appreciate the art works. Moreover, itwill stimulate the tourism industrial thus contributing to the local economy,producing more jobs for local labors. But we should be aware that art museumand music center are all costing a lot of financial budgets for the localgovernment. Admittedly, It is unlikely any modern museums can compare with theold historical ones. However, It is not a one day job, Government should investit gradually according to the practical city plan.

On the other hand,recreational facilities such as swimming pools and playground are so close tothe citizens. Every one could benefits from it. As the modern societiesdeveloped, Office work are dominated by computers and cubical, people have tosit in their position all day long, no chance to stretch out. If some goodswimming pools or playground near the office or home is built, people can doexercise more conveniently, Therefore, they could build a healthy body. Moreover,it will be good for the neighborhoods and social community centers to build aharmony society. Take my neighborhood as an example, I lived near a city park,everyday, it is full of people from the neighborhoods, people dancing, singing,playing Tai ji in the park in the morning. It is good for the older people whocan spare their retirement leisure time with their park friends. Moreimportantly, they could keep a healthy body by exercise in the park.  

In conclusion, culturefacilities and sports facilities are equally important for the citiesdevelopment. Therefore, the government should make practical city plan andspend the fiscal budget wisely.
121#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-30 13:50:15 | 只看该作者

TPO 8

The reading passage explores the issues of how critics casting doubts about the Chevalier De Seingalt's memoir's accuracy. The author lists three main doubts towards the memoir. However, the professor holds opposite opinions regarding to the accuracy of the memoir.



To start with, the reading reasons that Chevalier is very wealthy in Switzerland, and yet he borrowed money from merchant, which is a contradiction in the memoir. On the contrary, the professor claims that Chevalier indeed is as rich as he said in the book. Because he was into parties and gambling’s so that he needs loads of cash. What he possesses is asset which need to be sold and more time to be transferred into cash. While he was waiting for the cash it is highly possible he could borrow money from merchant.



Secondly, the reading also is skeptical about the accuracy of the conversation between Chevalier and Voltaire, whom is a famous writer. However, the professor states that Chevalier tried everything he can remember refer to Voltaire. Given that Voltaire was used to live with Chevalier for a while. Moreover, Chevalier consulted the relatively journals and diaries when he was writing the memoir. Therefore, it is highly accurate actually.



At last, the reading also disapproves the way that Chevalier escapes from the prison of Venice. And they assuming he bribed the jail workers instead of using a piece of metal to make a hole in the ceiling and escape from it. However, the professor argues back by citing the evidence that the document of the prison, after Chevalier escape, they have to repair their ceiling.
120#
发表于 2012-8-30 09:23:10 | 只看该作者
When it comes to the valuation of university ‘s quality of education, talented professors, undoubtedly, are one of most important aspects. Other than that,the infrastructure, the equipment that the university possessed, ambiences ofthe university, as well as the management style of the university, all combined together as a whole to contribute the quality of the university.Therefore, it is far from enough to just invest more money on salary forprofessor.
To begin with, well-planed school architecture is essential for the quality of education, which means offering students confortable and convenience environment for their study and live is the prerequisite of (the 特指)quality education. Only those meet the needs, more improvement could be implemented. Moreover, the advanced equipment for laboratory research and study is another key points of quality education. A lot of the faculty or academiccould attracts more student because they have the most advanced equipment; therefore, professor and students have better chance to develop new discovers and consequently become the leading laboratory in the field, which is needless to say will enhance the quality of the university education.
Another equally important point is the management style and the ambience created by(a or pl.)key individuals leader. Running a university just like running a business, capable management level also will improve the quality of the education, and (a or pl.)key individual leader played(时态?) a significant role in creating the ambience of the university.Take former principle of the Beijing University Mr. Cai Yuan Pei as an example,before principle Cai, Beijing University is surrounded by some negative atmosphere.Students are focused on seeking for more promise future in career and wealth instead of study(ing) knowledge.When Principle Cai took over, he advocates(前后时态要一致) the students should focus on academics, university are not just a place to get a degree and use it forbetter future, neither just sell for knowledge. University should cultivate academics interests and proper,correct, positive personality for students.(这里的名词和形容词之间不能用AND并列吧)
Granted,offering competitive compensation would be a good strategy to attract moretalented professors, and thus can greatly improve the quality of the education.However, it’s far from enough to achieve the goal for university. Besides, theprofessors also will considered a series facts of university before he decidedto take the offer, such as will the university will(两个WILL没看懂啊) help me to pursue a betteracademic goals in the future other than just money sides.
In conclusion, well-planed architecture, advanced equipment, individual key leader, efficient management, as well as talented professors all play significant roles in the quality of the education. Therefore, just focus on one single side will not succeed(successful).

MM写得很好,比较简洁,长句型和例子用的都很到位,只是有一些常规的小错误我给划出来了,唉,MM可惜我水平太弱了,自己的都写得很糟糕,改别人的好心虚啊。实在改不出啥特别原则的错误,还请MM多多见谅啊。
另外看MM贴才知道MM从7月开始练写作的,一直坚持到现在,很佩服啊,我才坚持了十来天,希望也能继续走下去,祝你考出好成绩!
PS:这篇文章我在8/18写过一次,这次占位没看题目就盲目占了,再加上昨天忙了些私事,没来得及重写一篇,拿这个烂文凑了数,主要是怕楼主把我给踢了,MM如果不想改也没关系的哈。等我下次什么时候有空的时候再重新写一篇吧。
119#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-29 22:57:14 | 只看该作者
When itcomes to the valuation of university ‘s quality of education, talentedprofessors, undoubtedly, are one of most important aspects. Other than that,the infrastructure, the equipment that the university possessed, ambiences ofthe university, as well as the management style of the university, all combinedtogether as a whole to contribute the quality of the university.Therefore, it is far from enough to just invest more money on salary forprofessor.


To beginwith, well-planed school architecture is essential for the quality ofeducation, which means offeringstudents confortable and convenience environment for their study and live isthe prerequisite of quality education. Only those meet the needs, moreimprovement could be implemented. Moreover, the advanced equipment forlaboratory research and study is another key points of quality education. A lot of the faculty or academiccould attracts more student because they have the most advancedequipment; therefore, professor and students have better chance to develop newdiscovers and consequently become the leading laboratory in the field, which isneedless to say will enhance the quality of the university education.


Anotherequally important point is the management style and the ambience created by keyindividuals leader. Running a university just like running a business, capablemanagement level also will improve the quality of the education, and the keyindividual leader played a significant role in creating the ambience of the university.Take former principle of the Beijing University Mr. Cai Yuan Pei as an example,before principle Cai, Beijing University is surrounded by some negative atmosphere.Students are focused on seeking for more promise future in career and wealthinstead of study knowledge.When Principle Cai took over, he advocates the students should focus onacademics, university are not just a place to get a degree and use it forbetter future, neither just sell for knowledge. University should cultivateacademics interests and proper,correct, positive personality for students.


Granted,offering competitive compensation would be a good strategy to attract moretalented professors, and thus can greatly improve the quality of the education.However, it’s far from enough to achieve the goal for university. Besides, theprofessors also will considered a series facts of university before he decidedto take the offer, such as will the university will help me to pursue a betteracademic goals in the future other than just money sides.


Inconclusion, well-planed architecture, advanced equipment, individual keyleader, efficient management, as well as talented professors all playsignificant roles in the quality of the education. Therefore, just focus on onesingle side will not succeed.

118#
发表于 2012-8-28 17:58:18 | 只看该作者

827独立写作批改

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117#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-28 16:17:23 | 只看该作者
TPO 2

The reading passage explores the advantages of the team work for the project. The professor's lecture deals the same topic. However, he holds the opposite ideas by citing case evidences to argue back the counterparts which brought up by the reading.



On one hand, the reading claims that the team work is greatly beneficial to the project. Because of more people could offer more ideas, more skills, more resources as well as creative solutions which are more risky compared with individual decisions. Moreover, the reading claims that the team member also could receive more rewarding, as they could get better chance to be recognized compared to people who work alone.



On the other hand, the professor states that would not necessarily happen according to certain company's six months long experiments. Instead of the expected effective outcome, quite the opposite, the company found in each team, there are people just take the free ride, they do not offer any insights. Moreover, the well done member would not necessarily recognize as highly significant. It is more often that team as whole to be recognized instead of individuals. Furthermore, it is takes longer to reach a consensus among all the team member, thus efficient will not be the case for the team work. At last, the team member who has strong influential to the team usually tends to ignore the different voice of the members, which may lead to total failure of the projects.
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