冲击作文满分失败，告别托福

imajuana

楼主9月8号又考了一次，终于上100了，一直以为作文肯定能满分，最后还是只有27.
每次都以为可能满分，但是每次都冲击不成，可能作文水平达到了一定的瓶颈。
可能有两方面问题：一、英文写作用语的规范程度，在一个句子中选择最恰当的词语是个技术活，现在的积累还达不到；
                           二、对外国人思维的模范能力，同一个问题，老外的思维和我们的确实很不一样。
从看不懂题目到任何题目都能按时写完；从按着模板写完一篇，到随心所欲打出几百字；从追求数量到质量取胜；我觉得自己的英文写作能力已经获得了一些提高，但是要解决上面所说的两个问题，在非英语环境下短时期内是很难提高的。所以非常佩服那些满分的同学。希望大家都能打败托福，打败托福作文。
新附件“独立作文”增加了几篇最近写的练笔，都是慢慢抛弃模板的写法。
特别是最后一篇Will you encourage your children to do the same job with you?
这篇和我考试那天的do you agree that children could not  learn form their grandparents because the world has changed a lot in the last 50 years很像，很多内容都是通用的，所以写起来很轻松。而且考前看了一些美国大选演讲的视频，有些句子真是非常精彩，忍不住用了进去。
如：if farmers and blacksmiths can win independence from an empire, if immigrants could leave behind everything they knew for a better life on our shores, if women could be dragged to jail for seeking the votes, if a generation could defeat a deression, and define greatness for all time, if a preacher could lift us to the mountaintop with his righteous dream, and if proud americans canbe who they are and boldly stand at the altar with who they love, then surely we can give everyone in the country a fair chance at that great american dream. 考过GMAT的同学应该感受得到这种长排比句型+美国历史内容的句子的分量。

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楼主7月15考T，之前也考过，上次作文是27分，两个good，但是评价是说有语法错误和另外一个什么没看懂。。
楼主考完G之后对自己的语法有了一点信心，逻辑思维也开阔了一些，开始慢慢不依靠模板了，但是还是把以前的模板和练习放在附件给需要的朋友参考。
这次希望作文冲击一下高分，诚心希望大家帮忙批改一下，尽情指出我的错误，不胜感激！
楼主的作文都比较长，一般都有500+的字，上次考试打了570多字，希望大家不要嫌长，帮忙看看。。

第一篇 June 30  35 min  526 words
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.


When we are talking about the methods to solve problems of the present and future, many people claim that there is no need to review the past simply because the things have changed. However, I am always amazed when I hear people say so, and my opinion is quite the opposite-we should review the past when we need to solve the problem of present or future. There are several reasons for that, such as that the past methods itself could be used in present of future and that even if the methods are wrong, they do offer cherish experience.


To begin with, we should clarify that there are different situations about whether we could use the methods in the past directly. If the problems of the past, of present and of the future resemble each other and if the methods do work in that circumstance, we can imitate the old strategies, and therefore learning about the past is quite important and efficient. The example of Iphone perfectly matches this point. When Apple is developing Iphone 4, they do use much mature technologies which have been proved good in the Iphone 3 and by doing this, Apple cut a lot of their money for research and development. The fact that Iphone 4 also sells well all over the world do prove that the old methods could help. So, the significant of past could never be overstated.


In addition, even if there are solutions in which we could not use the strategies from the past, we could learn something from it and judge from it, and this is what we called experience. There is a famous example. Edison, the great inventor, have tried more than 300 kinds of materials to find the one kind suit to illuminate his blub. Hardly can we image that how many times he still need to try if he did not learn from the fail in the past; hardly can we image whether many of his great invention would ever be created if he is kind of the guy who never look back and learn something. It's obvious that when we are facing or going to face problems, we need to turn to the past even if we have failed.


Granted, only looking backing to the past is not a wisdom choice, since the time and the whole world never stops changing. However, in practice, no matter how much the world has changed, there are still many things like things in the past. A clever man/woman could find their common places and use it to figure out a new way.


In a nutshell, in order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past not only because sometimes we can use the methods from the past directly, but also because there are many things we could learn even if we failed in the past. If there is anyone who still wonders whether the past things are useless things, who still doubts the significance of the experience, and who still does not understand the meaning of looking back to the past, this passage is my answer.

张学友

MARK

imajuana

其实我特别赞成大家告别托福的时候都能来作文贴总结一下收获和缺憾，每段经历都变得有意义。

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/10/27 19:25:52)

一路走来，特别感谢CD论坛的帮助，到现在拿到了offer，心理感触还是很大的。要是大家有什么作文方面的问题，我都乐意帮忙

Crystaljoy

其实我特别赞成大家告别托福的时候都能来作文贴总结一下收获和缺憾，每段经历都变得有意义。

Crystaljoy

你给人很踏实的感觉。祝你成功!

imajuana

留作回忆

imajuana

July 14, 2012  30mins  583 words
parents should let their children make mistakes and learn from the mistakes.

When we are discussing about the issue that whether parents should let their children make mistake and learn from those mistakes, many people claim that the parents should not do so simply because no parents want to see their children suffer from any mistake. However, I am always amazed when I hear them say in that way and my opinion is quite the opposite- parents of course should let their children make mistakes and learn from them. There are many reasons for that. For example, making mistakes is the quickest way to learn and once getting used to mistakes, our children would not be afraid of making mistakes any more.

To begin with, I should clarify that why making mistakes is the quickest way to learn. As the famous saying goes:" no pain, no gain", errors and trails of course bring our children painful feeling more or less. The more pain they feel the more experience they could get and as a result they would try their utmost to avoid making the same mistakes again. For example, the famous investor, Buffet, made mistakes when he was still young. He considered the IT industry would continue to skyrocket in the 21 century and he invested a lot of money in several famous IT companies, some of which bankrupted after 1999 in fact. Although it was not a successful investment, Buffet learned a lot form it and seldom makes such kind of irrational mistake in other investments. Obviously, if his father, who is also a successful investor, stopped him from investing in that seemingly booming industry, Buffet would not get that lesson. So, making mistakes is really a quick way to study new things.

In addition, if our children get used to making mistakes, they will not be afraid of making it when grow up. As we all know that, people tend to scare those things they are not familiar with and thus scare of trying new things. If a child who is not afraid of making errors or trails, he feels more ease to be creative. Take the famous inventor Edison for instance. He made so many mistakes in his young days including building a lab in a train, which leaded to the result that one of his ears lose the ability to hear. Nevertheless, his mother did not blame it on him and he was not afraid of making mistakes after that. When he tried to create a new kind of bulb, he tried more than 3000 kinds of materials and final success. It's obvious that once get used to making mistakes, children could be more ease to it when grow up.  

Granted, making mistakes would exert some detrimental influence upon our children and some kinds of mistakes might even hurt them so there is a need for the parents to care for their children. However, in fact, caring too much, in other words, not allowing them to make any mistakes is also bad to the children, as has been known to all.

In short, the parents should allow their children make some mistakes because making mistakes is the quickest way to learn and once getting used to mistakes, our children would not be afraid of making mistakes any more. If there is anyone who still wonders whether children need to protect carefully, who still questions the importance of letting them to make a mistake, and who still doubts about the significance of getting used to making mistakes, this passage is my answer.

imajuana

july 13      19mins     360 words       tpo17

In the passage the auhor claims that the "let it burn" policy will exert detrimental influence upon the plants, animals and the local economic. However, the professor disagrees with this idea and she makes a argument in the lecture that the policy is good for the enviornment.

To begin with, unlike the author of the passage, who insist that there were a lot of trees and vegetation burnt down by the Yellowstone fires and thus the environment is deeply damaged, the professor states that the fires not only did not burn down all the trees here, but also offered some certain kinds of trees a opportunity to thrive here. Because some trees are burnt, some little plants or plants did not die in the fires could have more space and other resource to survive. Hence, the first reason mentioned in the passage cannot stand.

In addition, the professor thinks that the animals also benefited from the fires. Like what is given to the lucky plants,opportunities were offered to certain kinds of animals. Firstly, they could have more food with less competition and secondly, new plants brought new kinds of foods. Some animals' population increased after the fire rather decreased as what people had expected.Accordingly, the second resaon given by the passage is also unconvincing.

Further more, the passage insists that Yellowstone fire also had a negtive affect to the local economy since fewer tourism would come here to visit some dead trees. Nevertheless, the professor argues that it's very unlikely that such a fire would happen every year because there are always winds and rains. Once the fire is pased and new plants as well as new animals surface, people would cone back here for vacations and thus the economy was not heavily affected. So, the statement about he local economy in the passage is totally refuted by the professor.

In general, the passage emphasized that the "let it burn" policy will bring bad aftermath to the environment and the local economy while the professor's view is quite the opposite. The professor offers three ideas to argue with the passage and proves that what the passage says is somewhat unconvincing.

imajuana

楼主厉害，可以在时间内写这么多字

-- by 会员 jarod_elf (2012/7/12 16:54:26)

楼主把自己当做一个打字机

jarod_elf

楼主厉害，可以在时间内写这么多字