第一篇AA，五四寂静第7题，求点拨，花了2个小时，写的慢桑不起啊

liuyueyue

打小就怵作文，高考作文都只写了一半就写不下去了。
看到那么多6分的NN，好羡慕！
下周就要考了，真心求高人指点，怎么才能在30分钟内写完啊。

题目：
V1. The argument was about a paragraph from a restaurant business newsletter about small franchise restaurants.
A small restaurant owner, George, opened a pita restaurant in a college town Salon. His restaurant has been quite successful for the last 2 years. So he decided to open another 3 restaurants in nearby cities and towns. He also plans to promote his 3 employees who have been trained under him to be the managers of the new restaurants. He expects his profits will triple after all restaurants are opened.

V3. GEORGE 这两年在某个城镇开了个餐厅，附近有一所大学，thousands of students。最近，他发现他店里面的辣椒味三文治卖的很好，给他带来了巨大的收益。因此，G决定在周围地区多开3间餐厅，并且让3名从原来这家餐厅 开业起就跟着他的员工作为这些餐厅的manager. G相信他的利润很快就会增加3倍。

In this argument,  George, who owns a restaurant  which has been quite successful over the last two years, expects to have a profit increasement of three times the current profit. To achieve this goal, he decided to open three more restaurants in nearby cities and towns by assuming each new restaurant could create comparable profit as the old one. In addition, he will promote his three employees to be the managers for the new restaurants, so that the successful experience of old restaurants could be inherited by the new ones. However, the seemingly careful plan cannot stand up to a close scrutiny, because the line of reasoning is based on some questionable assumptions, and thus make it doulbtful that the course of actions could successfully achieve the goal George expects.

In the first place, the expection of the profit increase is based on the ungrounded assumption that  the new restaurants will be as profitable as the old one. However, it is hardly to be true. Instead, the common scenario is that a newly opened restaurant most likely creats much less profit than the one which already has been successfully run for years, because cost of new restaurant is high due to the high early investment on the fixed assets and its revenue is low as it is not known by many people yet. Unfortunately,  the author does not provide evidence to prove whether this is the case or whether George has plan to overcome this situation. Moreover, some other factors are simultaneously impacting the profit,  such as the price of the price of the cooking material, the specific preference of local residents toward foods, and the compititor distribution in the new locations. Therefore, without more comprehensive investigation, no sound conclustion could be drawn about the profitablity of the new restaurants.

In the second place, it is not reasonable to take it for granted that the old business mode can be successfully transplanted to new restaurants. For example, the consumers in new place might be more preferable to have the food takeout than to eat it in the restaurant. In such case, the sales strategy should have dramatical change. Further more, whether the three manager candidates are qualified is not proved. All in all, to be a manager requests much higher competence in quite a few areas, such as procurement and sales strategy design, financial risk analysis, ability to motivate the subordinates, and urgent events handling. Obviously, it is too early to say Geroge’s goal can be reached, before all these relavant factors are well understood.

In summary, with the information provided in the argument, it is not able to be concluded whether George could finally make the expected profits after the new restaurants are opened. To better evaluate the effectiveness of George’s plan, more solid evidences have to be provided in order to prove the profitablity of the new restaurants, and illustrate how well the old management mode and the manager candidates matches the new restaurants.

andycheung

提点个人的意见吧，我觉得你第一段太长了，题目的内容复述太多，不够精炼，我的感觉应该多花时间在正文的分析，前面只要高度概括就可，漏掉一点细节无所谓的，评分人才不会那么计较你有没有把题目的每个细节都概括了呢。

相反，楼主的正文部分咋一看觉得内容不充实，因为才2个攻击点，但细看发现原来攻击点下还有额外的细化，但是为何不另起一段呢？我觉得至少攻击个3段，看起来气势也不一样。具体的论证什么的我就不说了，觉得语言还行。不过不知道你是不是精雕细琢的写出来的，我觉得上场的时候没那么多的功夫来雕琢哦。

最后一段提建议的时候稍微再具体一点吧，我觉得，可以用到for exmaple，然后把前面提到的缺点再废话一遍，这样也不会显得最后在匆匆收尾。。。

同样下周考的人飘过，也发了AA的帖，同一个题目，希望你能指点指点。。。http://forum.chasedream.com/GMAT_AWA/thread-720024-1-1.html