A92...alternative explanation,,总感觉写不好,求指点!

nobody1112

A92


Workers in the small town of Leeville take fewer sick days than workers
in the large city of Masonton,50miles away. Moreover,relative to
populationsize, the diagnosisofstress-related illness is proportionally
muchlower in Leevillethan in Masonton.Accordingto the Leeville
Chamber of Commerce,these facts can be attributed to the health benefits
of the relatively relaxed pace of life in Leeville.
“Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative
explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how
your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the
argument.”;


In this argument, the author constrastssome factors between the small town Leeville and  the large city Masonton, then draws theconclusion that residents of Leecille are heathier due to the relatively relaxed pace of life in Leeville. Atfirst glance, this argument is plausible somehow. Close scrunity, however,reveals that the author of this essay omits other explanations possiblyaccounting for the facts he gives, making it hard for me to accept theconclusion that relaxed pace of life in Leeville leads to these healthierpeople.

To begin with, the argument says thatworkers in town of Leeville take fewer sick days. This fact unnecessarilyimplies that people are much  healthiercompared with these of Mansonton. Without specific evidences to supportauthor's claim, it is entirely possible that workers of Leeville consist ofmajority men, who are less likely to get sick than women. Or perhaps workersthere are much more in need of money to support their family, resulting in suchoccasion as even if they get sick, they still go to work because sick daysmeans less money. If the author fails to preclude these alternativeexplanations, I cannot accept the conclusion.

Secondly, the other fact author gives thatthere is lower precentage of diagnosis of stress-related illness in small townLeeville does not equate with that fewer people in Leeville suffer from lowerstress. Likewise, the author fails to take account many other alternativefacts. For example, because Leeville is a small town, inhabitants here haverelatively lower educational level. This might be responsible for thepossibility that these people care less about their psyches---eventhey have developed some stress-related illness, they have no awareness ofresorting to a doctor for help. Or perhaps, those people who suffer fromcertain mental disease not trust doctors in their small town. They would preferto drive to a bigger city such as Masonton to ask for a treatment. Any of thesescenarios, if true, is equally responsible for the fact the author presented.

In sum, the facts cited by the authorscannot safely lead to the conclusion that the relatively relaxed pace of lifein Leeville benefits its residents in heath aspect. In order to boster thisargument, the author should inform us more compelling evidences to excludeother explanations such as those mentioned above for these facts.


我写到的conclusion是不是和文中的有出入??
说是alternative explanations...但是写起来和其他要求的好像也差不太多..是不是我这阐述的还不够多?
好歹在30MIN写完了..391...够了么?
求批评,求指教~

竹林中人

你的质疑点不够，少了391个字不算多，你提炼的结论是没错的。