【写作小分队】stones4···超越每天的自己····

stones4

憋出来的一篇。请狠拍

stones4

TPO10The lecture apparently refutes to the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the professor
Which differs from the statement of the reading that the decline of the otters mainly to the pollution problems rather than attacked by predators.

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the passage is that because the pollution problem is getting weak and thus there is no dead otters can be found in the Alaska coast. And this may indicate that otters are attacked by the predator. Since, once predators have catched them up immediately, it can explain why we cannot see any otters wash up to shore. On the contrary, the reading contends an opposite stand that environmental pollution, such as oil rigs and chemical pollution which examined from the water samples, is threatening to the otters.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that only a few possibilities for orca to prey the whale because of human activities that whales almost disappear. And also, some small animals such as sea lions and other mammals may eaten by orca for it changes its diet. Paradoxically, the reading states that the decrease of seals and sea lions proves a strong clue that pollution causes the problem to the all coast.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is present in the reading material. The profess claim that, uneven patterns can better explain by predators. The reason depends on whether the location where they live is accessible to orcas or not. In the location orca can access easily, otters will decline greatly. While the passage holds that the uneven pattern of otter decline is account for the environmental pollution.

婷婷connie

5.5 独立改文
We increasingly see(regard) education as a critical component of democratic society. For intelligent decisions in a democratic society, we need an educated people.(这句话可以去掉，很多话跟第一句重复了)Currently, there is a growing trend to focus on the that should（这里读不通）parents help the children when they accomplish the assignments. In my standpoint, parents would better to foster children work on their own. And here are my opinions.
To begin with, encourage the children work（encouraging the children to work） on their own helps children acquire the ability of independence, which is a primary goal of family education. "The responsibility and obligation that the education carries is to impartto(删掉) the young generation sufficient qualities and abilites(abilities) to settle down themselves（settle themselves down） in society." This famous remark by a well known educator in my country is the real portraiture of successful education. As an integral part of education, family education, in which people are the direct supervisors of children, should follow this true definition of education, aiming at cultivating children to acquire a sense of self reliance and becoming capable of standing on their own feet. (哇， 这个句子好长哦,佩服死了)Thus, intelligent parents are supposed to guide the young to make decisions for themselves on purpose.

Another shortcoming of parents to help their children do their schoolwork is that the function of homework is to examine what the students have learned in class and help them get a better understanding of the knowledge. If parents （help）finish the work for their children, without doubt, it virtually decreases the opportunities for children to take a deep consideration of the subjects. As the saying goes "no pain, no gain". Thus, it is students' duty to achieve the work themselves. To illustrate, when I was a kid, invariably, my dad was asked to assistance with my schoolwork. Though pretty relaxed everyday, ultimately, a "C" was marked in my final paper. This case is not rare, in reality, many people rely too much on others mainly because they are used to doing that. Thus, parents should take care of the case that does not help the children with their assignments(and no longer help the children with their assignments).

Despite the fact that independence is an essential to children's future career, the role of parents assistance cannot be ignored. Practically, it cannot emphasize the vitality of the support by parents too much, for children today are easy to dismay. Something likes tackle a problem unsuccessfully or make stammer speech in the public. Whereas, when children face problems while doing schoolwork, they may be easily feel stress（stressed）, in this case it is wise for parents to give them a hand immediately.
让步这段不太说服人，可以从另一个角度去说，家长在一个关键的事情上需要给孩子帮忙，like future career or marriage.
In a nutshell, due to the mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them（这句话的模板感觉太明显了，尽量不要用大段的模板哦）. I may comfortable say that, for parents the best way to help their children is let (letting)them grow independently. So stimulate the children do homework themselves.

Conclusion：stone的文基本上已经很好了，但是要注意动名词的使用，动词是不能做主语的，还有尽量淡化模板的使用，让它成为自己的东西~加油哈

stones4

We increasingly see education as a critical component of democratic society. For intelligent decisions in a democratic society, we need an educated people. Currently, there is a growing trend to focus on the that should parents help the children when they accomplish the assignments. In my standpoint, parents would better to foster children work on their own. And here are my opinions.
To begin with, encourage the children work on their own helps children acquire the ability of independence, which is a primary goal of family education. "The responsibility and obligation that the education carries is to impart to the young generation sufficient qualities and abilites to settle down themselves in society." This famous remark by a well known educator in my country is the real portraiture of successful education. As an integral part of education, family education, in which people are the direct supervisors of children, should follow this true definition of education, aiming at cultivating children to acquire a sense of self reliance and becoming capable of standing on their own feet. Thus, intelligent parents are supposed to guide the young to make decisions for themselves on purpose.

Another shortcoming of parents to help their children do their schoolwork is that the function of homework is to examine what the students have learned in class and help them get a better understanding of the knowledge. If parents finish the work for their children, without doubt, it virtually decreases the opportunities for children to take a deep consideration of the subjects. As the saying goes "no pain, no gain". Thus, it is students duty to achieve the work themselves. To illustrate, when I was a kid, invariably, my dad was asked to assistance with my schoolwork. Though pretty relaxed everyday, ultimately, a "C" was marked in my final paper. This case is not rare, in reality, many people rely too much on others mainly because they are used to doing that. Thus, parents should take care of the case that does not help the children with their assignments.

Despite the fact that independence is an essential to children's future career, the role of parents assistance cannot be ignored. Practically, it cannot emphasize the vitality of the support by parents too much, for children today are easy to dismay. Something likes tackle a problem unsuccessfully or make stammer speech in the public. Whereas, when children face problems while doing schoolwork, they may be easily feel stress, in this case it is wise for parents to give them a hand immediately.

In a nutshell, due to the mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them. I may comfortable say that, for parents the best way to help their children is let them grow independently. So stimulate the children do homework themselves.

易雨水巷

绿色为总结 蓝色为建议或疑问高亮为精彩红色为错误
Theorists usually measuredprogression in terms of social complexity, or an increase in intellectual,theological and aesthetic sophistication. Currently, there is a growing trendthat self-fulfillment plays as one of the main pillars of a prosperous society.Thus, a majority become to face a dilemma (我觉得这不是一个进退两难的困境，可以换成，There is heat discussion about/ People from divergent backgroundshold different views about，就是说模板可以用，但也要根据主题稍微换一下句子哦，有些不是很合适嘛O(∩_∩)O)whether people work for money orsocial status. Personally speaking, the main purpose for people to work is to erect their socialstatus.

（+ Tobegin with/ First of all之类的词）Thereason why I maintainmost people work for their social status is because compared with money, socialstatus can better prove their value. As the rapid pace of life today, societyaccumulates more and more wealth. Under this circumstance, people seldom onlyserve as bread winnerswho work day and night to improve the living standards of families. More andmore people begin to chase their personal value and achieve self-fulfillment.Robert Punam, one of my psychology teachers once said in her class. " Ican make more money, a large amount of money in many ways. But I choose to be apsychology teacher because I love teaching". （+ What is more/Besides/In addition之类的词）Thelarge scale of surveys by the University of Chicago National Opinion Center hasdemonstrated that some 60% people choose to workwith something （如果是要表达“60%的人选择可以带来理想的社会地位的工作”的话，建议将work with something 换成 a job， 因为to work ,本来就有去工作的意思哇，加上个with something 是要干啥？一般是work with sb 和sb 一起工作的意思吧）which brings their ideal social status. And those who work for their status aremore likely to describe themselves as very happy.
（+What is more/Besides/In addition之类的词） Another standpoint for me to disagreewith the people consider money as the first place when they hunt for jobs isthat money is cannot bring happiness. No one denies that money is not a panacea,（+and 连结前后两个句子）the key to the joyful life is happiness. Happiness which brings byself-fulfillment due to the societal position. Imagine that one has a jobthrough which can pursue only the worthest（worthiest）goals, goals that contribute to the betterment life of others and goals thatfit one's personal satisfaction because the contributions to the society theylive in. Besides, Money Misery the new science ofhappiness（作为 Money Misery的同位语，前后加个逗号吧） starts with a simple insight: we arenever satisfied. "We always think if we just had a little bit more money,we would be happier." Says Catherine Sanderson, a professor at AmherstCollege. " but when we get there, we are not. " Practically, if aperson set "money" as his or her goals, in a long run, no happinesswill this person gain.

Despite the fact social status isan essential part to form one's self-fulfillment. （despite 本身是介词，后面不能加句子）The role of money cannot be ignored. First,it can buy a spacious house with a beautiful garden and also an open car.Everybody will be appreciated to live a sumptuous life like that. Second, children tend tobe received a better education which with more money. Good education thusattempts to give a firm foundation for the achievement of personal fulfillment.More importantly, emphasis is often put on economic success in this one'sachievement. Actually, we cannot emphasize the vitality of money too much. Itdoes directly influence the individuals, the society's and even humanity'sfuture development and prosperity.

In a nutshell, due to the mentioned reasons,which sometimes correlate each other to generate an integrate whole and thusbecome convincing than any single one of them. Imay comfortable to say that more people put social status in the first place.（毕竟题目是问同意不同意Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purposefor people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.所以在最后总结还是说自己同意哪一个吧）

To  石头
首先，词汇很高级O(∩_∩)O~
其次，例子很好！向石头学习！
再次，这次读起来比以前好多了哦，逻辑主题句神马的O(∩_∩)O~
最后的最后，建议石头换个模板试试，不能总用一个模板的O(∩_∩)O~
加油↖(^ω^)↗

maylovehe1

Theorists usually measured progression in terms of social complexity, or an increase in intellectual, theological and aesthetic sophistication. Currently, there is a growing trend that self-fulfillment plays as one of the main pillars of a prosperous society. Thus, a majority become to face a dilemma whether people work for money or social status. Personally speaking, the main purpose for people to work is to erect their social status.

à模板好高深。。。


The reason why I maintain most people work for their social status is because compared with money, social status can better prove their value. As the rapid pace of life today, society accumulates more and more wealth（wealthy）. Under this circumstance, people seldom only (I think seldom and only from meanings a little bit repeated) serve as bread winners (breadwinners, this is a合成词)who work day and night to improve the living standards of families（quality of life?）. More and more people begin to chase their personal value and achieve self-fulfillment. Robert Punam, one of my psychology teachers once said in her class, “I can make(earn) more money, a large amount of money in many ways. But I choose to be a psychology teacher because I love teaching". The large scale of surveys by the University of Chicago National Opinion Center has demonstrated that some 60% people choose to work with something which brings their ideal social status. And those who work for their status are more likely to describe themselves as very happy.
àIf logic is earning more money not means have social value, even personal happiness. However, for example, to become teacher, it may represent some values, personally thinking, you need make up story based on your focus.


Another standpoint for me to disagree with the people considers money as the first place when they hunt for jobs is that money is cannot (估计是打字着急了) bring happiness. No one denies that money is not a panacea; （转折关系）the key to the joyful life is happiness. Happiness which brings by self-fulfillment due to the societal position(句子有问题). Trying to imagine that, one has a job through which can pursue only the worthiest goals,andgoals that (which) contribute to the betterment life of others, and also goals that fit one's personal satisfaction because the contributions to the society they lived in. (这句话有点怪怪的)Besides, Money Misery the new science of happiness starts with a simple insight: we are never satisfied. "We always think if we just had a little bit more（a bit more or a little more, btw, do not always use one word-more）money, we would be (deserved much) happier." Says Catherine Sanderson, a professor at Amherst College. “but when we get there, we are not. " Practically, if a person set "money" as his or her goals, in a long run, no happiness will this person gain.

àNeed more practice on your wording and the expression you want to show.

Despite the fact social status is an essential part to form one's self-fulfillment. The role of money cannot be ignored. First, it can buy a spacious house with a beautiful garden and also an open car. Everybody will be appreciated to live a sumptuous life like that. Second, children tend to be received a better education which with more money. Good education thus attempts to give a firm foundation for the achievement of personal fulfillment. More importantly, emphasis is often put on economic success in this one's achievement. Actually, we cannot emphasize the vitality of money too much. It does directly influence the individuals, the society's and even humanity's future development and prosperity.
àThis paragraph is good


In a nutshell, due to the mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become convincing than any single one of them. I may comfortable to say that more people put social status in the first place.



总结：楼主的词汇很好，偶尔有些词汇需要避免重复。总之，我们一起努力吧！ ^_^

stones4

Theorists usually measured progression in terms of social complexity, or an increase in intellectual, theological and aesthetic sophistication. Currently, there is a growing trend that self-fulfillment plays as one of the main pillars of a prosperous society. Thus, a majority become to face a dilemma whether people work for money or social status. Personally speaking, the main purpose for people to work is to erect their social status.



The reason why I maintain most people work for their social status is because compared with money, social status can better prove their value. As the rapid pace of life today, society accumulates more and more wealth. Under this circumstance, people seldom only serve as bread winners who work day and night to improve the living standards of families. More and more people begin to chase their personal value and achieve self-fulfillment. Robert Punam, one of my psychology teachers once said in her class. " I can make more money, a large amount of money in many ways. But I choose to be a psychology teacher because I love teaching". The large scale of surveys by the University of Chicago National Opinion Center has demonstrated that some 60% people choose to work with something which brings their ideal social status. And those who work for their status are more likely to describe themselves as very happy.



Another standpoint for me to disagree with the people consider money as the first place when they hunt for jobs is that money is cannot bring happiness. No one denies that money is not a panacea, the key to the joyful life is happiness. Happiness which brings by self-fulfillment due to the societal position. Imagine that one has a job through which can pursue only the worthest goals, goals that contribute to the betterment life of others and goals that fit one's personal satisfaction because the contributions to the society they live in. Besides, Money Misery the new science of happiness starts with a simple insight: we are never satisfied. "We always think if we just had a little bit more money, we would be happier." Says Catherine Sanderson, a professor at Amherst College. " but when we get there, we are not. " Practically, if a person set "money" as his or her goals, in a long run, no happiness will this person gain.



Despite the fact social status is an essential part to form one's self-fulfillment. The role of money cannot be ignored. First, it can buy a spacious house with a beautiful garden and also an open car. Everybody will be appreciated to live a sumptuous life like that. Second, children tend to be received a better education which with more money. Good education thus attempts to give a firm foundation for the achievement of personal fulfillment. More importantly, emphasis is often put on economic success in this one's achievement. Actually, we cannot emphasize the vitality of money too much. It does directly influence the individuals, the society's and even humanity's future development and prosperity.



In a nutshell, due to the mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become convincing than any single one of them. I may comfortable to say that more people put social status in the first place.

stones4

在这面的第二篇，辛苦喽~~

maylovehe1

stone, 我找不到你的文章啊,

stones4

嗯嗯！的确只有结尾模版了一下，关于语法错误···实在是···不知道如何是好