【写作小分队】boboo弱弱的作文帖，大家多多拍砖哈O(∩_∩)O

boboo

3.4 就要去被虐了，作文却没怎么练过。
真心水平差很远，有问题大家就狠狠地拍砖哈！提前谢过啦~~~

noarkid

The lecture mainly talks about the reasons why the measures to prevent the expanding of the cane toad in Australia provided by the reading cannot be successful. The lecture refutes the article involving three aspects.

To begin with, the reading material reckons that the national fence could be an effective way to stop the canes to spread, since the using fence was successful with the rabbits in the early time. However, the listening material points out that the young canes and the eggs can be carried to another area through the waterway, such as stream and river. The listening directly refutes the reading. (可能可以换一个表达了)

On the other hand, contrary to the belief in the reading that a massive number volunteers can be used to catch and destroy the toads, the listening reckons that the untrained volunteers are not able to successfully differentiate the species, thus some other endangered local animals maybe caught by them.

Last but not least, the professor states that the virus maybe greatly affect America. These animals are easily transported to another place. When the toads which carry the virus reached America, there is no doubt a disaster would come. （感觉文章里边似乎是说通过别的动物作为载体传播到美洲）Since the toads play an important role in the whole ecosystem in America, the ecosystem will suffer a lot. This is the final part where the lecture contradicts the article.

晨依Jacqueline

红色为错误，蓝色为疑惑or建议，高亮为特别精彩！
Have you ever used the Internet to search something you do not know? Have you ever taken into(上课可以说have classes、take lessons，take into是考虑的意思) a modern class? Have you ever gone to the library and read books there? If you do not have such experience, you would never know how easier people to become educated now. Hence, in my eye, there is no denying that people are easier to become educated than in the past. The reason to this opinion involves many aspects.

To begin with, in the modern society, more people can get access to the school education. Our country pays more attention to the(可以去掉) education and thus gives more funding support(资金支持可以用financial support) to education. A massive number of new universities and schools have (been)built up. The country also set a series of policies to ensure every child has the chance to go to school. No matter what the reason is, it is illegal if you do not let your child go to school.(我觉得这个句子和前面再意思上连得不是太好，看看怎么修改一下) But some time earlier, because the lack of money(because lack money或because of the lack of money), some children cannot(时态) have the opportunity to get education(receive education或get an education比较好).

On the other hand, people can get access to the(可以去掉) huge amount of information. With all these information, people can be easier educated. In the past, there are(时态，亲~) just the(可以去掉) paper books. However, nowadays, too many electrical(electronic,这个地方我自己好像也写错了) books can we read. (晨依语法比较薄弱，我猜这个是个倒装句，可是读起来有点怪怪的……too many electronic books can be read to make ourselves better educated. 这样写有木有好一点？)For instance, Rose, my neighbor, just bought a computer last year. She is fond of reading book very much and she told me she had read almost 30 books a year without paying to buy one. But if it were not the genius invention, the computer, things would be different. (这个地方汉语意思我明白，但是我觉得前半句if it were not这里是不是不大对啊？我改了半天也没想好怎么能既写出否定有写成强调句还写出虚拟的感觉，所以就改成Without the great invention, computers, things wouldn't be made different.了，如果boboo有好的改法咱们再交流~)Thus nowadays people can be easier to become educated.

Last but not least, we can easily find what we want to know now. With the Internet and the computer(这里不建议用特指), we can just type the words into the screen and click the mouse, and then we are able to see the knowledge.(我觉得boboo的例子用的不错，就是表达有点chinglish了。我改了一点你看看we are able to see knowledge displayed on the screen only after typing the words we don't know and clicking the mouse)But in the past, there is no doubt that it is much harder to find what you want to know.(注意时态哦！)You could only look (look up the new words in books)into these books or ask someone else(for help), which would definitely cost you a lot of time and effort(费时费力可以说waste time and energy). (,)Maybe even you could not find (what it mean) at last.

From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. I think we should appreciate the chance to study harder now and make contribution to the world in the future.
点评：我前几天刚在什么地方看见过说写作文的时候可以用一连串的问句来引出主题，感觉boboo这个地方用的非常好！我特别喜欢这个开头~文中有几处语法我不是很确定，建议你再咨询一下（晨依的四级水平实在是应付不了……），总之，观点明确，结构清晰，一些表达还有待进一步润饰，然后注意下时态和冠词的几个小细节就OK啦~加油！↖(^ω^)↗

boboo

3-1  独立


Have you ever used the Internet to search something you do not know? Have you ever taken into a modern class? Have you ever gone to the library and read books there? If you do not have such experience, you would never know how easier people to become educated now. Hence, in my eye, there is no denying that people are easier to become educated than in the past. The reason to this opinion involves many aspects.

To begin with, in the modern society, more people can get access to the school education. Our country pays more attention to the education and thus gives more funding support to education. A massive number of new universities and schools have built up. The country also set a series of policies to ensure every child has the chance to go to school. No matter what the reason is, it is illegal if you do not let your child go to school. But some time earlier, because the lack of money, some children cannot have the opportunity to get education.

On the other hand, people can get access to the huge amount of information. With all these information, people can be easier educated. In the past, there are just the paper books. However, nowadays, too many electrical books can we read. For instance, Rose, my neighbor, just bought a computer last year. She is fond of reading book very much and she told me she had read almost 30 books a year without paying to buy one. But if it were not the genius invention, the computer, things would be different. Thus nowadays people can be easier to become educated.

Last but not least, we can easily find what we want to know now. With the Internet and the computer, we can just type the word into the screen and click the mouse, and then we are able to see the knowledge. But in the past, there is no doubt that it is much harder to find what you want to know. You could only look into these books or ask someone else, which would definitely cost you a lot of time and effort. Maybe even you could not find at last.

From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. I think we should appreciate the chance to study harder now and make contribution to the world in the future.

boboo

3-1  综合


The lecture mainly talks about the reasons why the measures to prevent the expanding of the cane toad in Australia provided by the reading cannot be successful. The lecture refutes the article involving three aspects.

To begin with, the reading material reckons that the national fence could be an effective way to stop the canes to spread, since the using fence was successful with the rabbits in the early time. However, the listening material points out that the young canes and the eggs can be carried to another area through the waterway, such as stream and river. The listening directly refutes the reading.

On the other hand, contrary to the belief in the reading that a massive number volunteers can be used to catch and destroy the toads, the listening reckons that the untrained volunteers are not able to successfully differentiate the species, thus some other endangered local animals maybe caught by them.

Last but not least, the professor states that the virus maybe greatly affect America. These animals are easily transported to another place. When the toads which carry the virus reached America, there is no doubt a disaster would come. Since the toads play an important role in the whole ecosystem in America, the ecosystem will suffer a lot. This is the final part where the lecture contradicts the article.

jiaosisisisi

225 我帮助 bobbo 改综合



The lecture mainly talks about the predators’ theory to explain the otters' （如果可以在阅读时候，把文中反复出现的主人公式的单词写出来写完整会比较好吧， 文中说的是sea otters）decline. （这里有一个转折性的连接词会好些）The reading passage is somewhat groundless, questionable and having some shortcomings when compared to the lecture in three aspects.

To begin with, the listening material holds （hold the view 或者hold the idea会比较好，类似模板随便记忆一个就ok ）that we can easily see （如果是同位语，view 或者 idea的话，去掉we caneasily see 会不会好些）many otters are dead because of its（这个its指代不明，建议）predators, whereas we haven't find that one otter have been killed with the pollution reason. This （this 貌似不能用来直接作主语）directly opposed what the reading material say. （有个链接词汇好很多）In the reading material, the cause of otters' death is the pollution.

On the other hand, contrary to the belief in the reading that the whole ecosystem are affected by the pollution, the lecture reckons owing to the people's killing of whales, the population of the whales are decrease.（be动词应该加动词的分词形式） Then the orcas have（单数+谓语动词单三） to change their diet to eat other small animals. This leads to （lead to 中to 是介词）affect the whole ecosystem.

Last but not the least(固定搭配是last but not least),the professor states that the predators' theory also explains the uneven pattern of otters’ decline better. Since the orcas cannot get access to the shallow water, the number of otters which live there is not decline. The shallow water mainly is near the coast. The author does not solve this problem very well. He or she （用the passage比用这个复杂的好些）just suggests that maybe some reason （复数比较好）create such uneven pattern. This is last place where the lecture contradicts the passage.



总结：本文结构比较完整，基本入了大趋势！而且作者的原创性比较强！。。。。。。很多句型都是自己现场想出来的，我感觉是  



建议：我觉得你应该多研究一些固定的表达观点的常用搭配，比如he lecture points out that the explanation in the reading material is /The lecture points out that the explanation in the reading material is /The professor actually contradicts the statements made in the passage 等等 ，这样的话，可能现场用的时间会更少些，

可以节约很多宝贵的时间！ 加油，祝成功！

jiaosisisisi

蓝色表示 可能有问题，附加我的观点
红色表示 很赞
绿色表示  我的感后感
Have you ever borrowed some money from your friend? Have you ever been not allowed to smoke by your friend? (这个被动+否定，貌似第一眼会有一些绕)Have you ever been given the shirt off your friend's back? If you have never had such experiences, you would never know the importance of choosing friends that will help you when you are in need. Hence, in my eye, there is no denying that choosing friends that will help you when you are in need is much more important than choosing friends that could have fun with. The reason for this opinion involves many aspects.
（用了N个问句开头，比较attractive，很脱颖而出的开头方式，最后一句切入话题的句子也很好，我喜欢involve这个词）
To begin with, friends can help us when we are in troubles, which enable（这个which指代是什么呢，跟enable是不是要淡淡地agree一下）us to live a much better life. Everyone meet plenty of difficulties and complexities in life. If you had a friend, it would be much easier for you to solve your problem. For instance, when I was in high school （这里其实需要一个逗号，因为是一个是when引导的时间状语从句，一个是I 做了什么什么的主句，）I took part in a long distance running race. My several school friends （建议可以用下Several of my schoolmates also比较简洁点）took part in, too. I had done my utmost to cover the long distance. However, when I nearly finished the final line I fell down and could not stand up. There was no one but my friend Kitty went to me and helped me stand and sent me to the clinic. I was told by the doctor that I broke my arm. If it were not my friend Kitty, the situation might get worse. . It is conceivable that choosing friends that will help you when you are in need means a lot.（这句辞藻很不错，赞一个！
但是美中不足，其实我跟你也是一样的，。。。。。第一段的话结尾都是重复了一下同样的观点，感觉段落重点不是很突出。。。。我们共勉啊）
On the other hand, sometimes it even does harmful （do good to 或者do harm to 中间的是名词吧）to our life to choose friends that would have fun with. （貌似have fun of 是仅仅玩的比较好，或是打哈哈那种的，貌似没有贬义我的理解是）Maybe your friends have a bad hobby such as smoking. Every times when they meet you they give you a cigarette. They even blame you if you do not light it up. Thus you probably get into the habit of smoking. There is no doubt smoking is harmful to our health.  （我的理解是文中问大家交仅仅是一起能玩high的朋友比较重要，还是挚友比较重要。本段貌似可以再明细下观点，可以更加突出地支持你的top sentence
From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that（这句我感觉非常local，虽是经常用的句子）the importance of choosing friends that will help you when you are in need can never be exaggerated. It is universally acknowledged that an adage saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed". So we can easily differentiate the true friends by using this rule.
题目是 A跟B 哪个好，我看你的结构大致是 A 好， B不好 的段落结构，
可是感觉观点不是很明晰，我觉得你的outline可能跟我一样都列的不是很structured 吧
不过，总体语言还是很流畅的，加油！

jiaosisisisi

我今天晚上之前给你改好吧~~~

boboo

2-28 独立


Have you ever borrowed some money from your friend? Have you ever been not allowed to smoke by your friend? Have you ever been given the shirt off your friend's back? If you have never had such experiences, you would never know the importance of choosing friends that will help you when you are in need. Hence, in my eye, there is no denying that choosing friends that will help you when you are in need is much more important than choosing friends that could have fun with. The reason for this opinion involves many aspects.

To begin with, friends can help us when we are in troubles, which enable us to live a much better life. Everyone meet plenty of difficulties and complexities in life. If you had a friend, it would be much easier for you to solve your problem. For instance, when I was in high school I took part in a long distance running race. My several school friends took part in, too. I had done my utmost to cover the long distance. However, when I nearly finished the final line I fell down and could not stand up. There was no one but my friend Kitty went to me and helped me stand and sent me to the clinic. I was told by the doctor that I broke my arm. If it were not my friend Kitty, the situation might get worse. . It is conceivable that choosing friends that will help you when you are in need means a lot.

On the other hand, sometimes it even does harmful to our life to choose friends that would have fun with. Maybe your friends have a bad hobby such as smoking. Every times when they meet you they give you a cigarette. They even blame you if you do not light it up. Thus you probably get into the habit of smoking. There is no doubt smoking is harmful to our health.  

From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that the importance of choosing friends that will help you when you are in need can never be exaggerated. It is universally acknowledged that an adage saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed". So we can easily differentiate the true friends by using this rule.

boboo

2-28 综合

The lecture mainly talks about the effects of private collectors selling and buying fossils. The reading is somewhat exaggerated, groundless and having some short comings when compared to the lecture.

To begin with, the reading material persists that it is hard for pubic to see their collections. Thus the pubic maybe decrease interest in fossils. However, the listening material directly opposed the reading. In the listening, the collections have a plenty of chance to be exposed, such as the small purchase.

What's more, on the contrary to the author’s opinion that scientists will lose opportunities to get access to these fossils and to observe them, the speaker states that the fossils should be identified by the scientists just before the private individuals get the fossils. So the scientists do not lose access to the fossils and thus do not miss out any discoveries. And the museums and universities can retain their fossils without selling them.

Last but not the least, the professor reckons that the undiscovered are mainly these unearthed fossils. We should pay more attention to these things. Thus, there is no worry about the small evidence destroying. This is the last part where the lecture contradicts the reading.