牛人帮忙看一眼，这水平能拿4.5吗？

jy02789870

要考试了，但作文一直没看。只想拿4.5就行，牛人帮忙看一下这写样行吗？还是说我有点跑题？谢谢了
Businesses and other organizations have overemphasized the importance of working as a team. Clearly, in any human group, it is the strong individual, the person with the most commitment and energy, who gets things done."

Companies tend to emphasize the importance of cooperation in workplace in recent years, but they definitely have not oversimplified the problem. Companies did not say that individual is not important in the workplace, they are simply letting their employees focus more on the benefit of the team and the company, not the benefit of themselves.
More and more researches from recent years have shown that one crucial factor that leads to success in a company is cooperation. In the past, companies tend to focus on the performance of individuals and compensate their employees based on their individual performance; however, this strategy has created competition between individuals in the company, thus making them less willing to cooperate with each other and less willing to share information. This problem results in less revenue for the company. For companies that emphasize the importance of cooperation, the result is completely different. IBM is one of the famous examples for letting their employees focusing more on the team. One of the CEOs of IBM saved this company from declining in the 1990s by adopting policies forcing IBM’s employees to focus on the benefit of the teams and to share information with each other. The compensation is based the team performance. The result is that IBM’s revenue soared in the next few years.
People can tell that companies have not overlook the importance of individuals in their companies because the ever more strict criteria for hiring. Applicants who now apply to a position face more challenging tasks now than any other time. Applicants first have to have a decent resume in order to get an interview from the company. Once they get the interview, they have to be well prepared in order to be considered. Even though they may pass the first rounds, there are second round of interviews waiting ahead and in some cases there are 3 or more interviews in order to get a position. Some of these interviews may last over 4 hours. From the hiring process, we can see that companies have not oversimplified the importance of individuals in the company, conversely, the hiring process has ensured that every individual in their companies are well chosen.
In conclusion, companies have not overemphasized the importance of teamwork. Companies are only making their employees to focus more on the benefits of the entire company instead of focusing on the benefits of their own. Besides, Individuals are still being strictly evaluated when they apply for the job.