第一次写作文 AA006 求拍 跪谢

marchuang

多谢斑竹，再问一下：斑竹的意思是把这些专业词汇也要在ＡＡ中出现吗？　感谢

rio

以下是引用marchuang在2007-8-6 11:16:00的发言：

The conclusion endorsed in the argument that corporations must regard the city of Helios as priority when they come to the situations of seeking new businesses opportunities or a new location. First of all, to support this conclusion, the author indicates that the unemployment rate of Helios was lower than average, offering more than its share of the region's manufacturing jobs. Moreover, it's argued, Helios, as the industrial center in this region, is arousing the interest of a number of companies that attaches great importance to R&D of innovative technologies. At first glance, the author's argument seems to be somewhat convincing, yet through further reflection, it's found that this problematic argument omits two crucial concerns that ought to be addressed to substantiate the argument.

To begin with, the lower unemployment rate in Helios can't guarantee the sufficient storage of labors in this city. On condition that Helios was a city having a small population because the birth rate there is also lower than the average, or that a small proportion of labors are willing to settle down in Helios because the average salary allocated to the labor is also lower than average, it turns out that the number of labor may not meet the demand of original corporations and the newcomers. What's more, the structure of the labors is also questionable due to the strategies adopted by the city is to attract more companies which lay heavy emphasis on R&D of innovative technologies. However, Helios, historically is a city with a sufficient amount of manufacturing jobs. Under such circumstances, there exists a possibility that the workers there ,who lack relative training and techniques, can't be eligible for the higher requirements of the innovative enterprises.

Furthermore, the historical achievement of Helios may not ensure the prosperity of Helios in the future. Given that Helios has a large amount of industrial infrastructures which probably was very advanced before, currently it costs a lot for Helios to innovate or even rebuilt. Another possibility is that the environment in the city has been polluted seriously due to the manufacturing development before. In this case, those innovative companies may be reluctant to enter this city.

Consequently, the argument lacks credibility and fails to provide compelling reasons to support the conclusion. Accordingly, it's imprudent for the author to claim that corporation newcomers should locate this city as their first choice. To solidify the conclusion, the author would have to provide convincing evidence as well as demonstrate that the total sum of labor provided and the structure of labor will ultimately meet the requirement of the new companies. Moreover, to better assess the argument, the author should add more additional information that the historical accomplishment of Helios serves as a great base for the city and Helios still owns the potential to develop in the future. Only with more concrete evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

论证过程没问题。用语也不错。不过有个建议，如果能把每个错误都用一个专业的语言表示出来就好了。比如causal relation, false analogy, ingore other reasons等等

marchuang

自顶一下

marchuang

The conclusion endorsed in the argument that corporations must regard the city of Helios as priority when they come to the situations of seeking new businesses opportunities or a new location. First of all, to support this conclusion, the author indicates that the unemployment rate of Helios was lower than average, offering more than its share of the region's manufacturing jobs. Moreover, it's argued, Helios, as the industrial center in this region, is arousing the interest of a number of companies that attaches great importance to R&D of innovative technologies. At first glance, the author's argument seems to be somewhat convincing, yet through further reflection, it's found that this problematic argument omits two crucial concerns that ought to be addressed to substantiate the argument.

To begin with, the lower unemployment rate in Helios can't guarantee the sufficient storage of labors in this city. On condition that Helios was a city having a small population because the birth rate there is also lower than the average, or that a small proportion of labors are willing to settle down in Helios because the average salary allocated to the labor is also lower than average, it turns out that the number of labor may not meet the demand of original corporations and the newcomers. What's more, the structure of the labors is also questionable due to the strategies adopted by the city is to attract more companies which lay heavy emphasis on R&D of innovative technologies. However, Helios, historically is a city with a sufficient amount of manufacturing jobs. Under such circumstances, there exists a possibility that the workers there ,who lack relative training and techniques, can't be eligible for the higher requirements of the innovative enterprises.

Furthermore, the historical achievement of Helios may not ensure the prosperity of Helios in the future. Given that Helios has a large amount of industrial infrastructures which probably was very advanced before, currently it costs a lot for Helios to innovate or even rebuilt. Another possibility is that the environment in the city has been polluted seriously due to the manufacturing development before. In this case, those innovative companies may be reluctant to enter this city.

Consequently, the argument lacks credibility and fails to provide compelling reasons to support the conclusion. Accordingly, it's imprudent for the author to claim that corporation newcomers should locate this city as their first choice. To solidify the conclusion, the author would have to provide convincing evidence as well as demonstrate that the total sum of labor provided and the structure of labor will ultimately meet the requirement of the new companies. Moreover, to better assess the argument, the author should add more additional information that the historical accomplishment of Helios serves as a great base for the city and Helios still owns the potential to develop in the future. Only with more concrete evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-8-6 11:16:02编辑过]