帮忙修改一下文章

gaozf2002

因为常听别人说模板有用,所以多用部分模板练习了一下,后面一段时间加强非模板的练习,呵呵

gaozf2002

谢谢了, 因为正在练习打字速度, 所以有个别的地方漏掉了,像a.

在上辅导班时,writing老师说可以只用he.

这两个虚拟语气改的很好,谢谢.

还是要好好感谢给提出这么宝贵的意见

Googlets

the first paragraph seems a essay model. do you use a model to compouse your essay?

扛不住

我有疑问：

And it might be difficult to imagine how those people who succeeded at the beginning of 1990s could be, had our government not carried out a new economic reform.

在虚拟语气里面，如果将had提前，省掉if的话，那么从句是不能放在主句后面的，否则，if就不能省。

于是，貌似正确的表达是：

And had our government not carried out a new economic reform. it might be difficult to imagine how those people who succeeded at the beginning of 1990s could be.

或：

And it might be difficult to imagine how those people who succeeded at the beginning of 1990s could be, if our government had not carried out a new economic reform.

扛不住

刚看了一下，楼主的语言功底显然比我以前看的几个要好得多，心想，按照托福的要求，如果字数够的话，这篇应该接近满分，很可能就是满分。

Nowadays, there is a controversial issue about whether a successful future is from a careful plan when they are still young. Depending on their distinct backgrounds and experiences, different people hold different perspectives. Some maintain they should plan well when young, some argue they should not, while, according to my personality and experiences, only a careful plan is far from enough, (这前面的模版套话最好少用，因为我听说老美不喜欢看死板的模版。)because some other factors, such as personal diligence, and opportunities, are also required. In the following, I would like to reason and provide concrete evidence to support my viewpoint.

 

 

It is undeniable that a careful design in
                youth （或者to the young）plays a significant role on one's life. Therefore, some people reckon that if they have a careful plan when young, they will have a good future. However, they pay little attention to another essential factor, personal diligence. If one did not work industriously later, he or she would not have a successful future, no matter how carefully the plan was designed. （这里我强行用了一个虚拟语气）I have a younger brother. When he was at high school, my family worked out a very careful plan for him. However, due to his laziness, the plan did not work and it did not bring him a good future. So if one wants to have a successful future, a good plan is not enough, as diligence is indispensable.

 

 

On the other hand, opportunity is another key factor for a successful future that must be considered. Magazines and newspapers never tire of telling stories about people who have come to success quickly by taking risks. Why could they succeed? It is the opportunities that take effects. And it might be difficult to imagine how those people who succeeded at the beginning of 1990s could be, had our government not carried out a new economic reform. （这一句是楼主文章的亮点，但貌似虚拟语气的语法有不对的地方，因为在当前情况下，错综时间条件句的语法是：从句：had提前+过去分词（表过去情况）；而主句：would（或might）+动词原形（表现在情况）。但楼主用这么复杂的句子，本身就值得鼓励，所以还是满分。）Therefore, sometimes, a successful future may come from appropriate opportunities.

 

 

In a word, from what has been discussed above, we could come to the conclusion that only careful planning is far from enough, as（建议用because，因为它比as语气重得多） some other factors such as personal diligence and opportunities can not be ignored.

gaozf2002

Do you agree or disagree if people want to have a good future, they should have a careful plan while they are still young.

 

Nowadays, there is controversial issue about whether a successful future is from a careful plan when they are still young. Depending on their distinct backgrounds and experiences, different people hold different perspectives. Some maintain they should plan well when young, some argue they should not, while, according to my personality and experiences, only a careful plan is far from enough, because some other factors, such as personal diligence, and opportunities, are also required. In the following, I would like to reason and provide concrete evidence to support my viewpoint.

 

It is undeniable that a careful design at young plays a significant role on one's life. Therefore, some people reckon that if they have a careful plan when young, they will have a good future. However, they pay little attention to another essential factor, personal diligence. If one does not work industriously later, he will not have a successful future, no matter how carefully the plan is designed. I have a younger brother. When he was at high school, my family worked out a very careful plan for him. However, due to his laziness, the plan did not work and it did not bring him a good future. So if one wants to have a successful future, a good plan is not enough, as diligence is indispensable.

 

On the other hand, opportunity is another key factor for a successful future that must be considered. Magazines and newspapers never tire of telling stories about people who have come to success quickly by taking risks. Why could they succeed? It is the opportunities that take effects. And it is difficult to imagine how those people who succeeded at the beginning of 1990s could be, had our government not carried out a new economic reform. Therefore, sometimes, a successful future may come from appropriate opportunities.

 

In a word, from what has been discussed above, we could come to the conclusion that only careful planning is far from enough, as some other factors such as personal diligence and opportunities can not be ignored.