TWE020，第一篇iBT作文，希望找对方向，请版主指点！

superamy

第一次写托福作文，找了个不难的题目，请各位CDer多多指教啦！

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree
                or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

 

How to bring up a child and educate a child has always been the major concern of a society, since children, to some extent, will take responsibility for the future development of a country. Recently there has been increasing discussion about the best environment in which the children should be brought up, which means that whether the countryside or the big city is better for the children to grow up. As far as I am concerned, I prefer to have a child brought up in a big city, where she/he will obtain more care both mentally and physically.

 

Compared with countryside, in spite of lack of blue sky and fresh air, big cities have more advanced and systematical medical system which can provide health care right from infancy. Children of one to three years old are the most vulnerable to various diseases, therefore the timely and accurate diagnose and treatment is of great importance. Obviously, big cities are more advantageous than the countryside in this respect. Children cannot grow up healthily without a sound medical system.

 

In addition to the better health care, big cities can also provide children with even better education opportunities as well, which is of indispensable significance for the growth of children. It seems a natural course for the children in big cities to start their education from the kindergarten, then the primary school and high school, and the university. Such a complete educational system will greatly benefit the future development of children, whereas situations in the countryside are different. Besides the educational system, qualified teachers at all levels tend to be attracted to big cities due to a combination of factors, such as high salaries and more training opportunities, etc. Qualified teachers can teach children not only the contents of textbooks, but also the basic principle of how to behave in the society. To some extent, teachers shaped the personality of children, which demonstrate the significance of a qualified teacher. Furthermore, children in big cities have more access to museums, concerts and other cultural activities which will broaden the children’s horizon and foster an aesthetic consciousness. For example, there are numerous performances of various kinds held in Beijing annually. It is part of life for some children in Beijing to attend those performances and enjoy them.

 

The growth of children is based on physical health and mental development, which are interdependent and interactive. According to the above discussion, we can see that big cities excel in both two aspects when compared with the countryside. Therefore, I prefer to regard the big cities as a better place for children to grow up.

德克的猪

How to bring up a child and educate a child has always been the major concern of a society, since children, to some extent, will take responsibility for the future development of a country. Recently there has been increasing discussion about the best environment in which the children should be brought up, which means that whether the countryside or the big city is better for the children to grow up(这个是模版式的开头,该句完全为废话,我希望你不要用). As far as I am concerned, I prefer to have a child brought up in a big city, where she/he(以后写作s/he,这样快一些) will obtain more care both mentally and physically.

 

Compared with countryside, in spite of lack of blue sky and fresh air, big cities have more advanced and systematical medical system which can provide health care right from infancy. Children of one to three years old are the most vulnerable to various diseases, therefore the timely and accurate diagnose and treatment is of great importance. Obviously, big cities are more advantageous than the countryside in this respect. Children cannot grow up healthily without a sound medical system.(很清楚的论述,不错.)

 

In addition to the better health care, big cities can also provide children with(既然你之前已经用过provide,这里就可以用offer) even better education opportunities as well, which is of indispensable significance(因为前面已经出现of+n的形式,这里为了使句式多变,你可以说play an significant role in the growth of a child) for the growth of children. It seems a natural course for the children in big cities to start their education from the kindergarten, then the primary school and high school, and the university. Such a complete educational system will greatly benefit(我习惯用benefit a great deal) the future development of children, whereas situations in the countryside are different. Besides the educational system, qualified teachers at all levels tend to be attracted to big cities due to a combination of factors, such as high salaries and more training opportunities, etc. Qualified teachers can teach children not only the contents of textbooks, but also the basic principle of how to behave in the society. To some extent, teachers shaped the personality of children, which demonstrate the significance of a qualified teacher. Furthermore, children in big cities have more access to museums, concerts and other cultural activities which will broaden the children’s horizon and foster an aesthetic consciousness. For example, there are numerous performances of various kinds held in Beijing annually. It is part of life for some children in Beijing to attend those performances and enjoy them.(我希望你这段可以少一些抽象的论述,而用一个具体的实例来支撑你的论点<编例子>.而且,你应该先点明:in our country, most of the top schools and universities are located in big cities.)

 

The growth of children is based on physical health and mental development, which are interdependent and interactive. According to(According to还有一个替换就是in the light of,需要替换的时候你也可以用) the above discussion, we can see that big cities excel in both two aspects when compared with the countryside. Therefore, I prefer to regard the big cities as a better place for children to grow up.

(我觉得这篇文章整体还是很清爽明晰的.但是缺乏实例作为支撑)

superamy

太谢谢版主了！！！

受益良多！！