请大家帮我改改我这篇作文!!!

powerdream5

Do  you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amout of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries, Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

There is no denying that physical health is an important prerequisite for mental health and academic achievement, so any university should never lose sight of investment in sports activities. However, if universities finance students’ sports activities equally as libraries, as far as I concerned, the role of sports activities is a little exaggerated. The reason is quite straightforward: the main mission of a university is to develop a student’s mind and not their body.

As college students, their main activity outside the classroom is studying, occupying from four to eight hours of their day, which is far more than the time , perhaps only an hour a day, which their spend in sports activities. Consequently, in order to meet the students’ demand in studying, the universities take the responsibility of providing excellent studying environments for their students. At the same time, compared with college dorm rooms or classrooms, the libraries are more peaceful and more convenient. No doubt the libraries become the first choice for the students to study in. In contrast, since sports are just the way to help the students relax and study more efficient, there is no need to make sports facilities extensive or well-equipped as libraries.

On the other hand, continuing costs for libraries are far more than that for sports. Firstly, the libraries should always keep its collection organized and up-to-date, so that it always have the most current books and materials its student need in order to study and do cutting edge research. At the same time, well-trained staff is also necessary for the libraries to care for the materials and help the students. Secondly, the sports facilities require only a few part-time staff and maintenance routine, and for the most part, students are happy to organize their own sporting events and exercise routines quite independently of the school.

In brief, although a student’s health is critical to his academic development, considering the main responsibility of the school, it should put more of its resource into its libraries and not its sports activities.

pengstone

以下是引用powerdream5在2005-11-25 10:37:00的发言：

Do  you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amout of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries, Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

There is no denying that physical health is an important prerequisite for mental health and academic achievement, so any university should never lose sight of(确定有这样的用法吗？) investment in sports activities. However, if universities finance students’ sports activities equally as libraries, as far as I concerned,（有点多余） the role of sports activities is a little exaggerated. The reason is quite straightforward: the main mission of a university is to develop a student’s mind and not their body.　这段说了半天，也没见你明确说出你的观点是支持还是反对，有点中式思维。

As college students, their main activity outside the classroom is studying, occupying from four to eight hours of their day, which is far more than the time , perhaps only an hour a day, which their spend in sports activities.（看得晕，尤其是那两个Which,这可是你的第一个观点句呀，别太绕了。） Consequently, in order to meet the students’ demand in studying, the universities take the responsibility of providing excellent studying environments for their students. At the same time, compared with college dorm rooms or classrooms, the libraries are more peaceful and more convenient. No doubt the libraries become the first choice for the students to study in. In contrast, since sports are just the way to help the students relax and study more efficient, there is no need to make sports facilities extensive or well-equipped as libraries.

On the other hand, continuing costs for libraries are far more than that for sports. Firstly, the libraries should always keep its collection organized and up-to-date, so that it always have the most current books and materials its student need in order to study and do cutting edge research. At the same time, well-trained staff is also necessary for the libraries to care for the materials and help the students. Secondly, the sports facilities require only a few part-time staff and maintenance routine, and for the most part, students are happy to organize their own sporting events and exercise routines quite independently of the school.

In brief, although a student’s health is critical to his academic development, considering the main responsibility of the school, it should put more of its resource into its libraries and not its sports activities.

楼主还要努力，这样的文章恐怕拿不了高分。开头段，以及每一段的开头要特别小心，没有把握的长句建议不要写。

Veronica_Melody

On the other hand, continuing costs(what does it mean by “continuing costs?)  for libraries are far more than that for sports. Firstly, the libraries should always keep its collection organized and up-to-date, so that it always have the most current books and materials its student need in order to study and do cutting edge research. (this sentence is a too long, try to break it up into simple and understandable ones) At the same time, well-trained staff is also necessary for the libraries to care (take care) for (of) the materials and help the students. Secondly, the sports facilities require only a few part-time staff and maintenance routine, and for the most part, students are happy to organize their own sporting events and exercise routines quite independently of the school.

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In brief, although a student’s health is critical to his academic development, considering the main responsibility of the school, it should put more of its resource into its libraries and not its sports activities.

THE CONCLUSION IS A BIT SHORT