TWE125,求评分 30分钟九月机经大操练(2)

jackq

125. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Recently, a debate on whether all students should study art and music in secondary school has become quite popular. People who against this notion said that students should study as much science as they can, but supporters said that art and music are equally important in secondary school education. After pondering on the importance of art and music to students, as well as the benefits that students can get from art and music class, I strongly agree with the idea that all secondary school students should have a chance to learn art and music.

First of all, art and music is no longer a privilege of artist and musician, but a necessary of every regular people's daily life. Without proper education of art and music at young age, a person will find oneself lack of much happiness in life. In contemporary world, our life become so colorful accompanied by various forms of art. We have great many chance to enjoy art, whether it is a concert or a piece of fine art, whether it is exhibited in a museum or displayed inside a shop window. The ability of appreciation of art and music is required in our life, not only if we want to enjoy it, but also if we need to communicate with others who know quite some of art. Since art and music become such an important part of our lives, and not all of people have chance to continue their education in colleges, classes of art and music is certainly of significant importance to exist in secondary school curriculum.

Secondly, the education of art and music actually helps improve the total education results besides science classes. Research has discovered that different forms of art have the more or less relation with science, and people's knowledge of art will somehow help people develop their skills in studying science. For example, most people who study mathematics nowadays confirm that math is largely related with music, for the miraculous similarity of behaviors and expression that math and music bare in common. Certain resemblance has been also discovered between fine art and geometry. And, many great scientist had been found to have both great music and art talent, such as the works of Leonardo Dar Vinci had demonstrated.

As a conclusion, art and music education are so important that they need to be taught in secondary school to all students. For every one of us need it as a indispensable part of our lives which can not be omitted. Education of art and music is just as necessary as education of science to us in bringing a better and better life to humans.

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-9-6 23:23:47编辑过]

fjmaple

总体是个好文章，细节不够注意，本来可以上6分，现在5分

People who against this notion said..(against 不是动词People who are against this notion said....)

art and music is no longer a privilege of artists and musicians (n+s...is -->are)

but a necessary of every regular people's daily life,  (people-->person       or --> but a necessary of veryone's daily life)

a person will find oneself lack....( oneself-->himself...?? i am not very sure)

our life become so colorful accompanied by various forms of art  (accompanied-->accompanying )

We have great many chance to enjoy art, (many chances)

The ability of appreciation of art and music is required in our life, not only if we want to enjoy it, but also if we need to communicate with others who know quite some of art  (S+ not only if + but also if...不行哦， who know quite some of art--->who know art well）

and not all of people have chance to continue their education in colleges ( all of people ---> all people )

classes of art and music is certainly of significant importance to exist in secondary school curriculum  (classes ....are certainly important.............         is certainly of significant importance....不行哦，后面是to exist所以imporance-->important )

in secondary school curriculum (curriculum--〉curriculums)

the education of art and music actually helps improve the total education results besides science classes ( helps us improve)

Certain resemblance has been also discovered between fine art and geometry (also has been discovered....)

And, many great scientist had been found to have both great music and art talent, such as the works of Leonardo Dar Vinci had demonstrated. ( many great scientists have been found to .....这句意思表达不好，also many great scientists have good understanding at art and music. such as DarVinci   前面是scientist, such as +人名.   不能是works.)

art and music education are so important that they need to be taught in secondary school to all students. （to all students,不要）

For every one of us need it as a indispensable part of our lives which can not be omitted. Education of art and music is just as necessary as education of science to us in bringing a better and better life to humans.（最好改改，Everyone of  us need it as an indispensable part of lives.    Education of .............as ....as that of....,后面to us  in bringing a better and...最好改改，不通顺）

jackq

Thanks for your advises!

shellyaaa

a indispensable part of our lives which can not be omitted 意思重复

jackq

Thanks for reminding me!