TWE11请指教

lindazhou

11   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  Universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

As universities allocate their finance source to students’ sports activities and their university libraries, they usually face a dilemma if give the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they spend money on the universities’ libraries. Investment in the universities libraries can strenghten the situation of research and learning. However, sports activities have some unignored advantages, which deserve the same amount expenditure on the universities’ libraries. The following will explain this opinion from three respectives.

Firstly, students’ sports activities can keep them health. If the universities give the same amount money to support students’ sports activities, students will make their bodies strong, then seldom be sick in case when they get more exercises at gym. Healthy students can have more time in doing self-learning and research in universities’ libraries. Without the same investment as university libraries, actually it will lead the students can’t make full use of libraries by their poor health status.

Secondly, students’ sports actitivies can make campus life more cheerful and attractive to students. Today, more and more universities notice richful students’ sports activities at campus are more important to recruit students then the universities’ libraries. College students wish they can enjoy campus life more and they prefer to attend sports’ activities other than do research at libraries. At the same time, they can choose doing research by internet or e-database for the development of technology.

Thirdly, students can learn how to cooperate with others by sports’ activities, which will compensate the weakness of individual research in this field at libraries. As we know, usually students are quiet to reading or searching related books at university libraries and doing research independently. There are almost no opportunities to cooperate with others there. Therefore, students only can build up cooperation spirits by degrees in the process of sports’ activities.

In a word, it is wise for universities to give the same amount of money on sports’ activities because students can get so many benefits from sports’ activities, and such benefits can not be offered by university libraries.   

anytime

以下是引用lindazhou在2005-4-25 14:45:00的发言：

11   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  Universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

As universities allocate their finance source to students’ sports activities and their university libraries, they usually face a dilemma if give the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they spend money on the universities’ libraries. Investment in the universities libraries can strenghten the situation of research and learning. However, sports activities have some unignored advantages, which deserve the same amount expenditure on the universities’ libraries. The following will explain this opinion from three respectives.

Firstly, students’ sports activities can keep them health. If the universities give the same amount money to support students’ sports activities, students will make their bodies strong, then seldom be sick in case when they get more exercises at gym. Healthy students can have more time in doing self-learning and research in universities’ libraries. Without the same investment as university libraries, actually it will lead the students can’t make full use of libraries by their poor health status.

Secondly, students’ sports actitivies can make campus life more cheerful and attractive to students. Today, more and more universities notice richful students’ sports activities at campus are more important to recruit students then the universities’ libraries. College students wish they can enjoy campus life more and they prefer to attend sports’ activities other than do research at libraries. At the same time, they can choose doing research by internet or e-database for the development of technology.

Thirdly, students can learn how to cooperate with others by sports’ activities, which will compensate the weakness of individual research in this field at libraries. As we know, usually students are quiet to reading or searching related books at university libraries and doing research independently. There are almost no opportunities to cooperate with others there. Therefore, students only can build up cooperation spirits by degrees in the process of sports’ activities.

In a word, it is wise for universities to give the same amount of money on sports’ activities because students can get so many benefits from sports’ activities, and such benefits can not be offered by university libraries.   

斗胆给些建议：

开头段重复的比较厉害
在正文部分不仅要陈述观点，还要举例子。举例子的时候最好有明显的标志词，比如：for example.
多修改一下吧

pengstone

以下是引用lindazhou在2005-4-25 14:45:00的发言：

11   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  Universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

As universities allocate their finance source to students’ sports activities and their university libraries, they usually face a dilemma if give the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they spend money on the universities’ libraries. Investment in the universities libraries can strenghten the situation of research and learning. However, sports activities have some unignored advantages, which deserve the same amount expenditure on the universities’ libraries. The following will explain this opinion from three respectives. 这一段里看不到明确的观点句，划线部分算吗，不如直接说，in my opinion, universities should......

Firstly, students’ sports activities can keep them (their)health. If the universities give the same amount money to support students’ sports activities, students will make their bodies strong, then seldom be sick ( 语法有问题)in case when they get more exercises at gym. Healthy students can have more time in doing self-learning and research in universities’ libraries. Without the same （不用过分强调是否same,只要说明钱要足够多就行）investment as university libraries, actually it will lead the students can’t make（lead students not to make） full use of libraries by their poor health status.

Secondly, students’ sports actitivies can make campus life more cheerful and attractive to students. Today, more and more universities notice richful students’ sports activities at campus are more important to recruit students then the universities’ libraries. College students wish they can enjoy campus life more and they prefer to attend sports’ activities other than do research at libraries. At the same time, they can choose doing research by internet or e-database for the development of technology.

Thirdly, students can learn how to cooperate with others by (participating in )sports’ activities, which will compensate the weakness of individual research in this field at libraries. As we know, usually students are quiet to reading or searching (语法正确吗？再确认下)related books at university libraries and doing research independently. There are almost no opportunities to cooperate with others there. Therefore, students only can build up cooperation spirits by degrees in the process of sports’ activities.

In a word, it is wise for universities to give the same amount of money on sports’ activities because students can get so many benefits from sports’ activities, and such benefits can not be offered by university libraries.   

想拿高分还要再加强语言，许多地方不顺，有点别扭。

lindazhou

thanks

i will modify it again.