twe135 请求指点， 修改过，请大家猛批

dengsida

135校服是否好。

When it comes the issue with respect to whether school should require all students to ware school uniforms in school, different people have various responses according to their personal experience. In my opinion, I would like to vote for the opinion of wearing the school uniform in high schools, and my reasons go as follows.

The first reason illustrating my point is that dressing in the same costume in school can help student to develop their team spirit, which plays an important role in the students' studies and their future careers. Wearing the uniforms, students will realize that they are parts of the school and their every action and word can affect the image of the whole group. For example, I was required to wear the uniform when I study in the high school. If I was dressing in the uniform, wherever I went, people can easily read the school name printed on my clothes. Therefore, I paid more attention to my behavior, because how I acted in front of the public could significantly effect people’s impression of my school.

The second reason for my view is that students in uniforms are easily identified, so that enables high schools to enhance their security condition. By asking students to wear uniforms, student will obtain more protection from the school and society. For instance, when people without uniforms attempt to access the high school, the securer will soon notice them and request them to register before they enter the building. If persons are suspicious, the securer can immediately inform the police, so crime can be efficiently prevented from schools.

Finally, someone may argue that students lose their freedom of choosing their own clothes. However, comparing to the benefits of requiring students to wear uniforms, the disadvantage is not serious enough to oppose the proposal.

In conclusion, I am concerned that the policy of requiring students dressing in uniform is superior to the opposite one. In that case, I would strongly recommend high schools to set up the regulation, and all students can take the advantage of it.

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-3-25 1:01:36编辑过]

dengsida

firstly,ding

brace

以下是引用dengsida在2005-3-11 10:42:00的发言：

135校服是否好。

When it comes the issue with respect to whether school should require all students to ware school uniforms in school, different people have various responses according to their personal experience. In my point of view, I would like to vote for the opinion of wearing the school uniform in high schools. I will elaborate my selection as follows.

The first reason illustrating my point is that dressing in the same costume in school can help student to establish their team spirit. It is beneficial to the students' studies and their future development. For example, when students are wearing their uniforms, they will realize that they are the part of a team, and their every action and word represent the whole group, instead of a single person. On the one hand, people will understand how their behavior significant to a large organization. On the other hand, individuals will learn to take responsibilities of their actions, obey the rules of the group, and sacrifice to the group whenever it is needed. Obviously, wearing uniforms play a critical role in the formation of team spirit.

The second reason for my view is that students in uniforms are easily identified, so that enables high schools to enhance their security condition. By asking students to wear uniforms, student will obtain more protection from the school and society. For instance, when people without uniforms s attempt to access the high school, the securer will soon notice them and ask them to register before they step into the building. If persons are suspicious, the securer can immediately inform the police, so crime can be efficiently prevented from schools.

Finally, someone may argue that students lose their freedom of choosing their own clothes. However, comparing to the benefits of asking students to wear uniforms, the disadvantage is not serious enough to oppose the proposal.

In conclusion, I am concerned that the policy of requiring students dressing in uniform is superior to the opposite one. In that case, I would recommend high schools to set up the regulation, and all students can take the advantage of it.

我觉得挺好。 小MM是不是可以加快点速度， 30分钟写完呢？

几个小意见

不要用fistly, secondly这种， 太平淡了。

第二， 你的第四段， 就是FILALLY那个段落， 太弱了。

第三， 有文法错误， 建议再查查字典。

第四， 有写句子写的不地道， 参考看看范文吧。

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-3-19 2:51:02编辑过]

beautywawa

另外提醒一點，那個字體可以縮小一點，呵呵，一進來就被嚇到啦。

dengsida

thanks 那我改改再帖。

dengsida

还有一个问题， 文法错误是指什么？ 如何入手修改？

pengstone

以下是引用dengsida在2005-3-19 13:35:00的发言：
还有一个问题， 文法错误是指什么？ 如何入手修改？

细心细心再细心