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[作文互改] ARGUE 32求拍求指导

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楼主
发表于 2012-6-8 01:58:59 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Argue原文
Thefollowing appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot
Manufacturing.
“Duringthe past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidentsthan at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hourshorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in manyon-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers.Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and therebyincrease productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by onehour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.

The author's argument, that cutting work shiftscan reduce the number of on -the-job accidents at Quiot and increaseproductivity, initially seems quite plausible. However, on closer inspection wecan see that there are many problems with the argument too. Here I will outlinesome of these, in addition to stating the implications for believing this argumentwithout careful thought.

     In this argument,the author concludes that in order to reduce number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity,we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.To streghten this conclusion ,the arguer claims that Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents that at the nearby Panoply Industries plant ,where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours.Furthermore,the arguer also cites supporting evidence that experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue andsleep deprivation.Close scritiny of each those facts,however,reveals that noneof them lend crediable support to the conclusion.
       First,the argumentis based on a false analogy.The fact that the Quiot Manufacturing plant had 30percent more on-the-job accident than at the Panoply Industries plant,clearly,lends no support to the argument.As we know,the structure ,function,and operation of the Quiot and those of the Panoply differ conspicuously.It istrue that both of the two plants have resemblance to the great extend ,but eventhere exist fundamental differences:the number of the workers in each plant aredifferent,so are the on-the-job accidents.Therefore,even though the Panoply plant maintains lower on-the-job accidents with one-hour-shorter work shift,there is no guarantee that it will work just as well for the Quiot Manufacturing.
         Second,the authorsimply assumes that many on-the-job accident can be attributed to fatigue andsleep deprivation among workers.While adminttedly,the fatigue and sleepdeprivation is an important element in determining on-the-job accidents ,it ishardly the only one .To establish a general causal relationship between accidents and fatigue or sleep deprivation ,other factors that could result inthe on-the-job accidents should be considered and eliminated.For example,theweakness of safe consciousness and the absence if defensive skill is one of themain causes in on-the-job accidents.Thus,without rolling out this possibility,the author cannot reasonably conclude with confident that the significant contributing factors in many accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation.
          Third ,theargument ‘s additional problem is that the arguer fails to convince us that theemployees will get adequate amounts of sleep because of author’s recommendationprovided in the arguemnt .When the Quiot Manufacturing shorten each of threework shifts by one hours,the employees might take part in other activities .Forexample,the workers might go to bars to have a drink ,and thereby release thestress suffering from the heavy work .Lacking evidence indicating that theworkers would sleep or have a rest during the cutting time ,the argument isindefensible.
        To sum up,theargument’s recommendation is not well supported because the evidence the aguercited in the analysis doesn’t  lendstrong support to what the arguer claims.To solidify the argument ,the arguershould provide more evidence to prove that the policy adopted by Panoply plantwill work just as well for the Quiot Manufacuring.Furthermore, we still needmore information concerning whether the enployees maintian adequate amounts ofsleep and whether the fatigue and sleep deprivation cause the on-the-job accidents or not .
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沙发
发表于 2012-6-8 12:22:41 | 只看该作者
In this argument,the author concludes that in order to reduce number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity,we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.

第一句有问题,逗号前后没有衔接,这样是语法错误。
板凳
发表于 2012-6-8 12:22:53 | 只看该作者
英文跟中文不一样
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