Argument 100 处女作，求指导

SybeDancer

The following was written as a part of anapplication for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city ofMonroe. "A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitableenterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposedclub, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz isextremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazzfestival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and thehighest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs everyweeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spendsclose to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Notecannot help but make money."

Write aresponse in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of theargument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions andwhat the implications are for the argument if the assumptions proveunwarranted.

In this argument, the author concludes thatbecause there are many residents of Monroe and they are willing to pay forenjoying the jazz entertainment, C Note will inevitably make money withoutcompetition. The argument is well organized and appears to be sound ostensibly,while a close scrutiny will reveal that the conclusion is based on somespecious assumptions and the reasoning is biased due to the inadequacy in thenature of evidences provided.
To begin with, the argument rests on agratuitous assumption that because over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s jazzfestival and several jazz musicians live in Monroe, the residents of Monroehave a penchant for jazz music. However, the assumption is questionable. It istotally likely that among the 100,000 visitors last year, over half of the jazzfans are outsiders rather than indigenous residents coming from the neighboringareas. Even assuming that they are all local people, the reason why they attendthe festival may solely because they want to participate in the festivalactivities, not because they love jazz music. The author should also realizethat even though there are several prestigious jazz musicians living in Monroe,they may just be interested in the fancy living environment of Monroe and justmoved into this area not long ago. Therefore, this evidence cannot indicate ajazz tradition in Monroe and there will be a sea of potential customers, letalone the jazz musicians are not the main target customers of C Note Club.

Besides, even if we assume that Monroepeople love jazz music, the author hastily assumes that jazz fans in Monroewill choose to entertain in C Note because of a nationwide study whichindicates that the typical jazz fan spend around $1000 per year on jazzentertainment, which is obviously untenable. Perhaps local consumption level isnot as high as nationwide standard, therefore jazz fans do not have so much buyingpower. Even assuming that they are rich enough to spend $1000 a year, they willnot necessarily throw away this amount of money totally on entertainment injazz bar. This money also includes the consumption on jazz concert,bibliography of jazz musicians, as well as jazz CDs. If those jazz fans don’t havethe interest about the jazz pubs, no matter how much money they spend, therewill be no guarantee that C Note can get benefit from it.


Moreover, the arguer assumes that as longas there are enough customers and no competitors in the same area, C Note canmake significant profit. Whether a business can be successful dose not so muchdepend on the gross profit alone as the combination of cost and gross profit.For example, if the rent cost is prohibitive in Monroe, which could be theexact reason why no other competitors are in Monroe, no matter how much grossprofit can C Note make, the net profit earned may down to nil. Therefore, thisassumption is unwarranted without ruling out this possibility.

To sum up, the argument is far fromcompelling enough to illustrate that making money will be an ineluctable fateof C Note. Before any predict can logically made about the profitability of CNote, more specific evidences should be put forward to make the author’sargument more trenchant and forceful.

竹林中人

argument中几个点之间不要交叉，也最好同时说几个点，每一段说明白一个点即可，所以你的第二段第三段需要改下为好

SybeDancer

感谢版主指正，有一些不太清楚的地方麻烦版主具体指点一下：

请问不要同时讲很多点是指第二段不要同时去批判10000人参加艺术节和音乐家住在那里2个论据吗？是不是一般argument里即使几个论据的论证目的是一样的也最好一段只批评一个？
请问第三段应该从什么角度修改？我批判了一个survey，是不是是指第三段和第二段最后有些地方意思重合了？
最后，如果想批判的点多余三个，分成四段去批判可行吗？这样做有意义吗？（比如会被认为论证完善之类的？）

竹林中人

感谢版主指正，有一些不太清楚的地方麻烦版主具体指点一下：

请问不要同时讲很多点是指第二段不要同时去批判10000人参加艺术节和音乐家住在那里2个论据吗？是不是一般argument里即使几个论据的论证目的是一样的也最好一段只批评一个？
请问第三段应该从什么角度修改？我批判了一个survey，是不是是指第三段和第二段最后有些地方意思重合了？
最后，如果想批判的点多余三个，分成四段去批判可行吗？这样做有意义吗？（比如会被认为论证完善之类的？）

-- by 会员 SybeDancer (2012/4/26 12:12:30)

你的第二段中的两点，虽然目的一样，但还是分开的好。

竹林中人

关于调查的问题，应该最好是攻击它以全国的数据代替本地的，这是没有依据的，除非说明当地很全国平均水平一样