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[作文互改] 第二篇argument no.14求拍

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楼主
发表于 2012-6-18 23:01:12 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
题目 The following appeared as part of an article in a businessmagazine.



"A recent study rating 300 male and femaleadvertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep pernight showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need andthe success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whoseexecutives reported needing no more than six hours of sleep per night hadhigher profit margins and faster growth. On the basis of this study, werecommend that businesses hire only people who need less than six hours ofsleep per night."



Write a response in which you discuss whatquestions would need to be answered in order to decide whether therecommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure toexplain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate therecommendation.



用时50分钟 字数454 主要想请教一下这种instruction这样写行不行?







提纲 1. 300个人的容量太小了,而且广告界的结果不一定适用于所有行业



       2. 很有可能睡眠少是为了业绩而多工作的结果 而不是业绩好的原因



       3. 调查只是在executives而已,不一定适用所有的员工






In the article, the author suggests the companiesrecruiting only people sleep no more than six hours per night by providing asurvey that the advertising managers who sleep less than six hours are morelikely to make a higher profit. However, in order to make thisrecommendation compelling, the author should answer several questions.

First, the author is supposed todemonstrate the reliability of the survey aimed at advertising companies with a300 capacity. Nevertheless, the author provides no detailed evidence to supporthis conclusion. Since only 300 people are involved in the study and lackingsufficient details statistics to make the result representative, the study isvery likely to be doubtable. Moreover, although there is a relation between thesleep time and profit in advertising firms, it does not necessarily means thatit is the same situation in other domains. It is entirely possible thatmanagers in advertising companies sleep less due to their inclination ofnight-life. Obviously, this vague study is insufficient to support therecommendation that hiring people sleep less than six hours contributes to thecompanies' profit.

Second, the author should illustrate thecausal relationship between the sleep time and profit. However, the author failsto show that the higher incomes results from the shorter sleep time. Commonsense tells us that a higher profit usually need over-time work since thesevere competition among companies, especially the advertising ones. Hence, itis highly possible that a shorter sleep time among the managers is a resultfrom their longer work time. Unless the author provides convincing data thatthe executives who have shorter sleep time contributes to their professions tosupport his or her suggestion, the recommendation is very likely fails to work.

Last, even though the shorter sleep time ofexecutives has an effect on improving profits, the author has to show that ashorter sleep time of all the faculty has the same influence. The managersgenerally have onerous tasks to complete thus they have to sleep less to meetthe need, while work condition of other employees is relatively leisure andthere is no need for them to sleep less. Obviously, recruiting all facultieswith a sleep time less than six hours does not definitely make a higher profit.To make the recommendation persuasive, the author should cite sufficientevidence to show that the employees with less sleep time also contribute to thecompanies' success.

To sum up, even though managers sleep lessmight be more dedicated to their work, the author makes a recommendation baseson a unrepresentative study and fails to answer several essential questions. Inorder to make it turns out what the author expects, he or she has to providecompelling reasoning.

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沙发
发表于 2012-6-19 08:52:13 | 只看该作者
In the article, the author suggests that companies recruit only people sleep no more than six hours per night by providing a survey shows that the advertising managers who sleep less than six hours aremore likely to make a higher profit.

这个长句我没读懂,请作者分析一下主谓宾和语法结构,谢谢!
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-6-20 21:14:34 | 只看该作者
不好意思啊 写错了 这样对不?In the article, the author suggests the companiesrecruiting only people sleep no more than six hours per night by providing asurvey that the advertising managers who sleep less than six hours are morelikely to make a higher profit
地板
发表于 2012-6-21 08:04:50 | 只看该作者
perfect,写得很好!
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