这种水平的文章大概可以拿几分?

zzzii

    

个人喜欢free writting,不喜欢套模板. 谁来指点一下我这种水平大概可以拿多少分?

AI 63:As government bureaucracy increases, citizens become more
and more separated from their government.”

    

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree
with the opinion expressed above. Support your point of view with reasons and/or
examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

    

 

    

Do
citizens become more and more separated from their government as government
bureaucracy increases? From my point of view, bureaucracy undoubtedly creates a
gap between citizens and government and as a result, people’s belongingness to
the government will dissipate. My view can be substantiated by the following
discussions:

    

 

    

In the
first place, bureaucracy contradicts with the very essence and ideals of a
government. As Abraham Lincoln claimed in his world-famous Gettysburg Address,
a good government is one that is “of the people, by the people, for the
people”. A capable and efficient government should at least have its officials
elected by people and its fundamental purpose set to serve people. In a
government where bureaucracy prevails, however, officials are often appointed
by the more senior person and government agencies sometimes do not perform in
the best interests of normal citizens. Therefore, as government bureaucracy
increases, people start to feel that they are no longer the owner of the nation
and become separated from their government.

    

 

    

In the
second place, bureaucracy tends to hamper the efficiency of the government. As
far as I know, bureaucracy is usually characterized by a series of
standardized, sometimes stubborn working procedures. Although from the
perspective of some people this might not necessarily be a negative side, it is
obvious that people could benefit more if the process can be simplified. Take
my own story as an example, it was back in 2000 when I had to apply a passport
to travel to Europe, I prepared all the required materials and headed to the passport
office where I was told that I need to get my birth certificate verified and
stamped by the police office. I then went to the police office and was advised
that the only police office that could verify my birth certificate is the one
in my city of birth. So I ended up having to take a train back to my hometown
to get this whole thing resolved. Clearly, with a bit less bureaucracy the
government can fulfill its responsibilities more efficiently and make its
citizens better off.

    

 

    

Last
but not least, generally speaking, bureaucracy is frequently associated with
the establishment and maintenance of some government agencies that perform
little or no functions. In most cases, the relevant cost is allocated to citizens
in the form of taxes. It is not hard to imagine that, with heavier tax burden,
citizens will become less satisfied with the government.

    

 

    

To
summarize, for the rationales I mentioned above, I strongly agree with the
speaker and feel comfortable to conclude that bureaucracy indeed results in a
separation between a government and its citizens.

rio

支持这种写法

我当时这么写的

5.5