看能否拿4.5,急，上次只考3.5

tong99

topic: what will you buy if you will send a gift to a child

Getting gift is an exciting thing for most children. Our kids can get many gifts for their birthday, for Christmas, for their good behaviors, and so on, but in my hometown, a poor village, the children seldom get gifts. I want buy many things for them. If there is only one choice, I will buy a TV for those children.

Watching TV is a good way for children to learn language. Communication is very important in our life. Almost everyday we need to talk with other people. Having the common language is the key for communication. In my hometown, the children only speak the dialect. When those kids grow up, many of them find it is very difficult for them to get a good job in the city because people can’t communicate with them well. Having TV they can learn the standard language. They will like to imitate the characters language when they watch their favorite programs. This is an easy and efficient way to learn the mandarin.

Furthermore, children can learn more about the world by watching TV. In my hometown, the only books for children are the textbooks. That’s obviously not enough for knowing the world. Children can’t figuratively know what most animals look like, what is computer and what is other children’s life like by just reading the textbooks. Some people think those knowledge is not important to children’s development and they will know all of them when they grow up. I admit it’s not important for children to get good marks in their study, but it is critical for their future. After they studied hard and got into a university, they find they know nothing about the society except the knowledge from the textbooks. They will lose their confidence. How can a person get success in their career without confidence? It is certainly almost impossible. By watching TV, they know the society; although they did not experience them, at least they knew. They will feel better.

I really want to send the children many gifts, such as books, toys and games, but I think TV is the best as it can entertain and educate the children.

Irene_yang

格式不是很规范哦，最好加如一个理由段，并且注意一下开头的引导词

fbfamous

给楼主几点建议：

1，TOEFL的开头和结尾最好还是用摸班。

2，您的动词用的稍微有那么一点点单调了。BE，GET，之类的是很常用，但是不要充斥于整个文章。这也是我建议你使用摸班的好处。尽量少用些单调的词汇。

3，文章不要以断句为主题。什么是短句呢？我觉得单一的主谓宾就有点短了。我的建议是准备几个固定的复杂结构的长句放里面做个补充。

说实话，看楼主的文章，绝对您可能基础还不是太好。首先是中式英文的痕迹稍显浓重。另外一些比较明显的语法，比如：

1，Having TV they can learn the standard language这句话至少应该在TV后面有个逗号。另外我觉得你是不是想说的是：Provided having TV, they could............

2，Some people think those knowledge is not important to children’s development比如这句吧，你用了those了已经，那就表示后面的是复数了。所以你的knowledge和is就又出问题了。

总而言之，需要改进的地方还不少：语法，单词，和英文思维。

不知道你是不是着急考试？如果不是的话，还是建议先把语法和单词好好看看。英文思维慢慢会有的，就是语感。

fbfamous

楼主加油！

tong99

意见太宝贵了，看来我还是要多看模版