stephaniemax的作文区 辛苦各位大侠啦！

stephaniemax

8-21 独立
Not good to a new city because of losing old friend

Being afraid of abandoning the old friendswho knows us best, few of people would like to move to another city, especiallyto another country with a quite different culture. However, embracing more challengesand meeting new people outside our hometown is not as bad as most of us thinkbecause we won’t lose old friends with all kinds of high-technology such asinternet. Moreover, the pleasure from new friends and new life can distract usfrom what we lose and bring vitality to life.

Thanks to the internet, people do not haveto lose old friends when they move to a new place. Nowadays, people contactmore on internet than in personal with the boom of internet and personalcomputers. People, especially the youth, upload the photos and informationabout the fresh things in life. Friends of them can know all these easily byseveral clicks! Since internet covers nearly every corner around the world.Distance is no longer an obstacle for friends to contact and share theirstories.

In the second place, the new place offersus more chance to make new friends who can broaden our view and knowledge.Although we eat lunch alone, shop alone, and spend the night alone as anewcomer, as the time goes by, we start to make new friends and accept newideas. It is these fresh experiences that make us grow up and learn more aboutourselves. New friends intrigue us new ideas and influence us in some aspectsthat old friends do not see. This is also the reason why more and more peopletake a long visit to other parts of the world during their gap year in order tofind the meaning of life.

Moreover, the reason for us to move toanother city can make up for the loss of old friends. Some move because of thecareer. Some move for the family reason. No matter what the reason is, people cannever deny the better part of this decision by being afraid of losing theacquaintances. Friendship is an critical part of life but should not be thewhole. After we balance the advantages and disadvantages, one will realize oldfriends will also be happy for you by making the right choice to move.

In general, moving to a new city does not deprive us of keeping oldfriends. Even if we have the risk of losing them, the new city can give us more surprise and pleasurethan we expect. Therefore, it is not wise to give up the chance to start a newadventure with the fear of losing old friends. Truly friends will always standfor you and encourage you to do the best decision.



感谢你认真耐性地看完和批改！ 我对作文一直有些困惑，就是reasoning的过程中总觉得自己跑题，不够有针对性，不知道是不是练得很少，每次憋idea的时间远远超过写作的时间，每次想观点都有点患得患失，模棱两可，想好了，有感觉自圆其说很吃力。所以会浪费很多的时间，不知道亲经历过同样的疑惑？求点拨啊！！

超级无敌小鹤鹤

欢迎加入小分队~~
加油!

stephaniemax

嗯嗯！这是第一次混论坛，各种不熟悉，但感觉能收获很多！！

stephaniemax

8月22日 独立
parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

Being influenced by the western culture, more and more Chinese parents are no longer holding their children indoors. By giving more freedom to the youth, parents also expose their children to much more pressure and risks. However, I think this is a lifelong decision which should depend on the personal situation of the children, including the characteristics, the ability of the child.

If the children are too young to depend on themselves, help from the parents can serve as a crucial guide and invisible pressure. We can hardly see the wisdom in letting the children who do not have a stable sense of value arrange their money without the lead of their parents.  Hardly should we expose the child without the ability to tell right from wrong to the complicated society.　It’s estimated that over 80 percent of youth crime happens for the reason that they are lack of the education from adults before stepping into the adult’s world for some reason like parents divorce, part-time job or dropping out of school. In this case, parent is supposed to help the children build up the basic morality and abilities before emphasizing the importance of independence.

Moreover, even if the child is independent enough to deal with the chaos on their own.，parent should not ignore the importance of care and regular concern about their life。An in-time help can provide the children with the sense of security which improves one’s confidence and self-dignity. Take myself as an example, I live alone away from my parent in a big modern city where is full of competition and pressure everyday. Admittedly, I can hardly take this great pressure without the compliment and help my parents. On the contrary, one of my friends, whose father is much stricter than mine, is forced to make money and solve problems. She can’t sleep well for years and always says she is not good enough because her father is not   satisfied anyway. Seldom, she mentions about her parents while I enjoy a lot the time I spend with my family.

To sum up, parent’s help should never be too far away for the children to reach. Being ready to help, parents can not only build up a healthy growing environment but also do a favor to the emotional care for the children.

sherryzhangh

Being afraid of abandoning(这个词应该是个贬义词抛弃吧,我觉得就用losing就好) the old friends who knows us the best, few of people would like to move to another city, especially to another country with a quite different culture. However, embracing more challenges and meeting new people outside our hometown is not as bad as most of us thoughtthink because we won’t (will not 托福作文不允许简写) lose old friends with all kinds of high-technology such as internet，computer, cell phones. Moreover, the pleasure from new friends and new life can distract us from what we lose and bring vitality to life.

Thanks to the internet, people do not have to lose contact with old friends when they move to a new place. Nowadays, people contact more on internet than in personal with the boom of internet and personal computers. People, especially the youth, upload the photos and information about the fresh things in life. Friends of them can know all these easily by several clicks! Since internet covers nearly every corner around the world. Distance is no longer an obstacle for friends to communicate contact and share their stories.

In the second place, the new place offers us more chances to make new friends who can broaden our view and knowledge. Although we may eat lunch alone, shop alone, and spend the night alone as an newcomer, as the time goes by, we start to make new friends and accept new ideas. It is these fresh experiences that make us grow up and learn more about ourselves. New friends intrigue us with new ideas and influence us in (on) some aspects that old friends do not see. This is also the reason why more and more people take a long visit to other parts of the world during their gap year in order to find the meaning of life.

Moreover, the reason for us to move to another city can make up for the loss of old friends. Some move because of the career. Some move for the family reason. No matter what the reason is, people can never deny the better part of this decision by being afraid of losing the acquaintances. Friendship is a n critical part of life but should not be the whole. After we balance the advantages and disadvantages, one will realize old friends will also be happy for you by making the right choice to move.

In general, moving to a new city does not deprive us of keeping old friends. Even if we have the risk of losing them, the new city can give us more surprise and pleasure than we expect. Therefore, it is not wise to give up the chance to start a new adventure with the fear of losing old friends. Truly friends will always stand for you and encourage you to do the best decision.

楼主写的很不错，但是应该适当的举例子，如果不举例子好像也会扣分。

sherryzhangh

8月22日独立
parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

Being influenced by the western culture, more and more Chinese parents are no longer holding their children indoors. By giving more freedom to the youth, parents also expose their children to much more pressures and risks. However, I think this is a lifelong decision which should depend on the personal situation of the children, including the characteristics, the ability of the child.

If the children are too young to depend on themselves, help from the parents can serve as a crucial guide and invisible pressure (force?pressure 是贬义吧，你是想说无形的力量吧？). We can hardly see the wisdom in letting the children who do not have a stable sense of value arrange their money without the lead of their parents.  Hardly should we expose the child without the ability to tell right from wrong to the complicated society.　It’s estimated that over 80 percent of youth crime happens for the reason that they are lack of the education from adults before stepping into the adult’s world for some reason like parents’ divorce, part-time job or dropping out of school. In this case, parent is supposed to help the children build up the basic morality and abilities before emphasizing the importance of independence.

Moreover, even if the child is independent enough to deal with the chaos on their own.，parent should not ignore the importance of care and regular concern about their life。An in-time help can provide the children with the sense of security which improves one’s confidence and self-dignity. Take myself as an example, I live alone away from my parent in a big modern city where is full of competition and pressure every day. Admittedly, I can hardly take this great pressure without the compliment and help from my parents. On the contrary, one of my friends, whose father is much stricter than mine, is forced to make money and solve problems. She can’t sleep well for years and always says she is not good enough because her father is not   satisfied anyway. Seldom, she mentions about her parents while I enjoy a lot the time that I spend with my family.

To sum up, parent’s help should never be too far away for the children to reach. Being ready to help, parents can not only build up a healthy growing environment but also do a favor to the emotional care for the children.

写的不错,很多句子修辞都很不错, 我觉得只要不偏离题目太远,能自圆其说就不算跑题. 继续努力!

sherryzhangh

大侠怎么还没有给我改作文？

stephaniemax

8月24日 独立

Most people blame the mass media like movieand television for the ill-behavior of the youngsters today. Being exposed tomore random opinions, the youth, especially those who do not have ability totell right from wrong, can be easily misled by the violence, the crime andextreme opinions. However, I can hardly be convinced by the note that the negativeeffects of the movie and television wins over the benefit they bring. Reasonsare as follows.

Movies and television offer more channelsfor young people to acquire knowledge. When I was young, I was so attracted bya program which reward competitors who answer the most questions with appealinggifts. It is in this program where I learned a lot about biology which is mymajor now. Moreover, I started to watch a lot of documentary programs ontelevision since then. As I said, television, in my eyes, is my first teacher inmy specialty. The young do learn more through these channels.

Movies and television intrigue criticalthinking among pre-mature people. Being told and guided too much, young peoplelose the ability to say no to the education they get. However, movies andprograms on the air give them an open platform to see and hear differentopinions. For instance, we are told that AIDS is a vital and dangerous diseasefor thousands of times. We had  neverknownwhat exactly it is until a famous movie about the life of a HIV carrierwas produced. Only after this movie did more youngsters gather and found anorganization to help AIDS patients. Thanks to the movie, young people were ableto think outside the common sense and say no to the knowledge that is commonlybelieved.

Addmitely, young people are also exposed tomore negative effects by watching movies and televisions. But this hazard can behighly reduced by the efforts from parents and program producers. If parentskeep an close eye on what their children watch and program is regulated by theproducing rules, the youth can defiantly benefit from the mass media.

From what has been discussed above, wecould safely draw the conclusion that as a source of gaining knowledge, movieand television can serve as a good teacher and an initiation for our generation. By realizing the downside andhandling properly, people can enrich their life meanwhile enjoy the delightoffer by the movie and television.
写完以后发现没有连词！！而且这篇文章用了近一个小时去写（还不包括构思的时间！！）有没有什么快速提高写作速度的方法和技巧啊，眼看就要考试了。。。

freddychan

Mostpeople blame the mass media like movie and television for the ill-behavior ofthe youngsters today. Being exposed to more random opinions, the youth,especially those who do not have ability to tell right from wrong, can beeasily misled by the violence, the crime and extreme opinions. However, I canhardly be convinced by the note that the negative effects of the movie andtelevision wins(win) over the benefit theybring. Reasons are as follows.
Movies and television offer more channels(频道只有电视有饿~~前面可以把movie去掉) for young people to acquire knowledge. When Iwas young, I was so attracted by a program which reward(wouldreward) competitors who answer(answered)the most questions with appealing gifts. It is in this program where(that用强调句吧。。) I（have） learned a lot about biology which is my majornow. Moreover, I started to watch a lot of documentary programs on televisionsince then. As I said, television, in my eyes, is my first teacher in myspecialty. The young does learn more through these channels.
Movies and television intrigue critical thinking among pre-mature people. Beingtold and guided too much, young people lose the ability to say no to theeducation they get. However, movies and programs on the air give them an openplatform to see and hear different opinions. For instance, we are told thatAIDS is a vital and dangerous disease for thousands of times. We had never known what exactly it is(was) until a famous movie about the life of a HIVcarrier was produced. Only after this movie did more youngsters gather（together） and found(find)an organization to help AIDS patients. Thanks to the movie, young people were(are) able to think outside the common sense(think outside是什么意思。。好像不太通~~~) and say no to the knowledge that is commonly believed.
Addmitely,(admittedly) young people are alsoexposed to more(many) negative effects bywatching movies and televisions. But this hazard can be highly reduced by theefforts from parents and program producers. If parents keep an close eye onwhat their children watch and program is regulated by the producing rules, theyouth can defiantly（definitely吧,defiantly是对抗的。。） benefit from the mass media.
From what has been discussed above, we could safely draw the conclusion that asa source of gaining knowledge, movie and television can serve as a good teacherand an initiation for our generation. By realizing the downside and handlingproperly, people can enrich their life meanwhile enjoy the delight offer(offered) by the movie and television.

总体写的不错，注意下时态问题，还有个问题，楼主貌似打文章的时候有些词之间没打空格，不知道是不是排版问题。。。
至于楼主的困惑，我觉得写托福作文结构基本没什么问题，主要就是观点，楼主可以看看万能理由，多写写熟悉下就行了，至于连接词问题，我觉得这还是个人积累问题，现在写作慢点没什么关系，你可以在下篇文章中重点注意下连接词，多思考一点。熟能生巧嘛~~相信楼主一定会成功的。。加油~~