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The greatest person, chairman（Chairman 的开头字母为大写）Mao, said” honesty is the best label on a person. ” That（用which 比较好）means honesty should be （注意时态的变化。一般来说，如果用should，其后的动作表示不可以做的。并且这个句子是一般现在时，should用得不很好，可以看懂，但是别扭，我觉着用can be 好些）
the most significant and indispensable personality that used to testify whether someone got a highly moral position. According to me, loyalty and credit appear as the highest rule in my daily life. Telling the truth have (has an) amount of advantages such as easily to be forgiven, to get familiar with and to keep marriage. (我认为你的这3个举例想要让下文围绕这三个主题，这个想法很好，但是，如果本文只有这一段，你的这句让别人有写curious. 为什么呢？to get familiar with，让什么人和你熟悉？会不会加一个定语好一些呢？我建议你删去这句，换三个长句去说明白好一点)
Honest people render to be forgiven(将这句话写具体和完整些). For instance, the famous president, Thomas Lincoln , got a wonderful consequence（千千万万不要在这里用这个词，它的英文解释为 a result produced by some action or condition, 也就是说出了大事引起的后果才能用这个，比如你不听你妈妈的话，犯错了，要挨揍，这个可以用，或者这次的地震也能行，反正这里不要用，我建议你用ending, final result 还可以，没有ending好，因为前者指书的结局，或者快乐的结局多，result是比较通用的，没有什么特别意义） that his father forgives(请用过去时forgave) him because of telling the truth, which happened when he was a little boy, who cut down his father’s favorite tree and assert it made by neighbor before he told the truth that might evoke his father to blame him extraordinarily. Telling the truth alter the outcome, now to hypothesize that he always tell the lies and make illusions, could he be a great president? 斟酌一下，不是很明白
Saying has it还是不明白,” mistake is not terrible, but lies for mistake are extremely awful.” The best solution to the mistake that you have done is telling the truth and asks for pardon.
What is the most crucial quality during the communication? What is the true friend should cherish? And what personality do you want to删除，want的句型是want to do, want sth. your employees should
用to 代替好possess? It is honesty. A person who illustrates请斟酌此词，他的英文解释是1. to clarify or explain by use of examples, analogy, etc 2. to be an example or demonstration of 3. to explain or decorate (a book, text, etc) with pictures 4. an archaic word for enlighten his honesty in the daily life must must语气过于强烈，用may或者be supposed to do 好些 have a lot of friends, because telling the truth has ability to eliminate obstacles during the communication. If one lies to everyone else, how, if it possible, could he be given
用get,因为不是被动
any trust and work in a team? Obviously, people demonstrate willing to making make不是making friend with the honest honesty and the friendship can stand the test of the time since they almost avoid the arguments which cause by hiding the truth.
In addition, Honesty is also distinct 被动，distincted between the lovers. Xxx, the famous imagist, said,”honesty is a shield of the marriage. ” that means without honesty, couples will divorce easily.
The famous Chinese movie named ceil phone illustrates the story about the honesty in marriage that a woman always thinks her husband has a secret lover ,in fact he only deeply love her, but she did not have any evidence. In this situation, she checks her husband’s ceil phone frequently in order to find some clues, finally his husband kills himself in order to identify his purification and love. Losing honesty evokes this tragedy and contemporarily confirms its significance. 我认为你的结尾写成信任他人的重要性了，完全跑题 Conclusively,_______________________________________________
我认为你的这个文章不是很成功，我觉的要多练习，有以下几个问题： 1． 很多词汇的意思不是很清楚，用的牛头不对马嘴，应多看英语词典。 2． 我看出你的很多句子想写成分句套分句的形式，但是，反而让人理解不了。要多加注意语法现象。而且不一定长句子就是好句子，而多加注意语言的斟酌。 3． 主动，被动，现在，过去 4． 注意，toefl是美国考试，要用美国人熟悉的例子，像中国电影，毛主席的句子不要多举，尤其像最后一段，举了一堆，结果走题了，而且也和美国人没有共鸣。你要是举个《傲慢与偏见》的例子，什么都不说，老美也知道你说什么。还有，毛主席的名言不要用，尤其不要第一句用，出国后知道了，毛主席的形象在外国人心目中不是perfict! 以上，为个人观点，如果出言不慎重，多包含！ | 
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发表于 2008-7-19 23:44:00
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