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大家帮忙改作文,欢迎拍砖~~twe.050

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楼主
发表于 2008-2-9 21:09:00 | 只看该作者

大家帮忙改作文,欢迎拍砖~~twe.050

 Face to face communication is better than other types of communications. Agree or disagree?

We all agree that human without communication are like flowers without sunshine. However, there is no consensus among us as to such an argument that whether it is better to take the face-to-face way or by others. A multiple of people insist that the face-to-face is superior while others may not agree. From my personal angle alone, the former point coincides with mine. There are several reasons supports my perspective.

For one thing, human beings have an intimately interacting relationship during communication. Only by the face-to-face way can we send messages to and fro at the same time. Suppose that you are eager to give your parents a big surprise that you just won the college tennis game, which one would you prefer, telling them by their faces and receiving their hug and kisses or trying to describe your excitement in a letter? The answer is without any question. As a matter of fact, in most cases, you have to show a tolerance for waiting their response which seems to take as long as one hundred years. Even worse, someday, you are told that your letter or your parents’ is accidentally lost during its way. In a word, the face-to-face avenue proves to be more efficient for communication.

To such a paramount reason, another must be added that the nonverbal language, indubitably, plays the same vital role as verbal one in understanding each other. Taking this point into consideration, taking a way other than by faces, there is a great probability of misunderstanding for the lack of gestures as well as facial expressions.As no doubt, catching the smile of the listener, we generally get the idea that he or she is friendly to us,at least they won’t do harm to us. Even if there is some misunderstanding, we can figure it out in time as long as we are facing each other.

Finally, there maybe someone argues that the fast development of modern technology provides us with a huge variety of virtual ways such as MSN. However, I would like to remind them of an essencial factor of human’s communication that the most presious possession which we have ever got from the heaven is “emotion”. With body language every indvidual never fails to express his or her emotion by faces, for people are not only seeking useful imformation but emotional support as well.

From all the discussions above, we may reasonably draw a conclusion that face to face communication is obviously superior to others, for the paradise is a place where every one can talk sincerely without suspicions or misapprehensions.


[此贴子已经被作者于2008-2-9 21:59:10编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2008-2-10 16:48:00 | 只看该作者

冒昧的说,结构还可以,但是语句很觉得是从中文到英文的翻译~~

加油~~

板凳
发表于 2008-2-10 17:20:00 | 只看该作者
There are several reasons supports my perspective. 这句有语病 
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-10 19:41:00 | 只看该作者

谢谢你~~努力向各位大虾学习中~~

5#
发表于 2008-2-12 11:59:00 | 只看该作者
段落与段落之间好想衔接的还可以,但是句子就差很多,有些句子你可能看得懂,别人就费劲。不要这样,意思要连贯,统一楼上的,千万不要中文意思翻译英文,用英文的思维,英文直接作答。
6#
发表于 2008-2-16 03:49:00 | 只看该作者

We all agree that human without communication are like flowers without sunshine(this is not a proper analogy, so the author should think twice of any other comparables. And the author could have made the structure more attracting, like: can you imagine a yard of flowery land that enriches a colorful life suddenly becomes monochrome? that is just like human beings being deprived of communicative activities). (add a sentence here: Undoubtedly, communication is of great importance to human's life.) However, there is no consensus among us as to such an argument that whether it is better to take the face-to-face way or by others (to many run-on fragments). A multiple(plurality) of people insist that the face-to-face (communication) is superior while others may not agree. From my personal angle alone(this is a repetition of personal), the former point coincides with mine(this is just a repetition of from my personal angle). There are several reasons supports(to support) my perspective.

X

X

X

From all the discussions above, we may reasonably draw a conclusion that face to face communication is obviously superior to others, for the paradise is a place where every one can talk sincerely without suspicions or misapprehensions.(the author made this metaphor in a sudden, which might induce, in author's own words, "suspicions and misapprehensions". the author should gradually build up elements, and then finally introduce the new element, in this case it is "paradise",  to the conclusion. For example, as a result, we can live in a place free of suspicions and misapprehensions, just like angels in heaven.)


[此贴子已经被作者于2008-2-16 4:09:42编辑过]
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